Lazy W Marie

harper lee for mama kat

September 25, 2014

Hello again! This week Mama Kat invited us to share some favorite quotes. Cool!

I am a quote fiend. A quote fanatic. Quote-and-prose obsessed, it is fair to say. So narrowing down my list of faves was not easy. But this month our famous little Oklahoma book club is reading both One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Don’t we have good taste?

Anyway, these two books are rife with well crafted, substantial lines. And as I am reading through the latter title I am recording in a fresh new spiral notebook all the sentences that speak to me. It’s so fun! Believe it or not this is my first time reading To Kill a Mockingbird, and I clearly see why it is a beloved American classic. So good. I am halfway through and have cried three times and laughed a lot more.

I will admit that taking so many notes alongside reading just a 248 page book is taking me an inordinate amount of time. Maybe I should just read it straight through? I don’t know. But every paragraph is a gem. It’s all so beautifully written and filled with good messages, how can I pick a favorite even from this one book?

Here is one that glows on the page and is so relevant to my life right now:

It can be difficult, right? Abandoning the need for approval or affirmation when we think we’re doing ok? And on the flipside it can be tempting to preen our egos with other people’s approval despite what we know about ourselves deep down. It’s a cheap balm. Both are traps. Caring too much about what other people think while neglecting our well bred conscience, it’s dangerous. It starves us. Distracts us from the real work and joy of living.

Which leads me to an older, better known quote:

A clean conscience is a soft pillow.

Thanks for the short, sweet writing prompt, Mama Kat! You da real MVP. But don’t take my word for it.
That’s the kinda thing you hafta know for yourself.
XOXOXOXO

Kat Bouska — http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/

encouragement & garden updates

September 21, 2014

Oh you guys. Lately when I sit down at my keyboard to tell you farm stories and share my heart, I freeze up.

As much as I love allowing words and emotions to flow, right now our biggest life headlines are intensely personal. They are too private for this blog and also not entirely my story to tell. Our family has been enduring big changes for several years but in particular this past year. And even more recently than that, this past month has brought change and revelation which I have felt coming for a long time but which are still new and huge, much more for our loved ones than us.

(Sometimes I have to remember that I haven’t shared that stuff with you guys, so how would you know what the heck I’m talking about or why I’m always asking for prayer? Maybe sometime in the future I will share more of it. Now is just not the time.)

My little red tea roses are slowly fading, but I'm not deadheading them yet. I want to leave the spent blooms as well as the rose hips on the plants to send energy back to the roots for winter. Plus they're still so beautiful! — My pretty little red tea roses are slowly fading, but I’m not deadheading them yet. I want to leave the spent blooms as well as the rose hips on the plants to send energy back to the roots for winter.

Still I am trying daily to sort through my thoughts and experiences and find something useful to share with you. I also hope you’ll have something magical to say in response. Here is what’s on my heart today.

Often the things for which we hope and pray come in God’s time, not ours. And while the seasons may change gradually, doesn’t it seem like both tragedies and miracles come suddenly? That’s certainly been our experience. And it’s also been our experience that tragedies and miracles are closely intertwined. Some people call them mixed blessings or silver linings. And these things ring true. But to me the bigger truth is that what blesses one person can sometimes cause great pain for another. Navigating this becomes a matter of adjusting our perspective and refining our focus on God’s will, not ours. We are tasked with seeking peace on every level, trusting Him, resisting fear and bitterness, feeding Love constantly. Refusing to ask those nagging questions that start with the words, “But what if…”

I'm learning a lot about composting methods and trying to implement a lot of it in my raised beds. How exciting to think of how much harvest we can enjoy by preparing the soil first! — I’m learning a lot about composting methods and trying to implement a lot of it in my raised beds. How exciting to think of how much harvest we can enjoy by preparing the soil first!

Right now lots of herbs and flowers are doing great on auto-pilot, but kale is the only thing I am actively growing. This week I'll be adding spinach, lettuce, and more to the fall veggie garden. — Right now lots of herbs and flowers are doing great on auto-pilot, but kale is the only thing I am actively growing. This week I’ll be adding spinach, lettuce, and more to the fall veggie garden.

So once again Handsome and I are right back to living one day at a time, often a few hours at a time, carefully watching and praying our way through one little situation after another. When I pause to see how we’re doing, I am happy. We’ve learned a lot through the ups and downs of the past five years, and we have been given millions of opportunities to prove what we’ve learned.

People keep telling me to stop growing morning glories. I can't! I won't. Morning glories are old fashioned, easy, and lush. They thrill and comfort me. — People keep telling me to stop growing morning glories. I can’t! I won’t. Morning glories are old fashioned, easy, and lush. They thrill and comfort me.

Are you in the midst of a season of change? Or are you waiting on a miracle or in need of refreshment? It is totally available.

Here is some encouragement for you:

When change seems to be the only constant, God is there to help absorb the shock and guide the way.
When we are broken hearted, God is there to mend us and comfort us.
When we feel alone, we are not because He is there. He is never the one who turns away.
When we feel powerless to help our loved ones in need, we are actually filled with power if we lean on God. His resources are unlimited.
When peace seems threatened, we can remind each other that we have a choice. We can choose peace and choose love and choose faith… even if we’ve failed before.
When things seem impossible, trust that your needs will be met. Just trust, ahead of proof.
Where you allow your thoughts to swim is hugely important. Be sure your imagination is alligned with your faith.

Here’s a bigger encouragement for you:

God always keeps His promises, so don’t worry if it’s taking a long time.
Just find ways to make your waiting season count for something.
He honors faith, especially the faith that is painfully wrought.
And He sees every tear and hears every single prayer.
If you look for Him you will find Him.
If you move closer to Him, He will move closer to you.

These are all facts, all indelible marks on my heart for which I am so grateful.

The Lazy W Honeymakers are still foraging daily, still drinking up the sugar water I provide them, still buzzing me in great gentle clouds when I walk int he garden. — The Lazy W Honeymakers are still foraging daily, still drinking up the sugar water I provide them, still buzzing me in great gentle clouds when I walk in the garden. So amazing.

I like to temper the big, heavy thinky stuff with daily pleasures like what’s going on in my garden. God has such a beautiful way of teaching us there, anyway. Life goes on. Cycles happen. Joy and hope are refreshed constantly. Facing the light is how we grow. Accepting deep nourishment carries us through the dry times.

There’s just so much.

Life here at the farm is good, friends. Really good. Not perfect, but overflowing with Love and faith, hope for unanswered prayers. We are strong and steady, trusting God to meet those needs we can’t meet ourselves. Handsome and I deeply appreciate your prayers, especially because you probably have no idea what we’re asking God to do.

But the beauty here is that we’re just asking Him to move. Just asking Him to have the final word in some painful situations, and whatever that is we know we will all be okay.

Tonight I am peaceful and happy. Overwhelmed by the possibility of a life fueled and controlled by Love.

How are you?

XOXOXOXO

nineteen wishes

September 8, 2014

For my daughter, my first baby full of love and strength and light, on your nineteenth birthday, I wish you so much happiness. I wish you happiness in every form it can possibly take, from the physical to the spiritual, both fleeting and eternal. Here are nineteen wishes for you from your momma.

I wish you health and vitality, physical stamina and comfort
that carry you through any activity you choose.
(Thank you so much for inspiring me to run.)

I wish you a strong, healthy back and relief from allergies.

I wish you the confidence that comes from sensing your own magnetic beauty
without needing to diminish another’s. (You are so beautiful in every way.)

I wish you success in a million endeavors.
That you can earn all the money you want,
pursue any goal that crosses your fertile imagination,
and enjoy that strong, buoyant feeling of independence.

I wish healing for your Dad and with him.

I wish you peace in every direction you look.
That no bridges are ever burned unless it’s for your own protection,
that you see Love mending things on your behalf.

That your boundaries in this world are ever widening and stimulate your potential.

I wish you a lifetime of horses and all kinds of animal relationships.
Maybe even a career in this field if it’s your desire.

I wish you a never ending supply of drawing paper and pencils and paints.
And soft paintbrushes.

I wish you music that soothes you, music that motivates you,
and music that lifts your spirits.

I wish you miracles when you need to see them most,
so that you always remember God is near you and loves you.
And that His power is very real and far beyond what any of us can do for you.

I wish you healthy friendships of every variety, for every occasion in this wonderful life.
Lifelong friends, purely fun friends, supportive friends,
even friends who challenge you and help you polish off your rough edges.

Mostly I wish you a deep and abiding friendship with your sister.

I hope you travel. I hope you find ways to see the world while you are young,
explore places that move you, and find that place that clicks with your soul.

I hope you learn to cook extravagantly and can always feed yourself well,
infusing this necessary daily ritual with your artistic nature.

And I hope you always read good books. Let them transport you.

I wish for you deep and galvanized family bonds with all of your family.
I hope you never feel alone, always feel like you belong and are loved unconditionally.

I wish for you an incredible romantic adventure. True love.
Comfort, safety, and thrills that can only come with that rare and lasting relationship.

And I hope that even when I slip and say something that reveals
how you will always be my tiny little doe-eyed baby, you still understand
I see what a beautiful young woman you have become.
That I see you now as both a baby and a woman
and I will always love you, no matter what.

These are more than birthday wishes; these are my prayers for you as you step into an exciting new life chapter. Never forget how loved you are.

XOXOXO
momma

I love people who…

August 24, 2014

Smile at people who aren’t smiling.
Get excited when the weather changes suddenly and dramatically.
Are nice to waiters and waitresses, even not very good ones.
Can see intricate shapes in the clouds and are happy to point them out.

Sweet Darria pouring her love all over Fancy Louise, her chicken who lives here. xoxo

I love people who will describe their food to me in exquisite detail
and who have to make an effort to eat slowly because it’s just so good.
Who will talk about their next meal while eating this one.
Don’t mind long, somewhat rambling stories and who, in fact,
ask silly little questions along the way.

I love people who understand the difference between cluttered and dirty…
And between a collection and a hoard…
And between eclectic and crazy. Not that crazy is all that bad.

I love people who respect that everyone mourns differently.
Who don’t judge each other for not displaying grief and pain publicly.

I love people who sing along to rap music with great enthusiasm,
as if the lyrics all apply directly to their life.
And who sing along to country music with salty twangs, whether genuine or not.

I love people who love babies and old people equally.
But are ever so slightly unnerved by cats and frogs.

I love people who are world-class experts at something beautiful or difficult,
but scarcely anyone knows about it. Perhaps they are even self-taught. How wonderful.

Who get emotional over nature, the art and science of it.
And who feel connected to certain parts of nature in such a way
that they feel displaced everywhere else on the planet.
And who feel similarly about books or movies or artwork or music. Anything, really.

I love people whose cars smell really good.
Who make eye contact easily.

Dusty has been extra cuddly this week, even though I gave him a terribly choppy haircut right after this photo was taken. He is a quick forgiver.

Who can remain calm in the midst of a life storm, gathering their energies
and creating a nest of love and safety.
And who quote the Bible with love and for the edification of others.
And they believe every word.

Do any of these lines describe you?
Then I love you, and I bet hundreds of other people do, too.
And I wish you the most beautiful, restful, battery charging Sunday possible.
I hope you get a glimpse of dreams coming true.
I hope you get a boost of faith for unanswered prayers.
I hope you get clear, calm direction if you are feeling lost.

Thank you so much for stopping by the Lazy W.
Now you tell me something you love about people.

You are not alone. You are loved.
XOXOXOXO

miracles & mercies (psalm 136)

August 11, 2014

A week ago I was standing alone in the empty dining room of our church, trying not to think too hard about all the life changes going on around us, about all the turmoil that is far from healed in our family and in our church community. I started flipping through a Bible someone had left on one of the round tables there. My thumbs fanned the gold-trimmed tissue pages and stopped for no particular reason at Psalm 136. My eyes caught a few verses and then a few more, and the rhythm mesmerized me. For 26 focused verses the poet recites big, miraculous works of God and follows every single time with the phrase…

It was beautiful. All that power poured out, all that repetition. The phrase gradually gained volume in my head and thrummed up an energy I was not expecting in that quiet dining room. Some old Bible stories I knew, some I didn’t, they all swam around me. I couldn’t help but respond in my thoughts, “I know! He kind of did that for me too!”

He has, you know. God has been working miracles and shedding grace in my life for years, for over forty years now; but since I have really been paying attention, the miracles have been stunning.

I am still in need of miracles and mercy, as I suppose we all will be forever. I know that now and am no longer surprised by it. But what I also know is that gratitude and appreciation are so powerful. Gratitude and worship will literally transform our perspectives and often improve our actual circumstances.

“Keep looking up, not ahead.” Thanks for this reminder, Marci. xoxo

What kinds of miracles have I seen?

God saved my youngest baby from a sudden, terrifying, life threatening brain event when she was a toddler. He helped her recover far beyond the doctors’ expectations, needing zero therapies afterwards. Just a few days after emergency surgery she was feeding herself grapes and giggling while my baby sister painted her nails.

God protected her a year later for another brain surgery, healing her perfectly despite so many things I cannot and will not even name.

God protected my first baby throughout a perforated appendix ordeal. A misdiagnosis from the pediatrician, extreme dehydration and pain, failure of the hospital to administer antibiotics, and so many related problems. He healed her. He relieved her pain between doses of morphine exactly when we laid hands on her and asked Him to help in Jesus’ name. He calmed the war between the families in order to get us all through the ordeal. He even helped us create unlikely bonds.

God timed our move away from the City so perfectly. This property became available (and the previous owners were in such a hurry to move) the same week Handsome received a promotion and significant raise at work. Every piece fell into place beautifully, and our dreams started forming right before our eyes.

When the farm house caught on fire a year after we bought it, God preserved my life and all of our animals’. He made the rough path of recovery really smooth and filled with blessings. The work required of us during those months ended up serving as a siphon for all the stress and grief that would come from unfathomable life changes that year.

When we were heartbroken God sent us friends that were closer than brothers and sisters.

When Handsome and I have been at odds with each other, God sometimes made us laugh and sometimes made us hurt so we turned toward one another again, standing together to face the world. Every time.

When we felt useless and irrelevant without our children, God gave us friends in need who accepted our love. He helped us feel that family glow in myriad ways and continued to spark our hope while soothing our nerves.

God gave Handsome a career that is more than a paycheck; it is an opportunity to do good in the world and make a difference.

They go on and on and on. Did we deserve even one of these blessings? No, far from it. Even the job-related blessings, the things for which we “work” are still expressions of abundant Love, forgiveness, grace, help at every turn. The miracles happen every year, every month, every single day. Constantly I see God’s hand at work in my life. He feeds me everything I need to be sustained both physically and spiritually. It’s overwhelming how much has happened in a strange, beautiful kind of way, thrilling outcomes that by every right should have been disasters.

What miracles have you seen in your life? What overwhelms your heart with gratitude and reminds you that God is in control of everything, no matter how dark it seems? Who in your life gently urges you to look up at the source of help instead of ahead to the next battle?

Thanks for joining me again, friends. I hope you are uplifted and encouraged. That you find a million reasons to say thank you. I hope that whatever you are facing can be surrendered in prayer. One day it all could become stories you tell about miracles and mercy.

O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good:
for his mercy endureth forever.
XOXOXOXO

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