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Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Tiny T: Episode Six

October 10, 2013

   His body depleted from the long run and almost refueled by the rich, flavorful breakfast of fried eggs, buttery, peppery grits, and andouille sausage, his heart kept strong and tender by the series of odd interactions that morning, T settled back into the broad iron chair. He closed his eyes and let the banjo music wash over him along with the cool breeze. Background noises of car horns, bicycle bells, early Bourbon Street revelers breaking into drunken song, and that same classical piano filtering in from the hotel lobby… all of it combined into a perfect spell. He inhaled the chicory coffee, the flower vines, the pool chlorine… a pleasant gumbo of fragrance that kept him seated in that perfect moment.
   His email messages had put him at a crossroads. One job offer was to hop on a plane that evening and fly to London to do a candy bar commercial, but the script was tainted with a homophobic undertone which was extremely offensive to T. Man, I pity the fool who thinks that stuff is funny, he had thought to himself after reading it. Thankfully, his agent’s assistant, Carin, had given him a good warning about that. Another job offer tempted him out west to Los Angeles to make an appearance at a Derby Dolls skating bout. That would be fun, and he had some good friends out there named Gen and Julia who could talk all night about books and would probably take him to eat at Umami Burger. But every intense detail of this city, of this small neighborhood that was its own universe, made the choice easy. He was staying a bit longer. Two days in New Orleans is never enough. And besides, he had offers here too. He treasured the freedom and flexibility of his profession.
   T swallowed the last of his pulpy, sweet orange juice and dabbed his mouth with the thick cotton napkin. He thanked his server and made sure to leave a generous tip which would be billed to his hotel room. He made his way to the sidewalk, wanting to hear the end of the musicians’ set right up close, then dropped a handful of quarters and dimes into the open banjo case. They thanked him in heavy, mysterious Cajun phrases, smiling and bowing and dancing, blessing him with their particular street magic as if he had laid down a hundred dollar bill. He did not resist the grin this time. T even danced with them a little, shuffling his high-top sneakers on the sidewalk and letting that feather earring swing. Then he nodded goodbye and turned back to the hotel. He had some emails to send before showering and getting on with his day.
********************

   Reluctant at first to abandon the coffee shop and leave unanswered the question of her weird message being delivered, Olivia needed very little time with Carly to feel not only distracted but completely fascinated. She had never really seen the Quarter in daylight, much less in these misty morning hours while a whole new slice of the city was getting started to work, and she was rapidly falling in love with it. Why do I keep feeling this here? She wrestled silently with her constant swell of romantic inclination in this city. From the dark, handsome stranger who had kept her awake all night though he was in a different hotel, to the instant communities that formed at every street corner for various reasons, Olivia felt knitted to this place. Drawn to it for her own reasons and craved by it all at once.
   Carly was dragging her now past the restaurants and narrow alley ways, a few blocks away to an expansive stretch of pavement and flat rock, a walkway laid like a dangerous wide ribbon between two spiritual lakes. On one side stood the bleached white, vaulted cathedral called St. Louis, an historical icon that instantly cast shadows onto Olivia’s heart. It pointed to an emptiness in her lungs, an old hunger she had forgotten about. On the other side, just at the edge of the lush and meticulously kept Jackson Square gardens, the cathedral’s antithesis: A string of mismatched chairs and folding tables, umbrellas, and hand painted signs all populated by men and women who could be gypsies. Or vagrants. Or mystics from another realm, most of them holding mangy but smiling dogs on leashes: Fortune Tellers Row. At night, this place was packed with people, mostly risky tourists, but this morning barely a dozen souls lingered at the park benches and not one street performer had taken up residence yet. This patchwork of fortune-telling characters and their piercing eyes sent inky black tendrils of fear onto the flat, wide walkway, snaking coldly toward Olivia, sucking all the noise out of her ears despite the growing activity around her. She had never felt such a distinct spiritual fear before, and to feel it at a moment when she was enjoying so much romance and possibility was very much like being splashed with cold water from behind.
   She stopped walking and pulled back a little, asking Carly, “Uh, what are we doing here?”
   “We’re gonna have your palm read, silly! Let’s see if Mow-hawk Man is the one!” Carly giggled and huddled in close like they were old friends at a slumber party. Like they were just opening and folding a little boxy paper fortune teller, for fun. Olivia enjoyed the smell of Carly’s patchouli and noted the odd mix of it with her own expensive perfume.
   “No, that’s okay. I mean, I don’t have any cash on me anyway.” She lied. Olivia was stiff now, once again adjusting her call cap and hugging herself, and her senses were on high alert, all of the romance quickly draining from her veins. She caught herself glancing around for an escape route and felt ridiculous. In every direction, rationally, there were only lounging people and leashed dogs. Plenty of space to bolt if she needed to. Wide open air and daylight, what could happen? Still, that icy snaking feeling of assault wouldn’t go away. And her companion was oblivious.
   “No problem, Ben here owes me a read.” Carly was aiming them toward a guy perhaps in his twenties with a scratchy four-day beard, a yellow and red knitted cap, and a sun-bleached trench coat covering up an old Madonna t-shirt. Like a prayer? Yeah right! Olivia thought. He wore a stack of plastic Mardi Gras beads around his neck, and Olivia judged how dicey they looked, how unnatural, compared to the stunning jewelry T had worn. She suddenly missed him, this man she barely knew, and wished he would appear to help her out the way he had protected her from the drunken collision last night. Then she worried that Ben could read her thoughts, especially her lie about having cash, and decided she had better shut up.
   “No, seriously, I don’t want to.” In a rare resolute moment, Olivia stood firmly on her high-heeled boots and thrust her skinny arms down to her sides, and shook her head. “I really, really don’t want to. I’m sorry.”
   Carly was dumbfounded, “What? Why?” She giggled again, this time trailing off a bit as she realized her brunette friend wasn’t kidding. Carly’s long, colorful skirts were swishing around her legs from the brisk walk. “Hey, are you okay?”
   Olivia glanced around, trying hard not to look directly at Ben for fear of him casting a Stephen King-style curse on her, and said in a high-pitched voice feigning casualness, “Yeah, I’m okay, I’m just… hungry. You know, you did eat most of that spinach croissant.” Maybe a smile and a joke would trick Carly into forgetting about her abrupt halt a moment ago. It did not.
   “Okay, whatever you say. But I’m telling you Ben is the best palm-reader in this town. You ought-ta try him out.” Carly wrapped her cozy arm around Olivia, pretending to only be warming her and not chasing away her obvious fear, and they turned back the way they had come.

   “See you latah, alligatah!”  Ben called out after them in a booming voice with no trace of a Cajun accent. Phony. Then he threw a bright green puff of chalk dust or something at the concrete in front of his table. The women squealed a little and broke shamelessly into a run.
This episode is dedicated to Carin, sweet and creative blogger at Artfully Carin.
who recently told me a story about the REAL Mr. T 
declining a candy bar commercial in Great Britain
because of its offensive homophobic undertones.
This episode is also dedicated to my little sister Gen and my literary mentor Julia,
who both skate with the Los Angeles Derby Dolls and have all my love from Oklahoma!
Finally, it is dedicated to my husband who always thinks it’s hilarious 
to peer-pressure me into voo-doo type activities 
when we visit my favorite city in the universe.
Rude.

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Filed Under: Tiny Mr T, Tiny T, Tiny T 31 Days Lookin for Love

Tiny T: Episode Five

October 9, 2013

   T thanked Zane for delivering the message and tucked the wrinkled, scrawled-on paper bag into a pocket on the front of his denim vest. Zane asked, “Aren’t you going to send her a note? Or have me tell her something? I’m sure she’s waiting for us back at the coffee shop.” The bicyclist’s voice had a needy, questioning edge now. 

   “Nah, don’t think so, man. But thanks again. You be safe on these streets. People don’t watch.” With that, T turned his back on Zane, on his unusual morning in the French Quarter, and quite possibly on the beautiful brunette. But he was no longer disappointed. The street car was long gone, so he leaned forward and once again found his rhythmic, soothing pace. 
   Soon he crossed the tracks, climbed the sidewalk and grassy hill edging the river, and stopped just at the rocky slope there. T smiled broadly at the muddy, churning river below him. Just a few minutes ago, it had been a beacon for peace. A place he could rest his eyes and his thoughts. Now, the swirling brown waters just stirred up his imagination. He was alive again with the possibility of the new day. 
   The ferry shuttled another load of cars across from Algiers. T wondered how many people on that boat believed in true love. Seagulls circled and screamed at the wind, hunting for their breakfast, and out of  nowhere a homeless man wearing a tattered coat and dreadlocks approached T for help with his own breakfast. “Got anything to spare, man?”
   T looked at him and felt a deep, clenching grip on his heart. This man was young. And probably sick. Definitely somebody’s son. He reached into his wallet to see what cash he had left.
   “Sure I do. Here you go. Go get something hot.” T pressed a five dollar bill and three ones into the man’s dirty, calloused hand and gently clapped his other hand against the man’s thin shoulder. I pity the fool who won’t help, who thinks we’re all in this alone, T thought to himself. Then he said aloud, “It’s a beautiful morning… Anything is possible.” He looked at the man firmly but with a rare sort of brotherly love. 
   The homeless man regarded T with caution, perhaps expecting to endure a little preaching as payment for the breakfast cash. But none came. Just a silent, grateful evaluation of the moment. “Yeah, sure, I suppose you’re right. Thanks man.” The young man’s blue eyes were cloudy. He marveled at this stranger’s get up and gave inward thanks for his gift.
   T nodded respectfully then furrowed his brow. He never let people stay in his reverie too long. 
   After a moment the two men parted ways. The young man with dreadlocks walked hungrily west toward the market streets, already planning how he would feast. T gazed at the the big Crescent City Connection bridge, squinted happily against the sun, and decided to get on with his day. It would be lunchtime before he knew it, and he had work to do. Emails to return, calls to make, and travel to plan. Maybe.
   For the next forty-five minutes, T ran through the Quarter to sweat out the last of his thoughts. By the time he had reached his hotel again, he knew what to do next. But he’d worked up a spectacular appetite so he ducked into the adjoining open-air restaurant for a late breakfast of eggs, grits, and andouille sausage. Just outside, a street performance was building steam. It was a couple playing the banjo and spoons against a corrugated metal washboard. I love this city, T thought to himself as the waiter served the steaming plate of spicy fare. A cool breeze ruffled the banana leaves standing an easy guard between him and the musicians. He filled his belly, inhaled every detail, and smiled.
   
   

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Filed Under: 31 days lookin for love, Tiny Mr T

Tiny T and Halloween Costumes

October 3, 2013

   Greetings, Tiny T fans! 
Thanks a bunch for all of your brilliant, often hilarious comments and emails
suggesting where his search for love goes next. 
While that chapter percolates today, 
T is linking up with Mama Kat to share his favorite Halloween costume. 
Please tune in either this evening or first thing tomorrow morning 
to see what happens after the coffee shop!
New here? Welcome!
Start reading Tiny T’s love story adventure
by clicking on the button to your right.
xoxoxoxo

********************

   Mama Kat wants to know my favorite Halloween costume? Tiny T don’t wear costumes. Costumes impede my mobility and anyway… what is better looking than what I already wear? I pity the fool who thinks a denim vest and feather earring can be improved upon!


Tiny T and Batman are known compatriots in Oklahoma.
   But I do love a good Batman costume. Batman and Tiny T have a lot in common. We fight crime. We defend the defenseless. And we rarely smile.

   Now. Who wants two tickets to this gun show?

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Filed Under: Mama Kat, Tiny Mr T, Tiny T, Tiny T 31 Days Lookin for Love

The Herb Garden of Discontent

May 13, 2013

   It happens to me almost every time I dig and plant a new garden. Surely I’m not the only one, right? The temporary anticlimax.

   You get inspired for a very particular new garden. You find its location, define its purpose, and prepare the soil. Perhaps, as has been the case with this new herb bed here at the farm, you do most of that in the off season;  so for months you also stare longingly at the blank site, daydreaming of its eventual fullness and productivity. Piling on dried manures and whispering words of affirmation to the infant garden, you begin to see it in its most mature state, its maximum and most perfect condition. All far in advance, every time you pass by. Where there is only dirt in reality, your hopeful eyes perceive bushels of glossy basil, armfuls of zinnias, several mountains of rosemary, and sprays of every colorful herb you’ll ever need to make your own sleepy time tea. Your nose inhales, also in advance, every sweet and savory fragrance known to man since before time.

   You plan to sell your wares at the  area farmer’s market because, obviously, you will be growing far more than you need. Because it’s already the most lovely and magical garden ever in all the world.

   You may scribble down blueprints and sketch curvy borders and make lists on your i-Phone of what to buy the very minute it’s safe to plant. You find yourself helpless with seed catalogs, whether they belong to you or not, highlighting, circling, and boldly asterisk-ing key items every chance you get. As if the writing of a wish is also its coming to fruition. Because you did read The Secret, after all.

   On the weekend you can finally plant, you eagerly run through one last soil clearing, savoring the crunch of your spade as it slices through stubborn volunteer crabgrass. You shake weedy roots free of dirt and celebrate every fat earthworm that wriggles through the black gold left there.

   So much potential. You just can’t stop singing the praises of slow food, organic methods, and the glory of working outdoors. Your legs are so strong and motivated you think you can dig a hundred gardens.

   Then the day arrives.

   The soil is cleaned and warm. The plants have been purchased. The weather is ideal. Your new garden plan is about to come together. Like you’re the horticulture A-Team or something. (And who am I to say you’re not?)

   You dig, scrape, level, arrange, plant, rearrange, water, scrape again, and survey your little outdoor art project over and over.

   Your geese come to inspect your progress and play in the sprinkler. Your cat rolls in the fresh dirt. You lower back gets a skinny, crescent shaped sunburn from that weird leaned-over gardener’s stance you’ve held for two days straight. And when you finally stand up to stretch and see it for the first time with new eyes… To dust off and drink in the beauty of what your imagination, knowledge, and physical labor have joined forces to create…

   Everything looks tiny.

   Almost so tiny it kind of irritates you.

   The chamomile plant has withered a bit too much.

   Some unnamed farm citizen, but clearly someone who has feathers and a beak and only two legs, has nibbled all but a third of the chocolate-mint leaves. Did you plant those rosemary starts too close together? Wait, where is the basil? I forgot basil? Should I have staggered those annuals, or is color blocking indeed the way to go? Can I even see all of this from the kitchen sink?

“Is this a garden… For ANTS?!?”

   Is it just the glaring angle of the late afternoon sun? Because something about this looks out of scale. You are pretty sure those plants were all at least three times as big in the dining room yesterday. This is definitely not right.

   You begin to question yourself in every possible way. Why do you even bother gardening? Just buy your food like a normal person and go watch t.v.

   You hope your Momma or Grandpa don’t drop in for a farm visit, because this would be embarrassing. You certainly don’t put any of this on Instagram. Nope, that would not inspire a single person to try her own gardening adventure. It would be like trying to lure people to Christianity with meanness and judgement. Not cool.

   Then Tiny T walks over and has a talk with you.

   He wraps his tiny, muscled arm around your slumped shoulders and says exactly what you need to hear.

   “Yo. This is just day one, man. Your garden plans are good, this soil is golden like my chains, and our summer is going to be amazing. Just give it some time and chill, baby. I pity the fool who thinks gardening is a sprint and not a marathon.”

   “Thanks, Tiny T. Seriously, you always know just what to say.”

   Then all is right with the world and you go off to make more coffee and design the next new garden.

   The end.

 
 

 

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Filed Under: gardening, Tiny Mr T

Introducing Tiny Mr. T

May 11, 2013

   Well hello again.

   I want to tell you about something.

   If you and I are Facebook friends or if we connect on Instagram, then you may have noticed a flood of unusual photos lately. The Lazy W world has a new cast member… 
   Tiny Mr. T.
   He is pretty much the coolest thing ever.
   Handsome gifted me with not one but two Tiny T’s just a few minutes after I crossed the finish line at the Memorial half marathon. I laughed so hard!

   One T is several inches tall and wears a small replica race bib with my runner number on it. He sits on my desk in the Apartment and guards my messes there. The smaller one, hereafter known as Tiny T, is Polly Pocket size and has been joining me on all kinds of adventures, farm related and otherwise, ever since that Sunday.

Tiny T helps me thin carrots and radishes where they grow too thick.
Tiny T supports the slow food movement for sure.
   It’s one of those perfect, impossible to duplicate gifts. And I  hope my guy knows how much I appreciate them both.

   So now you have met Tiny T, and I am wondering if you love him as much as I do.

   The real Mr. T has been a cult favorite of mine since childhood. So cool. I tried to dress up like him for Halloween last year, but Handsome absolutely did not want to be seen with a girl dressed like that. Can’t imagine why.

   For many passionate reasons I just can’t get enough Mr. T. And no, it’s not embarrassing at all. Frankly I don’t understand why more people DON’T love him. 

   He pities fools, you guys!!!
   Furthermore:

  1. Mr. T. wears as many dang necklaces as he wants. Sorta like me, but even more. 
  2. He has the coolest hairstyle and beard, way cool, not that I would dare copy such coolness. James Harden has it goin’ on, but he was not the first.
  3. Mr. T used to carry around the biggest, bulkiest boombox just to strut through life bathed in the aura of good music. Who else is that cool? Nobody. Now we all settle for earbuds. At least some of us do still strut through life.
  4. Mr. T always seems to wearing a great threadbare denim jacket. Surely I don’t have to explain this.
  5. Mr. T is strong and capable and fearsome; but he admits his weakness, which is a debilitating fear of flying (at least in the role of B.A. in The A Team). I admire anyone who doesn’t try to conceal his flaws.
  6. Finally? He never tolerates sleeves. The original t-shirt surgeon.
Side Note: It took me forty five minutes to figure out
how to NOT say “t-shirt surgery doer.”  Surgist? Surgeryist? 
WHAT IS IT? Oh, surgeon. Right. Onward.
   So now in adulthood I cling to my action-figure Tiny Mr. T with lots of ridiculous hilarity and sincere appreciation. Since that race Sunday, Tiny Mr. T has been joining me on all kinds of adventures. It’s been a busy couple of weeks for both of us.
   Care to take a peek?
Tiny Mr. T groomed and watered my potted herbs and then insisted
I finish digging the circular herb bed outside the kitchen window.
I still haven’t quite finished it, and Tiny T furrows his brow in frustration, pitying me.
Tiny Mr. T collected eggs very early one morning
and is so short (sorry, it’s true)
that he almost got lost in the shred.
But then he is so strong that he clawed his way out. 
The hens are surprisingly not afraid of him at all.
Tiny Mr. T went with me to substitute teach a first grade class one morning.
Those precocious kids saw him in my hand and promptly asked me,
“Mrs. Wreath why are you carrying around a small James Harden?”
If you are an OKC Thunder basketball fan then you understand this problem.
I swiftly corrected their misstep and gave them all detention.
Tiny Mr. T accompanied me to a book club discussion dinner for Don Quixote.
He chimed in sparingly, believing the knight-errant hero to be quite out of his mind like Murdock,
 then pitied the next person who assigned us another classic to read. 
“It’s summertime now and we need easier stuff!” He said.
Then Tiny T went with Handsome and me to work the first car show of this new season.
He collected money and guarded it well.
Tiny T appreciates beautiful cars and is very protective of them.
On a chilly and gray Saturday afternoon Handsome and I went
to the Zombie Bolt, a really crazy fun 5-K event here in Oklahoma.
Tiny T went with us and is on the verge of declaring zombies as equally terrifying as airplanes.
Can you blame him? Tiny T is barely an appetizer to these creatures.
Although I have been trying to eat clean and detox a little, 
and be super productive and cram activity into every spare hour,
Tiny T understands the value of rest.
On a recent lunch break while subbing fifth grade, 
he urged me to chill. Have a snickers. Read a book. Order some seeds. 
I did, and it was bliss. Tiny T gets it.
   Okay friends. Are you with me? Are you beginning to feel the power and wisdom Tiny T has to offer? Will you please join his fan club? Just follow along with his adventures on Instagram and if you have a character he needs to meet, let me know! Some friends of ours are apparently searching for a tiny A-Team van for Tiny T, and I groove that.
“I believe in the golden rule.
 The man with the gold… Rules.”
 ~Mr. T
xoxoxoxo   

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Filed Under: daily life, Tiny Mr T

Hi! I'm Marie. Welcome to the Lazy W. xoxo

Hi! I’m Marie. This is the Lazy W.

A hobby farming, book reading, coffee drinking, romance having, miles running girl in Oklahoma. Soaking up the particular beauty of every day. Blogging on the side. Welcome to the Lazy W!

I Believe Strongly in the Power of Gratitude & Joy Seeking

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