Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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XXIV sonnet

A little poetic pause to accompany another beautiful Oklahoma sunset.
Love wraps us, warms us, and reminds us it is all grace.

sunset blue

 

Let the world’s sharpness, like a clasping knife,

Shut in upon itself and do no harm

In this close hand of Love, now soft and warm,

And let us hear no sound of human strife

After the click of the shutting. Life to life –

I lean upon thee, Dear, without alarm,

And feel as safe as guarded by a charm

Against the stab of worldlings, who if rife

Are weak to injure. Very whitley still

The lilies of our lives may reassure

Their blossoms from their roots, accessible

Alone to heavenly dews that drop not fewer,

Growing straight, out of man’s reach, on the hill,

God only, who made us rich, can make us poor.

~24th sonnet from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Thanks for visiting, friends! Hope to see you again later this week. Make it a really great one.
XOXOXOXO

stuck

It happens to the best of us. We get stuck.

And it’s inconvenient and maybe embarrassing. And possibly painful.

We get stuck in difficult situations. Dilemmas that test us. Spotlights that terrify us.

We get stuck in traffic, stuck in debt, stuck in toxic relationships.

So frustrating, right?

********************

A few days ago our tomcat Geoffrey got himself stuck in the layered wire ceiling/roof of the chicken coop yard.

geoffrey stuck 1

geoffrey stuck 2

Poor Geoffrey. It’s not uncommon for him to spend all night in the coop with the chickens and geese, as he is a great nighttime hunter but not at all interested in the flock. In fact, he’s probably in more danger from them than they are from him. Often we release the birds at sunrise only to find him bolting out at high speed, ears flattened and eyes wide, having been hiding in some corner, probably either from Johnny Cash the violent gander or Randall the Redneck Rooster. But this morning was the first time we’d found him in quite such a predicament. Stuck. So stuck. Handsome had to loose our fluffy boy from his wiry womb and sooth his frazzled little feline nerves. Happily, Geoffrey was uninjured. Just embarrassed and a little stressed.

********************

When you’re stuck, how do you cope?

You can rail violently against your circumstances, throwing little fits and pouting,

at your leisure expounding on all the injustice thwarting your obviously good and noble efforts.

(You can spin your wheels, basically, which is the first natural thing we all tend to do.)

 

Or you can calm down, be very still in mind and body, and take a deep, cleansing breath.

 

sunset blue

 

You can focus on what is going right, what is going really well in fact, and cultivate again that seed of gratitude.

You can let the anxiety fall quietly away and gather instead all the positive energy available to you.

Consciously remember that you have vast resources within you and around you,

resources that can change your circumstances in amazing ways.

Reach out in prayer. Faithful prayer. Harness your imagination.

Then start to work.

Do the first simple task in front of you. Do it really well.

Then do another thing.

And another.

And keep moving.

Be so filled with momentum and living energy that old anxieties and worries cannot distract you.

Just keep choosing to see the Light and continue working.

Trust that you are being helped in unseen, supernatural  ways, because you absolutely are.

*************

Geoffrey is fine now, by the way. He shook off that stuck stress quickly and was in a minute dreaming up his next big tomcat adventure. My heart tells me he was thankful for Handsome’s intervention. But it also tells me that deep down Geoffrey knew help would eventually come.

Interrupt anxiety with gratitude.
Do your part.
Trust.
XOXOXO

another midnight rendezvous & hope satisfied

She had already spent at least an hour with him at the end of the day, getting her jeans nice and dirty, snuggling and brushing and leading him. Riding him with barely any tack despite his boundary-pushing mood. She played with her horse happily, part woman and part little girl, while in the tree-rimmed valley my beloved Oklahoma sunset gave us a kaleidoscope show of reds, oranges, golds, and streaky, dramatic blues.

Once or twice the two of them stood motionless and stared into the forest for a long time, probably listening to deer and resting. But I imagined them staring into the future, wordlessly communicating like they do. I imagined her forming her beautiful new life right there with her thoughts. Strong and capable, graceful, dangerous, beautiful.

joc sunset dusty

Several hours later, after dinner was cleaned up and we had made a second batch of oatmeal lace cookies (try them with Nutella, friends) and after all three of us had watched a scary movie (it is the month of Halloween, after all), I stepped outside to inhale the stunning moonlight and say thanks for such an incredible day. She followed me and we stood on the warm concrete sidewalk together and just enjoyed the cool breeze. It was a particularly gorgeous night, cool and breathy, no violent wind. Everything was illuminated silver under the night sky. The geese were even mostly quiet. After a moment she giggled and said she was going to scare Dusty (her horse). She was wearing running shorts now, no longer the afternoon’s jeans, and she was barefoot. She scampered around me and down the sidewalk to reach the front gate of his pasture. I was the one to follow this time and called after her with a warning of stickers, but, you know, she’s okay Mom.

She passed through the gate and tiptoed downhill in the glowing wash of moonlight, navigating wildflowers and nocturnal cats. There was a moment when a bug surprised her and she did a fancy little dance and wiggle to free herself, and we both giggled endlessly. Then she called Dusty’s name in a stage whisper but didn’t find him yet. Continued in wide circles and gentle, searching steps under the silver sky. Big dark pools of tree shadow all around her.

Then she let out that trademark whistle she and Handsome have always used, that two-syllable song that starts low and ends high and never fails to catch or calm a horse. That got him, as she had to know it would. But he was uphill from her, behind her near the barn instead of down where she was looking. When she turned her womanly body to see him her pretty face lit up like a little girl and she ran fast on bare tip toes. Caution abandoned. He half-trotted down to see her, and they hugged. She wrapped her arms around his thick neck and he bent that thick neck across her back. There was much baby-talking and deep whinnying. So much mutual affection.

I just stood there soaking it up, amazed once again at how generously God answers prayer. And how suddenly. Amazed by how much sensation and emotion can be packaged into one moment.

Of course she could not resist another midnight ride. And given his obstinacy earlier that evening, she probably felt it her duty to tame him a bit. So for the second time in a week, right there under the brilliant moon, feet bare and heart light, she launched her tiny body up, belly first across his bare back. No reins, no help, nothing. He is so fat right now! And though he isn’t very tall she barely reached that high flat spot of his back before exploding into a fit of laughter. This triggered him to start walking toward me, and she hung there upside down (I don’t know how), all big smiles and playful kicking legs, trying to find purchase.

When she finally did gain the upright advantage, she just swung one smooth, lean leg over his rump and pivoted quickly so she was square and perfect, like that was the exact place she had always been meant to sit.

And of course it is.

He was calm for a moment, staring at me wide-eyed with those thick broomy lashes, maybe for permission or help, who knows? Then the silliness began again. They cuddled and kissed and nibbled at each other; she laid forward and wrapped herself like a baby monkey all around his ample middle; and the breeze braided together her dark hair with his black and white mane. I could barely hold back happy tears.

********************

Whatever you are praying for, whatever your hope, stay strong. I even think, the more hopeless a situation feels, the more important it is to continue in prayer and gratitude, in hope and seeking. Walls that keep you from seeing the blessing are sometimes weak, cruel illusions. And the walls that are very real can crumble in an instant. Make good use of your waiting season, but do not give up on any miracle. Okay? Love is terrifyingly powerful.

Here is where we’ve poured our hope
and where we’ll wait for it to grow.
~Emily Freeman
XOXOXOXO

back into the light

Good Sunday morning friends. I’ll be short and sweet today.

One of the books I’m reading this week is A Million Little Ways by Emily Freeman. It is soaking into me, plumping up the dry corners of my heart and making my thoughts lush again. She is giving me lots of good stuff to reconsider, lots of exciting ideas about the power of faith and imagination, the trajectory of thought and energy. But what’s different about this book compared to the others I’ve read recently is how it’s all based on a firm scriptural foundation.

sunlight green starts

I am a fairly positive person, especially after some hard lessons I’ve learned these past few years. I’ve learned that your attitude and imagination are crucial to your well being. And they are choices.

But when faced with the deepest, heaviest weights in my heart I tend to worry. It’s a slippery slippery slope, you know? One negative, fearful thought leads to another, which makes you start with the what ifs and the imaginary conversations with difficult people and then you are up at three in the morning all week and your husband says you look miserable lately and your best friend is asking about you secretly, is she okay?

Well, by now I know that fear is the opposite of faith.

That appreciation trumps expectation.

And that worry is a sin. It’s forbidden.

These things are firm in my heart, and thankfully the moments I slip up are now few and far between. But they do happen. Because sometimes life is heavy and the people we love are walking in the wilderness. I have so many stories to share with you. For now, let’s see where this beautiful, inspirational book leads:

We all have our unique shape of fear.
There are no greener grasses, only different lawns.
~Emily Freeman

Isn’t that true?

I have a dear friend who is wildly generous with sharing her appreciation and love for other people. She is one of the strongest encouragers I know, among the most passionate and loyal girlfriends I have ever had. But she never sees her own beauty. She often longs to be the women she admires and forgets how loving, smart, beautiful, and hilarious she is. How magnetic. And maybe she thinks all other lawns are greener, not just different. I wish I could help her. I know she would take away my fears and worries if she could. Over the years she has certainly tried, and I love her for it.

disco with green and sun

But neither of us really can operate each other’s mind, which is the real battleground. So we make little loving gestures, send sweet, sincere notes, and pray for each other. We try to insulate each other’s hearts from the cold and the poison of the world so that we can make healthy choices with our own thoughts, our own emotional, manifesting choices.

With the love and care of my husband and close friends and the power of prayer, I really am coming out of the shadow of worry (again). Back in the bright, warming light (again), but in an even better frame of mind than before. Because I learned a lot from this brief second season of dark. I’m not even upset about it, because I know God understands and forgives. He won’t waste this energy slump either.

Jesus shows himself through you in a million little ways.
Perhaps more often than not,
they are ways you can’t plan for,
don’t intend, and may never even know about.
There is no waste in the visible or invisible work of God.
~Emily Freeman

Your life if green and beautiful, even if there are dead spots and even if the weeds and wildflowers look different to you than what you see elsewhere. You can love people even if you can’t live for them. God will help you make use of every single thing in your life. Train your thoughts, okay? Make sure your imagination supports your prayers. Help each other remember. Forgive yourself when you forget. Life is so beautiful and good.

I sabotage the gift with my limited view of God’s provision.
~Emily Freeman
XOXOXOXO

 

 

close and closer still

I am the only one awake in the house, probably the only one awake on the farm, except for Geoffrey our ever-hunting-and-prowling barn cat. The morning is so quiet. Not even a tree frog croaking. Just the buzz and click of my laptop and the hum of the refrigerator. Every window is still black with night sky. Strong coffee smells are warming up the room, making my mind more pliable and my eyes less bleary. I am wearing my much loved grey book club t-shirt and pink sweat pants given to me by my friend Marci when spontaneously one day we decided to dye every piece of fabric in sight the color turquoise, including the jeans I was wearing. The table where I’m writing this morning is covered in a bouquet of fading zinnias and half a dozen pieces of fruit plus the only attempt I have so far made toward autumn decorating. And a bottle of nail polish weighting down a story idea scribbled on a wrinkly paper towel.

My heart is incredibly still. Not everything is settled yet exactly, not by the world’s standards, but everything is alright. No, everything is amazing. I can see, feel, smell, and taste that every prayer we’ve uttered in faith is already answered. And that we will be seeing the proof of that slowly, bit by bit, in God’s time. They’ve been answered for years, really. And as new crises have happened in our life, those too have come paired with their own solutions, if only we would stop and focus and breath deeply enough to see. If only we would get close enough to the Problem Solver to no longer see the problem. I miss you Harvey. Thank you for teaching me that. It has changed my life.

Yesterday between working in the barn and playing in the garden, I stopped to feed my bees and the llamas all visited. Dulcinea was particularly kissy. I discovered this photo on my cell phone later and was overwhelmed with the feeling of being so close to God, like a little girl. The feeling of being face to face with Him, silent, cuddled, held with strong arms. Maybe like Scout sitting in Atticus’ lap in To Kill a Mockingbird.

get as close as you can until He is all you can see
get as close as you can until He is all you can see

A rooster is awake now, though the windows are still inky black. My husband of thirteen years will soon appear in the stairwell with a towel for me and a kiss, ready to stumble outside for Hot Tub Summit, as is our early morning custom. I will give him freshly brewed coffee that he bought for me at midnight last night because I foolishly left my can of it at book club. We will admire the last stars of night and maybe the first colorful streaks of dawn. We will take note of the llamas and cats and buffalo and horses and help each other kill mosquitoes but not honeybees.

Then later today we will work together at church, getting the physical space ready for spiritual work. We will pray together and face everything together then rest in this home we’ve made, this love we’ve curated. Keeping room for every seed of hope we’ve ever planted.

My friends are all facing big trials and heartaches, just like yours. My family is in crisis, just like yours. And I ache for them just as they have ached for me. But I feel such a flood of hope and assurance right now! The dawn is finally cracking open on a long, bitter night. I just want everyone to fix their sight on where that is happening. The Source of every solution, all the Love that we will ever need. Do not let anyone distract you with worrying or over-analyzing or thinking that you alone can do it. Be firm on that, okay?

Get so close that He is all you can see.

Happy brand new day to you! You are loved and you are needed to move that Love around this world. Be a conduit. Be happy.

It’s not time to worry yet.
~Atticus Finch
XOXOXOXO