Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Dunbar Thoughts

Just a few chapters deep into Abundance and I am smitten. This is exactly the gritty yet conversational sort of education I have craved, specifically on the topic of outlook and positivism. This book, so far, is framing global well being and how we as individuals could approach big topics humanity faces, by breaking down not just sociopath-political and economic issues but also biological design. The how are we wired to operate kinds of questions that always grip me.

Ok. A full review and hopefully some deep discussion after I actually read the entire book, haha. Tonight I want to touch on one skinny little mention of a really interesting detail, from page 36 if you happen to have a copy. It’s the Dunbar Number, and it’s all about relationships.

After years of work and study, a researcher from Oxford University named Robin Dunbar landed on the anthropological fact that humans have evolved to nurture and maintain about 150 interpersonal relationships. One hundred and fifty. How does this number strike you? Because it has been swimming in my head all day (I really this around 5:00 this morning) and the number has felt both enormous and minuscule depending on what context I choose.

Relationships, though, not just contacts or followers or demographic-sharers. It’s also about more than just neighbors and classmates, though of course all of these people could provide life connection. But true, one-on-one, genuine relationships are, apparently, meant to be limited.

Can I effectively maintain that many though? Can you? Jessica and I explored this topic all afternoon, and Handsome and I did early this morning before he left for he Commish. (Two solid relationships, by the way, which I appreciate deeply and which will forever be worth cultivating.) They each had insight that I hadn’t even considered.

I find it fascinating to reflect on the variety of depth and quality that so many human relationships could display. Each one offers and demands such different gifts and efforts. And in those moments when 150 sounds high, I wonder if it’s because I am allowing my energy to leak out to lesser priorities in less meaningful ways.

Ok. I have dinner to cook and a few more chapters to read. Our windows are open, Klaus is snoring contentedly, and I am buzzing with gratitude for so many bouquets of late season flowers scattered around the house. Thanks for checking in!! Please share your thoughts below and I will respond. I hope to hear lots of perspectives on the Dunbar Number.

“The future is better than you think.”

-Peter Diamandis & Steven Kotler

XOXOXOXO

threshold magic

Seasonal thresholds always excite me. The shift in energy and the changing scenery, both in nature and in life, are powerful stimulants.  This recent slice of days, this threshold between summer and fall, has been brackish and wonderful. A stained glass window of work and gardens, of romance and books and socializing. I am smitten all over again, and autumn hasn’t taken hold yet.

On the very last day of meteorological summer we woke up early and decided with measured reluctance to close the pool. The chlorinated water had finally turned cold and cloudy. We gave thanks for a truly gorgeous, extra long summer then stretched the giant, crunching plastic blanket across and around the metal pool frame. We threaded the steel cord through the grommets, tightened it, and sighed audibly. The task itself was pretty easy, but saying goodbye to swimming season was less so.

Later that day we joined friends and strangers at Savory Spice Shop in OKC for their annual pie baking contest, definitely a seasonal treat and tradition worth keeping. The wonderful assault of fragrances aimed my heart straight at the best of autumn. Cinnamon! Nutmeg! Apples! Perfect, flaky crusts of every variety! Pecans!  My amazing friend Kellie won with her perfect entry of Bonaffee Pie, banana and caramel confection. Heaven in a pie plate.

 This past weekend, Handsome and I attended a storytelling event called “Ricochet,” in Oklahoma City. It was hosted by our friends Shanna and Ryan McKinley. I shared with a room full of strangers a pretty ridiculous true story of my own and thoroughly enjoyed hearing all the other stories. So fun! The recording will be on Ryan’s podcast and I’ll share it when it’s live!

We also hosted another community painting event in the midst of some intermittent sun showers. The afternoon was pastel and mild and had a suspenseful, magical quality. We enjoyed a more intimate group than last time and a smaller meal, too. The sun sank just as we were cleaning up, casting golden light on the easels as if that night was the first time a true Golden Hour had ever happened. Things felt weirdly perfect for those transitional days.

Things here are neither crisp nor cool, not yet, but at least we are no longer battling heat advisories. This kind of humidity is manageable when not in triple digits, ha. And around midnight tonight a much anticipated cool front just might blow across our beautiful state. Already the normally deafening frog song has quieted. Where did they go?

Fresh mums and pansies are sneaking into my flower beds, making friends with summertime’s zinnias, basil, and cannas. Tomatoes are still producing, and newly planted seeds have sprouted into tiny kales and rainbow chard plants. I haven’t bought any decorative pumpkins yet, but I have scooped up a few small green watermelons from the garden, just to display, knowing they don’t have enough time to ripen before our first frost. They kind of look like little gourds. Threshold gardening, friends.  It’s a thing.

Change is happening. Slowly and more slowly still, then all at once. We just have to breathe deeply and notice it all. Every day.

“See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.”
– Isaiah 43:19

Thanks to my local running friend Joe for sharing the above scripture at a most perfect moment for me. Autumn is its own elegant, wondrous time of renewal. Different than springtime. Mysterious and powerful. It’s good to be excited about it.

friday 5 at the farm, mid september

Another week of September has churned through us, and we are better for it all. How about a Friday 5 at the Farm post, before moving on? 001 Third Annual Talent Show:  Last Saturday evening our friends and family descended on the farm for the Third Annual Lazy W Talent Show. This event is a favorite of ours and just keeps getting better. This year the theme was “80s.” Everyone came dressed up (my sister called it being in full regalia and she was not wrong) and most of the crowd was also prepared with skits, musical acts, poetry, and even visual artwork. Our people make everything magical. And my husband went above and beyond to surprise me with a Kraft-paper “Berlin wall” which we tore down upon hearing the famous sound byte of President Reagan demanding that Mr. Gorbachev do so. He also (my husband, not Reagan) obliged my wish for a hand-holding group sing-along of We Are the World. Those details, plus Beastie Boys and Cyndi Lauper, paintings galore, and lots of 80s trivia, helped us make a thousand happy memories. 002 Eggs & Honey Galore: Hens in both coops are now laying eggs consistently. They are gifting us upwards of fourteen eggs per day! The smaller coop in the south yard boasts one large green egg plus one other deep brown egg and two miniature white eggs per day. The minis come from one extra diminutive Bantam hen and our very fancy white Polish hen named Zsa-Zsa. You may be interested to know that when you crack these tiny eggs alongside a standard egg, more often than not the yolks are similarly sized; it’s just that the smaller eggs have less of the liquid white. A quick and gentle beehive check on Thursday yielded a few cups of gorgeous honeycomb and some dark, rich honey, just a spontaneous theft. After completing my tasks, I stood there staring at the bees, mesmerized again. Thrilled that they are healthy and that both hives are literally flowing with more honey. I have a long list of repairs to do for Princess Grace before cold weather arrives, but it will be fun. Overflowing joy. What a gift and a miracle. 003 Surprises Daily & Learning to Anticipate the Best Ones: I had to start keeping a list of all the surprising joys popping up lately. It was uncanny at first; then I realized that much of it had been prayer requests. So are they surprises? Or really, should I have actually planned on these pleasures and reliefs? Big picture, God is telling me to trust Him even more deeply and to anticipate the best of everything. My requests are big, you guys, and I am excited. 004 Gardens & Animals Feeling the Gentlest Shift: With summer temperatures just beginning to relent, but with humidity hanging on for dear life, the gardens are voluptuous and overwhelming. Tomato vines are still producing. Basil and marigold plants are fluffy and demanding again. Zinnias and watermelons seem determined to pretend that summer is forever. The bachelors are so content in the mildness, they amble up for cuddles all day and never seem bothered by anything. Somehow the horseflies are easily controlled this year. I am okay with all of this. By next week, I will be filling bare spots here and there with pansies and seeds for leafy greens. Jessica has asked for help starting her fall garden, too, so that is its own particular joy. 005 Moon Cycles in Sync: Did you soak up the Full Harvest Moon? Do you have any little rituals or journaling activities that help you capitalize on the energy shift? If you care to chat about how female moon cycles intersect with actual (astrological) moon cycles, send me a message! I am learning a lot and feel like certain small practices would help most women. Okay, happy weekend!! Tomorrow we have a Batman outreach opportunity at the Boys and Girls Club of OKC, then a car show with friends, and on Sunday the annual pie baking contest, hosted by Savory Spice Shop in OKC. Hopefully we will also carve out some time with the Sweet Sperrys, for our own version of church. This should be a fun and restful few days for us. I wish the same and much more for you. Thank you for checking in! “Thread the Needle.” ~unknown XOXOXO

september new moon beginnings & a very special birthday wish

Last Sunday was exceptional in several ways, and since it was both the first day of September and the front edge of the new moon cycle, the time when we plant seeds and intentions for growth in the coming weeks, I am accepting the specialness of that one day as a gift meant to extend into the near future.

Early that morning I enjoyed an hour or so alone, reading devotionals and journaling my pre-dawn thoughts, teasing our scriptures that spoke to me.

Then I drove to a nearby park to run with some local friends, an indulgence I rarely allow myself. It was fun and sweaty and overall good for my soul. These runners are all chasing big goals, which motivates me; and they are each fascinating people, full spectrum humans who are just plain fun to talk to. If you are a runner, then you have probably experienced that strange and wonderful phenomenon of striking up deep and sudden personal conversation with the person moving in the same plane, just adjacent to your elbow. I am sure there is plenty of science and psychology to support this; all I know is that this unique shared space, the talking we do while running, is some of life’s best conversation.

Around mile 4 or 5, the group encountered a mammoth cottonwood tree, fallen from recent storms. Its trunk was maybe three feet in diameter and lying across the path. We all slowed to navigate the roadblock safely; then my new friend Lori nearly tripped on an unrelated twig. We laughed and immediately saw the connection to real life: That we can avoid the big stuff easily enough but get tripped up on the details. It was funny for a moment then the profound truth of it really stilled me.

While I was with friends, Handsome made some exciting progress on the Batmobile. If I haven’t told you yet, he is transforming a 1964 Ford Thunderbird into a real and true Batmobile for use in our Outreach events. This project deserves lots of its own posts and photos, which I will tend to soon. But for now, just know that seeing him enjoying this work is so gratifying, so heartwarming.

Midday, Handsome and I ran a few errands together and decided to swap a planned zoo date for a spontaneous bonfire gathering at the farm. We sent out a handful of invitations and gathered a few things to eat. Then we luxuriated in the cool dark of our living room until dusk, when friends started filtering in.

Two couples from different social circles plus two young adult couples (very sweet kids of our new friends Francis and Latonya) helped us fill the deck. We all nibbled on plates of food and chatted easily about everything. We learned a lot about each other, and I was amazed by the accidental chemistry of the tiny group. Don’t you love it when that happens? We meandered onto topics like religion versus spirituality and energy healing and barefoot grounding, and (my favorite topic that night) the power of music to evoke emotion and inspire us, especially during worship. The six of us adults were all from varying backgrounds. This never ceases to amaze me, how unique our upbringings can be, even as we all seem to live in this homogenous American culture. And we danced! Lynn is a professional dancer and studio owner and an excellent conversationalist, and I love her. She so generously taught me two simple foundational steps, and we practiced barefoot on the wooden deck. Later, I asked Handsome to dance with me to What a Wonderful World, and one by one each of our friends took someone’s hand. Soon everyone, of all ages, was swaying and humming under the lights. Moments like this sear into my heart’s memory in the best way.

So if all of that beauty from last Sunday could be packaged and promoted, laid as a wrapped gift at the doorstep of each new day this month, then September should be quite beautiful. We can expect movement and connection. Dancing and fireside safety of communal spirits. We can look forward to teenagers and young adults and married couples surrounding and warming our own love nest. Running with the rising sun and unexpected lessons from fallen trees, good meals and great music and attention to detail, these gifts will infuse our threshold month with beauty. Crossing over from summertime to autumn will be graceful and intentional, and for all of this I am already so grateful.

Speaking of young adults, Jocelyn will be 24 tomorrow. Every time I to speak her name or write about her, it hurts more than I expect it to. She is ok, I believe, but I miss her so much, we all do. This is not the first birthday of hers when we have been separated but this time it feels different. It feels riddled with misunderstanding, and that make the grief of apartness more difficult. They say that grief is love not yet fully expressed, and this is so true with my girls. Ever big and little things I crave to do for them or say to them, it binds up in my throat or in my belly and ferments a little. Enough has happened over the years that in grand ways I do trust that God will move in His time and even restore what the locusts have eaten away. That is an assurance that never trembles.  But the aching to connect, that intense craving to share in her beautiful life and to have her share in ours, it is strong.

Happiest of birthdays, my magical girl. Thank you, friends, for sharing your love and energy with us last Sunday. The healing energy from those gatherings will carry us through, I already feel it. Happy September!

XOXOXOXO

happy 44th to Handsome!!!

On Wednesday, the weather was cool and mild, nothing like we normally have in August in Oklahoma. Jess was at the farm recovering from the surgical eviction of her ill-fitting wisdom teeth, and Handsome was home from the Commish, cheerfully juggling all sorts of farm projects and repairs. But you know what else Wednesday was? August 28th. My sweet, strong, amazing husband’s birthday.

On that date in 1975, his Mom, natural red hair flowing almost down to her waist, gave birth to the boy that she and Harvey craved beyond cravings. They started a new chapter in the story of their blended family, quite against the odds then, and I will forever be grateful for their choices.

Because of their son, everything is better. He works hard and loves hard and kindles passionate fires with anyone who crosses his path. He cultivates progress and efficiency. He chooses joy and celebrates the big and the small victories in life. He is also the most supportive, most protective, most affectionate husband and father you can imagine. After all these years together, he often shocks me with his depth of love and compassion and ability to reflect.

Plus life with him is just plain fun.

salt life & romance xoxo

If you know Handsome in real life, then you know he loves beaches and summertime, motionless pool days and crazy parties. You know that Halloween is his favorite holiday, but with a little encouragement he will throw himself into every other (lesser) holiday. He favors movies that make him laugh, and he saves long road trips for country music that helps him cry. He loves steak dinners and 911 hot wings and one very specific flavor of ice cream from Baskin Robbins. (Don’t bother trying to convince him of reasonable substitutes. On this point, he is quite stubborn.)

He will eat spinach salads and roasted broccoli, sometimes zucchini and Eggplant Parmesan, but don’t press him into a salad bar, okay, unless you can time travel back to before Steak and Ale went out of business. Despite his apathy for most vegetables, though, he will go to great lengths to build structures for my vegetable gardens. And he will do anything I ask or hint at to protect all our growing efforts here.

If you don’t know yet, I will tell you that his heart has been broken repeatedly. It’s because he does love so deeply. And losing people or severing relationships has injured him in awful ways. Still, he resists bitterness. He fights it actively and pours his love into new people over and over again.

Spend a little time with this man and you will sense his fascination with other cultures and belief systems. This is one of the qualities that first captured my heart years and years ago, and he continues to woo me with his open mind and natural hospitality.

Every job he does, professional, domestic, and otherwise, becomes a proving ground. Every project he tackles ends with more than outward success; he transforms the process and re-charts the path forward. It can be frustrating. Maddening. Infuriating. And always inspiring.

True to his childhood form, he treasures toys and collections, never leaving things in their boxes. He displays them. Plays with them. He watches cartoons while staying up to date on current events (he is often part of the current events). He loves dressing up in costume, and lately he has especially loved doing this for kids. His heart for children who are hurting would make his Mom and his Grandma so proud.

an old photo but one of my favorites

On our cool, quiet Wednesday, once Jess and I were home from the dentist, we ate homemade chicken and dumplings first (thin chicken soup for the oral surgery patient) then a buttery slab of shortbread apple tart (ice cream for Jess). We watched movies and had pedicures in the living room, the three of us plus Klaus, and silently missed Jocelyn but immersed ourselves in the many joys of the moment.

On Thursday, the weather grew steamy again and we ventured outside here and there. Jess was recovering beautifully, falling asleep in weird places at the drop of a hat, often mid-sentence haha! The birthday boy worked too hard but seemed happy with his progress on our deck. Eventually Alex joined us for a surprise, casual dinner, and we all simmered in love. Jess left the farm happy and healthy. Klaus pouted. I gave my husband a hard-earned massage.

There is so much more to say for his birthday, so much unending love to give and appreciation that needs to be expressed. Brandy is the backbone of our home, of his office, in many ways of our community. Nothing would be as good and safe and beautiful without him. He is my past, my present, and my future, and today more than ever I am acutely grateful for Harvey and Judy choosing to have their baby together. I am floored by how much love and teaching has built their boy into this man.

Happiest of birthdays, babe!! It is raining a monsoon as I type this, and I don’t know exactly how the rest of your week off will look, but as always we will make the very most of what gifts we are offered. Cheers to the next year of life!

XOXOXOXOXO