Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Five Things That Should not Bother me as Much as They Do

   I have for many years held close to my heart a wonderful quote which speaks to the disproportionate power of small problems to weigh on your spirit even worse than the biggest trials:

“It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out;
it’s the pebble in your shoe.”
~Muhammad Ali

  Right? We can usually keep a large challenge in perspective, scaling it down, breaking it up into manageable pieces that we conquer one after another until the thing is done. Or maybe our deepest heartaches are surrendered because that’s all there is left to do, and we bear the pain until the prayer is answered. But how often do life’s smallest, weirdest annoyances drive us to the breaking point?

   Super often. Very often. All the dang time often.

   Following are some culprits in my life. The Big Stuff is in check. These things? They makes me use swear words. You know. Like my good buddy M.  : )

1. The wrong color of shopping buggy. It sets the tone for my entire shopping trip. It affects my decision making skills. It distracts me and causes me to buy too much coffee and lettuce and not enough freezer paper. Of all the possible buggy color choices, I simply cannot abide orange. Unless it is Thunder basketball season. Then only if I am wearing blue. I hate that this is so important to me, but it just is.

2.  Hammering my bony shin against the low metal bar of that stupid orange shopping buggy. Childbirth hurts less. I am pretty sure the fronts of my shins are both permanently dented. And it’s not like walking more slowly helps that much! One wrong step and you’re a victim.

3.  When people leave their hair styling products and hair brushes anywhere near the bathroom sink, where I brush my teeth. I have a very real mortal fear of getting hair in my mouth, so brushing my teeth where someone’s hair might at any moment jump up on a light breeze and attack me… well, it is horrific. FOR-THE-LOVE-OF-GOD-BABE. I am begging you.

3.  Tangled up garden hoses. Especially when they are a hundred million miles long. Just kill me.

4.  House flies, squash bugs, and grasshoppers. In that exact order.

5.  Botching a great joke. Either by losing that good, funny rhythm or completely forgetting the punch line. This happens more than I care to admit.

   Whew!! I feel better. Thanks for listening. Now what silly little pebbles are stuck in your shoe?

“Adversity is like a strong wind. it tears away from us
 all but the things that cannot be torn,
 so that we see ourselves as we really are.”
~Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

p.s. Have you read Memoirs of a Geisha? Good movie, great book. Treat yourself.

Apartment Windows

   You guys, I am about to blog about something I have not previously attempted to blog about. About which, about, blog about this… Whatever. Dangling prepositions are hard.*

   I am about to write about my house.

   The inside of it, not the garden. (gasp!) Specifically, the upstairs Apartment. If you’re addicted to home interior blogs like I am, then brace yourself. You are gonna be grossly underwhelmed. But I am excited about some upcoming spruce-ups and thought I’d share.

   If you want to, you can click here to see some window dressing ideas I have collected on Pinterest. Yes, I have a Pinterest addiction. So do you. If you don’t admit it; you’re not an honest person.

   Anyway, below I will highlight some of my favorite inspiration photos so far.

   First, some Apartment facts:

  • It is the only room in our home with windows on three sides. Even on cloudy days is gets plenty o’ sunshine. The natural light in there is really really beautiful.
The mess here is NOT really really beautiful. I know this. This was a million years ago, just when we moved here.
Now… the whole big room is “finished” at narrow sliver beneath the rafters
to the left of the window is a tiny attic bathroom. I love it. 
  • It was originally built as my girls’ Apartment, and may serve in that way again some day. Right now it serves as a guest room, a sewing and arts room, my sometime-writing office, and more. 
  • The color palette is flexible because so many projects are in the works, but basically this is the only room in the house where I am fully indulging my love for mixing greens and blues.
My sweet, smart, beautiful youngest chicken helping to decorate the alcove where her bed once stood.
She added to the blue sky mural I painted, dozens of glow-in-the-dark stars, which still shine at night.
This photo seems like it was taken both a hundred thousand years ago and also yesterday.
  • Except no bright lime green curtains anymore, please. More on that below.
  • The Apartment has four sets of windows: Two sets on the north side, behind the twin beds, and one set each inside alcoves on the east and west ends of the long room. I am not sure that all four sets have to match. 
  • The room is carpeted. I think that matters a little bit when choosing window dressings.

   Okay. You are now basically an expert on the Apartment. 
  On to the inspiration photos:

   1. Long and Loose  I like these drapes for their length and big, elegant, pleated skirts that puddle so nicely. Perhaps they could afford to puddle even a bit more. What about the oatmeal color though? Really pretty, but perhaps too bland for this creative, energetic space. Again, long and loose. That is nice.

Muraca Design website

2. Balloonish and Bunchy  I like these for their more pulled together balloon poofiness. Except I have tried living with lime green curtains in this sun-filled room for quite a while, and I Just. Can’t. Do it. Anymore. This is probably the only shade of green in the universe that make me want to puke. I need pink. Either hot pink or salmon or something pretty and glow-ish. But I do like this shape. Or navy blue? Or even black? Would that look too funeral-parlorish? Or maybe this playful shape and volume would offset the heft of back. Like, long curled eyelashes.

boho glamour blog

#3. Bohemian Paradise  But you know what? I really like… I mean, I LOVE these Bohemian curtains. Silk hankies and runners sewn into patchwork panels. Simple. Complicated. Colorful. Smooth. Interesting and dreamy. Love em. They make me want to burn sage and listen to Camelia Jordana. I have nothing bad to say about these other than that I would probably need to sew them myself. And I take forever to finish sewing projects.

Babylon Sisters Etsy shop

#4. Preppy and Modern  And how about these fresher, bolder, preppier graphic drapes? I groove the breath of clean air offered by the drapes below. But will this trellis pattern, like chevron, soon run its course? I mean, I am usually the last person in the world to worry too much about trends and following them, especially with interiors. HOWEVER  I don’t want this space to look a decade old all of a sudden one day. You know?

Castle Creek Designs Etsy shop

   Friends, this space is important to me. I love the Apartment and all it has been and all it can be in the future. It needs to always be free to work hard and hold the promise of so many heartfelt dreams for our family. The window in this space connect all of that work and dreaming to the view of our farm fields. So the curtains are important!
   I would love to hear your opinions! Lay it on me.

*that’s what she said

My Morning Commute

   My morning commute is tough, friends. I mean, really tough.

   Just as the sun is crawling over the front field, I have to weave my way downstairs to my favorite coffee shop. Luckily I am always the first customer. And luckily they always get my order just right.
   Then, before I even realize what day it is, I have an early morning meeting with the CEO of our company. We almost always meet in the hot tub. Luckily he keeps a pretty loose dress code around here. And luckily he is really cute.
   Then, once I am caffeinated and have a decent grip on the day ahead, I have to battle gridlock. Chaos ensues when the chicken coop doors open and the guineas mix with the hens and and roosters. Sometimes I try to sort out the conflict; other times I tell them it’s their problem. Yesterday someone filed a complaint in HR over abuse of the clear water in the wading pool. It’s never ending drama around here. Luckily, I have lots of garden hoses to refill that wading pool. And luckily we also have a pond.
   Then we have the geese. They are the lobbyists around here: Noisy, overfed, and in my face when I could be doing so many other far more productive jobs. Luckily, four of them are afraid of me, And luckily, the fifth one loves me more than life itself.
   I try to stay calm on my morning commute. I try to work through the obvious difficulties and focus on the tasks at hand while maintaining a healthy perspective. You know, see both the forest and the trees.
   Luckily, I have the sweetest coworkers and am surrounded by beauty. 
   And luckily of course I never really have to commute anywhere.
   It’s a tough job, and I am so happy it’s mine.
   Linking up with Mama Kat today.
Prompt chosen because it was inspired by my good buddy Rose
who blogs over at OKRoserock.

Knowing Dee

You guys. I am well aware of how lucky I am, okay? 
Yesterday just proved it all over again. 

For several friendly, languid hours I sat, strolled, chatted, and brunched
with a beautiful and interesting woman you will want to know.
She and I first met in 2012 for that nifty little Oklahoma Bloggers’ Ball we had here at the farm.
She advised me in my garden when we hosted a wedding  a couple of months later.
And most importantly we have become friends.
Dee Nash writes over at Red Dirt Ramblings and 
generously gave me practically all of her Tuesday 
so that I can share it with you. 

She sweetly photographed me in my garden for her upcoming book.
(terrifying but she made it so easy… More on that later...)
We talked about garden pests and best practices.
We played with Pacino and petted Mia.
We drank coffee, ate hard boiled eggs and downed fresh fruit smoothies.

We talked about life and family and books and discovered 
another few dozen wonderful things we have in common.

Dee and I topped off the afternoon by visiting a nearby tree farm,
Tony is a friend of hers and her husband’s.
Do you know how much fun it was for me to explore 
a fancy garden center with someone 
whose passion for plants matches my own, 
but whose knowledge triples it?
So. Much. Fun. 
She was like a happy little girl, and I loved it.
On her urging, I brought home a St. John’s Wort for my new herb garden.

I was excited about her visit ahead of time;
but I had no idea how much the day would nourish my soul.

Thank you, Dee, for so much enriching conversation!
Thank you for your gardening encouragement and inspiration,
and thank you for sharing these wonderful interview answers that follow!
You are an Oklahoma treasure, and I am proud to call you my friend.

Dee Nash holding a pretty variegated canna at Tony’s Tree Plantation


1.     Do you come from a long line of gardeners?
Yes and No. Both of my grandmothers and one grandfather were gardeners, but my parents weren’t. I learned most of my gardening from toddling after my Grandma Nita and from books. She died when my son, now 18, was two, so I’ve read a lot of books.

2.     What is your earliest gardening memory?
You may be too young to remember small white toddler shoes, but I remember mine against the black soil of my grandmother’s garden in Commerce, Oklahoma. I was walking behind her. I also remember her teaching about the “bad butterflies” i.e., cabbage moths, and why she had to kill them.

3.     At what age did you start your own garden?
It depends upon what you mean by garden. I had house plants in my bedroom when I was 13. I planted outside for the first time at my first home, a mobile home in a trailer park. I was 19.
4.     What was your first plant, if you remember?
Polka dot plant, Hypoestes phyllostachya. Mine was green with light pink polka dots. I was about twelve.

5.     When did you first start keeping a garden journal?
I’m embarrassed to say I’ve started about a billion of them, but I don’t keep them up very well. I guess the blog is my real garden journal. Keeping too much info, too neatly, takes the joy out of it for me. I’m very right brained.

I love that about you, Dee! I am right brained too, and keeping a blog is the ONLY way I am ever gonna keep an ongoing real record of anything. And three cheers for joyful chaos. 

6.     When did you first start photographing your gardens?
In 2004. I wanted to see the layout.

7.     Present day, do you prefer growing edibles or ornamentals?
I like both. I find ornamentals to be less work, but I like to eat the edibles so there you are!
8.     Two phrases you have coined are very special to me… “English with an Oklahoman accent”and             “Thriller, Filler, Spiller”for container gardening… Do you have any new comments or adds for                   these?
I can take credit for the first one, but the second was actually coined by Steve Silk in Fine Gardening magazine a long time ago. Here’s the link to his article: http://www.finegardening.com/design/articles/thrillers-fillers-spillers.aspx. I try to give him credit whenever I write the terms. They are perfect though.
As for “English with an Oklahoma accent,” that’s mine. It pretty much explains itself. It simply explains my love of the English cottage style garden, but the reality of gardening in a state with climate as difficult as Oklahoma. In other words, you need different plants. I’ve been experimenting with Carol Klein’s favorite plants though this year. I started a lot of them with seed. I’m testing how they will perform here.

9.     How has your gardening style evolved over time?
I’m much more intense and intentional than I once was. I think more about design and symmetry.

I love the photos of your garden. Your use of color, scale, shape, rhythm… All so beautiful. Living, changing artwork.

10.  What factors or life events have affected these changes?
My kids growing up. I have more time. However, the writing and speaking have really picked up so I now need a helper in the garden. I’m considering a horticulture intern. I must talk to OSU about that.
What a lucky intern that will be! I would love to have worked with someone like you in college.


11.  Who and what are your biggest gardening influences today?
Carol Klein and Sarah Raven, both in England. I love Raven’s use of dark, rich color in the garden. I enjoy Klein’s sense of fun. She loves gardening and loves to share her craft. My friend, Helen Weis, is also a great influence as is Deborah Silver, each for their sense of design. Helen is always stressing symmetry to keep my jungle in some kind of form.

12.  I know you love Pinterest (I do too) and have written a great piece on its usefulness… Where else do you find inspiration?
I watch English gardening shows on dailymotion.com.You can’t get their shows here in the U.S. very often. Sometimes, they are on YouTube, but not with any regularity. I can’t buy the DVDs because they are in a different format. I love Carol Klein’s Life in a Cottage Garden, http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00xh5n1. I bought the companion book. I also watch Sarah Raven on YouTube. She isn’t as infectious as Klein, but is soothing. I watch these in the winter when I’m ready to go mad. February is the worst month for me. I also read a lot of gardening books when I’m not writing my own. Sarah Raven’s The Bold and Brilliant Garden is a treasure. Also, here in America, I follow Nan Ondra’s blog, Hayefield. I’ve also bought most of her books. Nan is a darling, and I enjoy her photos and insights so much.

13.  How did you break into the professional garden writing world?
I was already writing professionally for the local newspaper, The Oklahoman, occasionally, along with other regional newspapers. I also wrote for the state Catholic newspaper. I joined the Garden Writers Association where I met wonderful people who encouraged me to start a blog. The blog helped national editors see my work. I then began speaking at various venues. I met my publisher at a GWA event. Two years later, I pitched them a book idea. Hint: I already had the outline ready, and they knew me. I emailed them the outline at their request when I got home.

14.  Also, how did you come to do the landscaping at Mount Saint Mary’s?
I don’t do MSM’s landscaping. I do the landscaping for St. Mary’s in Guthrie. We now attend church there, and she went to 8th grade at their middle school. I just saw a need, asked the priest if I could work on it, and when he said, yes, I did. I’ve been working on it for over a year now. I do get help from friends and volunteers for the big jobs. It’s starting to take shape. I’m happy. Tony of Tony’s Tree Plantation (?) is the landscaper for MSM. He does a beautiful job.

15.  Congratulations for your first book! I imagine more book ideas are already in the back of your mind. Care to spill any literary beans? Don’t worry. Not too many people read my blog anyway. We’ll keep it secret.
LOL! Thanks. You need to be more specific. Hmmm, it’s a book for 20/30 something gardeners just starting out. That’s all I can say until after August when the cover and other stuff is announced.

We will be tuning in to watch this adventure unfold! And you need to know how happy you made me to be invited to take photos for this age bracket. : ) By the time you book hits the shelves, I will barley qualify.

16.  Can you name your Top Five favorite plants? Or is that like asking you to name your favorite child?
It’s not easy, but here goes.
            A. Roses, but my love is becoming more jaded over time. I had Rose Rosette Disease in the garden, and I lost six roses to it. I have over 90. I think I just saw it on another old (over 25 years old) rose. I will have to dig it out in fall, and it will be very hard. It is ‘Cl. Old Blush.’ I thought I had it eliminated, but I am seeing similar damage. Of roses, my favorites are ‘Carefree Beauty,’ ‘Dame de Coeur,’ the Drift(r) series of roses, particularly Pink Drift, Coral Drift and Red Drift. I’ve added a lot more red to my color scheme over the years. I like the depth of color. I’m also still a big fan of single Pink Knockout(r). They are rock hardy in my yard. Of the David Austins, ‘Gertrude Jekyll,’ ‘Graham Thomas’ and ‘Darcey Bussell’ are favorite cultivars.
          B. The humble day-lily, Hemerocallis. If you live in the south, you can’t miss with day-lilies. They are beautiful and easy to grow. If you choose yours based upon early, mid and late blooming, you will get two months of bloom.
            C. Dahlias, but they aren’t easy to grow here. I’m just sayin’. I like the ones with bronze foliage.
            D. Tomatoes. I love all types. Cherry types are easy to grow. Larger, potato-leaved ones don’t fruit as often and take longer, but the tomatoes are wonderful. I don’t like ‘Brandywine,’ but I am fond of the pink, ‘Marianna’s Peace.’ I now collect seed. Eggplants are the other edible I can’t be without. Oh, and onions too. I make a mean salsa.
            E. Japanese maples. I like all types. Some perform better in Oklahoma than others. They must have a windbreak and supplemental irrigation. Also, they need to be on the north side of the house most of the time. ‘Tamukeyama’ will take a lot of sun although in hotter years, it has leaf burn. 

You and I have so much in common. Great choices. Oklahoma gardeners should be paying attention!

17.  Do your husband or children ever ask you to grow certain things?
Yes, Bill asks for potatoes and green beans, not the fuzzy flat kind. There’s a story there.

I’d love to hear this story.

18.  How much does your family participate in your gardens?
The kids sometimes help, but at this time, they don’t like to garden. They are teens and have been surrounded by it all their lives. Bill helps a lot with hardscaping, building greenhouses, setting up fence. He likes to build stuff. I like the plant work. He doesn’t.

Sounds familiar… xoxo
19.  Do you have any special gardening proverbs or expressions that are near and dear to you?
That’s funny because I think of the weirdest stuff while gardening, and it’s not usually related. For example, when I weed, I think “Out, out damn spot” from Macbeth. I don’t know why.
I love that. I find so much meditation and stress relief in weeding. Not weird at all.

20.  What is some of the best gardening advice you have ever received? Who offered it? Did you heed it?
I’ve received so much good advice over the years. My friend, Wanda Faller, used to say to “plant things pretty close together and not worry too much.” She now lives in Washington state.

As with so much wisdom in the gardening world, this seems relevant to all of life. “Stay close together and don’t worry too much.” Excellent.

21.  What gardening questions do you get asked most often?
People often want me to landscape their properties. I’m not a landscaper or landscape designer. I’ll come over and garden coach you though. I get asked a lot about what will grow in Oklahoma, or does nothing grow here. That was the primary question of 2011 and 2012. In those years, not much. 2013 has been a whole different animal.

I am so glad you hear you mention that last part! Lots of my friends started gardening in the most recent HORRIFIC years and felt discouraged, with good reason. But it’s just not the norm. Try again ladies and gentlemen!

22.  Do you think that anyone can be a successful gardener? What are the basic criteria?
Yes. You must like to be outside. You need a water source in our state, preferably drip irrigation or soaker hoses, but you can use sprinklers if you time them right. You must be consistent. You need to learn to tolerate imperfection and bugs. You don’t have to like either, but toleration is key.

23.  I know that you and I both love this beautiful state… Oklahoma. Indian Territory. The Red Dirt beauty. But it certainly presents some unique challenges in the garden. And I know you are widely travelled, visiting gardens in lots of different climates and regions. If not here in Oklahoma, then where in this big wide world would choose to grow and tend your personal Eden?
Hawaii or California. Need I say more?

24.  Okay. You are stranded on a desert island. You can choose only one gardening tool (made by Fiskars of course)  and five plants either in seed or seedling form to grow your own food. What do you bring along?
Well, honestly, the tool would be made by DeWitt. It’s a Dutch Hand Hoe. I can’t garden without one. 1. Sunflowers. 2. Zinnias. I need those because they are easy and pretty, and I can save seed. 3. Tomatoes. 4. Garlic. 5. Lettuce of some sort. I like ‘Nevada’ and ‘Black-Seeded Simpson.’

Again, great choices.

25.  Similarly, you are given one year and a choice of only five plants to grow the most beautiful flower garden, perhaps for a wedding or royal birth or something. What is your floral focus?
Roses. You must have roses for a wedding or royal birth. Hydrangea arborescens ‘Annabelle’ because it’s an easy and native hydrangea, and it is white. Peonies, big pink ones like ‘Sarah Bernhardt’, Asparagus fern for greenery and great big sunflowers as a backdrop. I know the last doesn’t go with the other four, but I love sunflowers. They are tall and beautiful. Oh, and I must have Shasta daisies, Leucanthemum x superbum  ‘Becky’. Whoops, that’s six isn’t it?

You’re totally forgiven. In fact, you get extra credit. xoxo

26.  I am big fan of Niki Jabbour, and I know you two are friends. Have you mastered the year-round vegetable gardening techniques? Do you believe it can be done in Oklahoma?
If Niki can do it in Halifax, Nova Scotia, I would think so. I have mastered ¾ of the year. Honestly, I get tired around Christmas with all the mom duties. However, I now have a greenhouse, and Bill wants to build cold frames, so yes, it can be done. Niki is the master. I am simply the grasshopper where this is concerned. LOL!

(Hang on now, I thought we hate grasshoppers.)

27.  All good gardeners are constantly growing, learning, and improving. What questions do you still have that need answering, and where do you seek your best information? What challenges do you still face?
How do we cure Rose Rosette Disease? What about Sudden Oak Death? I have it in our trees here. Our climate is a big issue although I manage pretty well. I always love learning about new plants.

28.  What big gardening adventures are on your horizon?
Finishing the book. Building a cold frame. Keeping it all going. Each year is a new addition. I learn more every year about growing vegetables on trellises and how to do things better.

29.  Please share a little more about your recent greenhouse addition. What prompted it? How big is it? What is going on inside its opaque walls? Has it proven worthy of the investment yet?
The greenhouse is 8 x 16, but I’m not using it yet. We need to finish the water system which involves rain barrels and a copper gutter. We traveled a lot this year so we’re behind. Besides, I need that greenhouse for winter so I won’t be so bored.

30.  When you visit other people’s gardens, surely you do little edits in your mind. I mean, I do!Not to be critical; just because it’s fun. What are some common “changes” you make to other people’s gardens?
I really don’t. I mean, if they’re out of control and weeding needs to be done, I think about that. Also, deadheading. We should all get the clippers out and deadhead more often. It makes the garden neat and tidy. Plus, flowers bloom better. Harvested vegetables is the same thing in the edible garden. As for design, I don’t. I figure everyone needs their own space to do their thing.

More solid life advice, I think. We all need space to do out own thing. Love the advice to keep weeds out and deadhead or harvest regularly. I am often surprised by how much better my garden looks just after a good, thorough cleaning.

31.  What one big message would you get out to the average gardener, to help them?
Hang in there. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Much of my garden is 25 years old.

Bless you for saying this, Dee. I have to repeat it to myself almost weekly.

32.  Now… what would you tell ME? Go ahead, I can take it.
I need to see your garden first Missy.

Fair enough Missy. haha! For my readers to know… Let me say that I was terrified of showing you my garden, although you gave me to no reason to fear. I am just alone in it all the time, and seeing it through someone else’s eyes was daunting. Thank you for all of your kind words… Now tell me what you REALLY thought. i already know that I need to weed better. : )

33.  I am sure you spend at least a little time in your Eden every day… But you also are busy caring for your beautiful family and have several other professional pursuits, too. So. Do you have a gardening schedule? Do you follow a daily or a weekly routine? Or is it intuitive and fluctuating based on needs?
It’s intuitive. I have no schedule. I tend to get out there and never come back in. Ask my kids! When I’m writing and get really stuck, I go outside. Also, if I’m sad, it’s the first place I go. My best friend was just diagnosed with cancer. I pray a lot in the garden, and sometimes I cry.

It is possibly the most sacred place in my home, too, for times like this. I think God meets us in the garden when we need it. And it is often the first place we notice His miracles. Prayers for your sweet friend. xoxo

34.  Travelling seems to be at its peak when the garden is also at its peak, summertime. It’s a cruel joke, and it always divides my heart. How do you prepare your garden for long absences?
I installed drip irrigation in my pots and put everything on timers. As for the weeds, I mulch beforehand and let the grass grow where it may. Then, I play catch up when I get home.

35.  My final and most important question: Do you really wear gardening gloves every day?
No, but I do most of the time. My hands can’t keep up with the amount of work I do. However, I do go out there sometimes without them, and invariably, I get bit, stung, or I clip my little finger. Yes, I did it last week. Gardening gloves might have lessened the injury. I have a basket of gloves by my back door.
I feel so honored by this as though I’m in Horticulture magazine’s profile or something. Great questions. As for that desert island, we should check out which plants can handle salt spray best. Perhaps, read Celia Thaxter?
Haha!! Great! I am so glad. You honored me by visiting the farm, and I certainly appreciate all of this wonderful insight. As for Celia Thaxter, yes. Let’s start there then travel like mad.

********************


   Wasn’t that fantastic? I thoroughly enjoyed every word here and every moment with Dee yesterday. If you’re not already following her blog, I encourage you to start. I learn volumes there and also glean so much inspiration.

   And friends, please stay tuned throughout the year. I’ll keep you updated on her book release, and if you’re local, won’t you join us for her book release reception here at the farm? 

   Happy gardening!

“Stay close together and don’t worry too much.”

~Wanda Faller

xoxoxoxo

Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition. Part Three

   Oh I am so glad you keep visiting! Okay, it is a bit late (par for the course with me) but I have great excuses, as always. : ) The days are all full and busy around here. Today for your consideration… the third and final installment of Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition. If you haven’t already done so, please read part one right here and part two right here.

   What remains are tidbits not particularly related to each other. Remember, we did no consult with each other as we wrote this advice. And I guarantee we would each have come up with more. But we stuck with twelve pearls of wisdom each for twelve years of marriage together.

   Okay! Onward.

   He Said: Work hard to have a beautiful home together. Let her express herself in every corner. Her happiness in the home will reflect her happiness in life. Even with the most modest budget, you can make beauty together.

   She Said: Try to pray together. Identify then nourish some common spiritual ground. Over twelve years, Handsome and I have fluctuated in lots of ways with regard to church and outward expressions of faith, and I imagine that will continue throughout different seasons of life; but having a basic spiritual foundation in our marriage has been a wonderful comfort at times of crisis. It provides a sense of safety and shelter that cannot come from anywhere else. I’m not telling you what to believe, just suggesting that you add this to your recipe for magic. Defining and steeling your own spiritual foundation is part of your own adventure.

   He Said:  When you fight, make up fast. Make it worth it when you do make up. Try to turn off your most awesome battling skills, even if you are pretty good with a bow staff.


   She Said: Do everything you can to make sure he knows you are proud of him. This is really easy for me, because he makes me proud daily. In every part of life.

   He Said:  Never forget to tell her just how beautiful she is to you. Trust me… everyone else is telling her… Keep your place in her heart.

   She Said: Develop your own shared history long-term and enjoy having daily rituals together, too. From big holiday celebrations to early morning habits and road trip traditions, Handsome and I have a million ways we know each other and remember each other. It feels so good.

   He Said:  Pick a girl that makes you swoon every time you see her and makes you want to listen every time you hear her.

   She Said:  For all the talking we do about togetherness and such, which is wonderful and important, I also want to suggest that you maintain a little breathing room. Not privacy exactly; just room in your calendars and energy stores to cultivate your own selves. A good friend once gave me this advice, and at first I balked at it. But now, about five years later, I see the value of her words. Speaking for myself, I know that I am most upset with others (especially my poor husband) when I am upset with myself. So starting with a full tank, so to speak, makes a lot of sense. And respecting his individuality and breathing room is healthy. I almost think you should try this especially where it’s difficult; it probably matters most in those areas.

   He Said:  Love her like your life depends on it. Because it does!

   She Said:  Part of the reason this blog entry is late is that we’ve had a rough few days. As I mentioned, life is full around here. Life is also stressful, in almost every arena. Our nerves, emotions, and tolerances grow thin at times like this, and sometimes they get the better of us. My final piece of marital advice? Manage them. Protect and honor your relationship rather than testing or doubting it. Life is cruel enough without exposing your marriage to poison. Above all, if you are prone to it, mange your jealousy. That’s all I’m gonna say on that today.

   Thanks again for joining us on this little twelve-year advice fiesta! We’ve had an eventful and overall very happy month celebrating. We feel very blessed in our life and wise about marriage only because we have learned from so many mistakes.

   Do you have any marital advice you’d like to share? How long have you been married? I’d love to know you better.

Never knew I could feel Like this
Like I’ve never seen the sky before…
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more…
Come What May
I Will Love You
Until My Dying Day
xoxoxoxo