Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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cultivate

July 29, 2018

After a gentle, soaking rain this morning, we went outside to survey the farm and accept some of the afternoon’s unexpected sunshine. It was warm, but in the shade still plenty comfortable. My husband loaded the spool of the weedeater and started tracing clean lines around every raised bed, sidewalk, and rock border. This makes us both so happy. Clean edges are heaven.

I fed the animals, played fetch with Klaus, and started pulling weeds from inside those edges. So many weeds lately, everywhere you look. The lushness of our summer weather extends to all forms of life at the Lazy W.

I mentally celebrated the rambling hyacinth bean vines and vibrant gomphrena and zinnias, gave thanks for the tomatoes and basil, and got a jolt of early excitement thinking of the seeds that were planted yesterday, in the bare earth where all forms of zucchini vines had been. (I do hate squash bugs.)

Then I saw the daylilies. They seem to have stopped blooming too early this year, and that’s a shame because they are normally so tall and gorgeous, such a deep, electric shade of orange. Lately, I see only the decapitated stalks, sometimes hanging onto a withered dry bloom, the plants’ brown leaves falling exhaustedly downward. Too early.

I started combing away the dead parts, gloveless, and scooping them into my wheelbarrow already full of weeds and dead stuff. My hands went after the task easily, twisting and pulling old lilies from the pliant earth.

I caught sight of one fistful of green and brown and realized it was not lilies. I was pulling grass, too. But a foot or two up, the grass looked and felt so much like the daylilies that I hadn’t noticed. I threaded my way up and down and forested through the flower bed to see exactly what was growing and where.

I was kind of stunned to see how much grass was choking out the daylily stands, but also relieved. Maybe cleaning everything out would rejuvenate the flower bed.

The thing that really stuck with me was how similar the grass felt to the flowers. An uninvited imitator, a fraud. And one that had gone undetected for a while yet was easily uprooted.

It all leaned hard into my thinking lately about cultivating. Pulling up what doesn’t belong to make room for what does. Cultivating. Feeding what you want to grow. Eliminating what no longer serves you. I couldn’t stop smiling as those grassroots popped out of the damp earth and sprinkled dirt on my face and arms. 

This is a snapshot of the shade garden about a week ago. It has already changed so much, again.

Cultivate.

Cultivate our homes, our work environments. Our routines. Our work products, after all. Our diets. Our social media feeds. Our reading material. Our schedules. 

Cultivate our relationships. Our friendships, family bonds, romances, all of it.

I adore the idea of cultivating our lives in every way. To my thinking, it all comes down to the smallest things. For all the big planning we do, all the garden architecture and herculean seasonal efforts, sometimes we need to kneel down and feel each thing by hand, no gloves, face to face with the details. Uproot the bad habits in the exact moments that you see them and make the yes/no choices one at a time, slowly and mindfully. 

So that all the things we do want more of have all the space they need to flourish. 

Just some food for thought on this gorgeous Sunday afternoon. 

“We must cultivate our own garden.
When man was put in the garden of Eden
he was put there so that he should work,
which proves that man was not born to rest.”
~ Voltaire
XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

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Filed Under: cultivate, faith, gardening, gratitude, thinky stuff

thoughts on filling a god-sized vacancy

July 21, 2018

God-sized vacancies.

In recent months some trusted and deeply loving friends have helped us come to grips with features of addiction, and the simplest and best message from all this has been the idea that every human is born with a God-sized vacancy. We each have a space within us that only our Creator can fit, satisfy, and make whole. 

Until we understand that, we all stumble about, trying a million different things to fill the void. We ache to not ache anymore, so we seek after things that will hopefully numb the pain, things like unnecessary food and alcohol, needless shopping, miles and miles of running, drugs, sex, and more. Everyone has something which can be taken to excess. It’s never better than a temporary pleasure, like drinking salt water to quench a very unique and specific thirst. Often it becomes a truly destructive force.  

The more this idea comes into focus, the more it helps me, both in private ways and as I think about and pray for my family. It’s become a touchstone for considering daily choices and evolving priorities:

  • Do I crave this (whatever) because I am aching for God in some secret way, and I need to tend that first? Is this pursuit a poor substitute for the Real Thing?
  • Or do I genuinely feel close to Him, and this craving compliments my spiritual walk?
an expanse of mountains draws out my thoughts and feelings the same way a starry night can

The notion of a God-sized vacancy has recently ignited an exciting new way to pray for loved ones who are suffering. A way of praying in order to close the gap which has been unapproachable to me.  

Find her and meet her needs in a mysterious and surprising way, just as you found me. Speak to her in the voice only she will recognize, just as you did with me years ago and still do now. 

It has been transformative, as simple as the idea is. 

Here’s a relevant passage from the Jesus Calling undated daily devotional:

Seek My Face, and you will find all that you have longed for. The deepest yearnings of your heart are for intimacy with Me. I know because I designed you to desire Me.

We are designed this way. It’s not a deficiency. It unites us all, you know?

I love these short verses in Psalms 42…

As a hart panteth after the water brook, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God?

No earthly thing, no pleasure or possession or goal or anything, no matter how good and beautiful, can satisfy that deep, innate part of us meant only for Him. This isn’t terrifying to me; it’s deeply calming, comforting.

So this is all just some food for thought if you sense any reflexiveness or false satisfaction in your heart. If you have a hunger that is not satisfied by normal earthly things. And maybe especially if you love and pray for someone who is struggling with addiction or a lost feeling, a pain that nothing in your control will assuage. 

“Two powerful words that will instantly change your life…
I CHOOSE.”

~Carolee Waddoups
XOXOXOXO

 

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Filed Under: 1000gifts, faith, family, gratitude, miracles, prayer request, thinky stuff

no frills tuesday, deep well of gratitude

July 4, 2018

Around 5:20 this morning I wobbled myself downstairs to let Klaus outside and achieve Caffienation Level One. I opened my spiral notebook and two devotionals and began waking up slowly, filling my brain with all the good stuff first.

I started writing a stream-of-consciousness gratitude list, and my pen could not keep up with my feelings.

Every day lately I am just plain grateful for so much. It’s this overarching sense of domestic tranquility and peaceful momentum. I’m grateful for physical health and bright, wide-reaching hope for the future of our family. I get these delicious waves of pride for my husband’s professional work, not to mention admiration for everything he does for us here at the farm. And the gardens this year take my breath away. They aren’t perfect, nothing is; but they are lush and strong, wild and productive. Often I walk around and cannot believe I get to live here.

One of my devotionals this week is all about the “Forgotten Art of Biblical Meditation.” I chose it because meditation is such a big ingredient to the Tibetan culture and I loved all the Buddhist expressions of faith in The Book of Joy. All of this together has got me thinking pretty hard about the differences and similarities between prayer and meditation. This sphere of thought nods to using our imaginations to support our prayer lives, too.

Handsome lingered a little before heading to the Commish. They are plowing through a heavy “Windcatcher” case this week (a big deal in Oklahoma), and he knew he would have to stay late again.  So he drank coffee slowly with Klaus in his lap, tackled a few quick jobs outside, and during our morning prayer teased me about being able to run a 12-minute mile today. I realized he has no idea how fast I can run, and now I want to prove it to him, ha! On that note, I cannot seem to release the craving to get really fit and learn to run really fast so I can qualify for Boston and just kind of have that under my belt. Most likely, a short list of other fitness related things should happen first, but BQ is there, stubbornly glaring at me from the horizon.

THE HORIZON OF MY IMAGINATION YOU GUYS. (ha!)

After feeding everyone and wrapping up a few more chores around the house, I too set off, but to a nearby park instead of to an office. About three miles into an easy run that was not easy today (thanks Shark Week), my friend Sheila caught me and we shared her cool down. She is training for a faster marathon using the Hansons method, and she is owning every step of it. Incredibly athletic, she is also smart, beautiful, affectionate, holistic, centered, independent, and just plain happy. She’s one of those people whose nearness just makes you feel brighter and sweeter, like drinking good orange juice. Those few minutes chatting and running together was exactly the shot in the arm I needed to finish 7.2 miles. And moving my body helped me sort out my thoughts, too.

That luscious detail of seeing Sheila today just reminds me how much one person’s aura can uplift others. Staying afloat really does matter, to each of us privately, for our own sakes, and to the people we encounter. Thank you, friend.

After a quick stop at Walmart for a handful of forgotten items including face scrub and a tension rod for curtains, I made my way home. Oh. There was a hot tub sitting on the side of the road. We already have one, but I was captivated enough to take a photo.

Once home, Klaus saw the tension rod and tried to pluck it from my hands. Fetch. Always fetch with him. Sweet boy.

My sister Angela texted then called me with some amazing personal news. Something for which she has been hoping and praying came true. We have been praying along with her, and today she learned that the prayer had already been answered last week; today’s appointment is just when she learned the details. God is amazing like that. Providing for and surprising us at every turn. Changing our lives when we let Him. 

Around midday, while ironing shirts and folding laundry in the Apartment, I watched a Netflix nature program about plant science. It included lots of anecdotal information about pollinators, too, and I loved all of it. It did, however, almost make me cry because it reminded me of a small bouquet of sunflowers I had cut and brought inside. The gorgeous blooms had each dropped about a Tablespoon of vibrant yellow pollen on the bookshelf where I’d put the mason jar/vase. I was suddenly so sad and regretful to have stolen this meal from our honeybees.

Hey there, hormonal fluctuations of Shark Week, you are not only making running difficult, you are also causing a cheerful bunch of flowers to be sad. Not cool.

Speaking of plant life, the hot pink crepe myrtles are finally blooming, and I am so happy!!

After half an hour of yoga with Tara Stiles, Klaus and I had a late lunch of a grilled chicken wrap and some Greek yogurt with cucumbers and watermelon. Then the rest of Tuesday was spent alternating between gardening and indoor tasks, retreating to the cool house when we were hot down to our skeletons. 

Although my physical energy kept dipping, all day my heart felt strong and steady. Life really is beautiful right now. or maybe it always is, and sometimes we just notice it better. Maybe sometimes we are more malleable, more receptive to wonder and more attuned to grace. 

Oklahoma enjoyed a lush, rainy June, so our wells and ponds and lakes are full. My heart is full. I feel a depth right now, and a sense of calm for the things we don’t yet see as answered. They already are, of course, just like my sister’s miracle. It is out there, every good thing for which we wait. We just have to hang on and trust, keep watching the horizon. 

I hope your Tuesday, whether average or insane, brought you lots of clear vision. I hope your well of gratitude is deep because it will nourish you in dry times. I hope you had some great food today and that, whatever miracle you’re waiting for, you have the strength to imagine it as already accomplished, in outrageously beautiful detail. 

“You can choose another thought.”
~Oprah Winfrey, to herself
XOXOXOXO

 

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Filed Under: daily life, gratitude, thinky stuff

weekend moments & a serious question

June 10, 2018

Friends, honestly, these days I am enjoying more fun and more overflowing love than any one woman deserves. I could blog all day every day and not keep up with the thousands of beautiful details.

My private notebook journal is filling up quickly with sketches of daily life, and my phone is loaded with snapshots from all the diems being carpe’d. I try to stop, breathe deeply, and soak it all up, try to somehow slow the clock, which only works a little. Life is full to bursting in the best ways.

My sister Angela recently celebrated not only her 40th birthday but, more importantly, her third year of sobriety. I cannot overstate the joy here, the refreshment and encouragement it brings our entire family.

So many swim nights!! Pup friends make it even more fun. And I love my husband. Gosh.

I want to share more stories from our family Seattle vacation. You deserve full and proper reviews of Radium Girls, a book Gen and I read in tandem (fascinating and disturbing!) as well as The Book of Joy and some peripheral reading I am doing about prayer and meditation.

Running and fitness are going pretty well, although I am not training for anything and in fact and going pretty easy on my schedule just to enjoy summertime. I’ll pick up a new marathon plan late July.

The gardens!! The gardens on every side of the farm are pure joy and explosions of life. 

Lots to talk about and many good stories to tell, and not just the surface beauty. Our prayers are being answered in deep and stunning ways. 

Here are a few more happy photos, then if you will stick around for a few minutes and indulge me, I have a serious question about something. It’s a long-standing curiosity I have had, and it appeared in the book I finished.

Our friends’ son Tanner, taking some chalk art very seriously. Cutie!!
We were all at a car show in Stroud, OK, and had lunch at the semi-famous “The Rock.” Fun!!
The Bandit & Leroy!

My running friend Marcia has just retired from an incredible military and teaching career, and she celebrated this weekend. I was so happy to attend her party. She is widely accomplished and much loved by her people, and I left having made a new friend! Such a happy event!!

This morning I joined three other running friends (all women I admire so dang much) for about 8 sweaty, low-heart-rate miles and then some Panera food and coffee. All four of us happened to order the exact same delicious whole grain sandwich with egg white, spinach, and avocado, ha! We caught up on the life stuff we don’t put on Facebook and wished Lisa well, who is soon relocating to Colorado. Tiny T posed for a Boomerang video but is still thinking hard about a worthy caption. I love mornings with running friends. I don’t do it enough. They are fantastic humans and very positive, healthy influences. STRONG HAPPY BOSTON QUALIFIERS!!

Here is the fascinating (to me) question:

Do you think the world at large is improving, or growing worse, or is it neutral? Why?

What about your individual, private life? Please tell me why you fee this way, if you can. 

Okay, now Handsoem and I are getting ready to drive to OKC for my beautiful Mom’s birthday dinner. Nice and casual, just immediate family and a few of the grand-kids. We will feast on excellent Tex Mex food plus two homemade desserts per her request. She is 60 today and we all love her so much. Another topic worthy of its own deliberate blog post. My mom really is the best. 

Thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts on this topic, friends. I can’t wait to read what you write. And I will be sharing soon why it’s on my radar and what the book had to say. Super interesting stuff.

Happy Sunday evening!!

Carpe those Diems!

XOXOXOXO

 

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Filed Under: 1000gifts, daily life, family, gratitude, running, thinky stuff

full circle moments with jess and some veggie growing advice from grandpa stubbs

May 3, 2018

Hello, thanks for checking in!! Yesterday Jessica and I spent several hours together in the city, with the aim of installing her first garden. I have so much to tell you and will break this up into parts so you can read what interests you. It’s gonna be long. : )

Lunch and How Love Brings Us Full Circle

First, I picked her up at her new place and we drove south for lunch at the salad bar inside Green Acres health food store on 240. We both love salads and fruits and veggies to the max, and she said she had been craving it a little more than normal, so it was perfect. I loaded an obscene amount of everything into my plastic clamshell box and did not have leftovers.

We sat there talking about life and God’s plans for us and how things don’t always turn out the way we expect. But that His love and intentions for us are always good. She didn’t know that for several months now every message I get from God has been about unconditional trust. We reflected even more on her time in the convent in Germany last spring, on how her first month has been living on her own, and food and health and gardening and budgets.

The salad bar provided an excellent starting point for deciding which of the foods she likes to eat are also feasible for growing in Oklahoma. Not papaya, for example, but definitely cucumbers. We discussed homemade salad dressing and the past and the future.

And about how many small gestures or idiosyncracies she seems to have inherited from me. Ha!

Garden Shopping

After a refreshing lunch, we walked next door to Big Lots to buy her a shovel and a few other basic things, nothing fancy. (I still use a shovel I bought there over a decade ago!) She selected a pair of polka-dot cotton gardening gloves which were exactly her style but which later while digging in the dirt, she would toss aside because “It feels too impersonal.”

She used to say that when she was a little girl. At our old house in the city, the girls would sift the dirt with their tiny bare hands, twirl the earthworms between their skinny fingers, flood the backyard with hose water for “Mud Monster” days, and more. It was a very backyard-oriented childhood. I am so grateful for that and so thrilled at how much she remembers.

After Big Lots, we drove back toward downtown OKC to stop at Pam’s garden stand near the historic Farmer’s Market. The day was warm and sunny, and the spring winds were combing across row after row of intensely colored petunias, marigolds, begonias, coleus, impatiens, and much more. Ruffles of life and happy energy. We were in heaven. She explored the aisles completely in obedience to her instincts, touching everything gently, marveling at the variety. I could not take my eyes off of her tall, graceful frame. Not very long ago she and her sister were so small they would run between the rows and disappear into the ocean of color, shining brown hair bobbing up and down.

When we reached the building at the furthest corner of the city block, we found the greenhouse filled with vegetable seedlings. Humid and intimate, undecorated, weeds rampant on the edges of the gravel floor which is bordered with railroad timbers and concrete blocks, you step into a space like that and know that something primal and true is happening. The wind whipped hard at the plastic roof, over and over again, and it made my heart race. The plainest of plain handwritten labels, the strongest looking plants. Simplest pricing, almost like the exchange of money is a formality.

I enjoyed an intense memory of the vegetables my Grandpa used to start from seed and the plastic knives he used as labels, each little plant identified in his beautiful slanted handwriting, black magic marker always. “Celebrity,” “Early Girl,” “Beefsteak,” “Best Boy.” I selected one of each of Grandpa’s favorite tomatoes for her, and we found a few new ones too. “Super Fantastic” got a long, good laugh from us both! She was especially happy to scoop up yellow squash babies and cantaloupe vines. Bell peppers, a basil plant, and more. So much fun, this miniature safari expedition to start her very first garden at her very first place.

We paid for our bounty and listened to the growing advice offered for free by the proprietor. Promised to return soon and in the meantime to mound up the soil on that blackberry vine so its feet never stay too wet.

Back at her place, I was amazed again at how much gardening technique Jess remembered from childhood. She used to help me outside all the time, and the familiarity was deeply comforting. She’s an enthusiastic learner, too, so the information that happened to be new fell on eager ears. 

We took turns digging the virgin earth and clearing away dry leaves. (I should have brought more tools.) Fortunately, the little garden space next to her little patio was pretty good soil already, just a bit compacted and dotted with a few bricks which we unearthed easily. It was also laced with ivy roots from the adjacent yards. Clearing all of that was a good little exertion on a humid day, and I loved watching her concentrate on the space.

When it was finally time to arrange her tomatoes and peppers and plan the cantaloupe spots, this girl was downright giddy.

I can relate.

There’s so much more to tell, but let me end by saying proudly that she did such a great job on the first day of work and her garden will grow very well under her care. She already texted me this morning asking how I thought the overnights storms will have affected everything.

Veggie Growing Advice from Grandpa Stubbs

Since lately I can scarcely smell a tomato leaf or crush a spent marigold without thinking of Grandpa Stubbs, I hope you’ll indulge me by considering some practical advice from the best gardener I have ever known. And a very special thank you to my girl for listening to so many Grandpa stories yesterday. Telling those stories is how he lives on, and I know he would be thrilled to see his great-granddaughter keeping his old techniques.  

Tomatoes:

  • Strip the bottom one or two sets of leaves from the stem and toss those inside your planting hole for good luck. Where you removed leaves and created a small wound, the stem will grow new roots.
  • Lean your tomato to the side and place it almost horizontally into the hole, gently guiding the top of the plant skyward. You’ll be amazed at how readily the plant finds its way. Just be gentle, taking care not to break its neck. Firmly pat all the soil back around the tomato plant and press it well. Water deeply.
  • As the tomato grows, keep it groomed by removing not only yellow leaves but also any shoots that appear at the “Y” intersections. This is what thumbnails are for. If you’re feeling really thrifty and ambitious, you can root those suckers in a glass of water and soon have a brand new seedling to grow outdoors.
  • Coffe grounds and crushed eggshells are good additions for the base of your tomato plants.
  • Consider interplanting tomatoes with marigolds, nasturtiums, and basil. Grandpa once told me this was actually just for looks, a false old wives’ tale, not insect prevention as people claim. Then he exploded into that deep, loud, vibrant, chuckling belly laugh of his, and he called me “Mareezee,” and I wasn’t sure which was the joke, ha! I’m still not sure! But I always plant these with my tomatoes no matter what, and for every possible reason, just in case, and just because he did. And I suggest you do the same.

Cantaloupe:

  • In Oklahoma, this fruit grows well both from seed and as a seedling you buy at the garden center. Do it! It’s cheap and fun!
  • Grandpa trained his up and along a chainlink fence, maybe to disguise the eyesore in his yard, and it worked great. So he taught me to do this and I recommended to Jess that she take advantage of her chainlink wall and place her melon vines there. It’s strong and perfect. 
  • Once the vines grow (don’t worry, they will) and fruit appears and gets heavy (it definitely will as long as you water it a lot), use old nylon pantyhose as miniature hammocks to suspend the melons and take the weight off the vine. Repurposing. Jess was all about this idea!

Vegetable Seeds in General:

  • Most seeds want to be planted at a depth similar to their own size. So, sunflower seeds need a centimeter or so of dirt for a good burial. Radish and lettuce seeds, which are not much coarser than salt, need to be only scratched into the surface of your garden. Pat-pat-pat. 
  • Plant wide-row beds of lettuce, for sure, but also use that real estate below and between your bigger plants for spreading extra lettuce seeds, etc. Leafies make an excellent (and edible!) ground cover. Weed prevention and food at the same time, for almost no money.
  • Radish seeds, by the way, can be interplanted with all of your leafy greens. They will not only grow more quickly, which is exciting; but by harvesting the big ones throughout your salad garden months, the vacancies they leave behind will provide a little aeration.
  • Thin your radishes. You will almost inevitably plant them too thickly, so be ruthless in thinning them. Otherwise, none will have enough elbow room to mature. You can add the threadlike castoffs to your compost or eat them if you are cool like Grandpa and me.
  • Lettuce, kale, spinach, and more can stay in your garden almost all year if you trim the food with scissors instead of pulling the plants up. They grow over and over. “Cut and come again” is what they call it.
  • Water the seedbeds more than you think they need it, especially in the beginning, and especially as the plants get lush and summer heats up.
  • Don’t be afraid to try a small garden here or there in odd locations. Especially if you have access to magical compost! You might be surprised at what will grow in shade or in sand or in something else crazy. Seeds are not expensive and are a fun way to experiment with growing conditions, design, and more.
  • Have fun!! Laugh hard about it all. Spend time out there, just looking at it. Grandpa called this, “piddling around.” 

Those radishes got harvested today. Gorgeous!! Delicious!!

Friends, I will end there. My heart is full. I thank you for your love and hope you feel mine. Check in tomorrow for stories about Klaus and Lincoln! The brothers’ slumber party week continues.

“The best fertilizer is the gardener’s shadow.”
“Count it all Joy.”
XOXOXOXO

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Filed Under: daily life, faith, gardening, jessica, memories, thinky stuff

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Hi! I'm Marie. Welcome to the Lazy W. xoxo

Hi! I’m Marie. This is the Lazy W.

A hobby farming, book reading, coffee drinking, romance having, miles running girl in Oklahoma. Soaking up the particular beauty of every day. Blogging on the side. Welcome to the Lazy W!

I Believe Strongly in the Power of Gratitude & Joy Seeking

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