Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Waiting for Paper Whites and Celebrating Grace

   So, last week, just before Christmas, we all noticed the Winter Solstice come and go. You did notice it, right? The shortest day of the lunar year is now behind us. This means that now, gradually, until the Vernal Equinox in late March and then the Summer Solstice in late June, the days are lengthening. If ever so slightly, we are now seeing a little more sun each and every day. Except for when it’s hiding behind the formidable clouds. Like right this minute in central Oklahoma. But we know you’re there, Sun!

   So that’s all very exciting!

   Then, yesterday, I received via snail mail my first of what will soon be many garden seed catalogs. I should admit along with this feigned shock that on Christmas evening I had already surrendered to the urge for green and browsed the Internet (yes it was Pinterest, okay??!!) for gardening images and such. I just can’t help it.

   Once the holidays are over (or shortly before the last hurrah) I have this intense biological craving for growth and freshness and live greenery.

   It so happens that coinciding with all of this chlorophyllic anticipation… a bowl of paper white bulbs which I have been nursing since around Halloween has been on the verge of blooming.

   This morning I just felt like it could happen at any moment, and since this will be my very first ever batch of successfully grown indoor flower bulbs in my whole long life! …I did not want to miss the big moment.

   So for the bulk of my morning I sat contentedly next to the Christmas tree with my shiny new PAPER planner and a sharpened pencil and some orange juice and just watched it, this little glass bowl of promise. I watched the thick, fleshy stems bend indiscernibly toward the sunny east window. And I rotated the bowl gently to face the darker wall. Then the stems stretched again to face the sun. Back and forth, keeping the vertical, verdant lines as straight and strong as possible. I watched the towering bulbous pods atop those stems grow more pregnant with expectation, hour by quiet hour.

   Watching the slow, silent ballet of life take place on my coffee table, I was reminded of the magic, the miracle of living and dying. Of growth, transformation, yearning, and regeneration. I also wondered who the heck do I think I am forcing these bulbs to do the impossible?? …to bloom outside of their appointed times?
  
 But then I remembered Russia and all of her abundant hot houses in the midst of those endless winters . And the power of grace, the very real presence of blessings we do not deserve. Flowers held warmly and mercifully inside glass rooms where the frozen tundra can’t hurt them. Love and joy held securely in our hearts and homes where darkness cannot creep in and steal them.

“In the depth of winter,
I have finally learned that within me there lay
an invincible summer.”
~Albert Camus

   Mostly, you guys, I am just so excited to start planning the gardens for 2013 and begin work on composting, ordering, seed starting, etc. And I will try my best to be fueled by this excitement rather than paralyzed by it this year.

   But deeper than that, I am thrilled to be so in touch with the beauty of life. With all of its challenges, despite all of its inevitable pain, this world is so beyond words beautiful. And life is so rewarding when you actively live it.

   Don’t be afraid to force bulbs a little ahead of springtime. I can’t believe the difference this one spot of green makes in my living room! And don’t be afraid to cultivate little joys, either. They may be exactly what lift you out of the darkest, coldest rooms of your life’s winter.

   As I wrap up my midday chores and end my coffee table vigil, the paper whites have not quite bloomed. But I know they will. And in the mean time I am happy to watch and wait for that beautiful miracle.

Cultivate Joy.
Be Invincible.
xoxoxo


 

 

 

Our Lazy W Nativity

   Happy Sunday everyone!! Today is Christmas Eve-Eve!! Around here that’s a big deal. Yesterday was “Christmas Eve Cubed,” suggesting that suspense is a vital ingredient for our holiday magic. Happiness and excitement cost nothing. Neither does cuddling, watching recorded holiday movies, keeping freshly baked cookies secretly in your pocket, or eating meals slowly and indulgently with people you love. Okay.

   Today I’d like to share with you fine citizens and scholars our Lazy W Christmas card. A few people have already received this via snail mail or inter-office delivery, but still more will receive this eventually in the flesh. No one knows when, though, because, and this is a bit of little known trivia, I am currently tied with eight other people for the distinction of World’s Most Unorganized Person. The thing is, I need some addresses. Like, a lot of them. But I am insisting that sending cards a tad late really only extends the holiday cheer! Christmas is a feeling more than a date, right? And surprises are fun. Like, the surprise of whether your holiday card will arrive at Christmas or, say, Easter. Okay.

   Here it is, folks, in all of it’s quirky glory. Handsome lovingly obliged my imagination with his mad skills and whipped up this sweet little family portrait. Here you see a representative of every animal group in our little menagerie, with the sad exception of the honey bees. I know, I know, they are a huge addition to the farm this year, but it was just so cold the day we had this photo shoot, and they need to stay huddled up as much as possible. Okay.
   This photo shoot was pure drama from the get go. First of all, everyone was late. I had sent out crystal clear information to all of the fields and paddocks no fewer than four days in advance that on Monday afternoon at 4:30  we would be distributing festive hats and getting into position. The horses were to be brushed; the geese were to have bathed in the pond; and the cat was not to be hunting in the forest. Everyone except Chunk-Hi was late. No one was clean. And the chaos of keeping all the animals still, even while bribing them with Nabisco treats, was basically ridiculous. Where is Olan Mills when you really need them?
   It occurs to me that not every reader is personally acquainted with every animal pictured here. In the coming year I hope to remedy that on the blog, but for now, allow me to introduce you… From top left, rotating around the group clockwise, are our babies…
   Chunk-Hi the buffalo is at the upper left hand corner. He is dark brown, sorta hard to see here against the forest timber. But look for his luxurious shag and his elf hat. He is my ginormous, face-scratch-loving, deep bass drum snorting, frosty-air-breathin baby.
Chunk loves confetti. He gets that from me.
   Then we have Aprony the gray and white skirted guinea hen, as well as several other pretty guineas, along the roof of the manger. That is how they rule the roost around the farm. They climb stuff. And then poop on it.
The guineas don’t even know how fashionable 
their feathers are in ladies’ accessories right now!
   At the peak of the manger is Bobby Pacino, our macaw. Lord have mercy. He really needs his own blog. I want to write about him all the time, but he sort of takes over my head, and that’s just not healthy. He’s my husband’s technically but my baby really. Hence, his questionable vocabulary.
Pacino was recently heard saying for the first time, 
“I don’t appreciate it, okay?”
   At the bottom of the manger, on the right side, you see a gray and white pony named Dusty. He is the youngest of our horses and belongs to my girls. We gave him to them when he was perhaps a year old and they were little bits themselves. Now they all three are so grown up. Isn’t he cute in his Christmas hat? He’s my baby.
Dusty sporting Horse Feathers
 Tucked discreetly in front of Dusty is Romulus the recently adopted llama. You all know him, right? He is the biggest and most reliable source of drama around this crazy place. And we all love him, except for Daphne. She wishes he would evaporate. Check out his wise ass man hat. 
This photo was taken during one of our legendary staring contests.
   Near Dusty’s feet is the gaggle of geese. Perhaps you are familiar with Mia, the only one in the group wearing a Santa hat. He is the one who thinks himself human and attaches himself to willing women at every opportunity. He’s my baby. With him are Johnny Cash, Pumpkin, Momma, and Other Goose.
Hooonnnk… xoxoxo
  In front of the geese is a spotted guinea named Spot Aprony. To a casual observer, most birds of any feather look alike. But around here we have names for almost every single one. She is Handsome’s baby.
   Directly above that bird and below the Baby Jesus (I know, I know, it’s an anonymous baby) is Tomato the rooster. He. Is. Awesome. He was hatched right here at the Lazy W in the late spring of 2010 and he is overflowing with personality! My cousin’s little boy once painted his talons red. Tomato’s talons, not his own. Because little boys don’t have talons. I feel like you should know that.
   Guarding the manger, playing the role of Mary this year, is our one and only mare, Daphne. She has the prettiest black coat with an undercurrent of leopard spots that really stand out in the sunshine. I love this moody creature to pieces, but she is her daddy’s girl.
   Daphne’s true love, fearless protector, and antagonist, this year playing the role of Joesph, is Chanta, our big paint horse. He is just gorgeous and has a heart of gold. He belongs to my father in law, but I will die on the spot if this horse ever leaves our farm. He is the beast I can brush into a standing sleep. He wraps his thick neck over my shoulders if I need to cry. He naps with me. And he will not allow anything to happen to a small child on his watch. Also, yesterday he totally cold-kicked the llama. I’m not saying we condone kicking; I’m saying this horse doesn’t put up with jaskassery. 
   The animal we have had the longest is Shao-Lin, our sweet little Sharpei. You will not meet a more affectionate animal, or a more territorial one. Love her for sure, but don’t tangle with this girl, ever. Her sweet expression here says nothing of her ferocity.
   Then there’s Fast Woman, our sole surviving barn cat. When I say she is an outside cat, I mean that with all the sternness of a flight attendant asking you to turn off electronic devices. If Fast Woman is brought forcibly into the house, or crammed forcibly into a hollow pumpkin, then she descends into full personality failure within minutes. She will not accept human food as a treat. She will not cuddle while you watch old movies. She will sometimes allow petting, but only if it is on her terms and in a very exact sequence of motions. Can a cat be OCD? She is hunter and an ornament, and she likes it that way.
   The second of our two roosters is seen here, tiptoeing on the baby-less hay manger. He is Peep, and he was hatched on Easter morning of 2009. He is pretty much the cock of the walk and has in fact fathered a few dozen little peeps of his own. His strutting makes my day on a regular basis.
   So there you pretty much have it! Our crazy little animal kingdom wishes you and yours a beautiful, joyous Christmas week laced with miracles and drenched with love! May your tables be filled with really good edibles. May your beds be safe and warm (and fun). Maybe your book shelves and DVD players offer you hours of rest and relaxation. May your sleep be restorative and your time with people as bonding and healing and inspirational as possible.
   Look out for the angels in your life and love them. 
And try to be one, too. 
And kiss your animals.

Thank you so much for visiting the digital Lazy W!
Merry Christmas and Happy new Year!
Much Love,
Handsome, Marie, and the Critters
xoxoxoxo
   
   
   
   
   

My Angels This Week

Family fun.
Holiday preparations and twinkling lights and hilarious adventures.
Romance.

Difficult times.
Fear.
Fighting.
Pain.
Tears.
Sleeplessness.

Laughter.
Work.
Sleep.
Illness.

Tragedy.
Shock.
Denial.
Deepening sadness.
Extreme sensitivity to everything. EVERYTHING.
Unrecognizable personalities.
Despair.

Reminders and truth.
Sense of purpose restored.

Fun excursions.
Distractions.
Words of encouragement from precious people.
Redemption of love and support.
Fresh air. In every possible way.

   Life this past week or so has been the most roller coaster-ish, melting pot-ish, concentrated human experience-ish as ever I think we have experienced here at the Lazy W. I have to acknowledge that much of our atmosphere has been sort of a manifestation of others’ pains, though, and our blessings are still innumerable. Mostly, we are so thankful to be still standing, still whole, still loved and loving at maximum capacity. Handsome and I are keenly aware of the very real loss nearby us, both around the nation and in our families, and so we have a hard time today complaining about anything.

For Handsome, Margi, Marci, and Halee

   I have a few precious friends who have made this week extraordinarily beautiful despite the dark hours. You are angels to me, even though it is not snowing here in Oklahoma quite yet. I love each of you so very much, and I hope you all find the angels you need in tough times, just like I have found you this week.

   Wishing everyone within earshot of this digital Lazy W a very happy, peaceful week preparing for Christmas. Enjoy the process. Be joyful. Water your roots deeply, focusing on love, not money. Treasure each other and make memories.

   Gotta go you guys. I have cookies to bake, sewing to finish, gifts to wrap, and a bed to make for a romantic mid week rendezvous… Merry Christmas!

“We are each of us angels with only one wing
and we can only fly by embracing one another.”
~Luciano de Crescenzo
xoxoxoxo

Some Nights, For Dante

   I heard this song for the first time about a month ago and it immediately struck me in my gut for my nephew Dante. Then for so many other loved ones, but mostly for him. It knocked the wind out of me in that way that only incredibly well versed songs can do, songs that are belted out from someone else’s soul. The lyrics are spot on, especially the very last little selection at the bottom here…


Well, some nights I wish that this all would end,
Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights I’m scared you’ll forget me again.
Some nights, I always win, I always win.

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost.
Oh Lord I’m still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don’t know…

So this is it? I sold my soul for this?
Washed my hands of that for this?
I missed my mom and dad for this?

Do you know this song? Take a listen to the video; the group FUN is my latest obsession.

My heart is breaking for my sister
and this con that she calls “love,”
When  I look into my nephew’s eyes,
Man you wouldn’t believe…
The most amazing things
That can come from some terrible lies.

   There, that last sentence… Dante, baby, you wouldn’t believe the most amazing things that can come from some terrible lies. I have seen it in my own life, honey.

   It’s just so true. Life can be, and often is, riddled with violence of every variety. Physical, emotional, and financial destruction are in store for everyone in different ways. Pain, despair, and counterfeits are just constants sometimes, but so is love. So is hope. There is always, always reason to hang on. Impossibly, some of the best miracles really do rise up out of some of the worst tragedies. It’s always been that way for people, too, so there is no use resisting it. There is no such thing as “should” or “deserves” or even “justice” when it comes to Love. It is just so powerful and complete. It overwhelms every imaginable darkness when you let it. Love can heal you, and It can change you and your life in ways would never predict.

   Dante… My heart is breaking for my sister, your beautiful Mom, and I think about her and you and your own little sisters every single day.

   I have been looking into your beautiful, deep brown eyes since you were a baby and cherish every memory. How I wish I could relay to you how much is waiting for you in this world. I am so excited for you, so confident that you are meant for big things. So hopeful that you will heal perfectly from these years. Stronger than ever and full of life.

   Don’t be afraid of ghosts, and don’t feel bad about anger. Remember that you are not alone. Focus on and magnify the best parts of life, day after day after day. Hang on. Work hard and do your best, as a gift to your future self more than anything. But also because it will help you in this moment too. You are amazing and you are loved more than you know.

“Who, being loved, is poor?”
~Oscar Wilde
xoxoxoxo

Little Joys Like Sardines

   This week has been as busy and hard working as ever, but it has carried with it a sheen of pleasure that warrants a little attention. If life were always this joyful, this satisfying and easily understood, then I would quickly become an unbearable grinning idiot to my friends and family. Already, these past few days I have caught myself giggling aloud when no one is around to hear me. That’s how good life is.

   Last weekend after the Christmas parade we attended in Cow Town (What?? I haven’t posted that story yet? Oh gosh, that is how busy I have been!), Handsome and I brought home a gorgeous White Pine tree and have been decorating it piecemeal ever since. While last Christmas I used a wild Red Cedar from our forest and decorated the house plainly, organically, which was our mood at the time, this year I brought out only the bright colors and sparkling mesh and ribbons and tinsel, only the cheerful, jubilant stuff that matches our mood this year! I absolutely love it. It might stay up until July. Or until it’s time to start vegetable seedlings indoors and I need the real estate again.

   Daily, between normal chores and running in only two-mile increments, I have been knocking out long standing projects from my massive to-do list. This is such a relief, you know? I can literally breathe more easily.

   We have made connections with friends this week, old and new, silver and gold, spending little slivers of time with fun people and making memories. The animals are all fluffy and warm ahead of the upcoming cold snap. All is well. Now, one day this week Romulus did chase Daphne so hard that she tore down a fence to escape his wrath, making it all the way to the road before slowing her run, but our wonderful neighbors helped keep her still until I could get outside and bring her home.

   Whew! Naughty, naughty llama.
   Llama drama.
   Momma llama drama.

   The bees are on the road to recovery after an invasion by wax moths. What? I haven’t written in detail about that either? It really deserves a post of its own, as this is interesting stuff, if you’re the least bit into bees. Which you should be. Maybe tomorrow. Anyway, I am relieved and grateful and encouraged about this whole process. Good stuff.

   Thursday night I was able to attend my nephew Dante’s high school band concert and hear him play saxophone. It was wonderful. He is so good and talented, so smart and sweet, I feel very lucky to have him in my life. And he somewhat reluctantly allowed me to meet his pretty girlfriend, so that is a milestone I won’t soon forget. I may or many not have taken an excessive amount of photos that night. And, unrelated, he may or may not invite me to future vents. We’ll see. LOL

   Professional momentum and stressors are ever present for Handsome, but he continues to weather storm after storm and accomplish things that only embolden my pride in him.

   My youngest daughter asked to spent another day at the farm this week, right on the heels of that last delightful visit, and we had an even better time together than before! We baked, cooked, baked, discussed writing and spirituality, played the piano; we had lunch at home and another tea party and read aloud to each other chapters from Where the Red Fern Grows; we played with the animals; she helped us repair the fence felled by Daphne. We talked about fun, easy things and a few hard things, and we reached a golden, glittering understanding. We hugged and laughed and just loved. Love, love, love. That’s what it’s all about.

   I spoke briefly but meaningfully with my rather legendary Grandpa Rex this week. Just thinking about him makes me smile!

   Friday night our famous little Dinner Club With a Reading Problem convened to discuss Little Women and celebrate Christmas, We decorated cookies. We ate gluttonously. We shared our lives with each other and laughed some more. I love my book club girls so much, and I know they love me too. Kerri collected coats for delivery to New Jersey, where a colleague of hers is still recovering from the hurricane. We signed cards for all of our guest authors from this past year, and we made excellent plans for projects in early 2013. Stay tuned, folks… Book club has amazing things going on!

   Then yesterday Handsome and I accidentally slept late. Very very late, possibly thanks to an ongoing battle with some mysterious physical ailment. We rose with barely enough time to snag a few truck stop donuts then ready ourselves for a day of family visiting and Christmas shopping. The bulk of our day, after that, was spent soaking up love and laughter at my Aunt Marion’s house. She is so special to me, always had been, and she and Uncle John were giving their six year old grandson a little birthday party to which we were invited. What a day!

   More cuddling, more love, a couple of fun movies last night, and Handsome and I are still running on full. I walk around constantly with happy butterflies in my stomach, excited about what we will experience day after day. Is this the Christmas spirit? I think so. I hope it is strong in your home, too. If you need a dose, we have lots of extra. Come on over!!

“It is Christmas in the Heart
That Puts Christmas in the Air.”
~W.T. Ellis
xoxoxoxo