Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Book Review: Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas

   I have recently devoured the most fascinating book, you guys. It is the most soul nourishing, intellectually stimulating, and flat out humbling life story that I have ever read, and now I have an aching physical need to discuss it as soon and as thoroughly as possible. Won’t you please join me??

 Eric Metaxas has written the ambitious and truly illuminating Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy. 

   The very real trouble, though, is that for a couple of weeks now I’ve been trying to pin down my thoughts on this eye-opening piece of biographical art, but with limited success. It’s honestly been like trying to nail jello to a wall, my own amateurish thoughts are so scattered and varied. I’ll try to dive in and and offer you something here, but please just read this book for yourself. It’s so good, for so many reasons.

   Okay, here we go. Everybody take a deep breath.

   You are surely familiar with early twentieth century greats like Albert Einstein, C.S. Lewis, Franklin Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, Mahatma Gandhi, and Pablo Picasso. Each in his own way, these brilliant minds were busy nourishing and challenging the world during one of its darkest chapters. But what do you know about Dietrich Bonhoeffer? He was a contemporary of those men, too, and a peer in many ways, a German citizen whose contributions to history during these incredible decades have gone largely unnoticed.

   Until now.

   Dietrich Bonhoeffer was everything the book title promises… a brilliant and devoted pastor and a cultural prophet, a spy against his own government, and ultimately a martyr for his cause.

“As the couple took in the hard news that the good man who was their son was now dead, so too, many English took in the hard news that the dead man who was a German was good. Thus did the world again begin to reconcile itself to itself.”

   This month, thanks to a bold reading assignment by the lovely Ms. Misti C., our famous little Oklahoma book club is on the verge of discussing this thick, hefty biography. I am so excited. This book produced so much sparkling thought and has generated so much worthwhile conversation here at the farm, that I actually believe it could be used as a solid textbook for either a history class or a theology class or both. At least, I’d very much like to see my daughters and nieces and nephews all read this. That’s how much historical perspective and spiritual grit is offered in these 542 pages.

   The blockish paperback copy I purchased covers German and world history, religion, philosophy, culture, family dynamics, romance, politics, and more. It also has at the very back several pages of discussion points and questions for further study. Handsome and I have already spent many hours exchanging ideas on the questions raised, and I can imagine that the book club dinner at the end of this week will be one for the record books!

   Misti suggested posting multiple times on the book, and I just might use the discussion questions to do that.

********************

   This book has really affected me. I have to say that not only is Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s life story itself fascinating and motivating… moving me to deepen my religious questioning and purify my relationship with God… but the prose is just wonderful. It makes me want to be a better writer. Metaxas manages to inform the reader with thousands of historical facts and foreign names while constantly building heavy drama and spinning the intricate secret tales of World War II. It is a cleanly told story, not over-romanticized in my opinion, but still reverent and humane. The best possible way a story like this can be told.

   Metaxas starts with Bonhoeffer’s childhood, providing context of his upbringing and his value system. By learning about his parents’ contrasting but complementing personalities and views on the world, the reader can easily follow through this man’s personal evolution. It all makes so much sense when you see his adult life as the culmination of his childhood.

   And by learning more about what life and politics were like in defeated Germany at the end of the first World War, the reader gains a fresh perspective on how an evil man like Adolf Hitler was able to rise to such staggering power. Seeing that timeline from an inside, ground-level view puts everything in a different light. The complexities of being German but not Nazi, or of being patriotic but not socialist, all of it is wildly eye opening. Then add the dimension of fundamental changes in the German church during those years, and the stage is set for revolution and revival. Thrilling stuff, you guys. But it all happens with organically valuable, careful methods.

********************

   To me one of the most mesmerizing things about this life story is how Bonhoeffer’s strong personal views emerged slowly but vividly over time. How his relationship with God grew against all odds. Employing music, meditation on the scriptures, prayer, and exhaustive reading and writing, he built structure and ritual into his private spiritual walk and saw these efforts flower and fruit into all kinds of beautiful things. He evangelized with his passion as well as his intelligence.

“A truly evangelical sermon must be like offering a child a fine red apple
or offering a thirsty man a cool glass of water then saying ‘Do you want it?'”
~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

   The human subject of this biography was himself an accomplished author, penning such modern theological classics as The Cost of Discipleship and Ethics. I’d heard of them but never seriously considered reading them. It now occurs to me that by reading Bonhoeffer’s biography before reading his published sermons and books, we can gain plenty. We benefit from watching the student evolve into the teacher through earnest seeking and studying, through personal trials of faith and lots of rich life experiences. In short, reading Bonhoeffer’s methods of reasoning and his personal journey make me want to read his conclusions.

   Bonhoeffer asked hard questions of himself and the religious community a large:

  • What is the church? 
  • What are the differences between religion and spirituality? 
  • What is the church’s role in the war, and in politics, and in ministry to the oppressed? 
  • Is it possible to “sin” while in strict obedience to God? 
  • How does morality intersect with legality, and what is grace?
  • Is just not doing wrong enough, or aren’t we called to go out and do good?
  • What is the proper relationship between church and state? 

   These are themes that have been bothering me for a while, since leaving the Catholic church almost twenty years ago and recently having serious troubles with the Protestant church I’ve been calling home. My book club friend Misti cannot know how incredibly well timed her assignment was.

   Now I am fueled to take responsibility for my own journey of faith and stop blaming the “church,” whatever I thought that was. I am excited to see how much can be accomplished in a short length of years, seeing that Bonhoeffer was killed at 39, the age I will reach in a few weeks. I am amazed but not surprised by how much joy can be had in the midst of grief. This happens in my life almost constantly, but I love to see it happen to other people.

********************

   I suppose the religious angles of this book struck me most deeply, but that’s just the state of my own being right now. This book offers the reader just as much in every other sphere that it covers, so if you are a World War II history buff or a native German or perhaps a student of sociology or politics, you’ll find plenty to keep you interested. And I guarantee you will walk away better informed than you were before, probably with a deeper appreciation for what the German people endured during Hitler’s Nazi reign.

   You will learn about the unseen and complicated, gradient resistance against Hitler. You will glimpse the suffering of the many groups he brutalized. You will sense the physical and cultural beauty of that part of the globe then feel the change in its emotional climate as the second World War heats up.

   Metaxas serves so much in this book I have trouble simply telling you about it. It’s the story of an exceptional man living in an incredible time, and it is told with great poetry.

********************

   I could talk and talk and talk and write and write and write about this book for hours, but I have many things to do and I know you do as well. Maybe we’ll revisit this material again, and I hope you find time to read this book if you haven’t already. Before closing please let me share a parting thought… One of Bonhoeffer’s friends and colleagues, Martin Niemoller, is credited with writing this poem while imprisoned by Hitler. I think it’s telling in so many ways:

First they came for the Socialists,
   and I did not speak out- because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists,
   and I did not speak out- because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews,
   and I did not speak out- because I was not a Jew.
And then they came for me-
   and there was no one left to speak for me.”

   Also, recalling my personal mantra to be thankful for everything and “Redeem the Time,” consider this quote from one of Bonhoeffer’s morning devotions:

“Make the most of your time! Time belongs to death, or, still more so, to the devil. We must buy it from him and return it to God, to whom it must really belong. If we inquire the will of God, free from all doubt and all mistrust, we shall discover it. Always give thanks for all things  Everything we cannot thank God for, we reproach him for.”

   Wow. I will say once more, find this book and make time for it. And please join the conversations here! Your participation means a lot to me.

“There is meaning in every journey
that is unknown to the traveler.”
~Dietrich Bonhoeffer
xoxoxo

Redeem the Time (Today)

   Last week or so I wrote for Edie my thoughts on time management, just my overall approach to making life count for what you want it to count for. Pardon all of those prepositions. Today I am thinking more in terms of right now, today, Tuesday, just these next eighteen hours or so. Since as all the poets tell us… all we really have is the present moment, it’s good once in a while to focus on that.

   Since last week’s grief, which kept us not just home but in our cave, Handsome and I have also taken a few days to be really sick. Like… running fevers and sleeping for a thousand hours at a time sick. So work here at the farm has been whittled down to the bare necessities. I am not quite where I should be with the marathon training schedule, nor am I completely caught on on ironing or animal habitat cleaning or even some semblance of order in the kitchen pantry. It’s one of those weeks when I feel pretty good just having the shopping and laundry done and the floors swept.

   But today is a good day. I can feel it in my bones. After such an outpouring of love and support from all of you and our family and friends, Handsome and I already feel the sadness lifting. The happy memory making is right around the corner! So no more tears.

   And the groundhog’s springtime promises are coming true too! Oklahoma is collecting one spring storm warning after another, and the days are so nice I have not used our house heater since early Sunday. Windows open. It’s my favorite.

   With so much catching up to do, I am seeing my time in small increments right now. How can I redeem this little golden chunk of minutes? What results can I squeeze out of this half hour, this jackpot of freedom which in more leisurely weeks might seem like nothing?

   As with any resource, there is a great blessing to being limited. The less you have something (for me, this week, it’s time), the more valuable it is. And the smarter you hopefully are in spending it. I am thoroughly enjoying the challenge of capturing pockets of time and finding out what they’re worth. Redeeming the hours and the minutes for groomed horses, accomplished writing goals, pressed laundry, shiny rooms, and clean gardens. Yesterday was a great start! And with its momentum I feel like today will be even better. Our errands for the farm are done for at least a week, so any time I can keep to myself will be spent on this castle and its grounds and citizens.

   Do you do this? Do you ever reduce your biggest goals and values down to how they translate to just one day? I believe that if our foundations and pillars are properly set, then our energy will work for us day by day. Late last night I read this in the Dietrich Bonhoeffer biography currently being devoured by our book club:

“Under the right blessing, life becomes healthy, secure, expectant, active, precisely because it is lived out of the source of life, strength, joy, activity… If human beings have passed on to loved ones and to many the blessing they have themselves received, then they have surely fulfilled the most important thing in life; then they have surely themselves become persons happy in God and have made others happy in God.”

   Expectant and active. I just love that. I love the entire passage. And I am so grateful to those of you who constantly share your joy and love, your blessings and wisdom. When it springs from the same source, it binds us all together.

   Thanks again for your generous love, everyone. Daphne’s memory post will be up later this week. And may your Tuesday absolutely glitter with new life and satisfying work!

   Take today as it stands and wring out of it everything you want. Rest tonight.

“Anyone can carry his burden however hard, until nightfall.
Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day.
Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, 
   till the sun goes down.
And this is all life really means.”
~Robert Louis Stevenson
xoxoxo

Redeeming the Time

   For many of my adult years, one of my favorite little catch phrases was “Carpe Diem,” you know, Seize the Day. Original, no? What can I say? I was rapt by Good Will Hunting.

   Then this mantra refined itself a bit when my girls left home. First my beautiful eldest in 2008, then my sweet baby two years later, they left a very contemplative empty nest behind as well as many hours, weeks, and months that needed purpose. While this nest emptying is a universal experience, our circumstances are a bit unusual. The girls left home many years ahead of schedule and not in a happy or easily understandable way.

 
   During that tough chapter I dove passionately, desperately into prayer and Bible study, seeking not only comfort but also answers, solutions, and direction. What I discovered was a far more powerful approach to Carpe Diem… a scriptural instruction to Redeem the Time.

Redeem the Time.
“See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools,
but as wise, redeeming the time, 
because the days are evil.”
Ephesians 5:15-16

   This message was a rich balm to me in those first months, each time one of the girls left. It helped me see that bright glimmers of purpose and meaning could absolutely be hidden in all of that darkness.

   Gradually, as I prayed and ached, cried and panicked, screamed and threw things in the barn, this message to Redeem the Time began to crystallize and solidify. It cropped up in everything I read. I dreamed it. It echoed in my head while I worked. Other people delivered the words to me, each probably thinking he or she was the sole harbinger.

   Redeem the time.

   That it was specifically for me I had no doubt. When it didn’t infuriate me (redeem THIS time?! What good can possibly come from this??) it was a great comfort. (There’s something available to you here.Your life is still worthwhile.)

   Your life is DEFINITELY still worthwhile, no matter what.

   Redeeming anything implies that for what you give, you receive something.

   Redeem the time. Your time will get spent whether you like it or not. It’s how you spend it that determines what you’ll receive in exchange.

   The truth behind this is that everything in life is really just for a season. For better or worse, nothing lasts forever. We are given unique sets of circumstances, unique blessings, and unique challenges, over and over again. Our lives ares seasonal, and rather than resist that and kick against that, we should embrace it, accept the inherent blessings and face the natural losses.

   Celebrate the dazzling grace.

   Redeem the time.

   This message continues to hover around my heart now, informing my patchwork days and helping me structure my goals.

   Now that we have rediscovered our life rhythms, following routines and pursuing happiness in so many fresh ways while still fighting to keep family ties at least in view, always ready for tying them up, what was once a forced effort for survival is now a habit. My various energies are streaked with the momentum to see the uniqueness of each and every day and act on that. I am trained to capitalize on how things are right now and how they might never be again. Under this wisdom, not only is each day a gift; each change of plans is a gift too. Each season is certainly a gift, for we may only live it once.

“You can never step into the same river;
for new waters are always flowing on to you.”
~Heraclitus of Ephesus*
*interesting to note that this quote, from about 600 years before the Bible verse above was first spoken, 
came from a philosopher in about the same part of the world.
It’s a total coincidence that I thought of these lines in tandem, Had no idea, but that’s cool.

   Redeem the time.

   How will I make good use of this time? Of this empty house? Of all of my throbbing maternal energy and ideas?

   How can I redeem my talents and resources in this life?

   What chapter are you in? How can you make good use of it? What is so truly unique about those circumstances that you might never step in your river again? What do you not want to miss out on while you’re here? Or how can you use this chapter to prepare for the next one?

   Redeem the time.

   You know what? Making this adjustment in my heart has helped me bear the fruit of more laughter and fewer tears. More friends and less loneliness. Much more meaningful versions of everything I endeavor to do, however simple. When it comes to my girls, “Redeem the Time”  means that our time together, however brief compared to my heart’s longings, is rich with affection, experience, memory making and joy! Far less often is stress or regret a part of the picture. I’ll take it.

   Redeem the time.

   All of this is the heavy stuff, the foundation. But Redeem the Time is also a touchstone for daily activities. I remember this premise when the weather changes and I suddenly scrap my indoor tasks to be outside. Who doesn’t grab a chance to play in the dirt? I also remember it if my husband is out of town for a few days; this is a great time to do deep cleaning or some of “those” projects that require things looking worse before they look better. I’m lucky to not be tethered to any job other than my own beautiful home and our animals, so I can respond to shifting needs over and over again. I love it!

   Redeem the time.

   What is your day worth? Not just in monetary terms, although we cannot ignore that. But what would you like to see showing for your effort and passion at the end of the day?
 

 
   I hope this wasn’t too rambling. It’s been a challenging week here at the farm, but I so appreciate Edie’s invitation to write about time management. The lessons I have learned these past few years have been paying off in dividends, especially these past few months. Truly. It’s like everything is clicking. Worrying less about lists and more about fulfillment has really opened up my heart. I hope the idea of redeeming your time is useful to you; and I hope that you find ways to trade your time and energy for more and more valuable treasures every day.

Redeem your Time.

“Experience is a cruel teacher.
It gives the test first and then the lesson.”
~Unknown
xoxoxoxo

 
 

The Happiness Spell

   Ah, happiness, that elusive and various yet all important butterfly we all pursue.

   Certainly, happiness is something we all seek, no matter our stage or station in life, no matter our circumstances or needs. Happiness isn’t an extra or a luxury in human existence, although we each can attach luxuries to it; it’s just a need with which we are programmed. We are designed to want to be happy, and we each have the tools and capacity to find it, whatever the odds.

   What a broad topic! I’ll try not to be too long winded.

   In Little Women, the March sisters deal a lot with the happiness and its antithesis, envy. Their wise mother Mrs. March has quite a tide to turn in coaching her daughters into a life of gratitude and satisfaction, and I would kinda like to illuminate some of her words here.

   This is said of Meg March, in her youth:

“Poor Meg seldom complained… but a sense of injustice 
made her feel bitter toward everyone sometimes, 
for she had not learned to know how rich she was
in the blessings which alone can make life happy.”

   Don’t you agree? Isn’t envy the perfect opponent to happiness? And doesn’t envy only breed bitterness? I can’t remember where now, but somewhere recently I read that in order to ruin your happiness, you should first ask if you are happy enough. Also, that “comparison is the thief of joy.” I am personally very susceptible to this. I see the difference in my heart and in my relationships when I fight this tide, too. Gratitude and satisfaction seem to walk hand-in-hand. Then joy follows closely behind.

   Jo March, that girl with whom so many young women seem to identify, said this of their great aunt:

“What a pleasant life she might have if she only chose!
I don’t envy her much, in spite of her money,
for after all rich people have about as many worries as poor ones, I think.”

   Does this resonate with you much? Do you ever think that others view your life in such a way that you should be happier than you are? Do you ever think that maybe happiness is available to you, if you could only choose it? Of course, Jo also touches on a really important topic, which is wealth and its relevance or irrelevance to happiness… That’s for another day.

   At the risk of just quoting the whole book to you, here is the parable Mrs. March offers her young girls, as an antidote to their persistent envy and dissatisfaction with life:

“Once upon a time, there were four girls, who had enough to eat and drink and wear,
a good many comforts and pleasures, kind friends and parents who loved them dearly,
and yet they were not contended.
These girls were anxious to be good and made many excellent resolutions, 
but they did not keep them very well, and were constantly saying
‘If only we had this’ or ‘if only we could do that.’ 
Quite forgetting how much they already had 
and how many pleasant things they actually could do.
So they asked an old woman what spell they could use to make them happy,
and she said…
‘When you feel discontented, 
think over your blessings,
and be grateful.”

   The happiness spell. What a cool idea.

   We all seek one, and we all have opinions of its chemistry.

   Just for fun, a couple of days ago I asked my Facebook friends to offer up what makes them happy. The answers they pummeled at me are just as various and touching and fun as the people who offered them!

********************

Handsome said: Chicks, fast cars, money, sunshine, beaches, ocean fish, birds, and “you” (me...) Awww…

Julie said: Route 44 vanilla Coke from Sonic. (Come to think of it, I know lots of people who rely on Sonic ice every day!)

Sunni said: Her kids and sexy shoes on her feet!

Anna Marie said: Family, friends, dogs (who she considers to be family, which I whole heartedly believe!), high heels, red lipstick, and her BED.

Tracy said: Friends, family, nature, babies, chocolate chip cookies, smell of cake batter, seeing others exited!

Charlene said: Family, good honest friends, praying, Thunder basketball, and her honey.

Catherine said: Her babies.

Trisha said: A nice pair of heels, finding greyhounds a home to retire (she and her guy are passionate advocates in OKC, let me know if you’re interested!), her husband, and a pair of jeans that make her look and feel 24 again. (But I can vouch for the fact that she ALWAYS looks great! 24 year old girls would be wise to mimic her jeans...)

Melissa said: Book club, dogs, children laughing.

My sweet laughing babies, when they were still babies, at the OKC Zoo loorikeet exhibit

Mysti said: Full creative license with someone’s hair!! (Mysti recently graduated from hair styling academy and is embarking a fun new career!)

Cindy said: God, her kids, her grand kids, awesome husband, vacations, honesty, great friends, going to Thunder games, and laughter!

Heather said: Her husband’s car coming up the driveway every night.

Halee said: This amazing 75-degree weather in January. OKAY OKAY Halee, we all know San Diego has amaaaaaaazing weather!!!  xoxoxo

This is San Diego in January. Notice how NOT freezing it is.

Cora said: Chocolate! Amen, Cora. Amen.

Serena said: Family.

Deb said: Sunshine. Yes! Sunshine makes me happy too, Deb!! 

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   A few observations…

   First, let’s notice how many people said “Thunder basketball.” Apparently it is central to the happiness of lots of salt-of-the-earth folks, and with good reason. The OKC Thunder are just, well, happy-makers.

   Next, we tend to feel happy with or because of our mates, and that’s just wonderful. I feel incredibly fortunate to be married to my best friend and to feel treasured by him, and I love that so many people in my life enjoy the same blessing. True love is REAL, you guys, and it is deeply, sparklingly satisfying! If you’re still looking for it, be happy in your wait and keep believing.

   Did you notice how many women feel happy with little things in life that give us a boost? Like high heels, red lipstick, and sexy jeans? Don’t undersell this, friends. Let’s not pretend that this feeling is unimportant or shallow. It’s a huge part of life, and soaking up the things that make you feel vivacious and desirable is smart. It breeds fun and, yes, happiness.

   Dogs! Fish, birds, and more dogs! Animals make us all happy!! Of course they do. They are conduits for a life force outside of us, or perhaps one that connects us all. Embrace your animals and enjoy them. Give thanks for the happiness they bring.

   What else strikes me is that, overall, we had fun naming the pleasures of life, the stuff that extends beyond basic food and shelter. Nothing terribly exotic, except in my husband’s case LOL, but just simple, beautiful, soul nourishing gifts of this life. We can be happy every day just by appreciating our blessings and embracing small pleasures.

   Thanks so much to those of you who answered my question on Facebook!! What do you think of the answers as a group? What do the rest of you think? What makes you happy, and have you cracked the happiness spell in your own life? I’d really like to know.

   It’s still a cold, dry winter here in Oklahoma, but the bluebird of happiness is flittering everywhere! I hope he visits your home too.

“If you want to be happy, be.”
~Leo Tolstoy
xoxoxoxo
 

How Ducks Got Me Going Today

   Early this morning during Hot Tub Summit, Handsome and I watched with great delight as our three resident Mud Ducks circled low over the farm. They have been visiting the pond tentatively for a few weeks now, staying longer and longer every day. Auditioning us, it would seem, for their winter abode. Finally, they seem to not mind the raucous geese so much, and fortunately the llama has not yet learned that he can swim; so on the water, at least, the ducks are safe.

   They flew with their wings almost overlapping, so perfectly synchronized that they seemed almost to be one bird. Another thing we noticed is that they began their early morning flight long before dawn. The sun was still an hour below the eastern horizon, and our rain-promising clouds were still obscuring what remained of the waning moon. The big forest Owl was still up, too, still sending out his hunger and power into the damp morning.

   All this darkness, all this fog and mist and danger, and still they danced playfully.

   Wishing you all the courage and inspiration you need to get through your day today! Take pleasure in whatever you do. Face your fears. Delight in your blessings. Live fully despite whatever darkness is there. Someone is probably watching who needs your example.

“Love recognizes no barriers. 
It jumps, hurdles, leaps fences, penetrate walls 
to arrive at its destination full of hope.”
~Maya Angelou
xoxoxoxo