Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Archives for May 2019

friday 5: favorites this week & random photos

001 Fave Music: Lately I have been happily immersed in a deep, cleansing catalog of Halsey’s voice and all that watery, rhythmic music she offers. Her stuff is all at once abrasive and soothing of the injury she inflicts, ha. Halsey reminds me of Jocelyn for this quality and also because it was on a trip to Colorado that my beautiful firstborn first introduced me to this artist. Really talented, really beautiful, achingly sweet and angry. Enigmatic in the best feminine ways. It has been perfect music for these rainy days lately when I am indoors cleaning, cooking, and ironing. Have you heard her version of Walk the Line? Love it.

002 Fave Eats & Drinks: Refrigerator-pickled garden vegetables, Tex-Mex style. Especially if they can be eaten with a generous helping of my friend Kellie’s homemade guacamole. Oh man, so good. I am also loving deluxe mixed nuts and shredded balsamic chicken thighs (not breasts), in other words FATS as per my monthly cravings, ha. And plain iced tea is my favorite drink right now. Last weekend, at two consecutive events, we were served really strong, deliciously fresh iced tea, which I hadn’t had in months, so this week I have kept a gallon of it brewed in the fridge. Unsweetened, it has been a nice switch from diet soda.

003 Fave Fitness: Strength!! After a few months of slowly incorporating more “strength” days and gradually edging out miles here and there, I am really loving a very different routine. How different? Well, a of today, I have only logged 18 miles all week, which is how much I would normally get by Tuesday, easy. Yet I feel leaner and more energetic, crazy! My daily/weekly workouts are now pretty centered on weighted circuits, with cardio and running interspersed as I have time or the craving. This is a huge learning curve for me, and kind of an addiction-breaker, but for now I love it. This routine saves time, because I have a gym here in the barn, eliminating the need to drive to a trail or paved park sidewalk six days per week. I am liking the slow (and sustainable) body composition changes, too. Runner up for fave fitness: Lots of marathon inspiration from friends. I plan on starting a new training cycle in late July, for a fall race. I am VERY excited to see how these weeks of strength and fat loss help with that! In the mean time, I am still watching my friends crush goals left and right. Lots of inspiration, not a drop of envy. That feels great.

004 Fave Emotions: I am deeply thankful for a sense of truce with old enemies, people with whom I have had friction, even deep injury, in the past. God has laid a blanket of peace over so many old battle grounds, and I am more thankful than I can express. Another favorite emotion this week has been joy. Day after day, no matter the circumstances, Love has been uprooting anger and worry and allowing joy to bubble up instead. It comes quite unbidden at times, other times with some effort. But it is all delicious, and I am better at everything because of it. More, please.

005 Fave Reading: Tara Westover’s Educated has me captivated. I missed an entire day of reading this week while we were pretty glued to the weather channels (no tornadoes though, thankfully), and by evening I was in a panic to grab at least a few pages. She is eloquent, expressive of both physical and emotional landscapes, and her story overall is relatable and astonishing. A couple of smart friends are reading this along with me, and I cannot wait to discuss.

Now 5 random photos!

spring garden veggies
?

I hope you can take a few minutes to soak up the best of this past week, whatever is happening in your world. May the weather be kind (we feel so fortunate at the Lazy W this week, whew!). May your enemies be at peace with you. May your health and sense of abundance overflow! And I hope your upcoming weekend is all you need it to be. Thanks for checking in!

“No I won’t smile
but I’ll show you my teeth.”
~Halsey
XOXOXO

read, watch, listen this week

Friends, I have enjoyed some fantastic input lately. From books and online articles and from Netflix to podcasts, the Universe is feeding me mightily. Here are some highlights. I would love to know what you’re soaking up, too!

Kim Swims, a Netflix documentary. I thoroughly enjoyed this. Treadmill miles click by so easily when I am watching anything about an athlete with gobs more endurance than me, and this lady certainly qualifies, wow! Kim Chambers was a ballerina who suffered a traumatic leg injury then discovered a passion for distance swimming and has been setting records since. The program follows her training and recent attempt to swim to a group of shark infested islands about 30 miles off of San Francisco. It teaches a lot about the sport of open water swimming (did you know this is the genesis of the term “Oceans Seven?”) and chronicles Kim’s personal grit and appetite for accomplishment. I loved it. Plus, she is from New Zealand so that entire afternoon after watching her story I walked around the farm speaking to the animals in my best fake Kiwi accent, ha.

Heads up: There is a surprise scene when Kim’s graphic injuries are shown pretty clearly. It was gory and startling. I literally jumped and yelped on the treadmill, ha!

Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Miller writes about Christian Spirituality, a genre which I did not know existed, per se, before reading this book, but with which I whole-heartedly identify.

The truths of the Bible were magic, like messages from heaven, like codes, enchanting codes that offered power over life, a sort of power that turned sorrow to joy, hardship to challenge, and trial to opportunity.

In Blue Like Jazz, Miller shares his evolving relationship with God and with “church” and society at large. It’s a kind of spiritual coming of age story. He is simultaneously lofty with his ideas and downright funny. I would describe his writing style as a nice mix of Bob Goff’s affability and C.S Lewis’ seriousness, with some hippie-scented irreverence thrown in. I finished the book last week and keep returning to my notes to soak up certain passages more deeply. My biggest takeaway? Connection. Human connection is vital. We are designed to act as conduits for God’s perfect Love. It is possible, even though we on our own can only love each other imperfectly. Connection, connection, connection. Beautiful stuff!

Mom & Me & Mom by Maya Angelou: I snagged this book (and one other) at a very cool book store in downtown Los Angeles, for about three dollars each.

I had been hearing about Mom & Me & Mom plenty and thought that reading it near Mother’s Day would be perfect. Man, I really wanted to love it. Maya Angelou has always provided such poetry to her generation, you know? And elegance? But this book was disappointing. I ended up feeling physically ill while progressing through the final chapters, the parts of the author’s life when you might expect relief and redemption to feel really good. Instead of healing, it felt more like glorifying dysfunction. Clearly this review says more about me than it does the book (maybe I have some healing of my own to do), but there it is. I did not enjoy reading it. But I am still glad to have finished it.

Here is what I shared with some Facebook friends. If you have read the book I would treasure your input, whether we agree or not!

It sat uncomfortably with me mostly because she seemed to grow not only more confident (would have been a good thing) but also more… I don’t know. Happy with the dysfunction in her family rather than resilient to it. And her long series of stories celebrated racism and made a joke of violence or the threat of it. I have always lapped up her eloquence and regarded her as someone with wisdom, but after reading this I feel like she has just lorded over people with wealth and controlled people with illusions about her power (not the same as confidence, to me). It all just made me so sad. Enduring a troubled childhood with trauma is actually pretty common. She just did not rise above it with as much love and grace as her reputation always had me believe. I am so sorry if that sounds horrible. It’s just how the memoir impacted me. Her writing was clean and propelling though, so I plowed through it in less than 2 days. She had it pruned back better than I could ever hope to do. And I did plenty of highlighting of beautiful turns of phrase, so I do not mean to diminish her actual writing skills. Just, I guess, her life/character/personality? Ehhh that makes it worse. Sorry.

Oprah’s podcast interview with Tara Westover, author of Educated: I already knew, from my sister Gen and her best friend Julia, some of what to expect from the book itself; but when I struck out for an easy run and hit play on Oprah’s Super Soul podcast, the author’s voice only made me want to read her memoir more. She is young but calm and wise. She is damaged but somehow disconnected from the damage. At once eloquent and pragmatic. She was enthralling. I have since started reading the hardback Gen loaned to me and will report back soon (can scarcely put it down), but in the mean time if you have half an hour or so, give this a listen.

Jess over at Roots and Refuge continues to inspire. Her casual country vegetable gardens and her open-heartedness are just so contagious. And she is admirably knowledgeable, too. Are you following her on You Tube or Instagram yet? I think she has a cult following, judging from her Facebook friends group, but it’s a happy cult. Like, not the kind you need to leave and call your Dad over. Just a cult about creative vegetable gardens with trellis arches and tomatoes and maybe dairy goats. Also lots of sunflowers. A very good cult.

Jess at Roots and Refuge in Arkansas

One more offering from Oprah! She hosts Brene Brown, who speaks on the anatomy of trust. So good, friends. And no kidding, I wept while running slowly and listening to this podcast episode. The story about her (then) third grade daughter and her young friends who had earned or lost her trust, the marble jar, grandparents, all of it, it got me right in my heart in the best way. Since listening to this I have been ruminating plenty over trust, marble jars, and intimate friendships. Good stuff. Love and intimacy built in small moments. Find it and listen! Oh this reminds me to find the study on “sliding door moments” and maybe a Gwenyth Paltrow movie by that title? Are you familiar with either?

Piggybacking by accident, another Brene Brown selection, this time her Netflix special, A Call to Courage: Handsome and I watched it together at the end of a fun, overstuffed Mother’s Day weekend. It has some repeat material if you have followed her for a while; but it has some fresh stuff too and a consistent message about vulnerability and just showing up for life. I bet she and Des Linden would click nicely.

Okay, that’s it for today! I have some yard work to finish before settling in again with Educated. Stories from our Mother’s Day weekend plus a fun recap of my trip to Los Angeles will be posted later this week. What are you reading and watching? Tell me everything!

“I always thought the Bible
was more of a salad thing,
but it isn’t.
It’s a chocolate thing.”
~Donald Miller
XOXOXOXO

more new than ever before

I find myself wondering whether this springtime is among the most luscious of all my life or my eyes and heart are simply more open than ever before. Everything feels new, but more than new; everything has a wet, trembling quality, and it feels like more than just the abundance of rainfall.

When seeds germinate and break through the topsoil lately, they seem to do so with music playing. When the chicks run across their flight pen, they return the other direction a full size bigger. And have you heard the news that one of our young hens has learned to quack, no doubt by living with two ducks? The skies are probably the same colors as before, but more crystalline, more kinetic. The pine trees are growing arms and fingers and reaching for brand new ideas, learning new languages I think. Walking around the farm, you can smell fresh energy like it’s incense or very good cookies and bread baking.

Old thought patterns are falling apart like charred wood, burned (I believe) by truth. And I can leave them where they fall or sweep them up and replace them with better thoughts, stronger ones, more loving ones, more exciting ideas about life and God and all of our complex human relationships. Fear is almost fully edged out now, and the Worry Door has not cracked open in so long.

A new friend recently loaned me her treasured paperback copy of Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Somehow this author had been completely foreign to me, and now I want time to stop so I can gobble up all of his work, because his term “Christian spirituality” is right on target for my life. Here are a couple of passages that have struck me beautifully this past week:

I believe the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather to have us wasting time. This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man’s mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God.”

I love that. And it speaks straight to me, because I am such a creature of habit. I thrive on not only physical daily routines but also meditative practices, which certainly have value. But when little interruptions ruffle my feathers or when I am so cemented in habits that I am wasting time, it all has a kind of soundproofing effect between God and me. Don’t get me started on excessive volunteering or millions of obligatory social connections.

Okay, and then this:

Passion is tricky, though. because it can point to nothing as easily as it points to something.

Somewhere around that sentence in the book, Miller describes his thought process around what he would die for and what he is living for. It’s all kind of the front burner for me now. The moments when we might be asked to die for someone or something may come rarely, if ever, but every hour of every day we are actively or passively exchanging both our time and our life force, our God given human energy for something else. We give ourselves away in pieces, big and small, over and over again, and I wonder how many of those transactions are beneath us, how much of it is waste. A lot, you know? Maybe unintentionally? But so very much is exchanged for good, too, for strong, solid, worthwhile purposes. We trade our time and energy and human life force for love of family and friends, for personal passions that are linked directly to some aspect of our creation that leads us right back to God. How thrilling to see that our intrinsic passions can be connections to God and thereby pipelines for more abundant life. I love that we are all created in such unique ways and that He can draw us near and put us to work based on our passions. I want to find more ways to facilitate exactly that.

So. The farm. All of these nine acres are pure joy to me. The creatures who live here, even when they frustrate me, the plants, the wildness, the work and creativity, our romance and our human fabric, all of it. It has become my home and sanctuary, classroom and temple. And for all of the physical, sensory pleasures here, I know in my bones that the real magic is unseen. The real magic and power and drama can easily be extracted and reinvested elsewhere, should that time ever come. This is just the stage.

This is how I know the shimmer and pulse of our current season is owed to more than the mild Oklahoma springtime; God is doing something here with us that brings it all into focus for me. The old fears and worries are burned up and crumbling; worldly distractions are falling back and losing their noisy power in favor of birdsong in the morning and frog symphonies at night. More beauty than I have ever seen is front and center, both for the physical senses and for that part of me that can’t find the words. Hope, joy, belief in the power of Love, compassion for the weird things we all need and chase, patience, silliness, healing. Lots of healing. So much more.

I’ll take the flowers and the vegetables and even the snakes. I’ll take the skies changing and the air tasting like candy, as temporary as it all is. They are outward proof of an unseen Power. For me, this is something worth living for, day after day. Our lives are filled with more goodness than we can manage, despite our efforts to soak it in. And the shifting details just press me to live attentively, to find balance in movement too. It’s all constantly changing and never-ending. Such magic!

Thank you for introducing me to Donald Miller, Stefanie. My mind is churning from it all. Happy weekend, friends. I wish you magic and Love and clear vision.

“You have found the life underneath your life situation.”
~Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
XOXOXOXO