Lazy W Marie

crossing over into a fresh new year

December 27, 2015

Sunday, late morning, the weekend after Christmas. Oklahoma is enduring an ice bath and typically vicious winds. Handsome and I are wearing cozy things like flannel pajamas and eating fun snacks like popcorn, cheddar slices, crackers, and turkey. The farm is well stocked and in good repair, making it perfectly luxurious to just stay home and hibernate. We are playing the full Star Wars series for Klaus to watch in order, starting with Episode IV of course, so that he may grow up with the proper morals and one day be a good dog who chooses to use the force for good. Pacino is in the living room purring and telling himself what a good boy he already is. Christmas lights are still glowing all over the house because they are so pretty and I like that kind of thing.

Outside, the ice clings to every tree branch like winter’s own version of tinsel, and the wind is doing its best impression of a freight train. But inside? Inside, it’s all warm socks, holiday leftovers, and the kind of aimless snacking that only feels justified this time of year. Handsome and I have leaned fully into the hibernation lifestyle, wrapped in flannel pajamas with popcorn in one hand and turkey in the other. The farm feels like a cozy snow globe, undisturbed and glowing with Christmas lights that I refuse to take down just yet.

Our Sunday mission is both noble and necessary: a proper viewing of the Star Wars saga. Naturally, we started with Episode IV, because character arcs and surprise parentage are sacred. Klaus, wide-eyed and cozy on the couch, is taking notes like the padawan he is. It’s important that he understand the difference between a Jedi and a Sith—he’s got the potential to be a great dog, but even the best boys need guidance. Meanwhile, Pacino purrs with smug self-approval, already convinced he could run the galaxy with one paw tied behind his back.

In true holiday fashion, our marathon led us to a little online window shopping, and that’s how we discovered Theory Sabers. It’s not about swinging blades or sparring in the backyard—it’s all about the merch. From stylish collectibles to subtly geeky decor, it’s a treasure trove for anyone who believes their love for Star Wars deserves a spot on the shelf. A mug here, a lightsaber lamp there—next thing you know, you’ve built your own Jedi lounge without even trying. Honestly, it’s the kind of fandom indulgence that makes staying in feel like an event.

The end of 2015 is fast approaching. When I think back over the last twelve months I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Life has been full of surprises, mostly good ones, and no matter how stressful or scary the hours have been from time to time, the overarching mood of the days and weeks has been joy. My heart is overflowing with more than optimism; I truly feel excitement about the future.

My husband’s career is showing signs of deep relief and great leaps forward. The farm is growing and shrinking according to our mutual desires. Our oldest daughter is finding romance, adventure, and self-sufficiency in Colorado. Our youngest daughter is far from us in circumstance but so near to our hearts. I dream of her regularly and pray for her almost as constantly as I breathe. Other prayers have been answered in such stunning displays of grace; how could anyone ever doubt that this all important miracle is not on its way?

My baby, also picking me some wildflowers, also Mother's Day 2007. — My baby Jessica picking me some wildflowers at the Buffalo Mountain, Mother’s Day 2007.

On the personal front, I learned so much this past year about health and fitness. I’m excited to train for my next marathon with this experience and knowledge and maybe fit more easily into my skinny jeans too.

I ran the 2015 springmarathon badly, trying to diet during taper week, and paid for it. Then I lost weight and got faster over the summer. Then I hosted eight big parties in a row and gained the weight back, haha. Now I am excited to get back at it. the 2016 race will be the bomb dot com. — I ran the 2015 springmarathon badly, trying to diet during taper week, and paid for it. Then I lost weight and got faster over the summer. Then I hosted eight big parties in a row and gained the weight back, haha. Now I am excited to get back in a routine. The April 2016 race will be the bomb dot com.

I have started a little apron business that is not only profitable but really fun. The Oklahoma County Master Gardeners Association is a more permanent part of my life and schedule now (I am on the Social Media team), as is the Oklahoma Beekeepers’ Association (I’m the new state secretary). Lots of fun stuff coming around the bend in 2016 with both of these organizations.

Will 2016 be the year I draft a full piece of fiction? And stop blogging to do this? Or level up my blogging in order to sell more textiles and produce? What does SEO even mean? Will we sell the farm because of the new turnpike rumors? (If you haven’t heard, some sources predict the new Oklahoma turnpike could run exactly across our front pasture. Meh objects. He strenuously objects. We shall see.) If we stay, will be tackle a remodeling project or three?

Hopefully we will visit our beloved French Quarter before long, and I will do everything in my power to get Handsome to a white sand beach before he self-destructs. In my wildest dreams, we also visit some place completely foreign to both of us. And of course I go see our girl in the Rockies too. She has her own cabin there, and a new puppy, and a healthy dose of True Love.

Will the Lazy W Honeymakers make a comeback? Will the hens continue to lay eggs even in frigid temperatures? What about squash bugs? This could be the year I use chemical pesticides. Please withhold judgement; there is a smart way to do this. Yes to growing and selling watermelons that rival Rush Springs.

I am pulling away from Book Club for now and forming my own reading list for the coming year. Don Quixote is probably still not on the list, sadly. But Infinite Jest? Maybe so. I would love to see you on Goodreads to trade titles and reviews this year.

So much gratitude for the life we have been living. So many endless possibilities for the future, both near and far.

Friends, I want to thank you again for stopping here. Thank you for reading, for offering encouragement and insight, thank you for your prayers. Thank you for sharing your life with us in myriad ways this past year. Thank you for helping me sort out my thoughts so often. You are a wonderful gift.

Now let’s do some relaxing and recharging. Let’s give so much thanks for a good, solid 2015 and start making grand plans for an even better 2016. Much love to you from the Lazy W!

“Write it on your heart that every day
is the best day in the year.”
~Benjamin Franklin
XOXOXOXO

my heart goes out

December 24, 2015

My husband does not know this yet, but he gave me the best Christmas gift a month early, way back at Thanksgiving. A day or two after the big family feast, he said rather off-handedly, “You did good, babe. It really felt like Thanksgiving.”

We have been married fourteen years, and these last few have brought unprecedented fundamental changes, scary ones. Maintaining sanity and a sense of ongoing joy has been challenging at times, especially at the holidays. So what he said was probably the very best compliment he could have paid to me at that moment. An excellent early Christmas gift.

I probably don’t need to expound on the idea that as adults it’s the feeling of the holidays we’re chasing, even as we busy ourselves with traditions old and new. We are all trying to summon the best of childhood, the best of our imprinted ideals, the best of everything for our most precious people. It’s not just that we want certain stuff or foods; it’s that we all want to feel a certain way, and we have learned rituals to help us capture those feelings.

So we cook, decorate, shop, and prepare for the holidays. Maybe we berate each other too much for putting so much energy into this. So many guilt trips about materialism and excess. There is a middle ground, right? Everybody wants to eat, enjoy, remember, and live again those most prized feelings. We want so much to keep them going, alive, moving though the generations. I keep thinking of the Olympic torch, you know? The opportunity and responsibility of passing along the flame, not allowing it to go out for lack of trying or because of outside quenching conditions.

This is a hard holiday for lots of people near and dear to us.

My heart goes out this Christmas. To so many people, in so many ways.

I miss our two girls differently and viciously. I ache deeply for our friend Jeff who lost his Mom just a few days ago. I am sad for my own parents who are coping with hardship in the generations both ahead of and below them. I cannot move through any holiday tradition without hurting for my husband whose childhood family will never be the same again.

And still so much joy! Still so many reasons to be more than happy… Hundreds of reasons to be truly, brightly grateful, both in childlike ways and in very adult, wise, lasting ways too. My heart goes out to so many people, maybe because life, despite life, is rich enough to nourish us, fatten us up and make our hearts big enough to share with each other. We are overwhelmingly blessed.

I hope that making it really feel like Thanksgiving carries over into our Christmas. And then into every important thing we need afterwards, in the new year.

I hope that whatever is going on in your life, whether it’s hardship or bliss, abundance or leanness, or maybe acute, terrifying grief, that you are able to feel the most important things. Fill your heart to the brim with gratitude. Accept Love when it is offered. Be connected.

Let your heart go out. Do not feel guilty about chasing traditions if they help you keep those best feelings alive.

Thank you for your early gift, Handsome. It was perfect. But yes I still want to open everything wrapped up under the tree. : )

Friends, thank you for stopping here to read! The Lazy W wishes you and yours a very Merry Christmas!

XOXOXOXO

wordless weekend review

December 14, 2015

I am fresh out of words, mostly. Or maybe I just don’t trust myself with words today. This weekend has been so lovely. Here are a few photos. They represent the tip of the happy December iceberg, and as I jam out this quick blog post on Sunday evening I am more than content and very much looking forward to the new week.

A very silly, casual night on the town with good friends. So many good laughs!

The cutest little girl puppy I have not met yet.

My baby sister added me to Snapchat and probably regrets it. Mostly she just replies with a photo of her thumb in the “thumbs up” position. I don’t mind.

I am really, really, really into Christmas lights. So into them. Long live Christmas lights!

Having fun assembling little headbands in between apron and towel orders. There are a million and one uses for fabric scraps, you guys!

Friday night I needed emergency ice cream and chocolate; tonight I needed emergency salty carbs. All of this plus some whole wheat penne made my belly feel magical.

Now Handsome and I are watching funny Christmas videos and Klaus is being passive-aggressive when he doesn’t get his way by wrecking my big poofy pillows.

How was your weekend?

XOXOXOXO

the mitt romney-law of attraction-high fever-skeptical husband story

December 9, 2015

One day back in the winter of 1883, during a blizzard and on the verge of a cannibalistic tragedy, an over-stimulated and under-challenged middle aged woman started reading a slew of books that altered her perception of the universe. Her eyes were flung open to new, exciting possibilities and she thrust this shiny new pseudo-knowledge on everyone nearby, whether they liked it or not. While milking the goats, while gathering eggs, while traversing the snowy peaks and dodging hungry settlers, she preached the gospel of the Law of Attraction and started to manipulate her own reality. It was magical.

Not really, it was only me, and it was actually quite pleasant weather during the late fall of 2012, and while fresh eggs were plentiful then, we were happily free of cannibals at the Lazy W. But that got you imagining a cold and bleak setting, right? And the driving force of a new line of thinking?

Okay.

It started innocently enough with a book , which led to voracious reading on the internet and a few other related titles about the Law of Attraction, about the power of imagination and how meditation can fuel your prayers. I scoffed a little, I learned a little, and I experimented. Tested the waters. Prayed about it, actually. I compared this new philosophical material to what I already knew and believed about the Bible (my personal foundation of faith) and I just kind of… thought about it for a long time. I searched my own memory to see if it could be true. Had my mind been manifesting things into my actual three-dimensional life? Is that completely wonky, or is it possible?

Do you remember that “aha Moment” video?

Okay.

Let’s just bookmark all of that. I pinky promise to get back to it eventually, with concrete, important information, all kinds of adult thinky stuff.

Today I want to tell you a story about me in a fevered stupor, the Law of Attraction, Mitt Romney (remember him?), and my sweet, skeptical, doting husband. Grab some cocoa with marshmallows and prepare to text BW if you have his number.

It was early December, almost exactly three years ago, in fact, as I write this. The presidential election was over and cooling. Romney was sad. I was laid up in bed for a few days with an increasingly difficult flu or something equally temporary but incurable. I remember our big, soft bed was oriented against the east wall of our bedroom, not the south wall where we have it now. It was a dark morning, pitch black, and my fever was raging. It was that awful sweaty-shaking kind of sick that makes me nauseous just remembering it. Handsome had been taking really good care of me; he is gentle and attentive and good at condescending to the bed ridden, so I had been pampered. But on this morning he absolutely had to leave me to drive to the city and do Commish things. He was dressed in suit pants and a button down shirt. He smelled shower fresh and was so good looking even in the dark, even with my fever-cooked eyeballs barely open to see him. All week we had been volleying back and forth my new found ideas about magnetic thought (we disagreed to say the least). That morning I had one last chance before he left for the office to convince him of the things floating around my scattered brain. I desperately wanted him on board with me:

“I mean it, Brand, I think this stuff is real. I think if you think about something enough it will happen. What do you think?” So much thinking.

“Babe, no. It’s not real. Mitt Romney wanted to be President real bad and it just didn’t work out for him.” My husband favors clear cut ideas over well executed adverbs.

Check mate? Not even close. But this gentle rebuttal almost made me cry. I remember sitting halfway up to literally grip my husband’s lapels and say earnestly, to his face, glassy eyes flung open now, “He just didn’t want it bad enough!” I’m sure my fever breath was super sexy.

My husband of (at that time) eleven years gently loosed my cold, sweaty fists from his lapels, checked for wrinkles, then tucked me back beneath our billowy comforter. He smoothed my hair and stage whispered, “None of this is real. Now just go to sleep.” Like he was comforting a child who had just woken up from a nightmare! As if!!

He went to work. I fell into a fitful, fevered sleep. He came home frOm work, and I mentioned neither Romney nor the Law of Attraction again that week. I did, however, with some measure of silent pride, make a mental note that I had been imagining in detail his homecoming that day. It happened exactly as I expected.

Bingo.

Okay, friends. Here is where your texting invitation comes in: Please let my sweet but too skeptical husband know whether you are in his camp or mine. Have you ever had an experience with manifesting your thoughts/prayers/hopes/worries into reality? Do you think Mitt Romney is to be blamed for losing that election? Spill your smart guts.

Thanks as always for checking in.

You guys are the best.

XOXOXOXO

tuesday catch up for motivation monday

December 8, 2015

Yesterday I was on the rusty, jagged edge of cranky and was rude to our microwave.

Thank you friends for your silly and encouraging notes on Facebook after this little outburst, haha! xo

Today I feel light years better. I woke up early, fully rested, happy to see our Christmas lights twinkling on the shiny clean wood floor. In a couple of hours after finishing chores and running again (FINALLY) I expect to feel like myself again. Here is a super quick health/fitness update that I would have posted for Motivation Monday had I the motivation to do so, haha:

The first week of December was okay. Not spectacular, but not a disaster either. I only did a 30 Day Shred video once and ran 12 of the 30 miles I’d set as my goal, but really, what was I thinking for such a busy week? On the plus side I did eat mostly healthy food and learned or was reminded of a few important lessons:

When you eat to fuel your running you had better run, haha! Otherwise you feel fluffy and cranky. I can only speak for my own mind and body, but too many bowls of cereal/pasta without the attendant miles just makes for a weird chemistry. No bueno.
Vitamins are great but an iron supplement (for me! Check with your doctor!) is crucial. I cannot believe how flimsy I feel after a week without it. I came very close to fainting three times last week, which surely had something to do with not mustering the oomph to run or hang out with Jillian Michaels.
Choosing a focus sets our perspective. I have to remind myself of this a lot! It is so real. What we perceive we believe. Thoughts manifest themselves, etcetera. (Just don’t bother telling this to Mitt Romney.*)
Five days off feels like an eternity, especially when unplanned, but it is not quite the fitness Armageddon you think it is. Just shake it off and start again. Stop making such a big deal of it. (I honestly expected to have gained a thousand pounds, or at least four or five, over this super weird weekend, but I gained zero and actually feel pretty normal as I type this.) Remember that not exercising can let your appetite relax, too, so you know, relax.

Unrelated to this post but still cute: A few days ago I was brushing Chanta and Handsome snuck up and plopped Geoffrey the barn cat atop Chanta's ample back. The End. xoxo — Unrelated to this post but still cute: A few days ago I was brushing Chanta and Handsome snuck up and plopped Geoffrey the barn cat atop Chanta’s ample back. The End. xoxo

What do you have on tap for December wellness? I really would love to hear. Do you feel that paying attention to your body helps your mind, and also vice-versa? Do you notice that negative thoughts about yourself can trigger a dip in activity or a downward spiral in productivity at work?

I mentioned last Monday that Monica might be offering a December challenge, and she is! I am a week behind of course, but it’s simple and fun and totally worth diving in. Check it out here.

Happy Tuesday!

“Energy and persistence conquer all things.”
~Benjamin Franklin
XOXOXOXO

* Oh hey! If you don’t get this Mott Romney reference, check in later this week for the story. Especially if you know Handsome in real life you will get a laugh.

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