Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Freedom by Jonathan Franzen (book review)

May 14, 2016

Friends, I have a book recommendation for you. Freedom by Johnathan Franzen is touted as a modern classic, “A masterpiece of American fiction,” according to The New York Times, and I wholeheartedly agree. I devoured it, read several passages a few times, and found myself laying in the sun just kind of swirling in the language and story patterns. My sister Gen has read it too, so sitting for hours to discuss it with her is now on my short list of wishes. Have you read it? Will you read it so we can talk? Okay. Cool, thanks.

freedom

Some stories are complex because of action, plot, or science; Freedom is complex because of its perfectly believable (and fascinating) human characters. I found myself loving, resenting, and being curious about the same core personalities over and over again. Just like in real life. I laughed at them, felt aching sadness on their behalf, and worried for their poor decisions. It was wonderful.

Some stories are told from one perspective; Freedom is told from mostly a few, but eventually all, which is deeply satisfying. Do you ever hear a person’s life story and wonder what biases are at work, what filters are keeping you from the full truth, or maybe… What is hidden even from this person? Freedom chips away at intersecting stories by telling the same one from many perspectives. The reader is fed a feast in courses, and each one is delicious and stimulating toward the next.

Some stories are set in a single time and space, or laid out in a linear way; Freedom spans a few decades and is told in a layered, non-chronological way, but with perfect rhythm. It’s all really wonderful. And it all sneaks up on the reader rather gently. And the fact that this collection of life stories spans a few decades means that the reader gets at least some fruition, at least a measure of oh that’s how that works out. But not so much that all mystery is lost. Just enough to really marvel at the insight and fantasy.

And finally, some stories are told with either stark, utilitarian language or over-flowering, unnecessarily decorative prose; Freedom possesses its own clean, seductive, informative, charming style. Franzen writes with long sentences that are the perfect length, like he’s indulging himself a little but with good manners. He mixes action and insight better than any writer I remember ever reading. (Absolutely my goal as a wannabe.)

Okay. That’s my writer-reader’s praise for the book. Let’s see if I can tempt you. Hopefully none of these sentences are spoilers:

Young female athlete falls for the wrong guy, mostly resists him, has a female friend who is unhealthily obsessed with her, and bucks against her family which might no be everything she thinks but is still totally normal, though it takes her a long while to realize that normal is a relative term. A great, stable, normal guy falls hard for her. She takes him for granted. She suffers a life changing injury. Roads trips are taken, college ends. All precursors to mid-life crises for all.

Married woman has a truly steamy but also pathetic affair with her husband’s best friend, but we see the inner workings of their flirtation and seduction, not just the sex. We also see the husband’s response. His inner workings, not just his base reaction.

Kids are born, life patterns are established and followed with terrifying accuracy, careers are forged in new political scenery, music is explored. Sex. Plenty of it. Also drugs. And nature conservancy. And basketball and neighborhood associations. And domestic cats versus native songbirds.

The autobiographer now thinks that compliments were like a beverage she was unconsciously smart enough to deny herself even one drop, because her thirst for them was infinite.

Okay, friends, if I continue here I will risk retelling the whole gorgeous thing to you. Instead, promise me you will read Freedom then call me for a coffee date so we can talk for hours, possibly in L.A. so Gen can join us. (Then we will go watch her her skate some Derby magic!) This modern classic offers a wealth of instruction on humanity and American society. A feast in every way. I really loved it and, maybe more importantly, had a great fun time reading it.

Over and out. Happy Saturday to you.

“A universe that permits her to do this, at this relatively late point in her life,
in spite of her not having been the best person, cannot be a wholly cruel one.”
~Jonathan Franzen, Freedom
XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: book reviewsTagged: Franzen, Freedom

how we enrich each other’s motherhood

May 9, 2016

If it’s true that it takes a village to raise a child, then surely that truth carries throughout life. Surely good mothers can rally around each other, impart their best qualities, and thereby nourish more women to help more children live fuller, healthier, happier lives. A cross-pollination of sorts, you know?

I am so grateful for my own Mom, for my Mother in Law, for other women in my big beautiful family, and for the dazzling array of female friends in my life who collectively have nourished my mind and heart. They each and all have helped me see the world in new ways. They have helped to refine me, inspire my dreams, and put muscle behind my efforts. I am sure you would say the same about the women in your life. We all are products of our communities. We all help each other evolve and grow, and it’s beautiful.

The woman I was yesterday introduced me to the woman I am today; which makes me very excited about meeting the woman I will become tomorrow.

From my own sweet Mom, among many other passions, I inherited a love of gardening. She taught me slowly, by osmosis even, a host of growing lessons without ever calling them lessons. She passed along a love of recycling found objects and furnishing a home on a shoestring. She taught me that cooking at home, in my own kitchen, is better than eating at any restaurant (except maybe really good Tex Mex) and that leftovers can be delicious and fun. Because of her I crave healthy food and love to be outside. Imagination, I learned first from my Mom, is vital to our well being, and boredom is not an option for any thinking person.

From Judy, Handsome’s Mom, I learned to pray. I learned to cover my children in prayer and anoint them. She taught me to trust God with my babies, with our home, with everything. Judy taught me how to seek after miracles and lay my hands on them.

My sister Angela is younger than me but has taught me plenty. She proves the incomparable power of unconditional love. Her children are her glow and life force.

My little brother’s amazing wife Halee is one of my most favorite people on this planet. As a mother she exudes peace and calm. Over the years she and I have had deep discussions about the power of positivity, and really her life is proof of it. She as incredible inner strength and lends it to me regularly. (PS: They are expecting their second baby, yay!!)

Marci, my very best girlfriend, personifies the importance of education and hard work. She sets a high bar for her children and supports them firmly every step of the way. She is also one of the most fiercely protective mothers you will ever meet, so much so that it even makes me feel safe, haha!

My friend Meredith reminds me to celebrate the uniqueness of each of my children. She aims her gaze away from herself, toward whatever her children are looking at, and I love that. I am now in a chapter with Jocelyn that allows me to do that more than ever, and it is quite a gift. I’m thankful for Meredith’s example.

Brittany celebrates wildness. She prizes a little feral beauty in her young kittens, and she clearly sees them as dangerous, powerful individuals. She whispers a thrilling kind of freedom into the world, and I would be so sad without her voice.

Deb is a woman I have known since she was a teenager and I was little girl. She was my Mom’s midwife when my little sister Genny was born, and over the years Deb has been a strong, happy role model to me. She promotes whole-person wellness, good music on repeat, granola, chamomile tea, and playing outside. She spread her wings early in life and has encouraged her children to do the same. We are reconnected now as my own daughter is spreading her wings, and that has been so comforting.

Heather is my Canadian blogging friend. She and I became acquainted during a dark valley in my motherhood journey, and she helped me see the light. She helped me keep alive that spark of hope for good adult relationships with my daughters, hope for the truth to come out slowly and safely. Now she helps me celebrate good news over and over, and I appreciate her so much! All of that, plus she is just one of the most industrious and creative women ever to walk the earth.

Christy is a friend I would have been lucky to make about twenty years earlier, except I understand now that timing in life is perfect. Just leave it alone. She is an avid champion for positive body image, healthy habits, and joy. Unbridled joy!! But if I write much more about this woman she might block me on Facebook.

Tracy is a book club girlfriend who is devoted to her family. Her style is to be active with them and be silly and play. Play play play. She is a serious soul with a very un-serious side that I adore. She reminds me to play, and I love that.

My drop dead gorgeous cousin (she’s actually my second cousin but so what) Jen is a whole other kind of playful. She is the kind of mom who worries privately but somehow transmits only confidence and zen. She absorbs the darkness for her people and does some kind of magic that makes it possible for her to only emit light. She is dry witted, fun, sexy, smart, and very go-with-the-flow, and it’s all so magnetic.

I met Trisha through Marci and am so glad we are friends. She is a first-time mom with great old-time values. She is deliberate in filling her toddler Avery’s time with valuable stuff, lessons and face time, but no screen time. She wants her daughter to grow up unencumbered by technology addiction, and what a great reminder to us all. This is only a snapshot of what she offers the world, but to me it’s vital. It’s all about carpe diem, right? Yes.

My Aunt Marion has imparted to me a wealth of wisdom and good habits. More than I can encapsulate here. What stands out as I write this is her attention to nesting and home keeping. She allowed me to house sit for her when I was about 19 years old, during a time her house was on the market to be sold. She left clear instructions to keep every bed made, every bathroom tidy and clean, and the kitchen shining. I was not to leave the house with so much as one glass in the sink, she said happily, because a realtor might bring a prospective buyer to view the house at any time. The thing is, her house has always been clean and beautiful. This was nothing special for her. But that short week of keeping her home up to her standards made a deep impression on me. It’s probably why I find it physically impossible to go to bed now with so much as a glass in the kitchen sink, and I never leave the farm with unmade beds or messy bathrooms.

I was thrilled to be in touch with both of my beautiful girls today! Klaus was happy to be cuddle up for a Mother's Day photo though, haha! xoxo
I was thrilled to be in touch with both of my beautiful girls today! So very happy. But my sweet Klaussen volunteered to cuddle up for the Mother’s Day photo, haha! xoxo

I could write for days about dozens of other women, and just as many men, who challenge and inspire me to be better. These are the women who came to my heart today. I was laying outside, just kind of luxuriating after a long, happy lunch with local family, and the warmest feeling of gratitude washed up over me. Warm, vibrating gratitude for the influence these women have been. For the contributions they continue to make to my life. I hope they each know they are appreciated.

Who has enriched your motherhood? What qualities are you thankful to see growing in your life because someone else planted a seed?

Happy late Mother’s Day to all of my friends. My wish is that you feel more hope than pain. That you are standing in more light than dark. And that you trust deep in your bones the trans-formative power of Love and imagination.

Now excuse me while I have dessert for dinner.

“Empowered women empower women.”
XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: gratitude, growth, inspiration, mothers

literary saturday: late april reading

April 30, 2016

Books:

Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace. Status: AAAGGGHHHH!! I have this purchased on my iPad, so I use it to put myself to sleep during especially difficult bouts with insomnia. It’s that interesting. Sorry, I know this is purported to be a genius undertaking, and I can see how the tiny threads of different far-flung stories are or will eventually be somehow connected, but the inner dialogue is just so dense. Like, quite dense. And I generally enjoy inner dialogue! Laboriously crafted characters, too. And I groove complex people! Maybe I should try reading this in broad daylight, filled with energy, on actual paper with ink. Maybe that would help. For now, this is firmly on my “difficult reads” shelf. The marathon of book attempts.

Freedom by Johnathan Franzen. Status: Completed. This book was beautiful. Absolutely orchestral in its telling and weaving of generational patterns, love stories, and self actualization. I need to talk about it. Gen? Available?

freedom

Sweet Surfing:

Ever since spending that luscious week with Jocelyn in Colorado, watching her transform her adorable cabin kitchen, I have had small spaces on my brain. Hers is so pretty, so perfect for a single young woman finding herself and exploring her world. I read Joy the Baker’s memories on her many tiny kitchen spaces and loved every conjured image. All the Kitchens We’ve Lived In.

joc kitchen

Do you ever read Live Your Legend? Oh man. It’s worth keeping on your list of  weekly haunts. Go back far enough and read forward and you will have quite a feast for mind and soul. Recently the website posted “10 Ways to Do Your Own Impossible Daily“ and I adore it. “Beliefs are not facts.”

Dee over at Red Dirt Ramblings adds new material often, which is wonderful for her readers! This article is several weeks old, but it bears mentioning again this weekend because now most of us are getting serious about summer garden planning. “Beautiful Foliage Carries the Summer Garden” is perfect for anyone in Oklahoma who craves consistent lushness despite the heat and wind and humidity and bugs and, well, Oklahoma-ness. Thank you Dee!

Dorothy Beal writes Miles Post, a running blog that reaches deep into my happy guts. The author writes directly, without pulling punches, about topics ranging from body image to food, family, and travel. In “An Uncomplicated Guide to Running and Life“ she just nails it. Easy peasy.

With few exceptions, Handsome and I greatly prefer eating at home. This piece by Fit-Fluential gives us lots of reasons to feel even better about that habit. We have yet to jump on the fresh-ingredient-delivery bandwagon, as this article suggests, but some of our friends swear by it. Also? This piece says wear your apron. Amen.

Did you know I sell handmade apron sets? Drop me a line. I would love to set you up with something cute. xoxo
Did you know I sell handmade apron sets? Drop me a line. I would love to set you up with something cute. xoxo

Okay my next link is not for reading; it’s a TED talk. I hope you’ll give it a listen. Handsome and I heard it together while driving somewhere west, and we agreed it is lovely. “The Surprising Habits of Original Thinkers“ by Adam Grant actually does have some surprising research to offer. My favorite line has to be, “Doubt the default.” Yes!! Yes, please. Friends, every time you sense a default setting in your life, care enough about yourself (about everyone around you) to re-examine it. Make sure periodically that the habits you have established continue to serve you and the people you love.

I would be so happy to get a glimpse of what you’re reading, too.

Now… I am off to do some average farm stuff then prepare for our pup’s first birthday party. Watch for photos! Then a girls’-night-out. Then some romance with Handsome. Very excited for every bit of that!

Happy Weekend to you!

Doubt the Default
XOXOXOXO

 

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Filed Under: Dee Nash, literary saturdays, reading, thinky stuff

marathon monday: gratitude trumps regret

April 26, 2016

Friends, to those of you who ran any of the amazing events yesterday at our City’s beloved Memorial Marathon, congratulations!! I hope you had the most wonderful time! I hope you were safe and felt happy, energized, and appreciated. Weather conditions Sunday morning were challenging, with high humidity and strong winds, but that just makes your accomplishment so much sweeter, right? Close to twenty people I know or sort of know were among the almost twenty-five thousand runners. Wow! Watching your updates made me super happy. This is, after all, much more than any road race; this is an act of remembrance and a declaraion that love overcomes hate. That communities can heal.

This chainlink fence stands all year long and is constantly adorned with flowers, wreaths, letters, and stuffed animals to remember those lost in the 1995 Murrah Building bombing. Runners in the different Memorial Marathon races also pin their paper race bibs here.

I am disappointed to not have participated this year. No doubt. My enthusiasm was so high going into training, and I had been learning so much about myself (mind and body) this past year, that I really believed this April would be a big deal. I harbored pretty fantastic ideas about how things might go down, around Lake Hefner and along Classen especially. But that ankle injury changed everything. Thankfully it is pretty well healed now, just not in time to build up the stamina needed for long distance. And that’s all I want to do, really.

 denial run

I was tthhiiiisss close to registering anyway, last minute, without even warning my husband. It was Friday night and I was clicking on links left and right looking for options. Maybe the half?

But then I scrolled through the hundreds of photos on my phone. Having spent the previous week with Jocelyn in Colorado, I was overcome with gratitude and in many ways still felt like I was there with her. We had such an amazing eight days together! I visited her fit and healthy enough to really enjoy exploring her version of paradise. Hiking up snowy mountains with this beautiful young woman is a pleasure I could never have predicted. It is beyond a dream come true. So… deep gratitude for health and love and life in general quickly overwhelmed that nagging race regret.

My ankle and stamina were not lacking; they were exactly where they needed to be.

joc me hike

I halted all plans and mind games about desperate registration and actively gave thanks for the time spent with her, for being healed and strong enough to really enjoy Colorado with her a second time and makes some irreplaceable memories.

false peak

Isn’t life amazing? How wonderful that gratitude is so consistently powerful, too.

Once again, friends, my warmest hugs and congratulations if you ran any of those events on Sunday!! It’s quite a feat. Also congratulations if you trained for something and had to bow out for any reason. I now understand how frustrating that is. Take care of yourself and look to the future with me, okay?

More importantly, let’s look at the present moment and count our abundant blessings hard. Let’s invite gratitude to fully overwhelm all our stabbing little regrets. It feels so nice.

 

 

It’s As It Should Be.
XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

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Filed Under: Colorado, gratitude, joc, OKC Memorial Marathon, running

the legend of how the iris survived a famine in japan

April 6, 2016

Have you heard the legend of how the elegant iris survived a famine in Japan?

I am going to paraphrase it for you without bothering to fact check, because the best legends possess more magic than facts, anyway. xoxo

Once upon a time in feudal Japan, either a century or five or nine ago, the people were starving. The land was stricken hard by famine. So little was growing, and yet the population was exploding so greatly, that the government made a decree: In order to maximize their limited farmland it was ordered that only edible plants could be cultivated. The island nation could afford to waste no fertile soil on ornamentals like flowers.

But the Japanese people loved their flowers, their irises especially. Irises were heritage plants, like they are for us now: Legacies handed down from one generation to the next with great care. Beautiful, fragrant, voluptuous tissue blooms growing year after year in the toughest conditions. The villagers could look at their irises and glimpse decades and centuries of familial connection, a vital life force in their culture. To many villagers, growing irises seemed as important as growing food.

So they found a way.

The people gently unearthed their coveted rhizomes from garden spaces that would then be dedicated to growing food exclusively. They secreted the woody treasures up to the thatched roofs of their homes. In little pockets of earth out of view of the soldiers and farm overseers, they maintained their iris legacies.

Food grew below, in the open, and the famine eventually passed. The land healed. And irises grew above, in secret, and their legacies remained in tact. The people healed.

irises april 2016

As I sit here typing this story a very old cut-glass vase faces me, filled with yellow and white iris blooms. I brought them inside yesterday, and they have been perfuming the downstairs ever since. Like most people, I grow irises that were gifts. Some are from my Mom who got them three decades ago from my Dad’s grandmother, whose parents brought them over from Germany. Some are from my wonderful gardening friend Kevin. A few are wild transplants, but not many. All of them are gorgeous and strong. Resilient. Colorful in different ways but all heady with that unmistakable scent.

Plants come and go in our lives and in our culture for a variety of reasons. Lots of people are quick to dismiss a loss or even to claim “brown thumb” when growing conditions are tough, as they frequently are here in my home state. Okay, gardening isn’t for everyone. But beauty takes many shapes and can come and go in our lives for a variety of reasons. The next time you are faced with losing something beautiful and precious that perhaps you could salvage, take heart. Consider the faith and determination of the Japanese people when they were faced with losing something dear to them. The evaluated their resources, re-purposed everything, and found a way. They made a way. They valued beauty as much as sustenance and then quietly, without fanfare or violence or a noisy protest, fulfilled the desires of their own hearts. And it was plenty enough.

This story speaks to me on many other levels too. If you were here drinking coffee with me we could talk it over for a few hours! But we both have stuff to do, right? I’ll leave you to it and get on my way as well.

Seek beauty, friends. It is a meaningful gift. Live with beauty. Aim for legacy. Seek it. Value it. Make room for all of it in your life, even if you have to secret things away to your thatched roof for a season. It can heal you.

Happy springtime wishes from Oklahoma
XOXOXO

 

 

 

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Filed Under: faith, gardening, irises, japan, legends, thinky stuff

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Hi! I'm Marie. Welcome to the Lazy W. xoxo

Hi! I’m Marie. This is the Lazy W.

A hobby farming, book reading, coffee drinking, romance having, miles running girl in Oklahoma. Soaking up the particular beauty of every day. Blogging on the side. Welcome to the Lazy W!

I Believe Strongly in the Power of Gratitude & Joy Seeking

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