Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Archives for March 2013

Happy Easter Friends

Easter Sunday this year is falling at a time of so much change. So much new life.
The month is changing, the season is changing, and I am changing.

Are you?
Are you in any kind of metamorphosis right now, any kind of renewal?
More than ever I think, things are really truly changing.
I hope you are sensing it, and I hope it is all beautiful and exciting.

When I reflect on the Christian importance of this weekend, 
what my mind most often drifts to is redemption. 
We have been redeemed from our sins by our Savior. 
We have been traded. Purchased. Protected from darkness and storms
and even from ourselves for a while, 
our debts relieved and our futures bright and open with loving possibility.

 From a million years ago, one of our homemade Easter rituals, commemorating the Passover night.

This is so in step with how I have been trying to manage my own life lately, 
just the word redemption.
For what different things in this world am I redeeming my precious time and energy? 



Spiritually speaking, the question becomes even more challenging.
What trades am I making? What contracts are written with my free will,
after such a costly redemption?
It’s plenty to think about, but it doesn’t make me sad anymore.
Life is so throbbing with energy right now that I am only motivated, revived, 
and hopeful for the possibility of everything good and amazing!



Break your dormancy, friends.
Erupt through the soil, nourished by invisible things and sparked back to life,
filled with all the life force you need
to grow into your fullest, most beautiful, most useful potential.
Face the sun.
Accept every kind of weather.
Stretch your roots deeply and enjoy the company of bugs and worms.

It’s going to be a season for the record books, and I wish you the best of it all. 
Happy Easter!

xoxoxoxo




Hope Like Wildfire

   Hope has been sparking in my rib cage and in my bellybutton for months now, friends. I think you probably know that. And despite a few unfortunate days when I allowed Worry to enjoy some small, petty victories (remember my vision of the Worry Door? I didn’t see that because I wasn’t worrying.)… I have thankfully managed to protect that spark of hope and fan it into a flame. And that flame is taking off like wildfire all through me. It is heating me from the inside out, making external circumstances very nearly irrelevant to my joy. And this wildfire is lighting the way, too, helping me see through some inevitable darkness.

   Fire.

   It’s spreading.

   Maybe this is why our regular bonfires have been so special to me. Handsome and I really enjoy opening the farm for friends and loved ones, to light fallen trees in the fire pit and gather around and talk and laugh and have a good time.

   We soak up the heat on the coldest days and evenings and sometimes when it’s warm out, too.

   We loiter there at the rocky edge until the skin on our faces seems to shrink and our jeans are so hot we can barely sit down. We trade burdens and worries for ponytails filled with ashes and jackets that smell like wood smoke for the rest of the week. We stare into the red and yellow glow, side by side, rubbing our hands and snuggling and just enjoying every moment.

   We wait for the flames to jet ferociously out of the ends of hollow trunks, then we watch the tree bark turn scaly and black. We search for shapes in the changing fire the way children gaze at clouds on summery afternoons.

   Between jokes and ghost stories we sometimes fall into that  flame-licked trance that slows and strengthens your heart all at once. I love that hot, tympani beat. We move our chairs around the edge of the fire pit every few minutes, to avoid the smoke, and sometimes have to run away laughing because it’s so thick. But the cold always scoffs at our isolation, and we happily scuttle back for more fiery abuse.

   There is something undeniably primal about circling around a fire with people you love. I’m always a little sad when we can’t host a weekly bonfire for whatever reason, usually the Oklahoma wind, but the most important fire is still spreading in us. I feel it. I see evidence of it. And I am so thrilled to be learning how to protect it from whatever it is that wants us to live without the heat and the light.

   I believe you can celebrate answers even before they arrive, and that such a joyful anticipation feeds that fire. It quickens the answer, too, and makes it even more beautiful.

   Do you feel it too?

   Do you have a wildfire in your heart, threatening to overtake all of your fears and your pain? Let it. Surrender to it. Feed that fire and protect it.

   If you can, please join us for one of our Lazy W bonfires soon. If you can’t, then light a fire where you are and think fondly of us. I wish you and yours all the warmth and comfort, all the laughter, and all the hope you need. It is right there available to you.

“One can enjoy a wood fire worthily
only when he warms his thoughts by it
as well as his hands and feet.”
~Odell Shephard
xoxoxoxo

Unsolicited Advice: Final Installment

   My birthday week is over, and let me tell you I was spoiled rotten this year. From lots of time with my beautiful youngest daughter to a completely shocking surprise birthday party from Handsome and a thousand of our fun friends, plus a bunch of really wonderful gifts including some cool mid-century lawn furniture from my parents… Turning thirty nine has never been more fun for anyone, anywhere in the world.

Surprise parties are tricky business, because sometimes they happen 
when you haven’t washed your hair for a few days
because you’re planning a big, long spa day that weekend
because it’s your birthday, after all. 
Also, you find out what good liars all of your friends are.
To my husband’s credit, he did make sure I had changed 
out of my “chores” jeans and tank top before friends arrived.

   So anyway, it’s high time I wrap up this little advice column. As I edit my final thoughts and prepare to issue these next sixteen pieces of hard-earned wisdom, I want to thank you guys again for your hilarious comments and emails and for your encouragement to share more of this stuff. It has been a blast! : )

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#24. Invest in Girlfriends. I have wasted a lot of time in life, not to mention a lot of isolated feelings, underestimating the treasure of female friendships. Even with an incredible marriage (my husband is not only my best friend but also my favorite companion in life, plus the other good stuff, wink-wink…) and a wonderful extended family, having good girlfriends has enriched every aspect of my life. Being surrounded by smart, strong, happy, beautiful women is challenging, summoning the best version of myself when at times I might be tempted to be lazy. It’s inspirational, giving me fresh ideas and higher standards worth seeking. And it helps keep me in balance. My female friendships make me slightly less needy as a wife and slightly more understanding too. I have learned so many things from other mothers and wives, and I have gathered untold encouragement from them in difficult, otherwise crippling times. These myriad relationships have also demonstrated the value of individuality. I doubt you could search my bank of girlfriends and find two that are just alike. My life has been richly blessed with spice and variety, and I hope yours is too.

#25. Don’t Feed Citrus to Your Chickens. It makes their eggshells weak. I learned this bit of trivia just recently. I had been plumping up my own diet with tons and tons of citrus to ward off cold and flu, sharing the leathery orange, green, and yellow rinds with my flock each day. Then, once the chickens finally started laying eggs again, I found their shells were tender, almost rubbery, and very easily broken. After a little reading I found that most people advise against feeding citrus peels to chickens. Now you know, too.

#26. Use Nutmeg. In Alfredo sauce, in white creamy gravy, in spinach, and in lots of wonderful recipes, nutmeg is the secret ingredient. Nutmeg imparts a really subtle depth, and I highly suggest everyone learns to us it.

#27. Study Your Personal Lunar Cycle. And use it to your fullest life advantage. You now what I mean by lunar cycle, right? I hope you take the time to learn more than just which days of each month your purse needs to contain certain delicate accouterments. If you pay attention, you will discover that certain days of your month are wildly creative and beg you to dive into a worthy project. Other days are introspective and can reward you with valuable wisdom if you seek it. And still other days are good for high energy pursuits, for burning through frustrations and obstacles with a special kind of rage that seems to come out of nowhere. These are all natural and normal chemical events, and I hope you learn to control them and do not feel controlled by them. Please don’t become a negative hormonal stereotype. Also, don’t let society’s jokes about “PMS” shame you out of profiting from this almost magical cycle. I promise you, fertility is about much more than having babies and being easily annoyed.

#28. Build your Confidence. Stop being so easily intimidated by other women. Learn how to see the beauty in others without letting that destroy your view of yourself. It’s not always a competition. Enjoy your own individuality as much as you would want those other amazing women to enjoy theirs. I have discovered that some of the most intimidating women are often the ones most worth knowing. It is true that some women can be horrible, truly mean spirited, controlling, vindictive, and manipulative; but thankfully they are in the smallest minority in the world. Most members of our species are open and warm, generous, safe, and trustworthy. Treat each other that way and expect the best. Chances are good that you’ll enjoy new friendships instead of suffering through one bout of insecurity after another.

#29. Choose the Big Things Wisely. In youth it seems like anything seems possible, and really it is for a while, but as time passes we eventually realize that everyone has limits; resources are limited; time is fleeting. Everybody everywhere, all throughout history, eventually has to learn how to say no. So do you. So just learn how to more wisely spend your time, energy, money, talents, and other resources. Living life fully and with creative abandon is not the same as being wasteful with your stores.

#30. Travel Passionately. Explore the world to the best of your ability. Look for unique features in different cities, study the history and culture of those places, and talk to the people. Eat at local spots every chance you get, and avoid chain restaurants. Break your routines. Expand your horizons both geographically and inwardly. Eat slowly, absorb the details, and memorize ideas for your own culinary and decorating experiments later. Take an unreasonable amount of photos, and write down the details of your experiences quickly after you have them. You might be surprised what you forget later. When considering travel destinations, explore a variety of places. But then choose a few that speak to you and visit them often. Become a student of those places. Allow the street names and fragrances and sights to take up residence in your heart. Learn the place better each time you visit, and do your best to depart for home on good terms.

As much as rural life nourishes and satisfies me, 
New Orleans sets my imagination on fire. I love it there.

#31. When planting a flower bed, please pay attention to more than the easy colorful ruffles they sell in garden centers twice a year. Design with greenery, shapes, and seasons in mind. Consider scale here just you would in arranging furniture in a room. And remember that garden materials can be salvaged just like clothes, cookware, and furniture. Some of my favorite shrubs and flowering bulbs are either gifts from friends or dug up for free from strangers’ gardens. New is not always best, and expensive is not always necessary.

#32.You Have Two Ears and One Mouth. As a parent, as a spouse, and as a friend, whenever possible, and especially when it’s difficult, listen a lot more than you talk

#33. Eat Well. Eat more fruits and vegetables than bread and pasta, and drink more water than anything else. Keep it simple. Eat slowly. Also, don’t peel your produce. Keep the skin for the nutrients.

#34. Honor Your Parents. I can hardly write about this subject yet. I have made so many mistakes here, it’s painful and embarrassing, and I know I am somewhat reaping what I have sown. Just take my advice and  honor your parents for whoever they are and whatever they have done for you. It is almost certainly their best, which means it came at a great price to them.

#35. Manage Your Needs. In my husband’s profession, they use the term “Demand Side Management” which refers to reducing energy costs by restricting or managing consumption, not price. This applies to all areas of life. When you feel stretched too thinly, start by evaluating what you think you “need.” Internalize the fact that, materially speaking, having more often means simply needing and being satisfied with less. Simplify your life a bit to grow in contentedness.

#36. Celebrate Your Education. Whatever stage you’re at, stop looking at school as a burden and realize what a blessing and a privilege it is. Yes, it is possible to return to college later in life, and many people do, but right now may end up being the best possible time for school. Make sure you’re not putting school on the back burner for lazy or wasteful reasons. You’ll regret it.

#37. Smoothest Legs: The best way to get super smooth, silky, touchable legs is to first be really well hydrated internally. Then, scrub and exfoliate your legs in warm water; lather, shave, and rinse them; then instead of drying with a towel, rub baby oil into your skin and air dry. Pinky promise, this is the best way to be silky smooth. As a bonus, infuse your oil with a fragrance or spritz perfume on your legs as they dry. Ooh la la…

#38.Choose your Battles. Here is another piece of wisdom that people seem to have to learn for themselves, myself included. As I look back on my adult years I see so much unnecessary conflict and tumult that could have been avoided simply by humbling myself a little more or widening my view or just deciding the cost is too great. Yes, certainly, some battles are worth all the cost. Just learn to see them clearly. Your time and energy are so precious. Don’t scar your heart or others’ hearts carelessly.

#39. Trust God in Everything. Life will give you tens of thousands of reasons to celebrate, and you will have many years of easy trust in God because of His goodness and generosity. But along with this you’ll have plenty of reasons to rail against Him, too, plenty of times when your faith will shake violently and you’ll question everything. I’m pretty sure that’s okay, but be determined to move past that. Set your sights many miles past your current pain (it is temporary) and know deep in your bones that answers and miracles are being prepared for you. Wonderful surprises come out of the blue just as often as painful ones do. Trust God. Life isn’t perfect in our eyes, but He is. Do some star gazing on a clear night to adjust your perspective and feel small and safe again. He loves you.

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   Okay folks, that’s what I want you to know. Life’s answers and secrets in thirty-nine pieces. I hope at least a speck of it is useful to you, and I surely appreciate you stopping in! Now my youngest and I are headed out for some fun errands and treasure hunting.

   What advice do you have to add?

“I’m a river. 
No matter whatever
comes my way
I will definitely reach the sea.”
~Anypriyo Mandal
xoxoxoxo

Get Stung with Me

   This is honey bee weather, you guys. The days are warm. The breezes are mild. And everything seems to be in bloom. Every single day these past couple of weeks we find our fuzzy little winged princesses foraging in the box woods and fruit trees, and as of yesterday they have even discovered purple clover. Do you know how exciting it is that we have so many bees alive and thriving after last autumn’s wax moth decimation? Well it’s very exciting. That’s what it is.

   I have several hive-related tasks to compete this month and might even be adding more bees, and I am so excited to tell you about all of it. But for now, an invitation…

I also have some deliciously good news about this pretty girl…

   This weekend is the statewide spring conference for the Oklahoma Beekeepers’ Association. Honey lovers from all across our great state will gather to discuss best practices and lessons learned, the weather, and some changes in cottage law legislation no doubt. We will also get to hear guest speaker Reyah Carlson, an experienced apitherapist. Check out her blog right here. She is the featured speaker and will be giving talks about, in her own words:

“the health benefits from all honeybee produced substances.. raw honey, pollen, royal jelly, propolis and venom from the sting. I will also be demonstrating sting technique and application.”

   Did you catch that last part? She will be stinging people. With bees. On purpose. I am planning to volunteer, because I don’t know when to say no. Family legend has it that my great-grandpa Papa Joe Neiberding, who was a locally famous beekeeper, stung himself deliberately as a cure for his arthritis.

   I kid you not. I am Arthur-free but still looking forward to being reminded of how a bee sting feels.

   So even if you have little interest in raising bees yourself (although you should consider it), please come to the Cleveland County Fairgrounds tomorrow morning and watch me get stung. I don’t mind if you laugh when I cry, so long as you bring me a cookie or chocolate covered almond or something as a comfort.

  Okay, gotta go. Handsome is on his way home and we have two wonderful friends coming over for dinner tonight. I hope you have fun plans for this gorgeous March weekend! Thank you so much for stopping in at the digital W.


“When you shoot an arrow of truth, 
dip its point in honey.”
~Arab Proverb
xoxoxoxo

Grateful for my Tuesday

   Because of the time change this past weekend, Hot Tub Summit now begins while the sky is still blacker than black. Even the birds are sill silent at this new hour. Today Handsome and I crept outside with two mugs of perfect coffee and let the scalding hot, bromine scented water deliver us gently from Monday to Tuesday. We watched the brilliant stars fade into a denim blue morning sky. And we spoke softly about our plans for the day. I felt my ribs ache pleasantly because my heart is so full right now. I think he mistook my quietness for something else.

   Life is really good right now, friends. We are not without stress or hurt, for sure, and plenty of important questions remain unanswered. But we also are not without pleasure, hope, friends and family who love us, or purpose. Every day is packed with opportunity and energy.

   Today, while my dutiful and talented guy is toiling passionately beneath florescent lights, balancing industry needs with consumer demands, making difficult and delicate management decisions, and bearing the brunt of ugly and irrational political agendas, I will be holding down this happy fort. Today I get to play in the dirt, soak up the sun, and embrace our silly animals. I get to clean our castle, play chef in the kitchen, and go for a long run. The blessings of my unique lifestyle are not lost on me. And I hope my husband knows how much I appreciate all of this.

For at least a couple of hours today, I get to finish work 
on the new herb bed right outside my kitchen window.
The Lazy W will soon be overrun with perennial herbs, annuals, 
medicinal flowers, and everything else under the Oklahoma sun.
Our honeybees already seem to know what pollen-ish feast
is being planned for this curvy boxwood corner.

   I have lots of birthday weekend stories to share with you wonderful people, as well as one final installment of Unsolicited Advice. But this swell of gratitude could not wait. I wish everyone had someone to care for them as much as he cares for me.

   If you’re a Commish friend and you see this today, please be extra good to Handsome for me. Know that he is even better than you already believe he is.

I Love You Sir.
xoxoxoxo