Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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a restful, healing week

“It is the soul’s duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to its master passion.” -Rebecca West

This past week was the first time in many years, outside of a few occassions of convalescence, that we have enjoyed so much quiet, uninterrupted time with Jessica. (Although my husband might passionately argue that very much of our time was quiet, ha!)

It was luscious in every way. She and Bean went home today, and the farm is so quiet. We already miss them very much.

Image may contain: Jessica Hartley

Of our many exceptionally deep and fascinating conversations, one that has been echoing in my heart was about how humans are designed to crave beauty, how it is a natural appetite and a healthy inclination. We measured it against passion-gifts, too, like art and science, cooking and gardening and nesting, against caring for ourselves as women, and travel and the craving to explore this big world, and much more. We agreed that a hunger for beauty and a drive to pursue our unique passions can lead us down the best paths, if we watch our motivations.

My daily devotional entry from July 20th says, “Seek my face and you will find all that you have longed for. The deepest yearnings of your heart are for intimacy with me. Do not be afraid to be different from other people. The path I have called you to travel is exquisitely right for you.” (Jesus Calling)

This past week I was able to see the farm, and our home, through Jessica’s eyes a bit more deeply. A bare bones routine became soothing, not boring. I watched her slowly unwind and shed a landslide of stress from her body and spirit. She soaked up every day, morning till night, and every meal and activity we laid hold of, with a joyful kind of mindfulness that really inspired me. She allowed beauty and pleasure to overtake her, and more than ever she reflected and magnified all kinds of beauty, just by being herself, natural and free and untethered for a while. It was like watching overstressed plant rehydrate, turn emerald green, and bloom before your eyes.

Her health and happiness, and Jocelyn’s, is everything to us. This well timed investment of time and rest was so wise on Jess’ part, and I know that she was engaged enough in the retreat process to retain the feelings, to translate the efforts to her daily life and normal routine, in ways that only she can do.

I would like to chat more extensively about the pursuit of beauty in life, in the world at large. About how the deepest purpose in our various callings, is maybe to reflect Love? Soon, I hope. I am sleepy now and can feel my thoughts unraveling a bit. Thank you, friends, for the love you send our girls.

XOXOXOXO

“we are permanent”

Jess and Bean are back!! We picked them up Sunday afternoon, and the wild romping and untethered conversations ignited right away.

So far we have swam like fishes and coined the term hydroventilating, to describe the way Bean partially inhales the water as he chomp-swims.

We have played tetherball, keep away, and chase and have deeply watered and weeded the shade garden. Jess has also tormented Pacino with her do you wanna bite game. It’s a whole thing.

For dinner last night we made pickle-brined chicken tenders, macaroni and cheese, and Martha Stewart’s cornbread, salad and and marinated garden tomatoes on the side. This morning we all woke up pretty early and drove with the pink daybreak to find donuts. The dogs went, too. There was a maximum amount of joy and anticipation in the truck and again at home.

Have you seen Troop Zero yet? We watched it a second time last night, first time for Jess. So sweet. And how fun to pull apart and absorb the story with our daughter as an adult, when so many of its details remind me of her as a little girl. I highly recommend the movie, by the way. Its themes include childhood, gender roles, authenticity, community, grief, eternity, making your mark, friendship, mentorship, and much more. I know it will stand as a lifetime favorite of mine, and I was so happy that Jess enjoyed it with us.

I could honestly talk to you guys about this, about our life, all day. We are having serious fun, and we are doing a lot of mutual healing and deep connecting. The only reason I won’t spend more hours writing is that I am ready to continue living. The day marches on. See you soon, thanks as always for checking in!

Here I Am
I’m Here Too
XOXOXOXO

so many people to love

After a really fun family dinner and silly videos last night with the kids, Jess and Alex took Bean home for the weekend. (They’ll be back soon for more farm retreat livin.) So early this morning Klaus showed me the Apartment door, knocked on it with one giant paw, and smiled at me over his shoulder. I had to open the door and show him around, proving to this sweet big boy that they weren’t there, ha!

Kenzie, our youngest niece, turned 13 today, wahoo!! A milestone birthday, in the midst of a pandemic, and fresh on the heels of a brand new round of testing and quarantine for her household.

These facts are almost universal now, and commonplace, and less startling in many ways than they would have been two or three months ago.

Or so I thought.

My magical first sister arranged a drive-past-curbside birthday celebration for her baby, and when I saw these young ladies on the sidewalk my throat tightened up and my eyes flooded, involuntarily. I had been happy and excited to get there, but seeing them, in masks, and us wearing masks ourselves, and none of us hugging, although I definitely believe these are the right things to do, just gave me lots of feelings. A moment in history. I hated driving away from them.

The very first day we all get clean bills of covid health, I want to see them.

Tomorrow is a big day for some of our favorite humans, our dearest and closest friends who are really our brother and sister now. Say some prayers with us, for continued grace and peace? Thank you!

We have some fun plans for when Jess returns soon, and the gardens are already approaching the cusp of a transition, and I have laid hold on a temporary fitness plan that feels really good for this weird season. Those are a few previews.

Happy Saturday night, friends!

“Small streams don’t choose to be mighty rivers.
We keep moving in a direction
And God decides what He’ll make out of us.”
~Bob Goff
XOXOXO

friday fun

The frozen treats were a fun success! Below you can see the South Flock carefully investigating their bundt shaped, icy vitamins and minerals. Jess and I revisited the scene an hour or so later, and the smooth top was choppy and melting, the herbs and veggies exposed. The most intrested party seems to have been that good looking rooster there on the right.

A few special memories from today, so we can enjoy them later:

ONE: Bean has a penchant for jumping in to “rescue” his momma when she disappears underwater. And he is getting really good at jumping really far from the ladder!

TWO: Klaus and Bean are excellent teammates when it comes to warding off Amazon drivers, etc. But they are a little competitive when it comes to plush animal toys. And fetching softballs.

THREE: Garden veggies make the best Italian marinara ingredients, and Jessica has the touch! She chopped, sauteed, simmered, seasoned, tasted, seasoned again, and stirred her heart out until, two hours later, we had the most delicious sauce for pasta and meatballs.

FOUR: She also has the touch for soft cinnamon rolls! Wow. If we all sleep well tonight, we should be so filled with energy tomorrow, ha!

FIVE: Today we proved again that open, fearless conversation about hard things is fruitful, refreshing, and healing.

Sweet sleep, friends! I watched a TED talk this morning about mindfulness and neuroplasticity, and I have a book to discuss with you, but it will all have to wait. Our bellies are full of pasta and soft cinnamon roll goodness, and our comfy bed beckons.

CHOOSE JOY.
Stay on the path of peace.
XOXOXOXO

impermanence

Yesterday afternoon, Handsome walked into the Apartment where Jess and I had parked to do some serious conversating. He announced playfully that between the dogs roughhousing and panting like monsters and the women talking nonstop, the temperature inside the house had risen five degrees. Ha! It might actually have been true. Once again, #sorrynotsorry

On Day 2 of Jess’ Farm Retreat, we swam, made frozen treats for the chickens, chased the dogs tirelessly, made Bean swim in a tiny inflatable pool donut, fed extra soft grass to the horses, discussed legiterally everything, made sprinkle sugar cookies via Joy the Baker, made homemade pizza from scratch, and watched a movie at the end of it all. Somewhere in there Jess managed a good old fashioned summertime afternoon nap, much needed and hard earned.

We had planned an art project like painting or scarecrow constructing, perhaps macrame, but got pleasantly sidetracked making the chickens’ frozen scraps treats. This is when the topic of impermanence arose. It was such a careful, loving task, walking around the farm collecting colorful flowers, herbs, and bits of fruits and vegies, then cleaning out the kitchen for more. We chopped everything and Jessica arranged it beautifully inside a bundt cake pan before filling the pan with water to freeze. All of this preparation for a treat that will freeze overnight and be toyed with, melted, and consumed tomorrow morning. A brief pleasure, an impermanent gift. But still joyful. We talked about the monks who work so hard on their intricate chalk mandalas, only to sweep them away once finished.

Have you seen Onward yet? Oh gosh. The three of us (five of us if you count the dogs which you definitely should) watched it tonight with our homemade pizzas and sprinkle cookies. It is not just cute and funny, it is also one of the most inclusive, soothing, loving Pixar films so far, with many beautiful messages. We all really loved it, and I actually felt a warm touch of grace for having seen it exactly on this night, exactly in this life chapter, exactly after a series of heavy conversations Jess and I have had this week.

I am not certain what tomorrow holds for us, both in the broader life sense as well as in the what will be doing on Friday sense, ha! But I know what our prayers are. I know what our values are. I know what binds us together and what fuels our work and our play. I know that Love is worth every bit of our trust and that magic is real.

Sweet sleep, friends! Thanks for checking in!

XOXOXOXO