Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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how not to fight with your loving husband if you are tapering during PMS

Or, this could be titled, “how not to fight with your loving husband if you are experiencing PMS during your taper week.” However you look at it. Is a zebra back with white stripes, or white with black stripes?

Either way, for the second year in a row, I am tapering for the marathon during the exact days my body is, shall we say, waning toward its new moon? Yes, let’s say it like that. I am about to be depleted in every conceivable way (no pun intended) (not that we’re conceiving), and if I’m not careful things could get dicey on the home front. Normally during these few days I’m not a total nightmare, but I do cry easily at Geico commercials, and here is the general sum of my personality: I am highly suspect of all politeness, assuming it must be a fearful if silent comment on what a bad mood I’m in.

Seriously, if Handsome and I ever engage in marital battle, it is almost exclusively during those few days of PMS, and it is almost always because I was so fed up with him being so careful with my feelings.

side-eye-chloe-meme-generator-could-you-freaking-not-be-so-nice-712d5f

LOL. His wife is such a peach.

So, throw some bouncy legs and an anxious mind into the mix, and we have ourselves an interesting situation. Here’s my 5-step plan to keep the peace:

  1. Eat Healthfully. No last minute extreme dieting, but also no emotional binge eating to soothe my nerves. I’m gonna eat right, stay hydrated, and continue taking iron, vitamins, and if necessary, Midol. (“Do you mean the bitchy pills, Ray?”)
  2. Gentle Exercise. Since my running (the obvious stress buster) has to be slashed down to a bare minimum, I’ll spend the next ten days walking plenty, and I’ll do it outdoors for the best mood lifting results. I’ll also spend time with my favorite yoga videos.
  3. So much reading. I am up to my splintless (thank-you-baby-jesus) shins in really good books right now, and with all this spare time on my hands (what with the not running) I plan to zen out with great food for thought. One is Sydney Portier’s spiritual memoir. Another is a new release piece of fiction by Dean Koontz (haven’t read him since probably my twenties, got a sudden craving for his language). And then there’s our book club’s current selection, which is another memoir: this one is by a female photojournalist who spent most of her career in war-torn countries. Hhmm. Okay, so maybe I’ll save that last one for after the race. Book club is exactly one week following, anyway. Plenty of time later.
  4. Reality Check. I will remind myself as often as needed that this whole situation is completely voluntary and that it was me, not him, who volunteered for it. Moreover, that along the way he has been incredibly supportive of me and brags about me constantly for no reason, so I really have no right to make him pay an even higher price for my pent up adrenaline by fighting with him. No matter how many weird little moments of rub we may experience, I am resolved to not over-thinking a single word or facial expression.

    Among other sweet gestures, he makes sure my shoes are the bomb.
    Among other sweet gestures, he makes sure my shoes are the bomb.
  5. Fingers Crossed and Dark Chocolate in the Pantry Just in Case. Because you can’t be too careful.

 

I hope this is useful to at least one other woman out there who has such similar good fortune as me to taper during PMS. It is so awesome and I really hope this happens every time I run a marathon!! Can you hear me gritting my teeth as I say that?

Now share with us your own wisdom. Have you ever tapered at an already difficult time? How did you cope? Are you local and will you come rescue my sweet, wonderful husband?

The struggle.
It’s real.
XOXOXO

Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition. Part Three

   Oh I am so glad you keep visiting! Okay, it is a bit late (par for the course with me) but I have great excuses, as always. : ) The days are all full and busy around here. Today for your consideration… the third and final installment of Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition. If you haven’t already done so, please read part one right here and part two right here.

   What remains are tidbits not particularly related to each other. Remember, we did no consult with each other as we wrote this advice. And I guarantee we would each have come up with more. But we stuck with twelve pearls of wisdom each for twelve years of marriage together.

   Okay! Onward.

   He Said: Work hard to have a beautiful home together. Let her express herself in every corner. Her happiness in the home will reflect her happiness in life. Even with the most modest budget, you can make beauty together.

   She Said: Try to pray together. Identify then nourish some common spiritual ground. Over twelve years, Handsome and I have fluctuated in lots of ways with regard to church and outward expressions of faith, and I imagine that will continue throughout different seasons of life; but having a basic spiritual foundation in our marriage has been a wonderful comfort at times of crisis. It provides a sense of safety and shelter that cannot come from anywhere else. I’m not telling you what to believe, just suggesting that you add this to your recipe for magic. Defining and steeling your own spiritual foundation is part of your own adventure.

   He Said:  When you fight, make up fast. Make it worth it when you do make up. Try to turn off your most awesome battling skills, even if you are pretty good with a bow staff.


   She Said: Do everything you can to make sure he knows you are proud of him. This is really easy for me, because he makes me proud daily. In every part of life.

   He Said:  Never forget to tell her just how beautiful she is to you. Trust me… everyone else is telling her… Keep your place in her heart.

   She Said: Develop your own shared history long-term and enjoy having daily rituals together, too. From big holiday celebrations to early morning habits and road trip traditions, Handsome and I have a million ways we know each other and remember each other. It feels so good.

   He Said:  Pick a girl that makes you swoon every time you see her and makes you want to listen every time you hear her.

   She Said:  For all the talking we do about togetherness and such, which is wonderful and important, I also want to suggest that you maintain a little breathing room. Not privacy exactly; just room in your calendars and energy stores to cultivate your own selves. A good friend once gave me this advice, and at first I balked at it. But now, about five years later, I see the value of her words. Speaking for myself, I know that I am most upset with others (especially my poor husband) when I am upset with myself. So starting with a full tank, so to speak, makes a lot of sense. And respecting his individuality and breathing room is healthy. I almost think you should try this especially where it’s difficult; it probably matters most in those areas.

   He Said:  Love her like your life depends on it. Because it does!

   She Said:  Part of the reason this blog entry is late is that we’ve had a rough few days. As I mentioned, life is full around here. Life is also stressful, in almost every arena. Our nerves, emotions, and tolerances grow thin at times like this, and sometimes they get the better of us. My final piece of marital advice? Manage them. Protect and honor your relationship rather than testing or doubting it. Life is cruel enough without exposing your marriage to poison. Above all, if you are prone to it, mange your jealousy. That’s all I’m gonna say on that today.

   Thanks again for joining us on this little twelve-year advice fiesta! We’ve had an eventful and overall very happy month celebrating. We feel very blessed in our life and wise about marriage only because we have learned from so many mistakes.

   Do you have any marital advice you’d like to share? How long have you been married? I’d love to know you better.

Never knew I could feel Like this
Like I’ve never seen the sky before…
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more…
Come What May
I Will Love You
Until My Dying Day
xoxoxoxo

Announcing Unsolicited Advice, Marital Edition

   You loooooovve receiving unsolicited advice, right? Especially about really important parts of life, like marriage? You love it when virtual strangers tell you what you’re doing wrong and how you can do it better, just like them, right? You basically do cartwheels when this happens? Thought so. And do I have a treat for you.

   Handsome and I are on the brink of celebrating our twelfth (FYI Margi I spelled that right the first time) wedding anniversary. And along the vein of how I celebrated my 39th birthday a few months ago, when I so generously burdened you fine souls with thirty-nine pieces of unsolicited life advice… In case you missed it, you can read Part One,  Part Two, and Part Three here… This week Handsome and I will be giving you twelve pieces of Unsolicited Marital Advice. Each. So that’s twenty-four nuggets of wisdom you didn’t even know you needed. For free.

   I know. It’s generous of us. Just hold your applause until the end, ok?

   The advice is forthcoming. In the mean time, I would just like to say in an official capacity that I desperately wish summertime would slow down. Like, seriously.

  • I want more months in the garden, just like this. 
  • I want more afternoons in the pool. 
  • I want more sunsets at nine p.m. 
  • More time with friends. 
  • More books read slowly in the hammock. 
  • More romance. 
  • More freedom. 
  • More road trips and frivolous adventures.
  • More basil. 
  • Sunburns. 
  • Blockbuster movies.
  • More of letting my hair dry naturally and then definitely not hot-rolling it. 
  • More of that smell of Handsome working on his cars in the sun. 
  • More sweaty horses. 
   I am madly in love with Summer 2013 for a million reasons. 

   Okay, fine friends. I hope you have a luscious day set up for yourselves, with a stellar weekend to follow. I hope your heartaches are manageable, your fears easily surrendered to Love. I hope you have all the energy and motivation you need to chase your dreams. Not tomorrow. Today.

   Stay tuned for Unsolicited Marital Advice!

“Be in love with your life.
 Every minute of it.”
 ~Jack Kerouac
 xoxoxoxo

Grateful for my Tuesday

   Because of the time change this past weekend, Hot Tub Summit now begins while the sky is still blacker than black. Even the birds are sill silent at this new hour. Today Handsome and I crept outside with two mugs of perfect coffee and let the scalding hot, bromine scented water deliver us gently from Monday to Tuesday. We watched the brilliant stars fade into a denim blue morning sky. And we spoke softly about our plans for the day. I felt my ribs ache pleasantly because my heart is so full right now. I think he mistook my quietness for something else.

   Life is really good right now, friends. We are not without stress or hurt, for sure, and plenty of important questions remain unanswered. But we also are not without pleasure, hope, friends and family who love us, or purpose. Every day is packed with opportunity and energy.

   Today, while my dutiful and talented guy is toiling passionately beneath florescent lights, balancing industry needs with consumer demands, making difficult and delicate management decisions, and bearing the brunt of ugly and irrational political agendas, I will be holding down this happy fort. Today I get to play in the dirt, soak up the sun, and embrace our silly animals. I get to clean our castle, play chef in the kitchen, and go for a long run. The blessings of my unique lifestyle are not lost on me. And I hope my husband knows how much I appreciate all of this.

For at least a couple of hours today, I get to finish work 
on the new herb bed right outside my kitchen window.
The Lazy W will soon be overrun with perennial herbs, annuals, 
medicinal flowers, and everything else under the Oklahoma sun.
Our honeybees already seem to know what pollen-ish feast
is being planned for this curvy boxwood corner.

   I have lots of birthday weekend stories to share with you wonderful people, as well as one final installment of Unsolicited Advice. But this swell of gratitude could not wait. I wish everyone had someone to care for them as much as he cares for me.

   If you’re a Commish friend and you see this today, please be extra good to Handsome for me. Know that he is even better than you already believe he is.

I Love You Sir.
xoxoxoxo

Proverbs 31: What Exactly are We Reading?

   Depending on your personal beliefs and personal tolerances, knowing the nature of what you’re reading might be just as important than the content of what you’re reading.  Or at least, it might be a prerequisite for accepting the words, the message.  

   I know I can read Grimm’s Fairy Tales for entertainment plus a little bit of old fashioned wisdom without worrying about muddying the waters of my core values.  Same goes for Bruce Lee’s Zen and the Martial Arts:  I can read his ideas as his ideas, comparing and measuring them up to what I know to be true for myself.
   Where I have to be careful is reading religious interpretation of text that is already close to my heart.  Human interpretation can be flawed, and that can be misleading.  For example, I was very cautious while reading The Shack.  Ironic, eh?  That I am attempting to share my (admittedly human) study of a book of the Bible?  Just take this as a big chunky grain of salt.  I wish only truth and stability for everybody.
   The reason I’m even thinking of all of this is that the Schofield Bible I use has that heading at the beginning of Proverbs which prepares the reader for a collection of wisdom, not a list of laws or a chronological story.  It got me wondering what are the literal similarities and differences between parables, laws, promises, folklore, warnings, etc.  Lovers of words can always appreciate the fine points, the subtle but crucial nuances of language.  What I learned isn’t groundbreaking,  but it does help me put in perspective the content of Proverbs 31.

********************
Adage:  a saying often in metaphorical form that embodies a common observation


Fable:  a fictitious narrative or statement intended to enforce a useful truth; especially one in which animals speak and act like human beings

Folklore:  traditional customs, tales, sayings, dances or art forms preserved among a people

Law:  a binding practice or custom of a community:  a rule of conduct or action prescribed or formally recognized as binding or enforced by a controlling authority

Parable:  a usually short, fictitious story that illustrates a moral attitude or a religious principle
Promise:  a legally binding declaration that gives the person to whom it is made the right to expect or to claim the performance or forbearance of a specified act

Proverb:  a brief popular epigram or maxim  (an epigram is a terse, sage, or witty, and often paradoxical saying)

Warning:  a notice or bulletin that alerts the public to an imminent hazard
Wisdom:  accumulated philosophic or scientific learning; ability to discern inner qualities or relationships

   ********************
   The Bible is filled with all of these examples and more, except perhaps the fable.  I cannot think of any fables, only God speaking through animals, which is quite different.  But until now I had always thought that Proverbs 31 was a resume of the perfect woman.  It never occurred to me that it was anything other than a strict list of requirements.  The possibility of symbolism certainly never surfaced.
 
   To read the last book of Proverbs once more, this time less as either an historical account or a list of mandates for either a woman or the church, and more as an urging toward spiritual and earthly profit, my thoughts blossomed.
   I feel more inspired and less defeated, seeing all of my womanly deficiencies.  I see the potential benefits and possibilities of following the sage advice in these thirty one verses and am a little less encumbered by the rigidity of law, etc.

   What do you think?  Do you agree a little bit?  Do you vehemently disagree?  Is it too risky to consider that anything in the Bible is anything other than strict instructions?  Are you inspired in any new way after reading Proverbs 31 as a joyful suggestion, an invitation toward something more beautiful?  Or had you always read it that way?

   Forgive me if I am a bit long winded tonight; I participated in a limited-word exercise earlier today and am experiencing a crazy bottleneck of words at rush hour in my brain.  Whew!