Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (book review)

   This book was such a treat. So funny. So smart, witty and irreverent, and just brutally honest in delightful ways that made me want to give the author a hug. This is another great example of why I love book club with all of my word-starved heart, because without the group assignment I might never have taken the time to read a book whose cover art is a taxidermy mouse wearing a Shakespearean cape and collar. I mean, really.  But I am so, so, so glad Erica chose this title. I REALLY needed a good laugh!

Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir

   Author Jenny Lawson has been running her little corner of internet paradise over at The Bloggess for I think about six years now, though I have only recently discovered her. I will be forever more be checking in, because she is flat out funny. Scary funny. Uncomfortable funny. But endearing and smart and relatable, and once more… funny.

   Her memoir is a long, bizarre string of stories from her life, ranging from childhood through young adulthood and early marriage to motherhood and present day. She writes as if she is talking to you privately, face to face, or maybe like she has you trapped on a public bus for several hours of uninterrupted story telling. You sort of feel like you should try and escape but you don’t want to, because she is just so mesmerizing.

   In a refreshing change of pace, the book itself reads more like a blog than a traditional novel. Lawson does not apologize for jumping around with wild abandon, nor should she. Her story telling formula (or lack thereof, I suppose) works. She relays enough of herself to make you want to know her better, and somehow she exposes some wild and crazy truths about her family while still being deeply loving and affectionate. So this is neither a filthy private family tell-all nor a complaint session about how hard life is for a middle class woman in a first world country. It is an eyes-wide-open commentary on a remarkably colorful life made by the person living it. And she is so young! The life perspective she has managed to gain in less than four decades is just beautiful.

   Okay, following are some of my favorite juicy, salty tidbits from this delicious (if slightly strange) book. If you have recently read Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, then I bet you will LOL with me all over again. If you haven’t read it yet, then I predict this list will either further tempt you to buy it or finally send you away shaking your fearful head.

  • “I don’t even know why I’m having to explain this!”
  • Foxen
  • Urine perimeter to repel snakes and scorpions and the ensuing (imaginary) peeing contest between husband and father
  • Halloween office party, cheerleaders from SNL, no panties
  • All things taxidermy, but especially the middle of the night squirrel
  • Secret understood translations for Dad’s remarks on wild animals
  • Mom’s impatience for the not-yet-invented Xanax
  • Laxatives, solitude, and a cat paw
  • Dead pet pug, vultures, a blue tarp, and a hatchet
  • Chupacabra
  • “I don’t even know why I’m having to explain this!” (yes, I meant to duplicate that)
  • Victor and his well tested resolve
  • Editor’s constant notes and insertions. (Were these real? One can only hope.)
  • Radio broadcast engagement, seven hours in the car, and suspicions of murder. And urgent pee.
  • Pirate gator who speaks French
  • “KNOCK KNOCK MUTHA EFFAH!!!”
   Yep, the Eff word appears prolifically throughout the book, because that must be exactly how Jenny (We’re on a first name basis now) would tell her stories face to face on a public bus. So if that offends you so much you won’t groove reading the book, then I can only say that you’re missing out. I respect your standards, but you are missing out on some genuine, sore-ribs-the-next-day, joy-inducing laughter.
   Now, lest I convince you prematurely that Jenny’s memoirs are all sunshine and roses, please know that she also deals candidly with some heavy stuff. She acknowledges the burden of psychological illness and shares the details of her ordeal shamelessly. Her candor is as enlightening as it is endearing. And still funny! She writes about her crippling pain with so much natural humor that I walked through my own life laughing at all KINDS of stuff this week! 
   More magnificent reasons to read Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: For the soul-quenching dose of perspective and honesty. And for the exposure to what it’s like for people who suffer with extreme depression and complex anxieties. I still want to give Jenny a hug, because now I know that nothing I say will help.
   Okay! Have you read this? Is it on your list? Are you a Bloggess fan and want to talk to me about your fave stuff? Dive in!! I still have to wait about forty eight hours before discussing this fine book with my super smart ladies, and that just might be too long.  

No Giant Metal Chickens Were Harmed 
in the Writing of This Book Review
xoxoxoxo

Fresh Farm Eggs & a Giveaway!

   One of my very favorite things about having this little farm is raising chickens. (Poultry-chicken is what I’m talking about today, not human chickens, although what a dream come true that would be!) The hens and roosters look so cool strutting and dancing around the yard. Their many, varied sounds are complex and beautiful. They control the worst of the bugs and most of the snakes. They contribute to the compost heap generously.

And, of course, they lay eggs…

   Few are the people who eat a farm fresh, free range egg and still prefer to buy the thin, watery, comparatively anemic eggs from the grocery store. These are just so big and heavy and rich and flavorful, and most people who seem to know about such things say that farm fresh eggs are significantly more nutritious, too.

   Sometimes we find eggs that are even bigger than the normal giants we collect every day…

   These tend to be double-yolkers. Which is pretty much an omelette in a package.
When we first had Momma Goose on the farm and also discovered a slew of double yolkers, 
I suspected she might be laying her much larger eggs along with the hens, 
but so far that’s not the case.
I’m excited to eventually try a goose egg, 
but in the mean time these twins are delish!
   Anyway, perhaps you have noticed that on the sidebar of this blog is a little egg counter… I have been tracking our eggs collected since January first of this year, and when I notice that number sometimes I feel giddy. This doesn’t even include the ones collected by house sitters when we travel, or by enthusiastic kids who collect them and forget to tell me. 
As of yesterday afternoon, 
the Lazy W hens
have produced 773 farm fresh, 
free range eggs! 
   You guys, that is a pretty respectable number for a flock of only ten hens! I am thrilled to high-protein little pieces. 
   We don’t sell our eggs yet, but we do share them a lot. Sometimes my fridge is so overrun with brown, green, and gray farm eggs that I send cartons of them home with friends without even asking them first. It’s like zucchini for some people. With the recent heat wave, the hens’ regular production is down a little, but it will bounce back in no time. No worries.
   Anyway, I want to celebrate! Whenever we hit an even 800 eggs, I will give away an apron set! Keep your eyes peeled, and when that number finally hits 800 start commenting here or Facebooking with me! (Do you follow this blog on Facebook? There are so many fun people there!) I will take measurements and color preferences from the winner so you can start the upcoming baking season in style!!
   Okay, folks, that’s it for today! Have yourself a fabulous Tuesday filled with just the right mix of work, play, romance, and rest. 
Celebrate the simple gifts and victories in your life.
xoxoxo
   

Waxing Moon for August 2012: Gardening Plan

   What’s up, you guys? How grow your gardens? Is there anything left, or are you all crunchy and crispy and a tad sad, like me? Well, we still have zinnias, cannas, and (miraculously) cherry tomatoes jammin’ out all over the place, but my mare Daphne ate what remained of the heat-loving okra, and pretty much everything else had to be euthanized. What I’m saying is that the Lazy W gardens are bare compared to recently.

Tsk, tsk, Daphne. Tsk, tsk.

   It’s okay, though. A neutral color palette may not be my fave, especially for landscaping, but we are only days away from precious relief. All signs point to deep rains and cooler temps as we transition from this brutal summer to the lushness of autumn. In fact, as I write this with a big glass of sweet, creamy iced coffee at my side, rain is slanting down on the farm, cool and heavy.

   But it’s just not time to put the gardens to bed, you guys! It’s time to give them (and ourselves) a short little tiny break and plan for the next phase, which is right around the corner. Remember that in Oklahoma (and I suspect in most places where my fantastic readers live) you can grow foods and flowers almost all year long, certainly past the start of school. So do NOT surrender to the Halloween decorations at Pottery Barn and believe erroneously that summer is over! It’s not! Just the worst of summer is over, and that is reason for gardeners everywhere to celebrate!

   So, have you been dabbling along with me in gardening by the moon? I thought I would offer some tidbits I have collected from different sources, some basic advice on what garden tasks to complete when during our current moon cycle. Remember these are just guidelines, and your spot in paradise may dictate slightly different dates, so I encourage you to look around for info…

********************

Late August 2012: The New Moon was yesterday, Friday, August 17th. This means we will be waxing full for the next two weeks, culminating in a Full Moon on Friday, August 31st. Remember that this phase of the moon is fertile, meant for growth, germination, above ground crops, life, sex, conception, construction, etc, etc. Get the idea? This is a forward push and upward building time of month, time to focus on progress and visible beauty!

August 20-21 (Monday and Tuesday)  Plant above ground crops, sow grains, and plant flowers. The nurseries will start to offer fresher blooms soon, so keep your green little eyes open. I plan on bringing home maybe extra little herbs or mums and pansies, whatever looks gorgeous when I get there. (But I will not be planting flowering spring bulbs yet; that’s for the waning moon phase.)

August 22-24 (Wednesday through Friday)  Good dates for leafy veggies! I am so excited for an encore collection of spinach, kale, and so many lettuces. Also plant peas, beans, tomatoes, etc. Lots of old fashioned gardeners use this time of the year for a succession crop of such foods. Last year I harvested red tomatoes up until Thanksgiving! If you have a spot of clean earth, it’s worth a shot! And it’s a cheap experiment. Just consider aiming for somewhere you can avoid the winds that might kick up during weather changes.

August 25-26 (Next Saturday and Sunday)  Cut winter wood and do clearing and plowing. Well, I mean, do you have a plow? I don’t. But Handsome and I might just might be cutting wood, we’ll see. This next bit of advice threw me, but I’ll include it just in case you guys have some insight: “No planting.” Huh? I don’t understand a no planting directive halfway through the fertile phase, but it’s all over the stuff I read for these two dates. Do with that what you will. I might just consider it a good weekend to go to the movies and eat out with Handsome instead of goof around outside.

August 27-August 29 (Next Monday through Wednesday)  Plant more above ground crops. Also celebrate your husband’s birthday!!! xoxoxo

August 31st (Last Friday of the month) Full Moon. Barren day, no planting, kill pests if you can, and if we get deep rain and the burn ban has lifted… Light a bonfire! Roast a marshmallow, and tell ghost stories under the glow of moonlight. It’s fairly magical, after all…

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   Well, happy late summer friends! I would LOVE to see photos of your gardens if you have time, maybe post them to this blog’s Facebook page or something? I am eternally curious about what other people grow and how they do it…

“There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart.”
~Celia Thaxter (19th century writer and poet, contemporary and friend to Ralph Waldo Emerson, among many others, and her gardens still stand for public use today, in New England.)
xoxoxoxo 

A Yummy Book Combination

   I realized something last night that sort of bears mentioning: At present I am reading two books, each a personal memoir and each thoroughly engrossing and completely worth the time to read. Together they form the most unusual and delicious reading combination in recent memory. Like a swirl margarita, if you’re into that. Together they are revealing insight into all kinds of life experiences I will probably never have, and they display two completely unique writing styles, yet they seem to be aiming at incredibly similar themes.It’s almost like the two books were written separately but as part of a grand design. They are:

…and…
Do you know Jenny yet? Get addicted over at  http://thebloggess.com/.

   This is kinda fun. I am accustomed to reading two wildly different books at once, to keep all of my muscles dancing and warm. I’ll often be reading, say, something instructional or maybe a bit of spiritual writing against a piece of purely indulgent adventure fiction. But this? This is a unique pairing. These two books are actually more alike than you might think, even if the two authors may appear to be apples and oranges. I can’t wait to finish them both and write proper reviews.

   In addition to the fact that they are both recently written memoirs, I discovered last night that the life stories of both our forty third President and the wildly popular Bloggess intersect in the town of Midland, Texas. Two richly textured personalities, two lives that have affected untold others in the last two decades, both sprung up from the hard, dry, earth of Midland, that oil crust that apparently breeds fascinating people.
   I really am having a hard time every day deciding which one to pick up first, they are both so good in their own ways. And I am accumulating a bevvy of notes comparing and contrasting George W with Jenny Lawson, a mental exercise that probably seems pointless to you. But you try to read these side by side and not see the parallels!
   Okay, gotta go. I am off to either be inspired by the bloom of a political career or laugh my tummy flat at the way Lawson tells her sad stories. I promise to write completely useless reviews of both books soon. 
People Are People So Why Should It Be…
You and I Should Get Along So Awfully?
xoxoxo

Crunch Time in the Garden

   So, we all know it is hot and dry outside. I don’t know about you, but I have had to actively drum up some serious optimism and a deliberately glass-half-full attitude about this most recent chapter of our 2012 garden adventure. Week after week of triple digit heat coupled with extreme drought conditions have left our landscape crunchy, dusty, and reluctant to yield anything green, much less anything juicy and edible. What started off as a beautifully promising year of growth and photosynthetic magic has deteriorated painfully into a barren classroom. Why a classroom? Because I have learned so dang much this year. Really, the learning and our luscious early summer harvests are exactly what make the optimism possible in the face of this, well, this brutal desert.

   The garden is a brutal desert here right now.

   The once lush and jungle-like cucumber box, where earlier this summer a guinea hen had felt safe enough to lay her eggs in secret, now holds only dry dirt, some withered and tortured squash vines, and that same sad clutch of eggs, now hard cooked by the sun.

This ocean of green lasted a nice, long time and produced LOTS of food,
and I know it will make a comeback soon!

   But the garden is also still a classroom.

   I am learning better watering techniques, better insect control, the benefits of close planting as well as of raised beds, and the stubbornness of okra (more on that soon). I am learning about corn, watermelon, soy beans, and cinnamon basil. We are learning about eggplants and tomatoes, and what not to mulch (squash and zuchinni, believe it or not).

In addition to boasting superior flavor,
homegrown cukes are even green on the INSIDE!
Absolutely gorgeous. I squealed when I saw this for the first time!

   I am actually thankful for these extreme conditions. They force me to garden purposefully and encourage me to appreciate small victories and hidden beauties, every single heat-stroked day.

  And it’s not like we haven’t had any edible success… Although I never collected enough to sell at our local Saturday morning farmers’ market, I did collect plenty to use in our kitchen and share with friends and family.   This makes it all worthwhile, even if Handsome hasn’t managed to retire on my watermelon profits. Ha!

This photo represents an average morning harvest right up until the last week in July:
Okra, tomatoes, peppers, herbs, squash, cukes, and eggs.
I feel blessed to have enjoyed so much for so long,
and, again, I KNOW we will be seeing more soon!

   Okay. So what’s next? I am still trying to garden organically and to observe a lunar calendar. It not only provides some structure to my long list of good intentions; I believe, looking back, that it has helped in spades this year. (LOL) I have had excellent luck with seed germination by planting during the fertile weeks, and I have had almost zero re-weeding chores to do after removing the beasts during barren weeks.

My veggie garden’s own private Boing Boing Spider, Rachel.
She took up residence in late May and has grown steadily,
building her thick web and trapping dozens of unsuspecting bits of flying protein daily.

   Yep, the garden is crunchy and the sun is still high and hot, but the season is Not. Quite. Done. Yet. Here in Oklahoma we still have at least three, probably more like four additional months of growth and health to enjoy. That’s like twelve weeks, you guys! And thanks to hurricane season, our much anticipated weather shift should make these coming months fabulous. More like the season’s beginning than its middle.

While preparing for our friend Rebecca’s wedding back in May,
a new friend and gardening blogger Dee
suggested I plant zinnias for quick color and cheer.
They have always been a favorite of mine,
and now that they have proven their earnestness in an Oklahoma drought and heat wave,
I shall never garden without them again! 
   Garden on, friends. Don’t give up. Just rest your soul a little bit and let your soil rest a little bit too. Remove those weeds at the right time. Feed those plants if they need it. Lighten their loads by trimming leaves and vines that sap too much energy. Deal with pests. Water, water, water. Offer shade. Plant new seeds and seedlings when it’s safe to do so. Keep a long term view of this dangerous adventure, like so many things in life, right?

Love your garden even when it’s ugly and suffering. 

   Most importantly, in my humble opinion, take note of your experiences this year, both your successes and your failures. Count your blessings and plant them like seeds in your heart and water them so they grow into gratitude and joy.

   Later this week I will be posting a list of garden tasks for this unusual time and a schedule for August and September. If you too are watching the moon and suffering some crazy weather, it may be interesting to you. In the mean time, will you please give some thought to the idea of friendship? I am also working out some ideas on friendship in childhood versus friendship in adulthood and would love your input. When is it easier to make friends? What are the merits of friendship in each phase of life? Super interesting.

   Garden well, friends! Best wishes! I hope you are still loving the science and magic of it all, despite these temporary challenges. And treasure your friendships, both silver and gold.

“Gardening is a Matter of Your Enthusiasm Holding Up
Until Your Back Gets Used to it.”
xoxoxoxo