Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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what’s saving my life lately

I’m shamelessly borrowing this sweet idea from Emily Freeman. I love it as an expansion to Bliss Lists or Senses Inventories. Diving in.

What’s Saving My Life Lately is everything, really. Every single reminder to live more fully in my human form, immersing myself more deeply in the physical and emotional experiences of being here. Because it sure is fleeting and ever changing. This is a welcome contrast to living online or living in my head. This is natural.

What’s saving my life lately is music by Sting, Lana del Rey, and Leonard Cohen.

Something else saving my life lately is more silence than usual, so I can hear the farm better. Fewer podcasts and lots of quiet solo work. I am becoming reacquainted with the sounds of Johnny Cash honking sleepily and the cows mooing at each other. Rhett’s tone is especially low, so his voice goes unnoticed unless your’e paying attention. I even love, again, the swish-gurgle-hum of the dishwasher. I am smitten by the background music of Klaus snoring.

What’s saving my life lately is slowing down to let Klaus lead me on walks more often. He loves a routine and a familiar path, but sometimes he surprises me. He can always tell when I am following him, when he’s the one in charge, and he loves it. He rewards me with lots of leg cuddles and full face smiles. The kind with smoothed back ears and stars in his eyes. The cooler mornings have been saving his life, too. It’s pure joy to see him skip and bounce again, teeter tottering around the farm.

((Scarlett and Klaus are still buddies, even if they no longer play soccer every day.
Rhett just wouldn’t understand.))

More of the full human experience, something I really love lately, is hours of unstructured quality time with loved ones, face to face. We wouldn’t want to do without the digital conveniences, of course; but remembering those are tools, not replacements for the real thing, has generated a lot of luscious goodness. On Tuesday I had the rare luxury of a whole afternoon with a new friend, and really we just sat still and talked and talked. We talked about everything, at least twice! We did take one slow walk around the farm, and we planted paperwhites in the greenhouse, but that’s it. Barely even a snack, ha! Thursday, Alex and the grandpups visited, and we talked and talked, too. We shared a rare midday meal, nice and slow, just the two of us, and it was literally wonderful. Full of wonder. There is no replacement in life for deep, face to face, undistracted connection.

The colors of autumn, both in the landscape and inside our house, are a visual and energetic balm to me. This year the decline has felt especially slow and gentle. Restful and life giving.

((as above, so below…xoxo))

A surprise view of the Northern Lights with Handsome and our friend Cathy.

Realizing that a new friend and I do miss each other, now that we are no longer seeing each other every day.

Conversations with our adult chldren, spiraling upward all the time. What a gift! I never know what we’re going to discuss, but I always love hearing their perspectives on world events, dog care, television, food, you name it.

An old book by C.S. Lewis (Screwtape Letters) and a new book by David Robson (The Expectation Effect).

Something truly saving my life right now is making a point to do something each day that is not easily undone. In my world, it’s so easy to get stuck in perpetual maintenance mode, always chasing the daily mundane tasks that are necessary but invisible and unending. It helps my state of mind to pause that treadmill and do something slightly more long lasting.

Speaking of treadmills, I’ve been doing a little more strength and mobility work and focusing less on how many miles I’m running. It’s refreshing. Life giving, to be sure.

Dreaming up new ideas for third grade garden club is one of the best life givers. Spending time with those kids is pure magic! This Monday we had our final outdoor project for the semester. They learned how to pot up paperwhite bulbs, an easy task for practiced gardeners they are; then they decorated their pots with exactly the amount of wild abandon you would expect from happy third graders. I loved every milisecond and went home smiling so hard I was almost crying.

Brushing the horses and watching their winter coats come in thick and fuzzy.

Watching our lone rooster follow and protect his eight hens.

Noticing Johnny Cash make his way all the way downhill to the pond for a sunshine splash.

Perfect coffee with frothy heated cream. My favorite multigrain bread for lunch. The biggest, crispest, sweetest apples I have ever eaten, a small heap of them on my dining room table. Kiwis, roasted garden vegetables (maybe the final batch of the season), more beans, oatmeal, and guacamole. More fiber in my diet latey, ha! That may literally be saving my life.

Seeing Handsome dressed sharply and feeling happy to go to work, excited about so many worthwhile projects. And seeing him get his second tattoo! Watching him adorn our farm with Christmas lights, boop the cows on their noses, and cuddle our cat. Listening to him and Alex build a new kitchen pantry at the kids’ house. Knowing he has more ideas and more love to pour into them. Watching him sink in and enjoy his life, in so many different ways, gives ME life.

Taper candles. Pumpkins. Forty year old popcorn garland on my indoor trees, a gift from our recently passed Aunt Marion, I remember them from childhood. White twinkle lights everywhere. Plaid fabric ripped and tied into garlands. A citrusy-cinnamon-clove simmer pot. Layers of fuzzy blankets but open windows so the breeze comes through. Copper cookie cutters hanging in both the kitchen and dining room. Colorful paper chains for a rambunctious Christmas display in the Party Barn. The promise of paperwhite blooms in a few weeks. Seven pots’ worth!

It is saving my life right now to decorate for winter, a little bit for Christmas, but just winter in general. Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and it’s so fun to see the farm and our rooms cozied up and ready for celebration. It feels good deep down.

Writing more, especially chipping away at the children’s Farmily stories, has been wonderful. I am slow at this for several reasons, but it’s getting done, and it’s life giving.

It’s saving my life right now to share our favorite chocolate fudge cake recipe with Jessica, to walk her through the needed ingredients while she shopped then give her a small boost while she prepared it for her office potluck. She did great! She even obeyed me and took a tiny “Quality Control” bite from the corner, hehe. The best detail of this story is that Jess used the same 9×13 glass pan that my Mom gifted Handsome on his birthday when we were first married. Way back when, Mom brought it to his office filled with her Mom’s recipe, and it instantly became his favorite. So Jessica took her great-grandmother’s recipe in a 24 year old glass pan, and it was a hit with her coworkers. Life.

Here’s what I know:

We are pulled in all directions, tested and drained in every way. We are tattered and bruised, and we are in many ways battle weary and heartbroken. Filled with fear, if we fill ourselves with fear.

We can cling to those emotions, nurse them and glorify them, magnify and identify with them; or we can make a better choice.

We can identify and celebrate the just as numerous ways life returns to us, refills us, saves us. We can magnify those feelings instead and acknowledge and celebrate the incredible, wonder-filled goodness of this earthly life, this human experience, in all its richness and complexity.

I wish for you a million details that give you life, that save your life, that recharge you. I wish for you the wisdom and presence of mind to name them. Magnify them. Give those gifts way more power than you give the rest.

I’m wishing this for myself, too.

Thank you, Emily, for this lovely train of thought!

“Who knew that by making the world a better place,
You’d make the world a better place?”
~Alex Yeverino
XOXOXO

friday 5 at the farm: what a week!

Hey friends, how are you on this fine Friday? Here at the Lazy W things are finlly cool and soaking wet. We’re enjoying some lush rainfall and plenty of thunder and lightning. True October weather took so long to arrive, it feels like a gift.

How about a short and sweet Friday 5 update?

ONE, New Neon: Okay, this is not much of a life update, but I am smitten with this weird little new addition to my weird little art collection. Thank you, Handsome!!

TWO, Dad’s Birthday! Dear Ol’ Dad, aka Grandpa Dunaway, aka Joe, completed another trip around the sun!! Local family gathered at a cute German restuarant to celebrate, and boy did we laugh a lot. And eat a lot. And boy did have lots of overlapping conversations, ha! The weather was patio perfection, and we made some solid gold memories. I personally was satisfied to have made my Dad laugh all the way out loud with my gift, ha! Happy 68th, Dad! I cannot imagine life or this world without you.

THREE, Glowy cosmos: I’m just gazing at and soaking up hundreds of details in the landscape as autumn takes hold of the farm. Most plants are dried and dormant already, but the trees are wearing their finery and these cosmos are still glowing. Until about Thursday of this week, the cosmos were still loaded with dozens of enormous Monarch butterflies. I think most of them have moved on now.

FOUR, A Scare with Dusty: Early Wednesday morning, I went outside to check on everyone and found Dusty, the younger of our two horses, acting normally and campaigning for breakfast but covered in blood on the fronts of his hind legs. I also found a startling puddle of blood near his loafing shed, where he and Chanta sleep. It was the most horrifying thing I have ever witnessed here, in all these years, and it took me a moment to discern that none of it was from an open wound. It seemed obvious, I thought, that it was blood in his urine, so the googling and brainstorming had us thinking UTI or toxicity or a blunt physical trauma. We immediately started calling our vet in Shawnee and then a friend’s vet (who we thought was abulatory but was too busy) then spent the next few hours getting our obstinate boy into a halter and then even more hours getting him into a trailer. In sixteen years he has never needed to be trailered, and he was not a fan. It was a stressful and scary day, and all of that fear and worry culminated into the moment we finally saw a vet that afternoon. He examined Dusty, gave him a mild sedative to relax certain boy muscles, and was able to see the problem in that instant. It was a massive tumor that was bleeding profusely. A skin cancer on his boy parts. For a short but excruciating few minutes, the word tumor had me thinking it was going to be a sudden goodbye. With Jessica at work and Jocelyn in Colorado, my grief for them was as profound as my own grief for myself and worry for Dusty. But the vet gave us two hopeful options, one of which let us get Dusty treatment immediately, without multiple trailer traumas. What an emotional rollercoaster! So we left him overnight at the hospital and went home praying and exhuasted. Twenty four hours later, we picked him up and were amazed by how smoothly he loaded back up into the previously hated trailer, carrots and cuddles proving to be effective comfort and bait. Dusty came home happy and healthy, cleaned up and sewn up, and we took a thousand deep breaths of true relief. It is quite a thing to love an animal so much.

FIVE, Currently Reading: A novel by Stephen King to enjoy spooky season. It’s so good. Different from most of his stories, more emotional and thought provoking so far. I already mentioned the Amy Downs memoir, but it’s still on my side table while I work on a proper book review. A brand new book by Richard Rohr, which I am exploring with two of my favorite thinky friends. And a devotional based on writings by Dietrich Bonhoffer. I won’t actually start this until January, and I will start it alongside another daily devotional based on writings by C.S. Lewis. But I just received it from a secondhand Ebay seller. And isn’t the cover beautiful for October?

As always, a million details hover between these headlines, and I have a voluminous journal to prove it. Two messages I have been receiving in different ways are to “Increase my capacity,” “Trust Me,” and then “Manage it myself.” The stories around these messages are a bit messy and private, but gosh you guys… I feel like this is a big moment in my personal history. Okay. Let me know if we want to talk about this more.

What are some headlines in your world this week?

Happy weekend to you!

Just over here writing to live life twice.
XOXO

inspiration, recreation, & the only stream that flows

Hey friends, how are you? How is your spirit? Is it at play, or is it suffering, or have you even checked in with yourself lately? Are you getting enough water and sunshine?

I tell you what, for my answers: Yes, to all of the above and then some. It’s a grand mix, and I adore every detail.

Inspiration abounds. I’d love to share some beauty and goodness with you, but first I’d like to real quick establish what the word recreation has come to mean to me and also mention a concept about the stream of well being.

Recreation, by modern definition, is, “refreshment by some means of pastime, agreeable exercise, or the like; a pastime, diversion, exercise, or other resource affording relaxation and enjoyment.” The word’s Latin origin points to “restoration and recovery.” This is fine and great. I bet we usually accept recreation to be play, and in America maybe a certain type of play, and maybe most commonly, whatever can be squeezed into a weekend or weeklong vacation. I think it must legally include hot dogs, organized sports, or at least matching outfits and group photos. I’m mostly kidding, but my point is that it can be a trap to chase R&R in the social sense. It doesn’t have to be like anyone else’s, and it doesn’t have to be relegated to weekends and rare vacation time. I like to look at the word and see that its root is create.

The elements that create me, who I am deep down, are probably somewhat different from the elements that create you, despite our basic similarities as human beings. Anyway, when we get ourselves to a dangerous level of depletion, either pysically or spiritually, and we feel the need to build ourselves up again, to re-create ourselves, I hope we look for more than what we think should help, more than what everyone else is doing habitually. I hope we tap into gleaming instinct and wisdom to pursue the things we know are nutritious and long lasting.

The DNA of our personalities or souls, or however you like to call the invisible essence of you, is precious and God-given. Let’s not settle for only rest or only mind-numbing comfort; let’s encourage each other to seek replenishment of the very best stuff of life.

Okay.

And now some quick thoughts on, “Well Being is the only stream that flows.”

There is a philosophy which says that our sense of well being is always available to us, and we have control over how much we experience it in life. That we are not so much in a maelstrom of warring energy fields like good versus evil; rather, we are in control of our own access to Love. We either allowing Love to flow freely or we are not allowing it. Similar endings to the story, but very different ways to get there. This was hard for me to see when I forst read about it, and it’s still hard for me to swallow at moments when I am exactly the reason why I am not feeling my best, ha! But the more I experiment with it, the more true it feels. At the very least, it’s a great touchstone for asking myself whether I am suffering over something by an outside arttack or by choice, and how can I adjust my perspective to experience life differently? Am I consciously or unconsciously damming up the river of goodness that is very much available to me, and wondering why I am dying of thirst?

Another metaphor for this is electricy and lightswitches: We do not sit in a dark room because someone has “turned on the dark.” There’s no such thing. We sit in a dark room because someone has turned off the light. Something has broken that electricity circuit. This one is easier to see.

How liberating to think that, at the moments we seem to be sitting in the dark, we can invite light back in, all by ourselves. Or, when we are parched for goodness and Love, we really can find a way to allow the stream of well being to flow to us, through us. We can, largely, quench our own thirsts.

How?

Release fear. Forgive someone. Forgive ouselves. Spark curiosity instead of holding judgement. Better yet, open a bold and loving conversation. Connect. Do difficult work that builds confidence and destroys self doubt. Stop outsourcing your abilities. Choose to see the best in a person or a murky situation. Count your blessings. Count your talents. Extend help to someone. Make their whole day! Accomplish something big on your Long List, and bonus points if it’s something that cannot be easily undone tomorrow. Donate clothes and household belongings before you scratch the itch to shop. Weed a garden. Walk your dog. Call someone out of the blue. Bravely imagine a tough situation working out better than you have ever dared to dream, and hold the details of that imagining until you feel the effects in your body. Write it all down to make room for something better. Pursue beauty. Notice more details. Gulp it all in! Bake for someone you love, and pray for them while you do it. Release fear.

Release fear.

Release fear without punishing yourself for having it in the first place.

Release fear over and over again. Fear is the opposite of Love, and it blocks so much goodness in our lives. In my own heart, fear has been the root of every failure and every excruciating pain. Fear is the reason I shrink back, too. Fear becomes my jealousy, my bitterness, my selfishness. I forget way too often how simple it is to release my fears straight into God’s hands. But when I finally do it, it always works.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on either of these ideas!

OK, how about some inspiration lately? Take it or leave it, and please swap me for something in your world!

((reflective moment on our pond, autumn 2025))

Inspiration Lately!

The Elton John song Tiny Dancer as performed by Florence and the Machine. You know what, all music by Florence inspires me.

Original paintings by a young local artist named Savannah Scholz. She has new swan pieces that I am very interested in purchasing! Everything of hers that I have seen is dynamic, emtionally charged, and just gorgeous. She uses themes like fertility, loss, new life, partnership, birds, motherhood, and the balance of masculine and feminine power. Find her on Instagram!

((one of two pieces we bought from her a couple of years ago… I love seen them every day))

I love how my friend Cathy arranges her dining room table for every season and every little shift in life. Recently she set it beautifully with an Edgar Allen Poe vibe, and I am just so dang jazzed by it. What meal would you seve at this creepy, elegant table? I’m thinking prime rib, rare, with something very garlicky.

The Rich Roll podcast interview of Chip Conley, all about the “Modern Elder.” The episode is #905, dated April 24th. If you are a fan of work by Richard Rohr, Victor Frankl, and Arthur Brooks, you’ll get lots out of this long, meandering conversation. Quickest takeaway: Project your life at least ten years into the future. Projected regret is your secret wisdom.

An audiobook biography called, Clementine: the Life of Mrs. Winston Churchill. Whoa buddy I got so much out of her life’s story. I have certainly made the mistake of putting people like Churchill on a pedestal, for their contributions to history or much quoted wisdom; so at first I felt startled by all the humanness and “green young woman” behavior of Clementine’s early years. But I swallowed that down and injested with an open mind the rest of her story, just as it was told. I am so glad I did. This biography provides a unique behind the scenes fullness to WWII stories we have heard before from the men and historians.

Pamela Anderson’s jaw dropping rebirth. I am riveted somewhat by the unpredictability of her path and especially by her devotion to hearth and home. Have you seen her home and garden show? There is also a cooking show too, which I loved.

Cal Newport’s podcast Deep Questions! I am a new listener. He is the author of books like Deep Work, Slow Productivity, and Digital Detox. So far I am finding his tone and pace in audio to be a lot more energetic that I expected, based on his books. Great material too, just a bit long winded. Which is funny coming from me, ha.

Also Emily Freeman’s podcast, The Next Right Thing. I am a long time listener but had lost track for a while. Her voice is soothing, her messge is sane and good, and her mothods are digestible. Episode #372 is all about space clearing, both physically, spatially, and emotionally Loved it.

A memoir titled Hope is a Verb by fellow Oklahoman, Amy Downs. Holy moly, friends. More on this will soon come your way in the form of a true book review. It deserves the loving attention. She is an OKC bombing survivor, a self made executive, and a triathelete. A fascinating and beatifully written story!

These painted rocks I keep seeing around the park in Choctaw. A local church is repsinsible for the commuity project, and it is all so uplifting. I have seen them hidden in secret places and grouped together out in the open. Just like people. Colorful and misshapen and beautiful too, again just like people.

The quiet work of friends who are pouring themselves into creatve pursuits. I have too many to list quickly, so I will share some solid gold stories soon. Our community is so rich because of these folks! Just know that my heart is full of love for our real life friends doing creative work.

There’s a wealth of internet eye candy right now, calling itself 90s Nostalgia, and y’all, we are kicked off hard and happy for Halloween right now but Christmas can go ahead and buckle up for extra colorful lights, cozier corners, and all things happy and good. Never have I been so thankful to be married to a guy who adores the holidays as much as I do. In addition to 90’s Nostaligia, there are accounts popping up left and right that show us crafts made from nothing but garden scraps: Willow branches become adult sized witches. Hydrangeas and maple branches are shaped into magical archways. Orange slices? You already know. Give me all the homemade, hand crafted magic.

Earlier this week I had the lucky chance to visit Handsome’s office for an employee appreciation event. I arrived at the tail end of the fun but still got to see so many friendly faces, and afterwards he walked me around part of the building for some quick introductions and to see old friends. Every single time I see these fine people, I am inspired by the work they do and the community they have built. Oklahoma is incredibly well served by the people who keep the Corporation Commission running smoothly. It fills my heart so much that I cried while driving away.

A book based on a podcast (that’s a modern switch!), both titled The Anthropocene Reviewed, by John Greene. Our incredible son in law Alex first led me to the podcast a few years ago, and I got hooked. I finally ordered the book a couple of months ago and fell for it imediately based on the introduction. In that, the author shares enough of his own story to help the reader develop a flavor for his quirky, deeply meaningful, and also hilariously irrelevant commentary on different features of modern life. That’s the best way I can explain it without robbing his explanation of the five star rating system. I know, this doesn’t make sense here, but it’s worth reading. Green has a knack for connecting the mundane with the profound, which you know is my favorite hobby besides gardening. Here’s a quote he shared, attributed to the poet Maurice Sendak:

“Pay attention to what you pay attention to.
Live your life.
Live your life.
Live your life.”

At a monthly meeting with the Master Gardeners last week, I took a few minutes to explore the Children’s Sensory Garden outside the Extension office. It’s small but packed with details and interesting dimensions, and ooofff it got my wheels turning for the school garden at Chavez! There, we have seven raised beds of various shapes and sizes, and we have plenty of challenges, but I wonder how much we could accomplish to this end. The kids are so smart and so interested in the physical experience of gardening, a sensory focus feels like the logical next step.


Friends, thanks a million for hanging in there with me today. I have more to share, but this is already so much. I would love to see something that’s inspired you lately!

“Break often.
Not like porcelain
but like waves.”
~Scherezade Siobhan
XOXOXO

dare you

A few days ago Handsome and I were at our favorite Mexican restaurant, filling our bellies and trying to stay awake. It was the day after our big annual Talent Show, which is draining in all the best ways, and we had not slept well after it. We required much ice cold caffiene and many warm tortilla chips with great salsa. Our waiter was exceedingly nice and attentive, but he kept doing something so funny that, in my state of exhaustion, was pushing me to the edge of uncontrollable laughter: Whenever he checked on our drinks or asked us a question he would punctuate the brief exchanges with a wink, a soft clicking of his tongue, like how you would giddy up a horse (two syllables, like clucking), and a weirdly comforting, “I gotcha!” About half of those times, he also did finger guns at me. I am not kidding you.

One singular exchange ending in this kind of animated friendliness would absolutely have grabbed my attention. But you guys, he did it so many times, and in such close successsion one time to another, that, as I said, I was on the verge of a giggle fest.

“I gotcha…”
Wink.
Giddy-up sounds.
Finger guns.

Repeatedly. Just sit with that for a minute.

I actually started wondering if someone had dared him to do this, becuase it reminded me so much of a few Decembers ago when we were out with friends and I low-key dared everyone to say “Merry Christmas” to the same person as many times as humanly possible. We happened to be at a Mexican restaurant that night, also, but in a dfferent part of town. Our waitress caught on at some point and confronted us directly. “What exactly is going on here, are you doing that on purpose??!!” We laughed and laughed and laughed because we regard ourselves as comic geniuses, then we let her in on the whole thing. I think it was a printed Bingo game that night, filled with the Merry Christmas dare plus lots more silliness, so we offered it to her to try for herself. She accepted with unveiled enthusiasm. I would love to know how she fared in the wild with these meaningless but joyful dares.

((Life is always better when you’re laughing. Laughter heals. ))

So I guess what I’m getting at is this: I dare you to dare someone to do something silly. And soon. It’s worth the energy speed bump. It’s worth the brief awkwardness. It feels so great to have some nonsensical laughter folded into the mundanity of daily adult life. We are too bound up in seriousness, I think.

And if you need some ideas?
I gotcha. Wink.
Giddy up sounds.
Finger guns!
XOXOXO

highs & lows lately

Life lately has been, as it so often is, a study in constrasts. And I love it.

Just for fun, here are some highs and lows that have caught my attention. The first two happened early Wednesday morning, within fifteen minutes of each other.

HIGH: Discovering that a new paperback I had ordered secondhand from Ebay was in large print. Large print, you guys!! This is cause for celebration. It’s not quite large enough for me to skip reading glasses, but it’s large enough for me to relax and enjoy reading. Five star experience.

LOW: I found a small tree frog on the toilet seat in our upstairs master bathroom. It was still very dark in there, barely half of a slight moon beam glowing through the window, so the fact that I saw it rather than felt it is a miracle. Maybe this should be in the high category by the miraculous criteria alone, but it’s not. Still a low. One star experience.

HIGH: Laughing so hard and so gluttonously with our friend in her hospital room that a nurse opened the door to see what the heck was going on and demand, a bit crankily, is everything ok? (Insert disapproving scowl.) hehe

LOW: Seeing this beautiful friend in her hospital bed, facing new difficulties and uncertainty.

HIGH: Celebrating our cute nephew’s fifteenth brthday!! He is living in Oklahoma for the first time ever, and our family is so happy and thankful! We love him to pieces. He is saving for his first car, is upbeat and gregarious, affectionate, smart, funny, and just so much fun. What a true gift to get to spend time with him freely!

LOW: Missing Jocelyn on her thirtieth birthday this week. I knew that despite any effort to look on the bright side it would be a painful day, so I prepared for that and was very choosy about what outside commitments I made. I cried plenty and had to summon my energy over and over just to be minimally productive. I am thankful to have learned the importance of processing my emotions in real time, of not staying so busy that I’m numb; but it can make the hard days pretty uncomfortable.

HIGH: First day of fall semester Garden Club! This happened to be on Jocelyn’s birthday, so it took lots of effort to be fully present for the kids, but I was able to. In fact the afternoon passed so quickly, and I left the school smiling, of course. God let it all feel light and jam packed with purpose. And the little gardeners had an absolute blast. I predict a successful autumn for their flowers and veggies!

LOW: Back at the farm, I discovered a whole row of okra had grown so much overnight that not a single pod was edible. Womp womp.

HIGH: A bowl of cheese tortellini with Alfredo sauce, piled high with grilled chicken, roasted garden tomatoes and bell peppers, and fresh basil. Flavorful and satisfying. Gratifying, too, that I could use garden produce.

LOW: The return of a weirdly high heart rate and some difficulty running. Nothing scary, just frustrating.

HIGH: Sweet, mild, breezy, cotton candy daybreaks and equally sensuous sunsets. The once-again-hot days lately have been hemmed in by such painterly details and full body pleasures, I am addicted. I adore the transitions weeks betwen seasons, because they are such a fun mix of physical experiences. The contradictions keep me guessing and help me feel less desperate for the next thing.

These are just some private highs and lows. I cannot step into the arena of global issues right now, because they are too big and too heavy for me to articulate well. I feel them. I am paying some attention. But I am not allowing any of it, neither the widespread grief nor the overarching silver linings, to dominate my attention. For me, this is a moment to haress my own energy and focus. I’m spreading myself thickly and with great intention on the things that matter most to me, because I’ve learned that each individual person’s energetic contribution to the world matters. It matters a great deal, so I am being deliberate about mine. Take care of yourselves, friends.

“Pay attention what you pay attention to.
Then live your life. Live your life. Live your life.”
~Maurice Sendak
XOXOXO