Lazy W Marie

friday 5 at the farm: connections

March 20, 2015

Happy happy happy Friday!! Oh man. What a Friday it has been around here, too. What a WEEK it has been!

As if being the first day of Spring AND a New Moon wasn’t enough, today we are enjoying this fantastic upswing in energy just at the end of some very hard working, emotional days and then a short but vicious sickness. All better now. Lots of good energy flowing now. So yeah, celebrating this particular Friday is awesome. Handsome and I feel accomplished, happy, loved, motivated, and hopeful about so many important things.

Despite the busy-ness of this past week, I realized this afternoon that it has been a great tiny little season of connection. And I’m so grateful for this. People are important, you know? Too often I stay too busy to put people first. Certainly I would like to have seen even more lovely faces, but I am choosing to count my blessings. These people enriched my world this week in ways that are becomeing more and more clear to me.

So for Friday 5 at the Farm, how about just a short list and a few photos?

Friday 5 at the Farm: Connections

Jocelyn: She is no longer here at the farm, but we have been connecting nonetheless. Facetiming, texting, Facebooking, and snap-chatting like fiends. And I love it. Do you know how fun and silly snap-chat is? Well, I am 41 years old and I am telling you it’s more fun than you’d think. You don’t have to take selfies, but you can, and the caption element is hysterical, especially when you’re dealing with a fun loving, witty nineteen year old girl. She sends the most well planned line of photos with serial captions, and I just laugh and laugh! LOL Mostly it’s wonderful seeing her face in random moments throughout the day. Seeing her happy is the best, and it really helps me feel her close. I hope the same is true for her. Below is a “snap” I sent to her this morning.

Marci: Marci is probably my best friend, hopefully for a lifetime. We haven’t known each other the longest, and we both stay too busy to see each other even weekly these days, but that’s okay. We relate to each other on such a deep and supportive level that sporadic, meaningful conversations are often exactly what what we need. And that’s what I got today, out of the blue. She is a mother whose heart I admire more than she’ll ever really know, and her words of wisdom to me in our new season of parenthood, well, they are priceless. She made me cry today in the happiest way. I lover her even though she’s not a hugger.

Halee: Halee is my sister-in-law who lives in California. She is also a dear dear friend of mine and has been for as long as she and my little brother have known each other. Halee and I had been playing text-tag for about two weeks, and finally today she caught up with me while I was running. She endured my weird heavy breathing so we could chat, and I was so refreshed at the end of our call that I ran faster than ever. She’s awesome. I can always count on her for a laugh, a bullet pointed conversation (if you know Halee you know what I’m talking about), and a bright cloud of happy, encouraging words, no matter what is going on! Speaking of things going on, she’s got plenty of her own troubles in life, but Halee is one of the most determined positive thinkers I know. Send her some rays of sunshine, ok? Because she’s constantly giving hers away.

Heather: Heather is a friend I have made through Facebook, sort of, although I have been friends in 3-D with her sister Tracy and her daughter Mysti for years. (Tracy and Mysti are in my book club too, woohoo!) Heather and I have an uncanny amount of things in common, and finally this week we found a mutual blank spot on our calendars and made a farm visit happen. She drove all the way out here to buy eggs and meet the animals for the first time, and she took a bunch of beautiful photos too. Below is just a phone snapshot I took of her. We have plans for her to come photograph things again once the proper greening up has happened. Heather is so sweet and fun, and I thoroughly enjoyed her company.

Mari: Mari is a fellow Oklahoma blogger whom I have only actually met in 3-D maybe three other times? Yet we’ve become pretty well acquainted online, as is the glorious nature of blogging. And I just love her! She is so smart and dry and easy. Really lovely. Today, again the official reason being fresh egg purchasing, she brought her two darling offspring as well as her friend and her friend’s granddaughter to the farm. They didn’t get to stay long, but we had the nicest conversations. The kids played with the animals and ran the back field and climbed trees and raced around the pond. The three of us women commiserated and had a pseuo-urban-flair dance party with Pacino. It was awesome. I truly can’t wait for them all to come back. Happy birthday to Mari’s son Spencer, by the way! On Sunday he enters the rough and tumble world of Teenager Land. And he’s gonna rule it.

How wonderful that despite a crunched calendar, some happy but still emotional family changes, a bout of sickness, and all the normal crazy pie filling that is farm life and marathon training, the universe blessed my week with these five happy connections. I am super duper grateful. And my soul is full. Ready to be spilled out again.

I’ll say it once more, if only to remind my task-oriented and slightly reclusive self, that people are the most important thing. Connections matter.They make all the work worthwhile. Amen.

What connections delighted you this week? Who has made your busy days sweeter and more fulfilling? Did you buy any fresh eggs or snap-chat anyone young and cool?

Turn Down for WHAT!
XOXOXOXO

P.S. Speaking of connections, below is Geoffrey our only male barn cat. He is such a lover. He has been Jeep-napping all week, and when Fancy Louise is outside he has been watching over her. Fancy Louise is that cuddly little hen who is in temporary convalescence, and she definitely appreciates Geoffrey’s time and affection. I can assure you this is platonic and safe. He has neither romantic nor carnivorous leanings toward our chickens. Geoffrey is a good boy.

dreams come true

March 17, 2015

When I was pregnant with her, I was only a couple of years older than she is today. That is a weird thought process all by itself. Month by month I dreamed of her face, sight unseen, and fell in love with her and all of her carefree somersaults and even my widening belly. She consumed my thoughts then, just as she does today. I was blessed with a truly healthy, happy, comfortable pregnancy, something I didn’t fully appreciate at the time.

I was in such a hurry to meet her that my doctor had no trouble convincing me to induce labor around our actual due date. He suggested it not for any particular medical reason; it just seemed to be a fad at the time. A practice of convenience. We both were healthy and she was full weight and well developed. He scheduled it, I prepared for it, and she was born without incident after a really easy labor. Still healthy and happy, and yet again I didn’t fully appreciate these blessings.

When she was finally born on a bright and cool afternoon in September, I was not at all surprised to see her wide ebony eyes, her tiny rosebud mouth, her profile, her perfect olive skin. Everything about her was exactly as I had seen in those sleeping dreams. She was a beautiful baby then, just as she is beautiful young woman now. I am still so grateful for those dreams that showed me her face ahead of time. She was imprinted on my heart in a million silent, priceless ways.

Looking back, so many parts of me wish I had allowed her birth to happen naturally, to experience unmedicated labor pains and the thrilling surprise, the curious timing of the miracle of life.

I wish I had let her arrive in her own way, at her own time.

Then this precious girl was gone for a while, for too many years, for reasons we are just beginning to fully understand. But she was never removed from my heart. Not even for one minute.

For a second time in our life together as mother and daughter, I found myself literally dreaming of her when I couldn’t see her. When I couldn’t touch her, hear her voice, or smell her vanilla-shampooed hair. In her long, sad absence these past years, I would sleep roughly but often catch phantom glimpses of her face in my dreams. Those same ebony eyes, her same small rosebud mouth, that same perfect olive skin that just glows. In this new set of dreams, instead of appearing as the infant I’d not yet held, she was appearing as her grown self or sometimes as a ten year old version of herself, whispering to me the secret that she was soon coming home. She was not just happy in these prophecied moments; she was giddy. Effervescent with joy. I would try so hard to stay asleep and whisper back to her all my love and longing, to cling to those stolen moments. But every time of course I’d wake up to the raw reality that she was still gone.

I Saw You Last Night

My baby in kindergarten. I remember thinking then how grown up she was.

Do you know how wonderful God is? How far-reaching His Love is? He has seen into my heart all these nineteen years, the regret I have harbored over planning her birth and missing out on the dazzling unknown of His design. He took her away from me for a while only to bring her home, in surprising and unpredictable ways. During her absence He showed me when to push and when to rest; He taught me how to breathe deeply and fruitfully and when to wait. He showed me through those waiting years how constant and powerful Love is. He forced me (kicking and screaming at first) into a place of trust and kept me there until I wanted to trust, until that was my genuine and natural position. In time I became both vulnerable and strong.

It turns out He was working this complex miracle in her as well.

(Have you followed my discipline with the Worry Door?)

Then one day she finally arrived (again). Quite out of the blue, in the surprising, thrilling, somewhat terrifying way she might have been born the first time had I allowed it to happen naturally. One day this past September (almost exactly nineteen years since her first birth) I got the overwhelming phone call that was very much like a rebirth. She was free, and she was coming home.

She showed her pretty face for the second time in my life, exactly as I had been dreaming of her while she was away.

This strong, beautiful girl has possessed a slice of my heart and soul for almost twenty years now, and that will never change. This is just the beginning. I am once more living every promise of motherhood and every hope. We are seeing that not only is time elastic; Love is sovereign.

It’s mid-March now. Six months after her rebirth when she finally arrived in her own way, at her own time. She is peeling away from me and pressing close again, over and over, this time in the best possible, most natural ways. Finding her own legs and learning to walk (again). Squeezing me tight and boring into my eyes with hers (again). Letting me feed her mightily because it satisfies us both (again).

Making me proud beyond description. Always.

Thank you, friends, for every single prayer and every positive thought and word of encouragement you’ve offered, especially when you didn’t really know what was happening. She amazes us daily. She is on a good, strong path today, chasing her own joy and pursuing her own dreams, just exactly like a nineteen year old girl should do. And because of this she continues to benefit from prayer and Loving energy, so please keep it up.

Love is so real. Prayer absolutely changes things. And natural processes best. Don’t force it.

Fear knocked at the door.
Faith answered.
And lo, no one was there.
~Author Unknown
XOXOXOXO

no chance of ice

March 10, 2015

Between farm chores today I lingered in the barn a long time, just listening to the soft, constant rain tickling the metal roof. It was so gentle and lulling, like the most delicious white-noise symphony you’ve ever heard. I could have laid on that big fresh hay bale and napped. Like the cats were doing.

The rain is such a gift, you know? Even as Oklahoma continues to recover from the scarring droughts of recent years, we still celebrate every shower. But today’s shower brought me a deeper joy than usual. A deeper assurance.

It occurred to me that just a few days ago, when it was still sixteen degrees outside, all this moisture would have been falling as ice, or at least as snow. And we’d be buried again in the stuff of winter that slows us down and makes me worry about the animals and not drive anywhere. But now, with the warmer temperatures gracing our region, the moisture is only just that: Moisture. Rain. Deeply drenching water for the earth. With none of the dangerous conditions that accompany snow and ice.

We can’t control the rain, of course, or the air temperatures; both are inevitable and somewhat unpredictable. So how many weeks in winter do we spend fretting over the ice, worrying about it because we know we’re at risk? Plenty. (Sometimes we are simply exposed. Or sometimes we choose to be. We neglect what we know will protect us.)

But today I just enjoyed the rain. I had no fear of ice. I knew (because I knew the nature of water and when it freezes) that today no ice would coat the roads where my husband and daughter drive. No ice would freeze the bellies of our animals. No ice would down any power lines to the house. Just rain. I knew I could safely trust and relax.

Then it hit me in the most amazing way: I could safely trust and relax.

Just as precipitation is far beyond my control, life changes are too. Big things are happening all around me quite without my permission, but they are definitely happening. The big headline, though, is that they are not happening in a cold, barren space. These life events are happening in the midst of Love and under the warm blanket of prayer. It may rain, but it will not freeze.

So, ice? I have no fear of it. Failure or destruction? It’s not even possible because Love won’t allow it. Faith prevents it.

It’s been raining since sunrise here, and now at almost 9 pm, with the sun finally dark, it is raining still. No chance of freeze, though, so there is nothing to fear.

We will sleep soundly with the rain.

No worrying, mama.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear:
because fear hath torment.
He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
~I John 4:18
XOXOXOXO

marathon monday: the hallelujah chorus

March 9, 2015

Happy Monday!! Happy Marathon Monday to those among us training for April. Today we begin week 12 according to Hal Higdon, and I am ecstatic. Why? Not only because we are now two-thirds of the way through the whole shebang, but also for the following three fabulous reasons. I am basically singing the Hallelujah chorus!

Hallelujah #1: Oklahoma has finally broken loose from wintertime. It’s true. After so many months of ice and snow and sub-freezing air, last week we endured the final days of yuck. Since Thursday afternoon we’ve been enjoying warm, blue skies, and I could not be happier. Sure, there may still be a frosty morning here and there, but nothing that should impact running. The next six weeks should boast reliable weather for all sorts of outdoor activity, and this is magical.

Hallelujah #2: On Friday I logged my first 17 mile run of the season, and it felt GREAT. Not okay, not endurable, not pretty good. It felt really amazing. My pace was decent and I wasn’t sucking air at all; nor did I need more than two quick water breaks. This is wonderful news, because last year when Carrie and I first ran twice around Lake Hefner, I had homicidal thoughts and ended the day in a fetal position. It was pretty miserable. But this time after running (at a different track though) I immediately went grocery shopping, drove home to do some laundry and easy animal chores, then showered and went out on the town with my daughter and her boyfriend. My energy was through the roof! Also, I haven’t been sore at all this weekend. Super encouraging. I’m already looking forward to the Friday after next when I get to grab 19, and all of this convinces me that a certain very special Sunday in April will be magical.

Hallelujah #3: New shoes!! Also on Friday, after that long run, Handsome and our oldest conspired to get me out of the house while the farm filled up with friends and decorations for a little surprise birthday party (I’m 41 now, woohoo!!). While out on the town (see above), I tried on a bunch of different colorful running shoes and finally settled on a pair of dark gray Sauconys with hot pink edges. Bonus: They were on sale! The laces are highly elasticized, and this makes me weirdly happy. The shoes feel like really tight, bouncy marshmallows on my feet. I wore them to run three recovery miles Saturday morning and it was delightful, even though I do need to tighten up the toes area a little. My good ol’ reliable (but really worn out) Brooks didn’t even pout; they just sat back in the corner, getting caught up on reading, asking the parrot to make lots of fresh coffee, which he did without complaint. Having new shoes for the last leg of marathon training is magical. Thanks babe!!

I was so happy to feel the sun on my arms and actually see my shadow!

So much magic, right? So many reasons to sing the Hallelujah chorus. Running in the sunshine without a million layers of warm clothes, not slipping downhill on ice, knowing I have plenty of time to break in my super cute new shoes before the race, and most of all… Feeling strong and brimming with energy for those deeply excavating runs. The meditative ones. All of it is just blissful. I am a very happy (but slightly older) girl eager to get outside for more.

Are you training for a race this spring? How’s it going? What shoes do you love best?

Happy Monday!!
XOXOXOXO

friday 5 at the farm: parrot life

March 6, 2015

Bobby Pacino, our blue and gold macaw, will be ten years old this spring. He was hatched somewhere in the United States and sold to us at a pet store in Oklahoma City when he was just a pup. Err, baby? Kitten? Chick. When he was just a chick. A small, quiet one.

The first few days he was home with us were a lot like having a newborn infant, especially with regard to feeding and bonding. It was actually a very sweet time.

Then the next solid, unrelenting decade was a lot like having a dysfunctional toddler, especially with regard to, well, pretty much everything. A loud, messy, screaming, demanding, attention seeking, affectionate and VERY smart, un-CANNILY smart, but also disruptive and destructive, toddler. It’s been a whirlwind. A loving whirlwind.

Surely I’ve acquainted you with him here and there on this blog, right? I know I post photos of him to Instagram from time to time. Visitors to the dirt-and-hooves Lazy W cannot miss him. Pacino demands to not only meet but interact with everyone who enters the house or the yard, if it’s pretty weather and he’s outside in his big cage. Lots of our friends have become close with Pacino. Some are afraid of him. Others delight in ruffling his feathers. You know who you are. Pacino is a farm-ily member, and he is here to stay.

Yesterday I was reminded in myriad ways how different daily life can be when you live with a mature parrot. And friends, I use the word mature so loosely here I probably shouldn’t use it at all. But he is more or less of age; his personality is well formed; and he is vibrantly healthy and has full command of all his parrot faculties. He is a full time kinda guy. The thing is, he has spring fever or cabin fever or both, and this week he’s been telling me so.

“Hi, Mama. Gimme gimmee Kiiiiissss.”

So this installment of Friday 5 at the Farm is a cautionary tale for anyone who sees a parrot and thinks, “Oh how beautiful! He is magnificent! I wish IIIIIIII had a parrot!” Buyer beware, okay?

Five Things You Can’t Do When You Live With a Parrot

1. Talk on the phone. Pacino cannot stand to bear witness to what he perceives as a one-sided conversation. If he hears me talking, he naturally assumes I am talking to him. We are most of the time alone at the house together, after all. And if that phone conversation is filled with laughter, well, all the better. He joins in merrily and competes not quietly. The more I try to assert myself the worse it gets, and it seems I will never learn. So I rarely talk on the phone at all. I’ll chat with my best friend and my sister in law, like maybe once a month. Otherwise it’s just easier to text, seriously. The talking is just not worth the noise and drama on this end.

2. Watch yoga videos. Pacino especially likes female voices, and since most yoga videos are hosted by women I think that’s why he gets so riled up. But I literally have to sneak off to the furthest reaches of this house and close every door between us and play the video at low volume if I want any chance of watching and stretching in peace. Otherwise he screams and cries and attempts to opera sing at max volume the entire time. He wants to know this pretty yogi so much!! Not very Zen, you know? It really messes with my chakras and whatnot.

3. Eat anything all by yourself, especially things wrapped in cellophane. This is completely our fault, of course, because we have conditioned Pacino to accept all sorts of treats from us. But he now fully expects to share in any and all food that comes out of the kitchen, and it’s a problem.

4. Sweep the floor. This is ironic because Pacino’s indoor perch and his seed-scattering habits are the main reason we have to sweep the floor so many times per day. But he hates it. A lot. And he lets us know.

5. Kiss your husband. Birds are among the most territorial creatures I have ever encountered, and that is saying plenty. This glossy little blue Casanova is as jealous and needy as they come, so if Handsome and I feel like smooching, we have to do so at a safe distance or just accept the screaming and violent beak lunging that will inevitably follow.

********************

There. If you can cope with these five lifestyle changes then you are one half step closer to maybe considering you might possibly be ready for parrot ownership.

And let’s clear that up while we’re at it, too: You don’t own your parrot. Your parrot owns YOU. That’s the way it works, man. No getting out of that. But if you love each other it’s totally worth it.

Happy Friday!! I am signing off to go grab my first 18 mile run of this season. Very excited. See you soon for talk of translating literature and pregnancy metaphors and freezer cooking ideas. Have the best Friday ever, ok?

“Hi! Are ya Happy?”
~Bobby Pacino
xoxoxoxo

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