Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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strangers lending their magic to the world

August 17, 2022

This past weekend we took a deep breath, gave thanks for a solid work week, then actively refreshed ourselves. From Friday afternoon all the way through Sunday night, we ate great meals slowly, spent unbridled hours with friends, and explored our area a bit more than we usually do. We also cuddled under fuzzy blankets in the air conditioned house, swam in the violent sunshine, and played with Klaus like our lives depended on it. Because, gosh, they really do.

Sometime Sunday afternoon, it dawned on me that many of those leisure hours had been filled with interactions with average people who were living out their dreams. Our weekend had been enriched greatly by their passionate pursuit of joy and their chasing of unique goals. Everywhere we looked was Love made evident by people we might never see again. These people are unlikely to become rich and famous by their work, although we hope for the best for them; in fact they may never be particularly well known. They are just wildly talented Oklahomans who decided to apply their abundant imaginations and work ethics to ideas sparking inside them. Here are a few of those memories.

Friday night, we had dinner with Rex and Cathy at a local spot in Choctaw, named Charlie’s. Charlie’s is a bar and grill about nine miles away known for their build-your-own nachos and fancy weekend brunch menu, their game nights and sports and, as we discovered Friday, their excellent prime rib. It’s a stand-alone restaurant owned and operated by local folks who love and participate in the community all year long. Our waitress was as sweet as you would hope any waitress from small town Oklahoma to be. We had the best time. I love it when locally famous places live up to the hype!

After dinner we meandered across to the Choctaw Creek Park, where the weekly Friday night Farmers’ Market was just winding down. This is a rapidly growing event here, made better every month by the creativity and affection of civic leaders. The park fills up surrounding a long alley of shade trees with vendors selling fresh produce, honey, handmade crafts, blade sharpening services, fresh flowers, bat houses, you name it. It rivals every market I have ever attended in Oklahoma and many elsewhere. They have live music, dunk tanks, bouncy houses, countless seasonal events for families, and an annual pepper eating contest, which had just happened that night. This park also boasts a newly funded pollinator garden designed and tended by a friend of mine. Her passion fueled an idea which came to fruition and makes the community so much more vibrant. She and her husband also help with the market, Saturday morning classic car meet ups, and countless other community events.

Everyone involved in this stuff is doing it for free. They do it for joy. They are gifted, and they are sharing their gifts just to build community and make some memories for friends and neighbors.

A popular vendor at the Choctaw farmers market,
this lovely woman makes her own tea blends!

Saturday midday, we joined our Meredith and Derek for a few hours of exploring vintage treasures at an antique mall in Oklahoma City. We met several vendors who had very particular passions for either old clothing or furniture, or witchy stuff, or plants and macramé, kitchenware, furniture, vintage toys and books, again, you name it. I love listening to people who clearly love what they are selling. They have collected it on purpose, you can see, and they understand why it caught your eye. That brief, personal familiarity is so delicious! I also love exploring these spots with people I care about, because I always learn something about them.

Look at this oversized, extravagant frame loaded up with moss and lichen!
I did not buy this treasure, but…
… I did buy this! It’s tagged as a “Peacock Chair,”
and it matches a tall wicker corner shelf I have in the Apartment!
The vendor gave us a great deal on this and a piece of collectible green glass.
Such wonderful people, everywhere we look!

Between booths, our stomachs started growling, so the four of us walked down the sidewalk for a lunch break. In the fairly crowded burger restaurant I saw so many strangers smiling at each other, trading polite greetings, helping each other find what they needed, taking turns refilling drinks, just simmering in wonderful, loving energy.  I saw my children in the young adults, my parents in the older adults, and the next generation in toddlers squirming and loving their brand new lives, reaching for the alluring ketchup bottles and endless pop-up napkins (miracles!).

Sunday morning, we did our chores then showered and struck out on Route 66, again with Rex and Cathy. These friends live down the road us and have two of the coolest dogs in the world, who are Klaus’ good buddies. The seven of us love spending time all together, which we did later that day! But the morning was just for humans.

The four of us drove two cars east and north, through tree lined farm land along the two lane state highway. We passed sweet, sleepy townships and familiar landmarks, gulping in the fresh green tunnels and gazing at the golden brown corn fields, the white-dotted cotton pastures, all the hundreds of round bales sitting like beasts in the quiet. I noticed so many modest farm houses I used to see and wish were ours, but now we have our own. Cathy told us afterwards that their drive was a trip down memory lane, as that path took them through a part of Oklahoma where she spent much of her childhood. We all gave thanks for morning weather mild enough to drive our cars topless.

The cars were topless. We were very top covered. Just to clarify.

At the apex of our drive on Route 66, we stopped in Davenport, OK, for breakfast at a place called Tammy’s. The hostess was a shy young girl no older than ten or eleven. She seated us cautiously and with only measured eye contact before an even younger looking girl circled the room precariously with a steaming coffee pot. A woman I believed to be Mom to one of the girls greeted us and took our orders. She informed us in a stage whisper that her daughter had had a sleepover the night before, so both girls were here helping out with the breakfast crowd. I accepted many reluctant coffee refills from her tiny protégé. We ate our plates of delicious country food and chatted and endured the friendly scrutiny of Sunday morning regulars who did not know us but also did not mind us being there.

I love small town restaurants, especially when they have made an effort to distinguish themselves from the glossier, less personal chains. Tammy’s has certainly done this. Their décor is plentiful and cozy, welcoming, rustic, just one rusty washtub shy of too much. Their salad bar and dessert case were already stocked at 9 a.m. And their welcome was genuinely warm and very Oklahoman. There were hydrangeas suffering bravely in the front garden, making you feel like maybe you had come to Grandma’s house for breakfast. And the collection of old signs on the porch made it clear the personality of the owner had been lovingly impressed on the place. Details everywhere.

After breakfast, we drove back toward home but made a couple of unforgettable stops.

The Bandit in front of Chandler’s new crown jewel,
this fantastic Route 66 bowling alley!

In Chandler, there is a bowling alley that will ruin you for all bowling alleys, forever. We stopped just to take photos in the parking lot, because it is spacious and filled with a towering collection of old automotive signs that make you feel like you have driven up to a museum (in fact, you have). As the men took their photos and chatted cars, Cathy and I walked up to the dark sliding glass entrance doors to read what community announcements were posted. Peering at the glass that was only reflecting the daylight behind us, we gradually noticed a man inside, looking back at us. He waved and smiled as the door slid open. The bowling alley was about an hour away from opening, but still he welcomed us inside to look around. We walked a few steps, into the dark, and waved goodbye to our husbands (ha). They quickly caught up.

For almost an hour this friendly, humble guy led the four of us around his passion project. He showed us every stunning room, offered stories for dozens of collections and design details, and answered our many questions. The place was massive, cavernous, sparkling clean, and filled top to bottom, wall to wall with colorful, energetic memorabilia. He had Route 66 stuff, car stuff, oil industry stuff. Everything good and nostalgic about driving, he had it. He boasted expensive collections curated and displayed well. Games! A glow in the dark putt-putt room! A long stack of hand -painted bowling alleys, plus the world’s longest single alley upstairs! A well appointed arcade. A café plus a concession stand plus a bar area with a performance stage. Multiple places to sit and socialize. And still more collections everywhere we looked.

We were impressed by all of it, by the scale of the construction and by how fully realized his vision was. Then he told us he had built it all himself, slowly during pandemic, with cash instead of credit. Can you imagine the vision and the patience required for this feat? And he’s not done yet. Behind the massive bowling alley building, he had just acquired land for adding a collection of half silo shaped motel rooms. Kind of like tiny air-bnbs, themed for Route 66 and Oklahoma farmland. One prototype was sitting off to the side of a raw stretch of land, and it set my imagination into overdrive.

We left with ridiculous smiles plastered on our faces, promising him we would be back soon and often, brain storming with each other about gathering a group to visit.

Several miles past the unforgettable bowling alley, we stopped at a motorcycle museum that will be familiar to lots of Oklahomans. Seaba Station is a decades-old highway gas station preserved and converted into a living memory vault for one man’s passionate collection of motorcycles and dirt bikes. The owner has amassed dozens (hundreds?) of two-wheeled machines in the small building, all of them collecting dust and grime but still somehow gleaming with life. He has stories posted for many of them, vintage race posters and manufacturers’ memorabilia, leather riding suits and logo emblazoned helmets, and (my favorite) framed photos of people riding the bikes. His very particular passion must have been unshakeable for him to one day set out to acquire this property, maintain it enough to stay open to the public for free (donations accepted and there is a small gift shop at the front) and keep the displays fresh all the time. He rotates the motorcycles sometimes, and he raffles off a prize bike every New Year’s Day.

Rex admiring the colorful motorcycle displays.

He has made his passionate hobby accessible to everyone. To strangers. As we left this particular place, that realization almost made me cry. It’s like he was saying, “Here, these are some things I love; maybe you will love them too!” And I will tell you, our husbands surely did. Even if I personally am illiterate with motorcycle trivia and history, seeing my guy so immersed in childhood memories and future ideas makes me very happy.

I absolutely love seeing people bring their visions to life. The more particular and offbeat, the better. The more niche, the better. The more it seems to serve some personal, almost bizarre obsession, just hoping to make a connection with someone, the better. Because we all are inherently attracted to genuine thrills and joyful aliveness, to true, bold expression of self. And the world is filled with unique selves.

I would like to see more unique selves. Less duplicates and trends.

It felt wonderful to be offline for a few days and get face to face with three dimensional people living out their unique lives in such generous, offbeat ways. It felt wonderful to get out of my own environment (although I do love it!) and immerse myself in other people’s expressions of paradise.

I wish success for all of them, from the young waitresses and small scale farmers’ market vendors to the business owners on Route 66 hoping to attract curious passersby. May they all make enough money to continue following their dreams. May they all stay true to their passions. May the public receive it all in such a way that they feel encouraged and inspired, not tempted to copy anything, nor stifled.

May the next round of dreamers see that chasing genius and working hard can be fun! Adding whimsy and dimension to the world is valuable. That kind of work is valid, too.

What a wonderful world.
What a richly textured, constantly surprising,
flavorful world.
How can I add to it today?
XOXOXOXO

Thank you to my gardening friend Jennie, who saw my shorter Facebook post about this on Sunday and sweetly urged me to write the stories. This post is incomplete, but it was fun to write and remember some of the people we met that weekend. And please tune in very soon for a more detailed story about my friend Trisha, who is applying her particular genius in unforgettable ways.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized

end of season garden decisions & personal weirdness

August 10, 2022

This is a true story, but I don’t know whether to start at the end (is there ever really an end?) or at the beginning (where is the beginning, exactly?).

It’s about gardening, personal restraint, and fuzzy memory that is either regret or relief.

Yesterday after my run, I stopped to browse the clearance sale at Earl’s, my favorite gardening center. Their greenhouse shelves were thinner than usual, but what they still had was as healthy and beautiful as ever. I loaded my arms with a tray of fluffy, deeply hued coleus and lantana, all quart-sized beauties for a fraction of the original cost. I told myself they would look good until Halloween or later, the lantana would prossibly come back next year, and I could even take cuttings from the exotic coleus. A smart purchase, if I did say so myself.

Then I wandered over to the shrubs. My mouth watered over the long limbed climbing roses and thematic viburnum. I quizzed myself about some icy blue tinted evergreens and how good they would look with a red crepe myrtle. Then I saw forsythia.

Fall gardening is where my mind is for vegetables, but spring gardening is where my landscape needs a planning boost. As most gardeners would agree, forsythia could go a long way toward providing that. At just $19 per three-gallon shrub minus a 25% clearance discount, I could make a solid investment in springtime cheer for less than the cost of instant gratification coleus and lantana.

So I put all those plants back where I found them and walked around for another ten minutes, consulting myself and getting quite dizzy because I had just run fasted after a full morning of chores and was hungry.

I walked around the herb tables, tried to remember what else I was going to buy for the fall garden, and got in a little argument with myself about where I would even plant the forsythia if I bought them.

Eventually I walked to the cashier, empty handed. She recognized me.

“Oh hey, how are you? We haven’t seen you in a while!” That was true. I had not been in since early June. I’m not mad at them or anything! I just had enough plants and have been trying to limit extra driving. But I wasn’t mad at them!

We chatted like old friends as I confirmed the sale price of the forsythia, then I smiled, said thanks, and proceeded to leave without buying anything. This might have been the first time I ever visited Earl’s without buying anything.

This sweet girl’s bright smile fell all the way into a frown, and she furrowed her pretty brow. “Oh, ok? Bye?”

As if resisting the urge to buy plants wasn’t enough of a demonstration of free agency, I also resisted the urge to explain myself. I just walked toward the exit, free as a bird.

Well, almost.

As I pushed open the glass door I said in a way too loud, way too high pitched voice, “I’ll probably see you Friday or Saturday!”

“Oh ok!” She smiled again and beamed. I wanted to give her a hug, but I took my sweaty, hungry self to my car.

That was all yesterday mid-morning. I drove straight home and went about my day doing housework and planting fall greens, bathing Klaus, talking to the horses, coordinating weekend plans, etc. Normal Tuesday stuff.

Fast forward several hours.

In the early evening, our area enjoyed a sudden rainfall, and I thought to myself, “How nice that those coleus are getting a good drink already!”

To which I obviously replied, “No, you didn’t buy them!”

“Oh right.”

Handsome and I had a late and offbeat dinner, watched some tv, and slept soundly. Early this morning, I woke up in a slight panic, worried that I forgotten to plant the forsythia. Because, you may recall, I couldn’t decide where to plant them, so there was no clear image of them anywhere in the ground, in my mind.

“No, remember, you didn’t buy those either?”

“Oh right.”

So now I want them again. Who else will buy them, like they are puppies up for adoption?

The End, Probably.

3 Comments
Filed Under: UncategorizedTagged: choose joy, gardening

some garden & parenting advice

July 31, 2022

Jessica started her fall garden a couple of weeks ago, and my gardener-mama heart has been so full. Daily, we have been chatting all things soil, seeds, sun exposure, needed growing weeks, frost expectations, compost methods, you name it. This is a wonderful exchange for many reasons, as you can imagine. But something stands out.

Just a short bit into the thrust of her efforts, I caught myself praying that her fall harvest would be abundant. I asked God in kind of a pleading way to reward my baby’s efforts with lots of perfect vegetables and flowers, just all the good, beautiful rewards of hard work well done. I nearly begged Him to give her the “things” that would encourage her to keep going. Proof, you know?

((daily harvest, eggs already in the fridge xoxo))

He corrected me immediately.

The best rewards of a garden are not necessarily included in the harvest.

Gardening in its purest form is an ongoing cultivation of Life, a physical expression of art and science, a balance of need and provision between man and Earth and insects and God, of creativity and learning. Gardening is an adventure of trust in natural cycles. And much of this can only be learned by trial and, mostly, error. Lots of valuable error.

I know this.

So why would I deny Jess pleasure of learning on her own? Why would I swerve her away from the immense value of the journey itself?

My Grandpa Rex was a lifelong gardener and a lifelong student of, well, everything he could get his eyes or hands on. He was famous for being okay with not having all the answers, and yet I trusted him to always eventually find the answer and call me back. He trialed new ideas in his various gardens right up to the end of his gardening years, and he had wickedly specific reasons for even the paint he used on his shed. I think of that daily. I love how he never seemed to grow the same garden twice, and he thrived through it all. I want that for Jessica. Grandpa’s life showed the fruits of his labor far beyond his beautiful tomatoes and larkspur. I want that for her, too.

((little girl jess & not yet married Jess, always playing in the garden))

I will be here to guide her as much as I can, and to share my growing adventures alongside her own. And I will help her find good answers to her excellent questions. But I will not pray merely for a good harvest. Now, I am praying for a good experience, too. For good lessons and soul checks. For epiphanies and understandings, connections, realizations. I am praying for her good LIFE. It all matters.

Then, if she pays attention and has a little luck, she’ll get fresh produce, too.

Whew, I am thankful for that mild correction. He always knows what I need to hear.

“When we plant a seed,
we plant a narrative of future possibility.”
~Dr. Sue Stuart Smith
The Well Gardened Mind
XOXOXOXO

12 Comments
Filed Under: UncategorizedTagged: faith, gardening, love, motherhood, parenting, traditions

anniversary telepathy

July 14, 2022

Around 7:10 a.m., morning chores long since finished and second cup of coffee cooling and almost empty, BW was laying in the mild light with his phone, exploring the non-work-related internet, also making reservations for steak dinner tonight. The dogs were alternating between gentle wrestling matches and shade naps. I had just polished off Ada Calhoun’s Also a Poet and was reading back through my notes.

Something small and bright alerted me. I looked up from my book like a meerkat and said, “Something smells delicious!” We were in the yard and on the deck between the herb garden and the cottage, and there was no evidence of anyone nearby cooking outside. It was a vivid fragrance of grilled meat and eggs and cheese with maple syrup. My mind imaged for me a partially wrapped McGriddle from about sixteen years ago. Summertime, Dallas, Texas.

“That’s funny,” BW said, “I was just thinking about McDonalds.”

I believe the two of us are closely linked enough to trade sensory impressions like this, even fleeting ones. Or maybe our trip to Frontier City yesterday and the attendant nausea from too many whirligig rides just reminded me of a Six Flags trip from early in our marriage when I made the mistake of eating a rich and greasy McGriddle right before a long day of extreme roller-coastering.

And my cute husband often does consider McDonald’s for breakfast on slow, easy mornings like this.

What I’m saying is, maybe there’s a rational explanation for our common thought.

And yet, maybe we do share a few non-physical but nonetheless strong and solid connections.

Maybe both. Maybe the latter is as rational as the former.

Whatever made us share two sides of the same idea this morning, I love it. And I am loving our slow, piecemeal morning together. And I am loving him and our lengthening marriage. Twenty one years today!

My guy wrote this in the sand for me while on a business trip early in our marriage. xoxo

I am loving this life we have both constructed and stumbled into, this happiness we constantly nourish and protect. I am loving this rollercoaster love story, even the mild nausea we sometimes get, all of it scented with memory, pleasure, and unspoken understanding.

I love you, babe,
Always Now and Forever.

Happy Anniversary.

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Filed Under: UncategorizedTagged: love, marriage

stream of consciousness, early july 2022

July 5, 2022

I have been in one of those pleasant storms of coincidence lately, one of those brief and lovely seasons that feeds you layer upon layer of soul food, from a surprising variety of sources, at just the right moments. Books, interviews, conversations, and spiritual affirmations have been flooding me for several weeks, and I am so grateful. I’m trying my best to harness it all, to capture not just the words and themes but also the symphony of sources, because that has been much of the beauty. I feel humbled to receive encouragement from people I respect and love. I feel thrilled to discover actionable ideas from people who know more than me about things I care deeply about. And I feel hopeful that I am on the right path, maybe more than ever before. This all is a full spectrum pleasure, a refreshment and fortification which I have desperately needed.

In between it all, summer is in full swing in Oklahoma. Most days, the work at hand entails just keeping the farm alive and hydrated, animals safe in the extreme heat, gardens somewhat productive, beautiful enough to enjoy privately. We are very much at that point of the year when I find it hard to remember what a deep freeze feels like. The other day I dug around for something in a coat closet, moved a pair of winter boots, and laughed at how far away it seems that I was spending five minutes bundling up in layers just to go do one quick round of frigid feedings or habitat checks.

The book How to Do Nothing by Jenny O’Dell happened across my path right as I was losing my appetite for the trappings of social media. Not losing my appetite for connection, just the junk and noise of it all. You know. This book deserves a full review, which I will share soon. Then Red Dirt Kelly, my friend and a brilliant woman we feel lucky to know, invited me and two other women specifically to read a unique book by Ada Calhoun, Also a Poet. This book is bearing more heavily on me than I could have guessed it would, and I am very excited to soon meet my two new friends, hug Kelly, and discuss the first half next Saturday. Also a Poet is almost a biography within a biography, or a memoir within a biography, or something like that. Fascinating characters and clean, insightful prose. Mostly, it has fully rekindled my desire and calling to write.

Then I had a waking dream just as I was finishing up a round of antibiotics for (probably) salmonella poisoning. It had to do with book cover art, and my hands shook as I told my husband about it.

We had another brief health scare with Chanta. He is a sturdy but undeniably aging horse, and gosh we love him. Every year we love him more, and every year he seems to slow down a bit, which is to be expected. Maybe I need to get him to read Ageless Body, Timeless Mind by Deepak Chopra? Anyway, this threw me into more equine reading material, which actually calmed my heart so much. Our horses are doing great, all things considered. And we will give them the best possible days for as long as possible. This all led me to send a thank you to our friend Tracy who is always there to answer horse questions when we have them. Then I started reflecting on all the many questions I have been able to answer for gardening friends. Which led me to think again, and more gleefully, about how good the world is because so many people dive headlong in their passions. I want to be a lifelong learner of as many good topics and skills as possible.

Perhaps, like me, you are noticing more and more “prepper” advice in mainstream media. Lots of people are responding to rising food process and interrupted supply chains with foreboding advice about growing and preserving, hoarding, prepping, saving, you name it. IIt often feels unnecessarily panicky to me, but then I admit to having an allergy to fear mongering and anger generators. It seems like we have enough of those two types of energy to keep us alert, you know? Victory gardens, sure. Yes to growing a garden, no matter what your economic status, yes to learning a few new skills no matter what your upbringing. And actually I think this generation has many advantages over our great grandparents, who survived the Depression and World Wars. We have more general and specialized knowledge, we have a communal sense of urgency, and we have recent history to show us the dangers of soil depletion, chemicals, and monocropping, among other things. In order to harness the edge I believe we have, all we really need to do is slash distractions, go deeper instead of broader, and get to work. Be resourceful, creative, and diligent.

This is where How to Do Nothing was so useful to my thinking. That we can accept the invitation to live according to our natural design and just use technology as a tool, not let it rule over us. That we can reclaim long stretches of time, immediately, for our own private consumption, owing nothing to anyone,  is just a luscious, greedy, deliriously happy idea to me. I love it. I am here for it, as the kids might still say.

Do the kids still say things? Or are they too sad, as a group?

Overnight, we lost Rick Astlee, the one eyed duck. We are heartbroken, as we always are to lose any farm-ily member. He was special. He survived ice storms and bathtubs residencies. He chose to live with the flock when given the opportunity to float on the pond. He survived that goose attack, of course, which is what left him one eyed and limited in navigation skills. He had a best friend named Mike Meyers Lemon, who must be even more sad than I am today. Handsome and I are thankful to have had that beautiful little boy for as long as we did, but we are definitely going to miss him. He is buried in the front field, in wildflowers alongside the meditation path.

In happier news, today the llamas enjoyed a long, drenching afternoon beneath the sprinkler. Romulus especially luxuriated in the water, and it made me happy to walk out and see him standing or lounging in the spray. All day he turned his body and let his woolly self get soaked. Little Lady Marigold seemed offended by the offer, honestly.

Look closely and you might be able to see the water spray headed for Romulus.
It reached Meh, too.

So much can change in such small windows of time. We are constantly on the knife edge of transformation, even if it often seems like change takes forever. Miracles happened constantly, sometimes overnight. One phone call, one bold decision, one enthusiastic mindset shift or eye to eye conversation can be what triggers a detour to a better storyline, and I love that. Keep chipping away at your biggest desires. Keep dreaming them and believing in them. Pray, too, as you work. Imagine them perfectly fulfilled.

In my garden, in my marriage, in our family, in our community… With hopes and dreams to be what we were designed to be, to live more fully and love more deeply, I want every drop of it.

More soon, friends. Thanks so much for dropping in.

If these words can do anything
if these songs can do anything
I say bless this house
with stars
Transfix us with love
-Joy Harjo
XOXOXO

2 Comments
Filed Under: UncategorizedTagged: choose joy, Rick Astle, Romulus, summertime

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Hi! I'm Marie. Welcome to the Lazy W. xoxo

Hi! I’m Marie. This is the Lazy W.

A hobby farming, book reading, coffee drinking, romance having, miles running girl in Oklahoma. Soaking up the particular beauty of every day. Blogging on the side. Welcome to the Lazy W!

I Believe Strongly in the Power of Gratitude & Joy Seeking

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