Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

You are here: Home / Archives for memories

so many people to love

After a really fun family dinner and silly videos last night with the kids, Jess and Alex took Bean home for the weekend. (They’ll be back soon for more farm retreat livin.) So early this morning Klaus showed me the Apartment door, knocked on it with one giant paw, and smiled at me over his shoulder. I had to open the door and show him around, proving to this sweet big boy that they weren’t there, ha!

Kenzie, our youngest niece, turned 13 today, wahoo!! A milestone birthday, in the midst of a pandemic, and fresh on the heels of a brand new round of testing and quarantine for her household.

These facts are almost universal now, and commonplace, and less startling in many ways than they would have been two or three months ago.

Or so I thought.

My magical first sister arranged a drive-past-curbside birthday celebration for her baby, and when I saw these young ladies on the sidewalk my throat tightened up and my eyes flooded, involuntarily. I had been happy and excited to get there, but seeing them, in masks, and us wearing masks ourselves, and none of us hugging, although I definitely believe these are the right things to do, just gave me lots of feelings. A moment in history. I hated driving away from them.

The very first day we all get clean bills of covid health, I want to see them.

Tomorrow is a big day for some of our favorite humans, our dearest and closest friends who are really our brother and sister now. Say some prayers with us, for continued grace and peace? Thank you!

We have some fun plans for when Jess returns soon, and the gardens are already approaching the cusp of a transition, and I have laid hold on a temporary fitness plan that feels really good for this weird season. Those are a few previews.

Happy Saturday night, friends!

“Small streams don’t choose to be mighty rivers.
We keep moving in a direction
And God decides what He’ll make out of us.”
~Bob Goff
XOXOXO

friday fun

The frozen treats were a fun success! Below you can see the South Flock carefully investigating their bundt shaped, icy vitamins and minerals. Jess and I revisited the scene an hour or so later, and the smooth top was choppy and melting, the herbs and veggies exposed. The most intrested party seems to have been that good looking rooster there on the right.

A few special memories from today, so we can enjoy them later:

ONE: Bean has a penchant for jumping in to “rescue” his momma when she disappears underwater. And he is getting really good at jumping really far from the ladder!

TWO: Klaus and Bean are excellent teammates when it comes to warding off Amazon drivers, etc. But they are a little competitive when it comes to plush animal toys. And fetching softballs.

THREE: Garden veggies make the best Italian marinara ingredients, and Jessica has the touch! She chopped, sauteed, simmered, seasoned, tasted, seasoned again, and stirred her heart out until, two hours later, we had the most delicious sauce for pasta and meatballs.

FOUR: She also has the touch for soft cinnamon rolls! Wow. If we all sleep well tonight, we should be so filled with energy tomorrow, ha!

FIVE: Today we proved again that open, fearless conversation about hard things is fruitful, refreshing, and healing.

Sweet sleep, friends! I watched a TED talk this morning about mindfulness and neuroplasticity, and I have a book to discuss with you, but it will all have to wait. Our bellies are full of pasta and soft cinnamon roll goodness, and our comfy bed beckons.

CHOOSE JOY.
Stay on the path of peace.
XOXOXOXO

impermanence

Yesterday afternoon, Handsome walked into the Apartment where Jess and I had parked to do some serious conversating. He announced playfully that between the dogs roughhousing and panting like monsters and the women talking nonstop, the temperature inside the house had risen five degrees. Ha! It might actually have been true. Once again, #sorrynotsorry

On Day 2 of Jess’ Farm Retreat, we swam, made frozen treats for the chickens, chased the dogs tirelessly, made Bean swim in a tiny inflatable pool donut, fed extra soft grass to the horses, discussed legiterally everything, made sprinkle sugar cookies via Joy the Baker, made homemade pizza from scratch, and watched a movie at the end of it all. Somewhere in there Jess managed a good old fashioned summertime afternoon nap, much needed and hard earned.

We had planned an art project like painting or scarecrow constructing, perhaps macrame, but got pleasantly sidetracked making the chickens’ frozen scraps treats. This is when the topic of impermanence arose. It was such a careful, loving task, walking around the farm collecting colorful flowers, herbs, and bits of fruits and vegies, then cleaning out the kitchen for more. We chopped everything and Jessica arranged it beautifully inside a bundt cake pan before filling the pan with water to freeze. All of this preparation for a treat that will freeze overnight and be toyed with, melted, and consumed tomorrow morning. A brief pleasure, an impermanent gift. But still joyful. We talked about the monks who work so hard on their intricate chalk mandalas, only to sweep them away once finished.

Have you seen Onward yet? Oh gosh. The three of us (five of us if you count the dogs which you definitely should) watched it tonight with our homemade pizzas and sprinkle cookies. It is not just cute and funny, it is also one of the most inclusive, soothing, loving Pixar films so far, with many beautiful messages. We all really loved it, and I actually felt a warm touch of grace for having seen it exactly on this night, exactly in this life chapter, exactly after a series of heavy conversations Jess and I have had this week.

I am not certain what tomorrow holds for us, both in the broader life sense as well as in the what will be doing on Friday sense, ha! But I know what our prayers are. I know what our values are. I know what binds us together and what fuels our work and our play. I know that Love is worth every bit of our trust and that magic is real.

Sweet sleep, friends! Thanks for checking in!

XOXOXOXO

42 things I have been meaning to say to Angela

For my first sibling Angela, on your 42nd birthday…

  1. Everyone who calls you friend feels deep-down lucky, me included.
  2. You were an especially beautiful baby, I could see it even as a little girl. You were a bright, glowy orb of peach fuzz and smiles, and you lit up that little duplex in Plano, Texas.
  3. Have you ever actually finished a plate of food? Doubtful.
  4. I am very sorry about the time I tricked you into using permanent marker as eyeliner. Hehe. I mean I really am sorry, ha. But you are the one who did it.
  5. You have unnatural physical strength for your size. How?
  6. I love how ready for adventure you always are. Road trips! Hiking! Camping! Zip-lining! Parties and sightseeing! It’s a sight to behold, and an inspiration.
  7.  Your children are three of the luckiest children in the world…
  8. …as is your gorgeous daughter in law.
  9. I can’t believe you’re a mother in law before me, ha! Ha!!
  10. I think of you every time I almost wear a bright color but opt for black.
  11.  And yet, the color association I have for you is an actual shimmering double rainbow.
  12.  It breaks my heart that someone as openhearted and enthusiastic about life as you are, has so much trauma and fear from which to heal. But you are doing it. Keep it up.
  13. How weird and cool that after all these years we can band together over the Law of Attraction and faith, specifically.
  14. Thank you for always, from day one, loving my girls with no reservations, no limits.
  15. Thank you for sharing Dante with me when our kids were little, for allowing him to be part of so many precious family memories.
  16.  Thank you for sharing Chloe and Kenzie, too, for summer visit at the farm and more. They are irreplaceable, and I am so glad they have you.
  17. I am still a little salty about losing to you at Tug of War a couple of months ago. That was honestly ridiculous and I demand a rematch.
  18. You are amazingly loud. Like literally, you have an impressive vocal volume. If we could average your voice with my voice we might arrive at an average-decibel human voice.
  19.  How can you nap so easily? Is that the secret to your physical strength? Or are you sleepy because you never finish your food?
  20.  Our family was not okay while you were gone. And we are so much better with you “home” with us, among us, as part of all of us near and far. We need you.
  21.  Even Brene Brown does not hold a candle to your vulnerability. You exude it, along with both humor and gravity about the big stuff in life. You never shy away from the truth, no matter how scary it is.
  22.  When you wrote to me from prison, I took a long time to read your letter. I had so much healing of my own to do, and so many conflicting emotions, that I had to gather my energy for it. But I keep it nearby now and am actively thankful for you every time I see it.
  23.  How many ear infections have you had in life, really? I mean!
  24.  I will never forgive you for the “sponge cake” prank. But I will steal the idea and do it to someone else.
  25.   Much like Mom, you make people feel seen, and you make people feel seen for their best qualities. You both have a way of helping people remember the best possible things about themselves, and I hope you always have someone nearby to do this for you, too. Because you deserve it.
  26.   One of my favorite things about you is how naturally and genuinely you slash through chit chat and small talk to get straight to the real conversation. I LOVE THAT!
  27. Also, you get straight to belly laughs quickly, and it is contagious. I love that too!
  28.   Will you please make me egg rolls? You make the best egg rolls.
  29.  I love how you call my husband out on stuff. And how you often just end it with, “Whatever Brandy.” Hehe. It delights me.
  30.   You are such a voracious reader! If you were when we were younger, I didn’t  notice it. I love discussing books and everything with you now.
  31.   Even at 42, you are a bright, glowy orb of peachiness and smiles. You look more beautiful every year, and frankly it’s annoying.
  32. Much like Dad, you have a weird and wonderful talent for gift giving. Over and over again, you both find really personal, specific treasures for everyone in your life, and it is just so cool.
  33.   Do you remember Randee Dandy Julie? That might be part of my rainbow association with your spirit. But just part of it.
  34.   I love your heart for abandoned animals, even when you were little.
  35.  Your future adopted dogs will be very loved and happy!
  36.   I also love your ability to draw a crowd for celebrations. You really are the life of every party! We love it when you walk in to any event!!
  37.  Do you remember that time we got into an argument over whether it was okay to over-annunciate “daddy” as “DATTEE” and it escalated into a fight and WOW. That memory floats to the surface sometimes when I hear the word “goatee” and I wonder if really, we should be saying it as “GOADEE.” No! Obviously! So dumb!
  38.   I am sad for the years we lost not being close friends, because I thought I was so much older (four years, ha!) and that being sisters was enough. Turns out, being both sisters and friends is such a wild gift in life.
  39.   Your clients at Hope are so lucky to have your heart and mind and tenacity and Love working in their favor. You have an ability to connect with people and finish work worth doing, and no matter what happens in the future I know you are living out part of your personal mission, your vocation in life to serve others.
  40.  Are you having a good birthday? It’s so weird this year, I know, but you deserve a wonderful, deep watering of love. I cannot wait to see you!
  41.   Happy sobriety anniversary, too! We are all so blown away and happy for your health, so proud and inspired by your journey.
  42.   Why do you hate Twister so agressively? I do not get that.
Image may contain: 3 people, including Angela Tucker, people smiling

Ang, I love you more than I can express, either seriously or as a joke. You are a gift and a treasure and irreplaceable for a million reasons. Happiest of birthdays, sister.

Love Over Fear
XOXO