Lazy W Marie

squash bugs, plantar fasciitis, & other forms of domestic terrorism

July 6, 2020

Our fresh new work week had started off happy, humid, and healthy. The gardens are still rolling out gorgeous vegetables. The hens are still laying colorful eggs (despite Rick Astlee’s occasional violence). And we remain so thankful to have both a pool and air conditioning for afternoon siestas. Beneath the surface pleasures, we feel that river of peace rushing strong and sure. Watering everything deeply. God is moving on all the trauma. He is binding everyone up and together in brand new ways. How amazing that every day He refreshes my hope and carves out a new level of trust.

I visited my orthopedic doctor today to get my ankles and feet checked out. Although the pain has now diminished to almost zero, I kept the appointment in order to display all of my Instagram physiology knowledge. This is definitely not annoying to a health care professional, right? Seriously though, this is a recurring soft tissue problem, and I need it sorted out. I also wanted to rule out bone and joint problems. A few X-rays and ankle twirls confirmed healthy everything, just mild calcification on my left heel. My doctor is wonderfully conversational about natural running stride, the importance of core strength and hip alignment, arch support, shoe debates, you name it. He even recommended a book to me that just happens to already be on my book shelf! Running friends should be prepared for my extremely annoying unsolicited advice, coming soon.

Ok. Halee and her men are soon moving to Spain, but I need her to reconsider everything so she and I can pursue our synchronized swimming career. No photo of that available to share, but trust me, our maiden attempt was spectacular. Instead, here are her boys trying to lure Little Lady Marigold with a bucket of sweet grain. This petite sheep really does come closer every day.

Greg, almost 10, and Connor, 4 1/2 xoxoxo

Ok. A few days ago I asked you guys for advice on eating only watermelon and cashews for a while, and nobody objected. Not one person cautioned me for any reason whatsoever, so I am gonna go for it. It’s fine.

While most of my squash and zuchinni vines are looking great, I have discovered a few plants in the two long, narrow raised beds (the two connected by an arched trellis) that have suffered a squash bug attack. Rather than try to rehabilitate those, I decided to rip them out, give the neighboring tomatoes and marigolds some really good TLC, then fill the blank spaces with zinnia seeds. I had been feeling a vague sadness for the conspicuous absence of explosive zinnias so far this summer, and this new effort could bring me all the way through to Halloween. Maybe some Russian kale, too.

That middle stripe will be clean & replanted by tomorrow afternoon.

Today is His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s 85th birthday! He has become special to us since we read The Book of Joy. If you have four minutes, click over and enjoy his video message to the people of Tibet.

How has your work week started? What are you reading this week? Is there any way we can be praying for you and your people? Please continue to send love and all kinds of healing for our girls. That is forefront in my heart, and all of it is making such a difference.

Please help me remember to talk to you about being a verb instead of a noun, and about embracing constant evolution. I love you, thank you for checking in!

“People take different roads
seeking fulfillment and happiness.
Just because they’re not on your road
doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.”
~Dalai Lama XIV
XOXOXOXO

thunderstorms as hints that miracles are coming

July 4, 2020

Happy Fourth of July! Today is our 112th day of Covid Quarantine. Are you celebrating today and tonight? We opted for avoiding crowds, possibly driving later tonight to watch a small town fireworks display from a distance. Then tomorrow evening, part of my family will join us at the farm for swimming, sparklers, and a good outdoor meal. I am pretty excited for that. We are all good at making the most of bizarre circumstances.

Our sky last night, just before sunset, was everything we needed. I had just spoken with Jess for almost an hour, trying to absorb her grief and fresh anger and help her navigate an exponentially difficult season (is there anything easy about 2020 for my girls?). Her heartbreak is absolutely heartbreaking to me. I have not spoken with Jocelyn recently, but she too is on my mind and in my prayers constantly. As always. I know she is hurting in deep and inexpressible ways.

Last night after that phone call, Handsome and I walked around outside, looking for an Amazon delivery that was delayed, giving thanks for a million different amazing blessings. We saw bright, dense storm clouds far on the horizon. These do appear pretty often but dissipate without coming to fruition. We asked aloud for rain, saying both to each other and to God how wonderful an overnight thunderstorm would be. Then we walked some more. Then we closed up the farm, made coffee for morning, and went to bed.

I’m telling you this because God answered overnight. It was just a thunderstorm in the wee hours of the new day, a musical surprise heavy with rain and absent hail, but it was exactly what we wished for.

Sometimes I feel like small, specific answers like this are encouragements that the big ones are coming. And friends, we have some big requests right now. I imagine you do, too.

This morning I cracked open an old book I first read in my late 20’s. Not quite a devotional, it’s a daily entry style book geared toward women: Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach.

One of the passages I explored was about being purposeful in the pursuit of happiness. She writes about the differences between dreams and expectations and explains some mechanics of releasing to the God the exact results of our hard work. “Living your life as a dreamer and not as an expector is a personal declaration of independence. You’re able to pursue happiness more directly when you don’t get caught up in the delivery details.” I love that.

My workout today was split between the very very very crowded lake (so crowded I ended up leaving) and the treadmill. I felt great! Seven easy miles with a low heart rate, comfy feet and legs. You might like to know that on my drive to the lake I came upon a herd of cows blocking the road. There were at least 15 calves in the group, all teeter-tottering and scampering. As oblivious to pandemic as yesterday’s wild meadows.

The cows were easily herded into this abandoned, fenced yard.

“Drop by drop fills the tub.”
~French proverb
XOXOXOXO

i love you etcetera

July 1, 2020

July 2, 2020. Quarantine Day 110

Brain food! Alex and Jess recently recommended a podcast called The Anthropocene Reviewed. The episode about our temporal range was fascinating. Author John Greene explores mankind’s obsession with predicting the end of the world and does a good job of reframing it a little. Great timing, by the way, with current events. And the short podcast was a nice compliment to the research book I have been reading called Fear Itself, which delves into all kinds of societal fears and conspiracy theories. What I found refreshing was that Greene neither fully demonized nor glorified our species, as so many voices tend to do. He didn’t pass too much judgement; he just raised interesting questions and made great observations. To return the excellent recommendation favor, I told Alex about the Netflix special Thirteen, about the 13th amendment. Have you seen it yet?

Yesterday Halee and the nephews visited! They will soon be joining my brother in Spain for a three year stint, so these silly and free farm days with them are a treasure to us. Even if the heat and humidity are bone melting, ha! We swam, retreated to the cool house, baked chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, reapplied sunblock, swam again, went on a nature walk and took tractor rides, harvested berries and squash, swam one more time, and had pizza. (Big thanks to Handsome for picking it up!)

Connor picked a green tomato and did not believe it was real. He carefully put it back next to the vine.

During our very casual paper plate dinner, we all chatted about how much we love each other, specifically our moms. Greg (age 9.87 years old) remarked that he has to love Halee because she created him, etcetera. Wrist flip, eye roll, pass the pizza please. Oh man. We seized the opportunity to shame him for not loving his Mom for all of her wonderful qualities (fun, smart, kind, generous, patient, loving, awesome!!) and for all the things she has done for him his entire life (cleaning up vomit, taking him to fun places, providing him his favorite foods and toys and books, you name it). His self defense was quick and surgical: “You guys didn’t HEAR me. I said ETCETERA!!” Then an even more dramatic wrist flip-eye roll combination, flourished with some chin wagging. I mean he really stuck the landing this time. The room erupted in laughter. I doubt whether any lessons were learned, but a new family catchphrase was born.

Handsome is making such progress with the Batmobile project! All the farm improvements from March to June were important and satisfying, but this might be the one physical accomplishment for which we all remember quarantine the most. His aspirations, among other uses, are to use this vehicle for hospital outreach and charity parades. I am so proud and excited! He has really been pouring his heart into this.

After a couple of wonky months, I am enjoying a nice reset with fitness. Yesterday’s workout was 5 steamy miles at the Choctaw park followed by a quick gym session, focused on unilateral moves. I am convinced that muscles imbalances have been the root of my plantar fasciitis and Achilles pain, and all of this gradual strengthening is helping more than rest and time off ever did.

Today I had intended to run at the lake at daybreak but made the mistake of doing chores first (seems like I am physically incapable of leaving the house without certain things finished) then checking the gardens. So, two hours and a sink-ful of produce and eggs later, I decided I should probably do laundry, too, before electricity hit peak price. And maybe sweep floors and water the gardens, ha! Around noon I finally laced up, but we had hit feels-like temps of 110 degrees, so I opted for the treadmill. Eight miles easy effort, no heatstroke. The pleasures of a lake run can wait.

I am giggling here because after a rambunctious day, Greg asked for a cuddle and nearly fell asleep in my lap while I played with his gorgeous red hair. I loved it. Sweet spicy boy.

Thanks for checking in, friends.
I love you, ETCETERA!!
XOXOXOXO

42 things I have been meaning to say to Angela

May 21, 2020

For my first sibling Angela, on your 42nd birthday…

Everyone who calls you friend feels deep-down lucky, me included.
You were an especially beautiful baby, I could see it even as a little girl. You were a bright, glowy orb of peach fuzz and smiles, and you lit up that little duplex in Plano, Texas.
Have you ever actually finished a plate of food? Doubtful.
I am very sorry about the time I tricked you into using permanent marker as eyeliner. Hehe. I mean I really am sorry, ha. But you are the one who did it.
You have unnatural physical strength for your size. How?
I love how ready for adventure you always are. Road trips! Hiking! Camping! Zip-lining! Parties and sightseeing! It’s a sight to behold, and an inspiration.
Your children are three of the luckiest children in the world…
…as is your gorgeous daughter in law.
I can’t believe you’re a mother in law before me, ha! Ha!!
I think of you every time I almost wear a bright color but opt for black.
And yet, the color association I have for you is an actual shimmering double rainbow.
It breaks my heart that someone as openhearted and enthusiastic about life as you are, has so much trauma and fear from which to heal. But you are doing it. Keep it up.
How weird and cool that after all these years we can band together over the Law of Attraction and faith, specifically.
Thank you for always, from day one, loving my girls with no reservations, no limits.
Thank you for sharing Dante with me when our kids were little, for allowing him to be part of so many precious family memories.
Thank you for sharing Chloe and Kenzie, too, for summer visit at the farm and more. They are irreplaceable, and I am so glad they have you.
I am still a little salty about losing to you at Tug of War a couple of months ago. That was honestly ridiculous and I demand a rematch.
You are amazingly loud. Like literally, you have an impressive vocal volume. If we could average your voice with my voice we might arrive at an average-decibel human voice.
How can you nap so easily? Is that the secret to your physical strength? Or are you sleepy because you never finish your food?
Our family was not okay while you were gone. And we are so much better with you “home” with us, among us, as part of all of us near and far. We need you.
Even Brene Brown does not hold a candle to your vulnerability. You exude it, along with both humor and gravity about the big stuff in life. You never shy away from the truth, no matter how scary it is.
When you wrote to me from prison, I took a long time to read your letter. I had so much healing of my own to do, and so many conflicting emotions, that I had to gather my energy for it. But I keep it nearby now and am actively thankful for you every time I see it.
How many ear infections have you had in life, really? I mean!
I will never forgive you for the “sponge cake” prank. But I will steal the idea and do it to someone else.
Much like Mom, you make people feel seen, and you make people feel seen for their best qualities. You both have a way of helping people remember the best possible things about themselves, and I hope you always have someone nearby to do this for you, too. Because you deserve it.
One of my favorite things about you is how naturally and genuinely you slash through chit chat and small talk to get straight to the real conversation. I LOVE THAT!
Also, you get straight to belly laughs quickly, and it is contagious. I love that too!
Will you please make me egg rolls? You make the best egg rolls.
I love how you call my husband out on stuff. And how you often just end it with, “Whatever Brandy.” Hehe. It delights me.
You are such a voracious reader! If you were when we were younger, I didn’t notice it. I love discussing books and everything with you now.
Even at 42, you are a bright, glowy orb of peachiness and smiles. You look more beautiful every year, and frankly it’s annoying.
Much like Dad, you have a weird and wonderful talent for gift giving. Over and over again, you both find really personal, specific treasures for everyone in your life, and it is just so cool.
Do you remember Randee Dandy Julie? That might be part of my rainbow association with your spirit. But just part of it.
I love your heart for abandoned animals, even when you were little.
Your future adopted dogs will be very loved and happy!
I also love your ability to draw a crowd for celebrations. You really are the life of every party! We love it when you walk in to any event!!
Do you remember that time we got into an argument over whether it was okay to over-annunciate “daddy” as “DATTEE” and it escalated into a fight and WOW. That memory floats to the surface sometimes when I hear the word “goatee” and I wonder if really, we should be saying it as “GOADEE.” No! Obviously! So dumb!
I am sad for the years we lost not being close friends, because I thought I was so much older (four years, ha!) and that being sisters was enough. Turns out, being both sisters and friends is such a wild gift in life.
Your clients at Hope are so lucky to have your heart and mind and tenacity and Love working in their favor. You have an ability to connect with people and finish work worth doing, and no matter what happens in the future I know you are living out part of your personal mission, your vocation in life to serve others.
Are you having a good birthday? It’s so weird this year, I know, but you deserve a wonderful, deep watering of love. I cannot wait to see you!
Happy sobriety anniversary, too! We are all so blown away and happy for your health, so proud and inspired by your journey.
Why do you hate Twister so agressively? I do not get that.

Image may contain: 3 people, including Angela Tucker, people smiling

Ang, I love you more than I can express, either seriously or as a joke. You are a gift and a treasure and irreplaceable for a million reasons. Happiest of birthdays, sister.

Love Over Fear
XOXO

less and more in these exciting times

March 20, 2020

March 20, 2020: Worldwide and local realities of the Corona virus pandemic, some thoughts on how we can thrive more fully, in a less-and-more format:

Less scrolling our internet news feeds, more phone calls with loved ones. More paying attention to good sources of information.

Less thinking of people on the news as strangers, more realizing they are all our sisters and brothers.

Less thinking that all of this is someone else’s problem, more believing that as a group we can thrive. More placing value on what every single person contributes to society. Less demonizing any segment of the workforce, including white collars and government officials, ok? More appreciating all the layers of cooperation we need and enjoy.

Less complaining about government leadership, more supporting the things going well, more affirming the hard work being done, more praying for the human beings in charge, who have never navigated this before.

Less feeling lost in our homes not knowing what to do with this time and these new tasks (laptop work from home, schooling restless kids, etc) and less wandering around, more sinking in and nesting together. More making silly memories, more making all kinds of memories that will last a lifetime. This will hopefully be a once in a lifetime event, and none of us will forget how we dealt with Corona virus 2020. Make your future self proud, haha!

Less outsourcing your daily decisions, more tapping into your personal wisdom.

Less newsy, opinionated podcasts in the background, more music.

Less stress snacking, more sunshine walks and stretching.

Less busywork, more meaningful progress on big projects. Also more disinfecting, ha!

Less worrying and talking about each other’s complaints and woes, more praying about actual challenges. More praying for specific people. More praying for specific situations and needs.

Less food waste and hedonism, more appreciation for good nourishment and more sharing with others.

Less slouching, more dancing and yoga!

Less dwelling on plans thwarted, on goals delayed, on what fun we could be having out and about, more living in the moment and more trusting that this weird time is a gift to be enjoyed, maximized, savored. There are untold hidden treasures in this mess.

Less “What if… (bad stuff)” and much more “What if… (good stuff)!”

Less droopy outlook, more JOYFULNESS and inner aliveness!

Less focus on the negatives of social distancing and more focus on human connections.

Less takeout, more homemade comfort food and maybe more growing our own food.

Less driving, more staying put.

Less marathon training, more being healthy and having fun with health and fitness and not being sad about the marathon and also looking forward to starting fresh soon. On that note? Less group runs, more treadmill miles and more weights. It’s fine. It’s fine! Also, runners, listen to the podcast below if you need a morale booster about your race being cancelled. Good wisdom here.

Less planning out the details of every week coming soon, more living within the bounds of this exact day, because we really have no idea what is coming next.

Less control, more implicit trust, more surrender.

Less complaining, more actively giving thanks. Thanks to God, to our spouses and children and parents, to our neighbors and friends and workers and leaders. Thanks to everyone for everything we can manage to notice, because it matters.

Less stress, more peace. Good, deep peace, the kind that helps you breathe well. Invite that feeling, embrace it. Protect it. Allow others to have their own.

Less excessive junk food, more small hobbies that keep our hands occupied while watching movies because let’s be honest we are gonna be doing that.

Less fear, more confidence.

Less seriousness, more playfulness.

Less number crunching, more hand washing.

Less disregard for each other, more flattening the curve.

Less seeing how much we can get away with, more being proactive about our social responsibilities.

Less scarcity, more abundance. Abundance in all things. An attitude of abundance, in our thoughts and supplies and capabilities. More attitude of abundance in our relationships and our world.

Less fear, more Love. That’s really it.

What would you add to this list, friends? And how are you and your people doing? What a weird time. What a bizarre and beautiful gift this is, really. I hope you are finding the diamonds and gooey centers in your days. Stay in touch, take care!!

XOXOXOXO
~Marie

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