Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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a private moment filled with reminders

At the park where I ran this morning is an open-air, concrete pavilion with several large caged fans mounted at the ceiling, all pointed down to the floor at different angles. I was stopped for a drink of water at a brick building about twenty feet away.

A young dad was standing inside that pavilion, holding his young son up in the air, facing away from him, the dad’s arms wrapped around his little boy’s slender, stiffened legs, chunky sneakers hitting his dad mid-torso. The boy’s arms, also stiff, were glued to his own torso. His blonde head was tilted back, and he was screaming into the fan, at high volume and with lots of gusto:

“III LLLOOOOOVVVEE YYOOOOOOUUUUU DDAAAAADDD!!!”

Over and over again.

Just like we all did to oscillating fans when we were kids. But it was an extra big fan. Extra loud.

So many times.

The dad just held him there, a blonde headed little torch of energy, beaming happiness. The boy screamed I love you dad at least a dozen times while I stood there drinking water and stretching, spying on their private moment in public.

Mom, baby me, and Dad, circa 1974.

This is what I wanted to tell you today:

Go for a run if you can and love your kids steady and hold them up really strong and love your dad, too.

Over and over again.

XOXOXOXO

 

sweet sixteen, midweek check in

My husband and I are quite talented at Staycation-ing. Or is it called Staying-Cation? Whichever, we are so good at doing this thing where you schedule time “off” but do not travel. You just stay home (mostly) and do and eat what you want (mostly) and luxuriate in the fruits of your hard earned nest feathering labors from the previous several months.

We tend to reserve a week or so for exactly this pleasure every summer around our wedding anniversary. This July we are celebrating 16 years, and for the first time maybe ever I feel the heft of that number.

Not in a bad way, not at all. Just in a less juvenile way than before. If that makes sense. Almost as if all the anniversaries prior had been tokens or curiosities, or practices, even the milestones like 5 or 10.

Do you remember the birthday from your own childhood when you suddenly felt older, less like a little kid, not quite grown up but certainly in that middle ground between the two? It’s a feeling familiar to that. I know we are no longer a new couple; yet we are far from having venerable tenure.

Handsome and I have expereinced and accomplished a lot together in sixteen-plus years as a couple, so it’s a surprise to me that I should only just now feel the heft of a numerical representation of our union.

Sixteen.

Sweet sixteen.

Old enough to drive in this country.

Old enough to actually marry in some places.

The age when most teenagers begin to work for their own actual paychecks.

Still a transitory age, though. And not an altogether easy one.

The traditional gifting mediums for the sixteenth wedding anniversary are silver and peridot. But we have never adhered to this.

After all, we are saving money by not traveling, right?  One of our accidental but long-standing traditions is to gift a single thing to each other, a treasure for the house or the farm, some indulgent memento that we hopefully always remember as “the thing we found at our so-and-so anniversary!” With some luck we tend to find these treasures at cool, weird, cobwebby places for either cheap or nothing. Or, we reserve our anniversary for purchases larger than we might normally make.

Sometimes we see beautiful objects and take in the artistic inspiration then tackle a DIY for the farm. I like this image for that:

Does the Lazy W need a silver-painted mermaid? Probably.

As of this blog post we have not found our 16th year treasure. I’ll keep your posted.

Back to Stay-Cationing!

Some of our favorite activities are pretty obvious: Swimming and laying out in the (abundant, oppressive, delicious, healing) Oklahoma sun, grilling food outside and generally cooking whatever we feel like from day to day, keeping a slightly less rigorous healthy diet. (At the onset of this week we went grocery shopping together and filled the cart with quite a selection of separate cravings.)

Plus literally the best restaurant food.

Lots of spinach topped with pistachio-crusted goat cheese, mango, grilled chicken, prosciutto, and more. HEAVEN.

We go to the movies sometimes, a rare treat. This week we have seen both Pirates of the Caribbean and War for the Planet of the Apes. Such good films!!

We go running for fun, not training, I mean mostly I do, but I try not to feel guilty about it, and the boys have been joining the sweat fest a little bit too!

We socialize with friends. Sleep in the heat of the afternoon if we need it, especially in our cold and comfy green room downstairs. In fact sometimes we even sleep downstairs at night, like a slumber party. It’s great.

Staycation is for looser schedules, maximum sunshine, indulgent foods, and lots of want to do activity, less have to do.

Several times per day the words sweet sixteen pop into my head.

Happy Anniversary, BW. Midway through our week off together, I wish you all the rest and refreshment you crave. I love you more now than ever.

XOXOXOXO

a much happier storm season blowing through us

When the farm has just emptied of kids, evidence is plenty. The deck, pool, and surrounding lawns are all festooned with brightly colored plastics: Water guns and leaky swim masks, half-inflated floats, sun-crunchy pirate beach towels, and orphaned flip flops and hair ties. They are all scattered like confetti across the calm, green expanse. We discover an empty juice box here and there, a chewed-to-nothing melon rind, a discarded (hopefully used up) bottle of sunblock.

The chairs and chaise lounges are all askew, abandoned and resting happily like exhausted chaperones after a late night middle school dance.

When we bought these nine acres in 2007, our dream and vision was to give our girls, then 10 and 12, a second half of childhood, a healthy, wholesome coming of age with lots of space for deep breathing and long-leg stretching, animals to love and learn from, and much more.

The seeds of that vision had barely germinated when some destructive life storms blew through our family and changed everything for a season. We hung on, everyone survived, and eventually the sun came out again, brighter than ever. But that’s another story for another day.

Now I sit outside soaking up the cheerful debris of a happier storm, one of so many like it, each one important. “Cousin-Palooza 2017” came and went in a flash, leaving in its wake all this color and all these good vibrations. I sit here taking note of how much love and joy have actually grown here in the midst of that other storm.

Despite it? Or because of it?

For all the years that storm took from our family, has it actually nourished our foundation?

I think so.

I think, I feel in my bones, that the culling and strengthening and the deep watering from both tears and sweat have all contributed to an ongoing beautification. Not just a bigger deck or prettier gardens, not just faster internet, better food and more artwork on the walls- although yes to all of that!

But really, more trusting hearts for my husband and me. Freer minds. Effervescent joy that is actually pretty difficult to flatten.

We are blessed beyond reason. Thankful for adult siblings who trust us with their children so we can share these nine acres in some of the ways we always imagined. Happy to cultivate memories and bonds with our nieces and nephews that, despite inevitable storms headed our way in the future (that’s just how life goes), will last a lifetime and anchor us all.

Chloe, Kenzie, & Greg. July 2017 xoxo
Daybreak in Fort City, upstairs in the Apartment. They slept hard for almost 7 hours then sprang awake at full power, ready for chocolate chip pancakes and more fun.
Little fishes doing tricks all day long.

I always resist the hurry to clean up after a party. I am in no hurry to see it all wiped away, all the colorful debris that kids especially leave behind.

Except that other good stuff is on its way, and we need to make room. Every day, every moment, holds a new promise and a host of surprises. The whole big, beautiful, equally colorful future is about to happen.

I’m ready.

XOXOXOXO

 

code red (book review & shark week talk for ladies only)

Did you catch the title of this post, that it’s intended really for ladies only? Okay, maybe also for guys who care about their women so much that they can handle some decidedly feminine-centered material. But anyway. You have been warned…xoxo

Ladies, friends and loved ones, I have discovered a school of thought that I wish I had discovered in my twenties, all about feminine health and well being, centered around our moon cycle. It’s not new exactly, in fact it’s quite ancient and completely natural; but as with so many things in life, our modern constructs have pulled us away from ancient and natural truths. How nice to take that step back and reconsider things a bit.

Almost exactly two months ago I stumbled on a new-to me-author, on a day that I had woken up surprised to feel less than great. The synchronicity of how I discovered her and the fact that it happened on that exact morning feeling the way I did, after having a certain dream about a lion, while the moon was crossing Leo, well, obviously there’s a very long version of this story. Today we will cut to the chase.

Introducing Lisa Lister, author of Code Red and much more.

Long story short, someone I respect and admire posted on Instagram about charting her own menstrual cycle and referred to Lisa Lister. I explored the author’s online posts and became more and more enthralled. She writes enthusiastically (irreverently too, haha, check her IG) about the multitude of precise and far-reaching fluctuations women experience from day to day during our cycles. And by cycle I do not just mean “The Curse.” She illustrates beautifully how those few days are just a part of the natural, full-spectrum, month-long healthy cycle, and how (this is my favorite part) a woman’s moon cycle can be viewed in four distinct seasons. Four unique ways to live, month after month. That’s a lot more interesting than just “PMS” hell followed closely by “Shark Week,” implying that the rest of the time is the only time you’re normal. Agree?

Your menstrual cycle is way more than just a biological process; it’s a cycle of ever-changing spiritual, emotional, creative energy, a road map that leads right back to the very essence of you.

Oh man. Ok you might have been reading here when I was studying the moon and its effects on farming and gardening? How ancient wisdom holds various chores and tasks as more profitable on certain days of the month, or at certain times of the year? I have been long fascinated by the powers of the waning moon compared to waxing, traditional energy grabs at the new moon, letting go of regrets at the full moon, etcetera. I already believe in this stuff. So then you see how I was so easily hooked by this train of thought about our own health.

Who is still here? Haha

So. Intrigued by her alignment with the phases of the moon and inspired by her very detailed suggestions to chart lots more than just the worst days of each month, I immediately downloaded the electronic version of her book, Code Red. I consumed it greedily and printed the circular chart she provides to begin my own experiment.

Some context: I am 43 years old and plenty healthy. I had two wonderfully pleasant pregnancies in my twenties and have had little to no disruption of life since then, physically. I feel pretty in touch with my own thoughts and feelings, and I had always assumed I was knowledgeable enough about feminine health. I mean I took sex-ed in middle school, right? And later read “What to Expect When You’re Expecting?” LOL.

But this book revealed nuances I had just not considered. Lots of subtle but powerful truths that I have been struggling with since my twenties, stuff that as I read fired up light bulb moments and washed me with relief over and over again. Which is why I wish I had discovered this school of thought earlier. It’s more than just mildly comforting to know certain things are normal; it’s vital to realize you have untapped potential and actual insight available to you about your own life. It’s liberating and exciting to think of using your energy from day to day in more profitable ways, resting when needed, and behaving in sync with nature. 

That right there might be my favorite theme or take away from this book: The notion that a woman’s cycle is far more (so much more) than just 4-8 days of pain and inconvenience, at best. That a woman’s cycle is, actually, a powerful and beautifully orchestrated mirror to Nature herself. Women hold unique sources of life, love, creativity and regeneration that we often neglect in favor of competing to be more masculine and independent.

Do not get me started on that.

Feminine energy is fluid, it’s not consistent.

This book offers a vivid, seductive invitation to walk away from modern (masculine) ideas about what it means to be “on your period” and instead reconnect with nature. 

This is the way of the feminine and when we work with her and not against her, we actually become more productive while nourishing ourselves in the process.

Friends, even if you you choose not to read this book, here are some things I hope you will consider:

  • Begin charting you month with greater precision and insight. Use the circular pie chart and observe how your cycle intersects with the moon’s cycle. I have now deleted the phone app I had been using for years. It does not hold a candle to the insight available through circular charting. 
  • Know that while you will have lots of wonderful things in common with all women throughout history, your cycle is unique. Small differences do not necessarily mean you have something wrong. (Mine, for example, is only 24 days long, which used to bother me for some reason.)
  • On your chart, divide your cycle into four seasons and seek to understand the swells of energies between them. Know that your mind, body, and spirit are all designed to wax and wane just like the moon, and every day has a beautiful purpose. What society calls “mood swings” is too generalized. Get in touch for real. (And by the way men have this to a degree, too, so chill baby-babies, chill.)
  • Allow yourself to embrace all kinds of cravings, way beyond chocolate but yes including chocolate, haha. You may notice days every month that you crave meat, raw nuts, chocolate, or later fruit, extra water, or very little at all. Some days you may crave lots of activity, other days introspection and reading. Do you have days when you can’t wait to throw a huge party, but other days, inexplicably, you can barely hold a conversation? Very natural. Resisting nature is futile, and over time it can cause some serious health problems. Learn to reconnect with yourself and to live more fluidly, even if it means rejecting modern constructs and ignoring some cultural nonsense.
  • Take a deep breath and be really happy that you’re a woman. (I could talk for hours about this and know many women who hate being women, which I do not understand, except that our culture has made it so weird to embrace true femininity.) If you are healthy, be especially grateful for that. If you have some health obstacles, know that you have lots of power to heal yourself.

I have been secretly pushing this book and its charting advice onto some girlfriends, anyone who will listen, who I think might be receptive to these ideas. Why secretly? Why do they seem so radical? Mostly because the author’s vernacular has kind of a pagan flavor. She writes freely about tarot cards (definitely not my thing, ask my husband how I cope with New Orleans) and refers heavily to the divine feminine (I know this contradicts traditional Christian thinking). But it’s all just semantics around a worthwhile topic.

I strongly urge all of my beloved women, at any age, to explore this. Try this approach on for size and see if it fits for you. She offers an ocean of nourishing thought and lots of research into ancient cultures to demonstrate how practices have changed over time. So interesting! In the book, each of the four “seasons” is celebrated for its super powers and unique opportunities. And each of those chapters comes stocked with special encouragements on how to make the most of that time. Ideas of how to work with nature, not against Her. I just love that!

We ignore our deepest needs as women because we no longer trust that we know ourselves better than anyone else.

I read the book cover to cover in those first couple of days, and I began my own charting experiment immediately. Since then I have been re-reading each little section as my own cycles ebb and flow, and it’s been so helpful. I’m already a pretty heavy journal keeper, but you might not believe how much understanding this has provided me. Moods and energy, tolerance for dishonesty or falseness, overall friendships and deeper relationships, sex and domestic stuff, ambitions, even my running! It’s been eye opening to say the least, and having the visual circular representation of each month is just plain fascinating. 

One more thought to share: Not everything in this book is bent toward the mystical. She includes plenty of science and talk about hormones, too, but in really precise explanations. She zeroes in, for example, on what is happening on day 3 or day 22, on the relationship between testosterone and estrogen, all of it. So amazing. I love understanding the body better!

Please share your thoughts! Have you read this book yet, or have you ever seen her online posts? What do you think of viewing your own cycle like phases of the moon, does it make sense to you? Does it alleviate some of the pressure or does it reveal some things that had been mysterious?

from Everyday Tao: Living With Balance and Harmony

I hope that some of you do explore this school of thought and get back with me. I hope it is helpful to you, because it certainly has been to me. As always, the more closely we can live with nature, the better. And the healthier and happier we are as women, the better off our families and communities will be.

Ok. Gotta go now, thank you so much for checking in!

XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

friday 5 at the farm: early summer joys

Friday already? Yes, it’s Friday! Wow. We just accomplished another full-to-bursting work week and are sliding fast and furious toward the weekend. I couldn’t be happier. Actually, Handsome and I were just reflecting on how these past couple of weeks have been particularly satisfying. Filled with all sorts of boxes checked, obstacles demolished, attitudes refreshed. Prayers answered, too, let’s not forget that. We sure can’t take all the credit for being in a place of peace and contentment. Thankfully, the goodness around us far exceeds what we are capable of drumming up ourselves.

Real quick, how about a Friday 5 at the Farm?

Here are some things bringing me total and utter joy this week.

#1: Baby chicks are growing! Mama Hen and her little flock of six are happy and energetic. We love them.

#2: Some foot TLC, including new stretches and a topical anti-inflammatory. After a break that felt much longer than 3 days, I finally logged 8.2 glorious, humid miles between Thursday evening and Friday morning and am super grateful to be back at it.

#3: Homegrown salads! Every big bowl is layered with a variety of lettuces and greens, raw veggies, and farm fresh eggs. I could live on this meal. Actually, I kind of do.

#4: This overflowing trough garden and our new flat deck make me happy every single day. In the early morning hours, the light is lavender and pink and the birdsong is orchestral. By midday the dragonflies are buzzing low and I crave my best lawn chair and a good book for soaking up the sun in privacy. Early evening brings cooler temperatures and lacy shadows from those oak trees. And if we are lucky enough to step outside at night, we are rewarded with velvet black, diamond-crusted skies and lots of frog song. At any hour, I love to brush my hand across the globe basil planted here and bring the fragrance with me. Even my husband notices.

#5: An evening at Vacation Bible School with our Jedi OKC friends! Man that was fun. So many happy kids and so many stellar people making good things happen for them.

 

And with that, we are off to the next chapter. What daily gifts have brought you loads of utter and complete joy this week?

Carpe those diems, friends, they are rare and beautiful.

“I promise if you keep searching for everything
rare and beautiful in this world,
eventually you will become it.”
~T.K. White
XOXOXOXO