I went outside early this morning in flip flops instead of rubber boots and zipped through a handful of chores, eager to get to the good stuff. I took with me a giant mug of hot, perfectly delicious coffee and thought about how much opportunity is at our feet.

   The sky was golden-blue and already very warm, the breeze was mild compared to yesterday’s gustiness, and the animals were all bright eyed and affectionate. I felt life pulsing happily all around me and had love seeping out of my skin. These are the perfect conditions for flip flops.

   Do you know what I found when I walked downhill and into the veggie garden?

  Well hello there dahlings… I am sustaining the nasty habit of writing only once or twice a week, mostly because this is a busy time of year and lots of lots of worthwhile tasks are keeping my attention all day every day. In addition to sewing orders and normal housework and animal stuff, the garden has been a big energy consumer. In a wonderful, happy way, though.

   Most days I wake up wondering what has happened while I slept and what the weather will be that day. Will it allow me to dig, or should I sow? Is it a day for weeding, and have those morning glory seeds split open yet so I can plant them? Or will the chickens just eat them? Are moon flowers toxic to horses? And what the heck am I going to do about that weirdly thick rose bush our front? What did those salvia fail? Wait, it’s a waning moon right now… what does that mean again? Is it already too late for cilantro? My gosh I miss the smell of basil. It’s gonna be such a good year for squash. I hope someone will go fishing for me so I can get those fish heads for the corn. These are some of the three and a half million thoughts that swarm my brain every morning on my way downstairs for that first heavenly cup of steaming hot coffee.

   The potagerie is on track so far. All four raised beds are sturdy and, dare I say, quite attractive. Three of them have been filled lasagna style with alternating layers of dried leaves, chicken litter, horse manure, and finally some beautiful top soil we had dumped here last week. Two of those filled beds have now been planted. And, unbelievably, the chickens are minding their manners. The only seedlings I have discovered kicked and scratched out of the earth are some zinnias up at the east flower bed, near the front door. Everything else has been left alone. This is reason for cautious celebration!

   By the way, you guys, this is the first time in my life I have ever written a check for dirt. DIRT. I mean, we live on nine acres, so you might think I could drum up my own dirt. But most of our property is sandy, which is barely amenable to growing the stuff we really like to eat, with the exception of melons, berries, spinach, and fruit trees. Those thrive in sand. Anyway, the dirt purchase felt weird, but it should yield us some good  edibles.

   With the weather warming up so much, the horses have been shedding like crazy. And so I have been brushing them like crazy, something that is so nice for both horse and human that it can scarcely be called a “chore.” Each of our three pasture ornaments has a certain way he or she likes to be groomed, and if you do it right you usually end up with a sleeping behemoth leaning against you. That’s kind of the paycheck for this particular task. All of them appreciate a nice lullaby, too, so I sing while I brush. Thank goodness they are not too picky about pitch, tone, or volume.

   The other day I caught myself singing Chanta a song that my human chickens used to love, too, one we sang every night at bedtime for years. Chim Chimmeree from Mary Poppins. Do you know it? It is soft and slow and sounds a little bit sad, but only until you really listen to the words… Then all of a sudden there is gentle contentment in this song, and truly it describes how I finally feel about my life, my job, my station in this world.

   Sometimes being W-2 challenged serves up a bit of an identity crisis, especially without children at home to justify my being home, at least publicly. I have friends with fascinating careers who are tempted to abandon them. Other friends have children but still crave something more. Several beautiful women in my life are ready for romance and frustrated by the games people play. We all have days when we envy other people’s situation a little bit, and possibly even feel intimidated. For example, I have so much admiration not only for homeschooling moms but also for professional women who keep it all together that sometimes I let it crush me. Then all of a sudden my joy has evaporated. Unfulfilled longings can be very painful, and we all feel that from time to time.

   This is such a waste of time and energy. Each of us plays a part in this world, and each of us has been given unmeasured gifts and blessings that are unique to our lives and our souls. In fact, I think that the same gift in one life will manifest very differently in another because of each person’s uniqueness. A deep, refreshing well of wonder can be found in learning to appreciate your own special circumstances long before anyone else appreciates it for you, regardless of whether anyone else ever does, even.

   I am not suggesting that we stop reaching for goals or blind ourselves to the possibilities of change; quite the opposite. I am suggesting that we spark change with appreciation instead of envy. Learning to savor the details of my life, evolving and unplanned though they may be, has done wonders for my heart. With that appreciation comes increased contentment, confidence, and joy! This has allowed me to be friends with women who not very long ago would have intimidated me to that point of crumbling retreat. It has allowed me to dream more freely and laugh a lot more. I wish for longer days instead of shorter ones, and lately I can pray for my children with more faith than worry. So the precipitation of learning to love your life, no matter how it may look to other people, is incredibly nourishing. Start today.

   I certainly hope for a future where I can impart this feeling and so much more to my girls. Maybe the lullaby sank into their hearts years ago and they’ll realize it along with me.

The Ladder of Life is an Illusion, Be Happy. 
xoxoxoxo


Linking up to Mama Kat, in answer to her question: What do you love most about your job?

   The cookie contest is complete. The taste test is totaled. The fancy fun has come to fruition.

   Okay.

   It started last week when my Grandpa, parents, and little brother came to the farm for dinner and dessert. You may remember that the six of us split our votes evenly between the three recipes that night. Science required that the experiment continue.

   So it did continue this Tuesday night when we had dinner with Handsome’s parents. His Mom was wonderfully studious about her evaluation, and I love her for that! She weighed every nibble even before we had dinner and wrote about each recipe. Thanks Judy!

   But we still had dough in the freezer, and we still needed more votes.

   So finally the taste test concluded today when I sent the remaining five samples to the Commish. Do you know how awesome those people are? They divided the five sets of cookies into about a dozen smaller sets and sent Handsome home with that many votes and remarks. You guys, thank you so much for participating! I especially liked how the ladies up front all shared one comment card and things got a little argumentative in ink. LOL

The Contenders:
   I decided on the three most distinctive recipes at my disposal, though many were offered. Let’s just say that when chocolate chips and butter go on sale at the grocery store, I have some more experiments to conduct… Thank you to Rosalie and Amber in particular! xoxo

   The recipes, in order of appearance in the taste test, belong to…

1. Edie at lifeingrace blog
2. Tanya at: Sunday Baker
3. and little ole me. 

Prep Notes:

Recipe #1:
   The dough for Edie’s cookie feels like shortbread as you mix it, which means that my youngest daughter, my little sister Guinevere, and my good friend M will all love it. It’s almost sandy, in a wonderfully delicate way. It also holds its shape really well, not expanding at all in the oven. I made the imprints with my first two knuckles, per some comments I read below Edie’s blog entry. I think they turned out super pretty. These would be perfect for a ladies’ tea party or pretty little reception of some kind.

   I first tried this recipe because Edie and her friends seem to be making waves with it, flying high its banner of long shelf life and reliability. I am ON BOARD. This is a great cookie, and I bet it would be amazing with just halved pecans, like a pecan sandie. It’s that cookie. Yum.

Recipe #2:
   This delish concoction from Tanya over at Sunday Baker makes a hekuva lotta cookies, you guys! I mean, my biggest mixing bowls were barely big enough to contain the dough! And she calls for a whopping 4 1/2 cups of mix-ins. FOUR AND A HALF CUPS! Wowsa. That’s more than I have ever used for one batch, but it is exactly what was needed for this massive but moist dough. There was probably twice as much of this particular dough than the others, so if you’re looking for a HUGE turn out and a versatile cookie, this is your pick.
   This cookie dough has an unusual secret ingredient, too… which I think makes a really wonderful difference in the finished product. You should visit her site to see the recipe for yourself, but I’ll whisper this much: instant vanilla pudding mix. So good.

Recipe #3: 
   My recipe… I have made this so many times I can do it in my sleep. You can too. It is basic and easily memorized, and it comes together in just a few minutes. My girls have made this about a thousand times, too, and so far it reigns as fave with Handsome. We almost always have a batch of this dough waiting in the freezer.

Tasters’ Comments:
Recipe #1:
“Perfect!”
“Could open a bakery with these.”
“Loved the dough, tasted like Braum’s cookie dough ice cream.”
“Thought it tasted a little too floury”
“I like the light taste of the dough.”
“Too flourish but tasty- maybe not so thick next time”
“I LIKE thick and buttery”
“Floury, not a sweet cookie”
“Texture of a butter-cookie, good dipping cookie.”
“Wouldn’t be a favorite”
“More like sugar/ shortbread cookies with chocolate chips.”
“Looks funny”
“Yummy!”
“Very good!”
“Crispiest”
“Good flavor, very sugar cookie-ish, a little on the flaky side, perfect amount of chocolate chips-to-dough ratio.”


Recipe #2:
“Could use a little more coconut”
“Very chewy and different, I like”
“Great chewy base, good nutty flavor.”
“Chewy, tasty- my favorite”
“Don’t groove the coconut texture, Love the chocolate/pecan mixture, just the right amount of chewy.”
“Really good, it had a really sweet taste to it.”
“Very good”
“Her favorite- very sweet and salty, she likes salt.”
“Brown sugar? Coconut? Good cookie”
“Very good- love nuts and coconut”
“I love the crunchy dough, real different taste, love the extra…”
“A lot like traditional chocolate chip cookie except not quite chewy.”
“Looks chunky”
“…there are many who aren’t fond of coconut and nuts, but I loved the actual dough flavor the best in that cookie.”


Recipe #3:
“Very chocolaty chocolate chips.”
“Great chewy texture, great flavor”
“Almost not cooked in the middle enough, good though”
“Good texture!”
“Good texture, not much flavor”
“Too soft and sweet”
“My favorite!”
“Nice and soft”
“My favorite- very chocolaty.”
“Too much chocolate, couldn’t taste anything else.”
“Tasted more of a sugar cookie texture, definitely softer”
“Moist, creamy”
“Reminds me of eating brownies.”
“Good dough flavor. A little underdone and a little high in the chocolate-to-dough ratio.”
“Tasty- more traditional chocolate chip cookie. Yummy”
“Very tasty”


Voting Results…
(Drum-roll…)

   So there we have it! A tasteless, laborious week devoid of pleasure… Sigh… All in the name of culinary science.

   As you can see from reading the remarks offered up by all of my fabulous taste-testers, cookie preferences vary greatly from person to person, and we pleasure seekers can take it pretty seriously when called upon. Some people loved the coconut; others might have chosen that recipe had it not contained coconut. Some people love chewy; others not so much. Some people like more chocolate saturation than others.

   At least now you can get a glimpse of what each one has to offer and maybe try one of these recipes for yourself. In fact, if you do, please drop me a note! And if you visit the other bloggers, tell em who sent ya.

Chocolate is Good For You.
It’s a Fact.
See You at the Gym!
xoxoxoxo

   Apart from the big stuff, the unanswered problems and heartaches in life that underscore joy and around which we work constantly, there are some common things that drive me absolutely crazy. Out of my mind. Way past calm and pleasant. Dangerously close to a real emotional deficit. Do we have any of these button pushers in common? Let’s see…

• Having dirty floors.
• That tangle in the back and bottom of my hair after wearing a ponytail or messy bun outside or in bed too long.
• Running out of exactly two crucial things between big trips to the store.
• Lacking the willpower or creativity to work around those needs and spending an hour in the car to go buy those two crucial things.
• Having seventeen and a half blog posts written but zero polished and ready to share.
• Going through the motions with the animals and forgetting to slow down and enjoy them.
• Returning books to the library late despite my eight million warnings and reminders to myself.
• Looking through dirty windows.
• Opening a bottle of dried spices and shaking them into a pot then realizing it’s supposed to be a flip top canister, not a screw top, and suddenly I have six Tablespoons of oregano and basil in the spaghetti sauce instead of a couple of teaspoons.
• Composing a note to someone in my head while my hands are busy then when I see them realizing I never actually sent it.
• Forgetting a load of clean laundry in the dryer so long it gets wrinkly.
• Having a dirty car.
• Constantly misspelling the word “from.” 
• Forgetting romaine or any other type of lettuce in the crisper drawer. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?
• Forgetting to wear deodorant on only one side.