Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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the first 40 years are the hardest

ELOPE

On Friday, July 30, 1982, an incredible love story was written in stone. A 19 year old girl and a 24 year old boy skipped work and drove to Gainesville, Texas, to elope. They drove his brand new Ford F-150 pickup, his first ever new vehicle. The truck was brown with a cloth interior, the seats of which had recently- and dramatically- been peed on by the girl’s one year old daughter as soon as the baby was liberated from her diaper.

The boy wore jeans and a button up shirt, as was his custom. The girl wore a brown a-line skirt and a tan striped blouse. By midday they arrived at the Justice of the Peace, who himself was wearing jeans and boots. They finished the business of making their young love very official and drove promptly back to Oklahoma City. By 3 pm that same day, they were already back at the office supply store where they both worked and where, you might have guessed, they first met, just three months earlier. Despite their best efforts to keep this big decision a secret, the boy’s parents had easily guessed it. These two never missed work, you see, and their brief summer romance had been a whirlwind. Rex and Cathy became the Fridays. No one was surprised.

BUILD

Within their first year of marriage Rex and Cathy bought a piece of raw land in Choctaw, OK, which was then sparsely populated and largely undeveloped. They worked together with lots of help from family to clear the land and prepare the site for a house. They eventually built the house one length of lumber, one brick, and one appliance at a time, debt free. With one crucial exception, they stuck to their commitment to operate exclusively on cash, just chipping away at the plans, paycheck to paycheck, weekend to weekend. The exception was a loan early in the process from Ray Friday, Rex’s father, of two thousand dollars. It was to buy the land itself. He accepted monthly repayments of $100, and when the loan was fully satisfied he gifted the sum back to the kids. A windfall!

In this early chapter while they both worked full time jobs, raised baby Jen, and built their home, the Fridays lived in a trailer home first in a trailer park near Rex’s family and then on their own land. They had one other roommate, a kitchen mouse named Hercules.

The many family members who helped with construction were wildly skilled and experienced builders. They led the way in building in extra safety features and sound engineering. All these years since, Rex and Cathy have marveled at the house’s stubbornness against Oklahoma tornadoes and unusually efficient heating and cooling. Overbuilding was the way to go, even if it took extra time and effort.

In April of 1990, their long group project came to fruition. They had bought the land with a bit of borrowed cash but paid that off. Then they invested their paychecks slowly, spending at last count $25,000 to make their dream a reality. They furnished it with bare bones fixtures and were finally ready to move out of the trailer. Goodbye Hercules!

As they prepared to move, Rex told Cathy they could afford to buy exactly one large appliance for the kitchen, and she could choose either a dishwasher or a combination oven/stove. She wisely chose the dishwasher, noting in her brain that not only did she already own enough counter top appliances to make small meals happen but also that by November her Thanksgiving-loving husband would definitely want her to have a stove for preparing the feast. She was right. She ended that year with both appliances.

ADJUST

Married life was a big adjustment for both of these young people. Communal living among extended family in the trailer park meant more than a few surprise house guests for Cathy, though she did love them all. And Rex was accustomed to having his weekends free for hunting and fishing, which was a rub. Here, Cathy had expectations to be together as a family, especially on Sunday mornings. It took a while to strike a balance, but they did.

They encountered more specific friction, too. Like many couples, they had to navigate the choppy waters of money management, transparency, and control. And then there was the issue of hunting gear and little blonde haired babies.

Having never lived together before their elopement, Cathy was unpleasantly surprised to find their temporary home (Rex’s bachelor pad) was overflowing with not-baby-safe hunting and fishing gear. She discovered a gun rack full of guns, a compound bow already loaded with sharp arrows, a footlocker brimming with paper goods so that an overnight trip to the river was always an option, and much more. She took it upon herself to start removing the items that would be dangerous for Baby Jen. Rex was incensed. He strutted over to his Dad’s house to tell on her and gather some manly moral support along the lines of how dare she, only to learn that his Dad had a surprising perspective. He reminded his son that he had just married a woman with a baby and what did he expect then he suggested that Rex just “Suck it up.”

Since Baby Jen, cloth truck seats peed on and everything, had already won Rex’s heart fair and square, that adjustment quickly became family legend and not an obstacle at all.

Building a house wasn’t the only big project the Fridays tackled early in their marriage. Cathy had an ambition since childhood to be an accountant. Employing their already well proven sense of teamwork, she and Rex made it happen. They continued to work full time, shared the household and parental duties, and, again, paid cash for Cathy’s entire college experience. She completed the program at UCO one class at a time and had their families’ support and encouragement along the way. In fact Ray took some classes of his own during this time and walked the processional with Cathy when she received her diploma.

LEARN

It bears mentioning that Rex and Cathy credit all of their elders for a great many blessings in their marriage. “We had a lot of input!” Rex quips. Their parents and grandparents showed up over and over again. They provided practical, tangible help, certainly. They banded together and literally showed their boy and their girl how to build a house from the ground up. They modeled how to grow an expansive vegetable garden and graft fruit trees, how to sew and make repairs and maintain vehicles and preserve food, how to hunt and fish and cook excellent meals. You name it. The joke goes that Cathy’s Dad left his DNA on the bones of their house from so many small injuries inflicted during the build, ha! And to this day Cathy references her Grandma, as if she had just recently visited and shared some homemaking tips.

But perhaps more importantly than all of this, their elders taught their boy and their girl how to build a thriving union. Longevity in marriage runs in both families, as do strong Christian values. When Rex and Cathy reminisce, their eyes shine with love and appreciation for their mentors and guides. They clearly still feel the love of their extended family, even those already gone, and they know they are the beneficiaries of all their immense wisdom.

PRAY

A shared faith was important criteria for both of them before they married. They started off equally yoked in this way but young in God and had to give each other lots of space and time to grow. Along the way, life afforded them plenty opportunities to try their faith, strengthen it, and discover their gifts.

Forty two years later, Cathy describes her husband as the steady one, a man quick to respond to a moment of crisis by saying, “OK, here’s what we’re gonna do. Give me your hands. We’re gonna pray about it.” She adds, with shimmering eyes and a light shrug of her petite shoulders, “He’s the husband I need.”

When asked how he stays so calm and confident, Rex also shrugs but looks a little embarrassed. “It’s just there. God said the Holy Spirit is in you.”

Prayerful living helped them face numerous health challenges, extreme weather, job loss, and myriad financial problems. They recall a trip to Colorado when they had to replace tires unexpectedly. The $400 price tag was more than they could afford, but they had no choice. As soon as they got home, they discovered a surprise bonus from Rex’s job for exactly $400. They both say this kind of thing happened all the time.

No matter the obstacle or how scary the problem, Rex and Cathy said, “We just hit our knees and prayed about it.” In this agreement, they look into each other’s eyes, visibly wistful to scan their memories and feel, together, their safety. They had lean times, for sure, and even felt poor here and there. But they laugh about that and speak affectionately of summer sausages and clementines for their fancy hiking meal. “We never missed a meal or a payment.”

They are both servants at heart. They still attend Wilmont Baptist Church, the same place Rex has called home since he was a baby. They are active and emotionally invested in the community there, which this year celebrates its centennial anniversary! Over these four decades, Rex and Cathy have taught Sunday school, participated in Bible studies, helped with property maintenance, and played church-bench surrogate grandparents to countless kids. The children there flock to “Mr. Rex and Miss Cathy.” This summer, for the first time, the pair anted up to work as kitchen crew for a group of campers at Falls Creek. They made a thousand happy memories, collected many glowing reviews for their delicious food, and said they would definitely volunteer again. They came home absolutely exploding with stories about how much fun they had just watching the kids enjoy their playful summer and feel surrounded by God’s love.

ADVENTURE

With this strong foundation built, The Fridays were able to stack up years and years worth of adventure. Rex’s natural leaning toward the rugged outdoors and Cathy’s natural leaning toward her ruggedly handsome guy joined them at the hip for all kinds of fun.

“I just like being with him. I’m happiest when I’m with Rex, and that’s where he’s happy,” Cathy says playfully of her willingness to endure tent life.

It certainly helped this thrifty pair that Rex’s parents owned a small cabin in Colorado which served perfectly as home base for countless backpacking, rock climbing, and snow skiing trips.

Another advantage was that after securing her degree and CPA’s license, Cathy’s newly lucrative profession occasionally included paid travel. One such trip was to Ft. Lauderdale for a conference. Among all the top tier destinations they found over the years, Rex counts that trip among the best. It was his first time flying and his first time staying in a luxury resort. He was simmering in pride for his pretty young wife’s accomplishments, and to reward himself for marrying so well he feasted day and night on the all-you-can-eat soft serve ice cream. As Cathy tells it, Rex was the only hotel patron who brought his own fishing gear from home and trekked it through the marble floored lobby.

Always calling Choctaw home, the Fridays expanded their horizons way beyond Oklahoma, Colorado and Florida. In 1999, together with Rex’s brother Russ and his then wife Teresa, they earned their SCUBA certificates and used them in the Bahamas, for starters. On their first trip to St. John’s they caught and grilled fresh fish, swam with sharks, and developed new appreciation for well water at home after witnessing the offsite cistern water supply there.

In recent years they have shared their love of diving with their now sixteen year old grandson Jaxon, the apple of their eyes. The trio is known to visit the deepest lakes in Oklahoma to get in his dive hours when they can’t make it to the Caribbean.

During the pandemic shut down, Rex and Cathy bought kayaks and indulged in lots of quality time together on nearby water. Their default setting really is “outside and together” whenever possible.

COOPERATE

If you know Rex and Cathy personally, then you already appreciate their energetic influence, both as individuals and as a couple. Though honestly, it’s hard to imagine them as completely separate. They have created a beautiful rhythm, a way of bringing their full selves to the union that makes it greater than the sum of its parts. When asked how long it took to reach this kind of harmony, Rex answered in his classic deadpan tone, “Oh not too long. About forty years.”

While they stress the importance of having shared interests and doing most things together, Rex and Cathy do keep a few hobbies and travel ideas just for one person or the other. Big city destinations like NYC or even Eureka Springs are more Cathy’s speed, so she enjoys those trips with Jen, now grown, or her girlfriends. And while Rex can lure Cathy outdoors for lots of wilderness time, his appetite for it all is much greater than hers, so he carves out additional time on the calendar for hunting season, short fishing trips, and the like.

They seem to have arrived at this happy medium organically. Each person truly wants to see the other happy. They tied this understanding to household duties, too, and the division of labor, acknowledging that the seasons within a year can be very different, as can the seasons of life. You just remain fluid and respond to each other’s needs and fun ideas. As for the work, they don’t have strictly assigned duties. From year to year or week to week, they simply pitch in and do what they are best at. From the beginning they have been a solid team, and they know how to get it all done.

“It’s like you finally learn the steps to the dance,” Cathy says. “Early on you want to impress each other. It’s all so intense. Now it’s an easy flow. You really do become almost like one person.” Rex nods sweetly in agreement.

LAUGH

This positive, harmonious inertia, plus a hearty sense of humor, have proven to be super powers for this couple. Being able to laugh at themselves as well as at stressful situations has helped them stay happy and make excellent memories.

On a recent extreme hiking excursion in the backwaters between Minnesota and Canada, they were caught in a cold, torrential downpour. Everything was soaked or washing away. Rather than complain, they made it fun. Rex performed a fashion show of his forest-friendly rain gear, and Cathy videoed him, providing commentary.

Spend any amount of time with this pair and you will find yourself laughing until your stomach hurts. They know how to mine the moment for humor. They know how to squeeze joy out of every situation. And their smiles and laughter are contagious.

NURTURE

When they are not working hard or adventuring harder, their favorite date nights stay pretty simple. This has served them well. They like casual meals, specifically those that Cathy doesn’t have to cook, maybe swimming if their pool is open, and cuddling at home with their dogs, watching movies. They are both avid gardeners and super creative in their own ways. Rex grills steak like nobody else, Cathy could be a pastry chef, and they both put a premium on quality time. Cathy remembers plenty fancy outings to see a musical or an art show, which have been wonderful indulgences; but mostly she wants to be, “just curled up on a couch with him.”

They also devote plenty of energy to others. The Friday house is a frequent gathering spot for friends and family, especially around the holidays. They always pull out all the stops to make people feel extravagantly welcomed and cared for. Over the years Rex and Cathy have cultivated an understanding for what details make people feel loved, what makes them continue to come back for more despite the long drive to Choctaw, and how to create core memories.

After a tragic loss in Cathy’s family, they even served as caretakers for her brother’s young children. When they share memories from those years it is always with lightness and joy in their voices, a sense that it was all a gift to them, not a burden. They shared their richly textured life with their nieces and nephews as much as possible and now get to love on that generation’s young kids.

“Happiness is a choice you make. This is life. You can let it wear you down or you can find something to make you laugh and be happy.” They are neither blind to grief nor impervious to stress, but they have learned the importance of choosing their mindset.

When asked what makes each of them feel like they won the marriage lottery, Rex nods his head in thought and stretches comfortably in his chair. “When she talks ya’ up. When she talks good about you and always looks at the high side.” Cathy is smiling demurely at him while he answers. He adds, laughing, “Just hearing complaints about other spouses, ha!”

Her answer is not much different. She is nourished by words of affirmation and says how much she thrives on his compliments when she looks nice or when he expresses appreciation for anything she does. Cathy then gushes, “Rex can do so many things. It astounds me! So many skill sets. And he can calm me down.”

During most of this long conversation, it is worth noting, they answer questions while gazing at each other, exploring memory lane together, nearly oblivious to anyone else in the room asking the questions.

They know each other better than anyone else does and had a few thoughts on what they wish the outside world understood about their spouse.

Cathy says of Rex, “He’s really not so harsh or grumpy. He is such a good guy. Sometimes he comes across rough. I wish people could see the soft Rex, the way he is with kids.”

Rex believes Cathy is mostly an open book and that people probably do understand her. “I think they see her.” But he adds that he would like more people to know that she put herself through school and did it on her own (though she asserts it was a team effort). “She had ambition,” he stresses, still so proud of that big accomplishment all these years later.

SHARE

The Fridays benefitted so much from the loving surround of their families, and they accepted the guidance so willingly, it is no wonder that they feel the urge to now share that wisdom.

They both feel strongly that church should continue to be a priority in a marriage and that husband and wife should pray together. Cathy shared a memory of her grandpa’s Bible, so well read and worn out that it was held together with duct tape. They hope to share their deep and hard earned faith with the next generation.

They also hope to pass down a healthy sense of humor about life. Work hard but learn to laugh. “Be kind even when people are different. It costs zero dollars to be kind,” Cathy encourages.

Rex’s life experiences have been so greatly enriched by learning artisan crafts and skilled labor that he deeply wants kids in the next generation to learn to do more with their hands, and he takes every opportunity to share his knowledge. He hopes they choose to become more self reliant.

Some specific advice they share is to seek out friendships with other married couples, the happier the better. Be wise about friendships with single people as well as anyone who complains a lot. Rex observes, “Your friends… they can influence a lot around you.”

“There are going to be rough times. Learn to step away and cool off,” Cathy urges. Rex nods.

When asked what advice they would give their newlywed selves, Rex says, “Everything is going to be ok. Keep that hair you lost.”

And Cathy answers, “Money’s not everything. Sometimes the best memories are bologna sandwiches and peeing in a bucket!” Everyone laughs.

One final bit of advice which they share almost in unison: “Don’t be in such a hurry to get everything in life. Be happy. Learn to build slowly and pay with cash.”

DREAM

What’s next for this dynamic duo that skipped work on a Friday to elope, some forty two years ago? Well, Rex is one year deep in retirement now, and Cathy is counting the milliseconds until she can join him. Just three more tax seasons! They would consider another trip together to the backwaters near Canada (affectionately known at the BWCA) and will almost certainly take more tropical resort trips. In the mean time they are perfectly happy grilling steaks and taking their beloved dogs on walks, carving out family time, and laughing their heads off.

You will not find a harder working, more family-centered and devoted couple. You will not find another couple better balanced to each other or more chemically alive when they are in the same room. That is quite a bit of magic after forty years, and we wish them the happiest of anniversaries.

Why? Because they’ve EARNED THIS.*

Much love to you, friends.
The whoel world is better because of you.
XOXOXO

*inside joke lol

another feather in his cap: Joe’s first marathon

On December 10, 2022, our brother Joe ran his first marathon! He casually threw this accomplishment into the mix of an already busy and stressful, highly textured, and wildly successful life. Joe is Commander and Public Works Officer for the Naval Facilities Engineering Systems Command in Rota, Spain. He and his wife Halee, the green eyed, raven haired sister our blonde, brown eyed crew gained by marriage, have been globetrotting for all of their two decades long marriage. They have been busy raising their two boys in so many amazing places our Navy has seen fit to send them.

Halee and Joe at the Seabee Ball in Spain, March 2023…xoxo

Active in various athletic pursuits all his life, Joe is not exclusively a runner; but he certainly has the discipline for long term, hard training. He has ran at least two half marathons, one in Spain (a year ago, the same event as the full he just completed) and one before, while stationed in Virginia. Both were successful.

For the Virginia half he followed the famously difficult Hansons training plan. During those months he and I commiserated quite a bit, as I was dabbling with Hansons then, too. We learned together along the way, though living many states apart, and traded weird details about daily life that mostly only runners would care about. I was so inspired by his strong finish and adherence to that plan! I clearly remember one conversation in review of Hansons when my younger and more stoic brother pointed out that the only way to honestly evaluate a training plan is to stick to it scrupulously, to give it your best and most honest effort. Otherwise, how can you say it was the plan that either passed or failed?

super speedy half marathon in 2019

For this last training block, Joe flew much more under the radar. Not a single announcement on Facebook about his paces or goal or inspired reason for running, no Babe Ruth homerun declarations, nothing. That autumn I noticed his Garmin activities building volume and suspected he had something up his sleeve, but Joe has this aura of mystery about him, like a wild (if highly disciplined) horse who doesn’t want to be caught, so I resisted the urge to ask anything directly. I just made a few oblique comments here and there and secretly used the Law of Attraction to get him to open up. Finally he messaged me very casually about having signed up for his first marathon. Wahoo!! From that moment on I stalked his workouts like a weirdo and coordinated our far flung family to surprise him with something fun on race day, since he was halfway around the globe and we couldn’t be there with posters, cowbells, and refreshments (more on this remote surprise soon).

Watching Joe’s fitness build during those weeks was both motivating and humbling, because I have at least a glancing idea of how much other responsibility he carries in life. Anyone who trains for a marathon knows that those few hours on race day are a drop in the bucket compared to the months of time and energy spent preparing. Training never happens in a vacuum.

Anyway, suffice it to say, I love my brother so much. We have been mistaken for twins several times, and I always take it as a compliment.

We forgot which of us was which in this history making face swap.

But if were twins, I know he would be the smarter (and faster) one. I would be the one slightly better at gardening and diagramming sentences, possibly baking. He is an inspiration to me in a hundred ways, and I feel so happy that we share a love of running and a sincere curiosity about the art and science of marathoning.

After his race, in fact after the holidays, I got him to agree to a short interview to indulge all of my curiosities. What a fun thrill for me to finally share this story, in his words! Enjoy!!

Joe and his first born son, our nephew Greg, approaching the finish line!!
What a cool moment to share with each other xoxo

1. When did you decide to train for a marathon, and was there an event or moment that inspired you? Is this a basket list thing? I won’t claim it was a lifelong goal, but after having run a few half marathons, I felt it was inevitable, I just didn’t know when. I didn’t do any real structured training from 2020 into 2021, but then ran a half that December with only moderate training. The course was flat and weather was mild. So when the race organizers emailed out reminders the following spring (2022), I decided to go for the full this time somewhat on a whim. That gave me more than six months to prep, which seemed doable.

2. You used a very different training program than you used for your half in Virginia. Tell me why you chose a different plan, how they compared, etc. If you run another full, will you prepare the same way, go back to Hansons, or something else? I knew I couldn’t dedicate six days per week to a program this time. I had other commitments and desires, including military group PT (physical training) a couple times per week, a personal desire to lift weights, and a full plate otherwise. So I chose a plan that included only four days per week. It was one step above one of the real first-timer plans, but not much. If I decide to run another full, I would like to improve, so I think going back to the Hanson method is a good likelihood as it does seem like an effective method. Which means I will need to have the time and (mental) energy to do a plan like that!

3. What did you do for cross training? Were you running paces at current fitness or beyond (how did you set your goal)? I went to a group workout 1-2 times per week as part of my duties, which sometimes was a short run (usually 3 mi., which I’d substitute into my plan), or a body weight circuit, or even team sports. As I got into the last 8-ish weeks, I would opt out more often to save myself for the long runs and to recover more. I also tried to lift weights a couple times per week. Similarly, I stopped that in the last 4-6 weeks. My running was mostly pretty slow. 1-2 minutes per mile slower than my goal. That usually allowed an easy recovery. Looking back, I can see how much my sleep pattern wasn’t ideal. Mostly 5-6 hrs per night. I know better now. Maybe. I set my goal somewhat arbitrarily. I thought a 4-hr marathon would be an awesome baseline, and it’s a time you often see as a benchmark goal for amateurs, so I did the math and figured out that’s about a 9-min pace. A little slower actually. I’ve run sub-8 pace half marathons, so even though I wasn’t in that shape then, I thought it was achievable. Now I know that was too ambitious, or that I would have needed to pick a more aggressive training plan to have gotten there.

4. Did your training block go as expected or as planned? Tell me about any significant hiccups. Tell me about any pleasant surprises, too. Tell me how your confidence and motivation fluctuated as training progressed. Overall, it went relatively smoothly. No major hiccups. Looking back, maybe I took it too easy. I did get sick for a few days a couple times in the second half and had to adapt the plan. I missed a few runs, including a 13-mi long run. But that was actually a step down week, sandwiched between 18 and 19 mi long runs, so I thought it wasn’t a worst case scenario. The only on-road hiccup I recall was during my longest training run, a 20 miler three weeks before the race. The 19 mi run had gone well and was a confidence booster, but I was sick again a couple days later, so I missed 1 or 2 shorter runs. I felt mostly better by the weekend, and ran the 20-miler just a couple days late. In the last few miles of that run, my digestive track really started throwing a fit. I was searching for concealment and hopefully a discarded cloth to clean up just in case. Fortunately, that wasn’t necessary and after a few minutes pause I was able to shuffle home the last couple miles. That’s when I started my 3-wk taper, not exactly on a high. Probably wasn’t fully recovered from being sick.

5. I know your race day was cold and rainy. How was the weather as you trained, overall? Did the weather in Spain change much over those weeks? I picked this race partially because of the weather. December (and fall in general) is mild in southern Spain. I knew it should be in the 50s on race day, which was about reality. The rain was always a possibility, but of course I was hoping for dry. Rain definitely makes your shirt and shoes heavy. I fared well through it, but I did get a couple of blisters on my feet late in the course, which took over a month to fully heal. My training plan had started in late July, so I went from running in the 70s to the 50s (I ran in the early morning 99% of the time). Very easy place to run year round. Very small percentage of time you can blame the weather for not training, so you have to get creative with your excuses!

6. Who was your training partner, and how did their marathon experience compare? I ran solo pretty much the entire training plan, but had signed up for the race with a Navy buddy, Chris, who had done the same half in 2021 with me. He’s a talented runner that generally just wings it (my perception of course, but I know he doesn’t follow a rigid plan). Chris has run a few marathons and is pretty consistent year round. So he ramped up for the race and crushed it. Well under his stated 4-hour goal (sub 3:40), pretty sure a PR for him. He’s also modest, so he may not have admitted his target out loud. By complete coincidence, another Navy friend, Ben, was deployed here and ran the marathon as well. Ben is an even more experienced runner who has run countless marathons, definitely in the low 3s, likely has a sub 3 under his belt. But more importantly, he also ran my first half marathon with me back in 2004; another chilly rainy race. We never saw each other on the course, but it was a cool happenstance.

7. What was your race day breakfast, what shoes did you wear, and what was your post race meal? Breakfast was coffee, two pieces of bread (no toaster in the hotel) with peanut butter and a banana. Very close to my pre-long-run meals. I ran in Altra Provision 5. Post race, we went to a local restaurant/brewery… I don’t remember what I ordered, maybe a burger? But I do remember we had quite a feast before getting on the road to drive home. I was a little worried about sitting in the back seat with two 12-yr olds for three hours. But I survived. The adults agreed that we’d stop to stretch out if needed. Never had to after all.

Joe and Greg in Malaga, Spain, for race weekend…xoxo
Their hotel boasted a hot tub that was not heated, ha!
This would have made for better recovery than pre-race relaxation.

8. Did you know that Greg was going to cross the finish line with you? What was that moment like? It was very cool to see Greg at the finish and I loved that he wanted to do that. Didn’t know if I’d see him at all. Since Halee wasn’t able to come, Greg was hanging out with Chris’s wife and son (TJ and Isaac, one of our social circle’s staple families here in Spain). And due to the rain, it was unpredictable how much time they’d be spending road-side.

9. How was your physical recovery? To say I was spent is an understatement. I guess you could say I hit the wall during the race. Felt great through 17 or 18 miles, then digressed and had to force myself to finish. So I didn’t run at all for a couple weeks. The first week was just true rest/recovery, which was needed and effective. Then we had our holiday vacation to London the next weekend. So lot’s of walking in London for four or five days, but still no running. Got in a handful of runs starting in late December into January, but have mostly started focusing on lifting weights again. I thought I’d stick to three days of running per week as an ”off-season,” but haven’t got that rhythm going yet.

10. When is your next marathon, and can it be with me? : ) Soon as I realized I wouldn’t meet my goal, I started wondering if I’d “need” to do another one, or if I was going to be happy with having just survived one. Before the race, I even had thoughts that I might enjoy ultra training more. I do enjoy the long slow runs. But marathon training is a serious time commitment, where the long runs become a big part of every weekend. So with our move back to the States on the horizon, I don’t have any races in mind. I could see myself doing a couple more half marathons first. There are tons of races in the DC area and nearby, so I know there will be plenty of opportunity to develop a strategy, and lots of places to explore, potentially on long runs! I imagine I’ll do another full someday and would love to do it together! Maybe we can make it a destination race, or just have you out to DC for a race out there. The Marine Corps marathon is a big one that we may have to consider…

Thank you, brother, for sharing your marathon experience with us! You did a phenomenal job, and you managed to make it a family memory too. I love you, I am so happy for you, and I miss you like crazy. I am already scheming ways to get to the east coast once you relocate, so we can race MCM together.

XOXOXOXO

Knowing Dee

You guys. I am well aware of how lucky I am, okay? 
Yesterday just proved it all over again. 

For several friendly, languid hours I sat, strolled, chatted, and brunched
with a beautiful and interesting woman you will want to know.
She and I first met in 2012 for that nifty little Oklahoma Bloggers’ Ball we had here at the farm.
She advised me in my garden when we hosted a wedding  a couple of months later.
And most importantly we have become friends.
Dee Nash writes over at Red Dirt Ramblings and 
generously gave me practically all of her Tuesday 
so that I can share it with you. 

She sweetly photographed me in my garden for her upcoming book.
(terrifying but she made it so easy… More on that later...)
We talked about garden pests and best practices.
We played with Pacino and petted Mia.
We drank coffee, ate hard boiled eggs and downed fresh fruit smoothies.

We talked about life and family and books and discovered 
another few dozen wonderful things we have in common.

Dee and I topped off the afternoon by visiting a nearby tree farm,
Tony is a friend of hers and her husband’s.
Do you know how much fun it was for me to explore 
a fancy garden center with someone 
whose passion for plants matches my own, 
but whose knowledge triples it?
So. Much. Fun. 
She was like a happy little girl, and I loved it.
On her urging, I brought home a St. John’s Wort for my new herb garden.

I was excited about her visit ahead of time;
but I had no idea how much the day would nourish my soul.

Thank you, Dee, for so much enriching conversation!
Thank you for your gardening encouragement and inspiration,
and thank you for sharing these wonderful interview answers that follow!
You are an Oklahoma treasure, and I am proud to call you my friend.

Dee Nash holding a pretty variegated canna at Tony’s Tree Plantation


1.     Do you come from a long line of gardeners?
Yes and No. Both of my grandmothers and one grandfather were gardeners, but my parents weren’t. I learned most of my gardening from toddling after my Grandma Nita and from books. She died when my son, now 18, was two, so I’ve read a lot of books.

2.     What is your earliest gardening memory?
You may be too young to remember small white toddler shoes, but I remember mine against the black soil of my grandmother’s garden in Commerce, Oklahoma. I was walking behind her. I also remember her teaching about the “bad butterflies” i.e., cabbage moths, and why she had to kill them.

3.     At what age did you start your own garden?
It depends upon what you mean by garden. I had house plants in my bedroom when I was 13. I planted outside for the first time at my first home, a mobile home in a trailer park. I was 19.
4.     What was your first plant, if you remember?
Polka dot plant, Hypoestes phyllostachya. Mine was green with light pink polka dots. I was about twelve.

5.     When did you first start keeping a garden journal?
I’m embarrassed to say I’ve started about a billion of them, but I don’t keep them up very well. I guess the blog is my real garden journal. Keeping too much info, too neatly, takes the joy out of it for me. I’m very right brained.

I love that about you, Dee! I am right brained too, and keeping a blog is the ONLY way I am ever gonna keep an ongoing real record of anything. And three cheers for joyful chaos. 

6.     When did you first start photographing your gardens?
In 2004. I wanted to see the layout.

7.     Present day, do you prefer growing edibles or ornamentals?
I like both. I find ornamentals to be less work, but I like to eat the edibles so there you are!
8.     Two phrases you have coined are very special to me… “English with an Oklahoman accent”and             “Thriller, Filler, Spiller”for container gardening… Do you have any new comments or adds for                   these?
I can take credit for the first one, but the second was actually coined by Steve Silk in Fine Gardening magazine a long time ago. Here’s the link to his article: http://www.finegardening.com/design/articles/thrillers-fillers-spillers.aspx. I try to give him credit whenever I write the terms. They are perfect though.
As for “English with an Oklahoma accent,” that’s mine. It pretty much explains itself. It simply explains my love of the English cottage style garden, but the reality of gardening in a state with climate as difficult as Oklahoma. In other words, you need different plants. I’ve been experimenting with Carol Klein’s favorite plants though this year. I started a lot of them with seed. I’m testing how they will perform here.

9.     How has your gardening style evolved over time?
I’m much more intense and intentional than I once was. I think more about design and symmetry.

I love the photos of your garden. Your use of color, scale, shape, rhythm… All so beautiful. Living, changing artwork.

10.  What factors or life events have affected these changes?
My kids growing up. I have more time. However, the writing and speaking have really picked up so I now need a helper in the garden. I’m considering a horticulture intern. I must talk to OSU about that.
What a lucky intern that will be! I would love to have worked with someone like you in college.


11.  Who and what are your biggest gardening influences today?
Carol Klein and Sarah Raven, both in England. I love Raven’s use of dark, rich color in the garden. I enjoy Klein’s sense of fun. She loves gardening and loves to share her craft. My friend, Helen Weis, is also a great influence as is Deborah Silver, each for their sense of design. Helen is always stressing symmetry to keep my jungle in some kind of form.

12.  I know you love Pinterest (I do too) and have written a great piece on its usefulness… Where else do you find inspiration?
I watch English gardening shows on dailymotion.com.You can’t get their shows here in the U.S. very often. Sometimes, they are on YouTube, but not with any regularity. I can’t buy the DVDs because they are in a different format. I love Carol Klein’s Life in a Cottage Garden, http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00xh5n1. I bought the companion book. I also watch Sarah Raven on YouTube. She isn’t as infectious as Klein, but is soothing. I watch these in the winter when I’m ready to go mad. February is the worst month for me. I also read a lot of gardening books when I’m not writing my own. Sarah Raven’s The Bold and Brilliant Garden is a treasure. Also, here in America, I follow Nan Ondra’s blog, Hayefield. I’ve also bought most of her books. Nan is a darling, and I enjoy her photos and insights so much.

13.  How did you break into the professional garden writing world?
I was already writing professionally for the local newspaper, The Oklahoman, occasionally, along with other regional newspapers. I also wrote for the state Catholic newspaper. I joined the Garden Writers Association where I met wonderful people who encouraged me to start a blog. The blog helped national editors see my work. I then began speaking at various venues. I met my publisher at a GWA event. Two years later, I pitched them a book idea. Hint: I already had the outline ready, and they knew me. I emailed them the outline at their request when I got home.

14.  Also, how did you come to do the landscaping at Mount Saint Mary’s?
I don’t do MSM’s landscaping. I do the landscaping for St. Mary’s in Guthrie. We now attend church there, and she went to 8th grade at their middle school. I just saw a need, asked the priest if I could work on it, and when he said, yes, I did. I’ve been working on it for over a year now. I do get help from friends and volunteers for the big jobs. It’s starting to take shape. I’m happy. Tony of Tony’s Tree Plantation (?) is the landscaper for MSM. He does a beautiful job.

15.  Congratulations for your first book! I imagine more book ideas are already in the back of your mind. Care to spill any literary beans? Don’t worry. Not too many people read my blog anyway. We’ll keep it secret.
LOL! Thanks. You need to be more specific. Hmmm, it’s a book for 20/30 something gardeners just starting out. That’s all I can say until after August when the cover and other stuff is announced.

We will be tuning in to watch this adventure unfold! And you need to know how happy you made me to be invited to take photos for this age bracket. : ) By the time you book hits the shelves, I will barley qualify.

16.  Can you name your Top Five favorite plants? Or is that like asking you to name your favorite child?
It’s not easy, but here goes.
            A. Roses, but my love is becoming more jaded over time. I had Rose Rosette Disease in the garden, and I lost six roses to it. I have over 90. I think I just saw it on another old (over 25 years old) rose. I will have to dig it out in fall, and it will be very hard. It is ‘Cl. Old Blush.’ I thought I had it eliminated, but I am seeing similar damage. Of roses, my favorites are ‘Carefree Beauty,’ ‘Dame de Coeur,’ the Drift(r) series of roses, particularly Pink Drift, Coral Drift and Red Drift. I’ve added a lot more red to my color scheme over the years. I like the depth of color. I’m also still a big fan of single Pink Knockout(r). They are rock hardy in my yard. Of the David Austins, ‘Gertrude Jekyll,’ ‘Graham Thomas’ and ‘Darcey Bussell’ are favorite cultivars.
          B. The humble day-lily, Hemerocallis. If you live in the south, you can’t miss with day-lilies. They are beautiful and easy to grow. If you choose yours based upon early, mid and late blooming, you will get two months of bloom.
            C. Dahlias, but they aren’t easy to grow here. I’m just sayin’. I like the ones with bronze foliage.
            D. Tomatoes. I love all types. Cherry types are easy to grow. Larger, potato-leaved ones don’t fruit as often and take longer, but the tomatoes are wonderful. I don’t like ‘Brandywine,’ but I am fond of the pink, ‘Marianna’s Peace.’ I now collect seed. Eggplants are the other edible I can’t be without. Oh, and onions too. I make a mean salsa.
            E. Japanese maples. I like all types. Some perform better in Oklahoma than others. They must have a windbreak and supplemental irrigation. Also, they need to be on the north side of the house most of the time. ‘Tamukeyama’ will take a lot of sun although in hotter years, it has leaf burn. 

You and I have so much in common. Great choices. Oklahoma gardeners should be paying attention!

17.  Do your husband or children ever ask you to grow certain things?
Yes, Bill asks for potatoes and green beans, not the fuzzy flat kind. There’s a story there.

I’d love to hear this story.

18.  How much does your family participate in your gardens?
The kids sometimes help, but at this time, they don’t like to garden. They are teens and have been surrounded by it all their lives. Bill helps a lot with hardscaping, building greenhouses, setting up fence. He likes to build stuff. I like the plant work. He doesn’t.

Sounds familiar… xoxo
19.  Do you have any special gardening proverbs or expressions that are near and dear to you?
That’s funny because I think of the weirdest stuff while gardening, and it’s not usually related. For example, when I weed, I think “Out, out damn spot” from Macbeth. I don’t know why.
I love that. I find so much meditation and stress relief in weeding. Not weird at all.

20.  What is some of the best gardening advice you have ever received? Who offered it? Did you heed it?
I’ve received so much good advice over the years. My friend, Wanda Faller, used to say to “plant things pretty close together and not worry too much.” She now lives in Washington state.

As with so much wisdom in the gardening world, this seems relevant to all of life. “Stay close together and don’t worry too much.” Excellent.

21.  What gardening questions do you get asked most often?
People often want me to landscape their properties. I’m not a landscaper or landscape designer. I’ll come over and garden coach you though. I get asked a lot about what will grow in Oklahoma, or does nothing grow here. That was the primary question of 2011 and 2012. In those years, not much. 2013 has been a whole different animal.

I am so glad you hear you mention that last part! Lots of my friends started gardening in the most recent HORRIFIC years and felt discouraged, with good reason. But it’s just not the norm. Try again ladies and gentlemen!

22.  Do you think that anyone can be a successful gardener? What are the basic criteria?
Yes. You must like to be outside. You need a water source in our state, preferably drip irrigation or soaker hoses, but you can use sprinklers if you time them right. You must be consistent. You need to learn to tolerate imperfection and bugs. You don’t have to like either, but toleration is key.

23.  I know that you and I both love this beautiful state… Oklahoma. Indian Territory. The Red Dirt beauty. But it certainly presents some unique challenges in the garden. And I know you are widely travelled, visiting gardens in lots of different climates and regions. If not here in Oklahoma, then where in this big wide world would choose to grow and tend your personal Eden?
Hawaii or California. Need I say more?

24.  Okay. You are stranded on a desert island. You can choose only one gardening tool (made by Fiskars of course)  and five plants either in seed or seedling form to grow your own food. What do you bring along?
Well, honestly, the tool would be made by DeWitt. It’s a Dutch Hand Hoe. I can’t garden without one. 1. Sunflowers. 2. Zinnias. I need those because they are easy and pretty, and I can save seed. 3. Tomatoes. 4. Garlic. 5. Lettuce of some sort. I like ‘Nevada’ and ‘Black-Seeded Simpson.’

Again, great choices.

25.  Similarly, you are given one year and a choice of only five plants to grow the most beautiful flower garden, perhaps for a wedding or royal birth or something. What is your floral focus?
Roses. You must have roses for a wedding or royal birth. Hydrangea arborescens ‘Annabelle’ because it’s an easy and native hydrangea, and it is white. Peonies, big pink ones like ‘Sarah Bernhardt’, Asparagus fern for greenery and great big sunflowers as a backdrop. I know the last doesn’t go with the other four, but I love sunflowers. They are tall and beautiful. Oh, and I must have Shasta daisies, Leucanthemum x superbum  ‘Becky’. Whoops, that’s six isn’t it?

You’re totally forgiven. In fact, you get extra credit. xoxo

26.  I am big fan of Niki Jabbour, and I know you two are friends. Have you mastered the year-round vegetable gardening techniques? Do you believe it can be done in Oklahoma?
If Niki can do it in Halifax, Nova Scotia, I would think so. I have mastered ¾ of the year. Honestly, I get tired around Christmas with all the mom duties. However, I now have a greenhouse, and Bill wants to build cold frames, so yes, it can be done. Niki is the master. I am simply the grasshopper where this is concerned. LOL!

(Hang on now, I thought we hate grasshoppers.)

27.  All good gardeners are constantly growing, learning, and improving. What questions do you still have that need answering, and where do you seek your best information? What challenges do you still face?
How do we cure Rose Rosette Disease? What about Sudden Oak Death? I have it in our trees here. Our climate is a big issue although I manage pretty well. I always love learning about new plants.

28.  What big gardening adventures are on your horizon?
Finishing the book. Building a cold frame. Keeping it all going. Each year is a new addition. I learn more every year about growing vegetables on trellises and how to do things better.

29.  Please share a little more about your recent greenhouse addition. What prompted it? How big is it? What is going on inside its opaque walls? Has it proven worthy of the investment yet?
The greenhouse is 8 x 16, but I’m not using it yet. We need to finish the water system which involves rain barrels and a copper gutter. We traveled a lot this year so we’re behind. Besides, I need that greenhouse for winter so I won’t be so bored.

30.  When you visit other people’s gardens, surely you do little edits in your mind. I mean, I do!Not to be critical; just because it’s fun. What are some common “changes” you make to other people’s gardens?
I really don’t. I mean, if they’re out of control and weeding needs to be done, I think about that. Also, deadheading. We should all get the clippers out and deadhead more often. It makes the garden neat and tidy. Plus, flowers bloom better. Harvested vegetables is the same thing in the edible garden. As for design, I don’t. I figure everyone needs their own space to do their thing.

More solid life advice, I think. We all need space to do out own thing. Love the advice to keep weeds out and deadhead or harvest regularly. I am often surprised by how much better my garden looks just after a good, thorough cleaning.

31.  What one big message would you get out to the average gardener, to help them?
Hang in there. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Much of my garden is 25 years old.

Bless you for saying this, Dee. I have to repeat it to myself almost weekly.

32.  Now… what would you tell ME? Go ahead, I can take it.
I need to see your garden first Missy.

Fair enough Missy. haha! For my readers to know… Let me say that I was terrified of showing you my garden, although you gave me to no reason to fear. I am just alone in it all the time, and seeing it through someone else’s eyes was daunting. Thank you for all of your kind words… Now tell me what you REALLY thought. i already know that I need to weed better. : )

33.  I am sure you spend at least a little time in your Eden every day… But you also are busy caring for your beautiful family and have several other professional pursuits, too. So. Do you have a gardening schedule? Do you follow a daily or a weekly routine? Or is it intuitive and fluctuating based on needs?
It’s intuitive. I have no schedule. I tend to get out there and never come back in. Ask my kids! When I’m writing and get really stuck, I go outside. Also, if I’m sad, it’s the first place I go. My best friend was just diagnosed with cancer. I pray a lot in the garden, and sometimes I cry.

It is possibly the most sacred place in my home, too, for times like this. I think God meets us in the garden when we need it. And it is often the first place we notice His miracles. Prayers for your sweet friend. xoxo

34.  Travelling seems to be at its peak when the garden is also at its peak, summertime. It’s a cruel joke, and it always divides my heart. How do you prepare your garden for long absences?
I installed drip irrigation in my pots and put everything on timers. As for the weeds, I mulch beforehand and let the grass grow where it may. Then, I play catch up when I get home.

35.  My final and most important question: Do you really wear gardening gloves every day?
No, but I do most of the time. My hands can’t keep up with the amount of work I do. However, I do go out there sometimes without them, and invariably, I get bit, stung, or I clip my little finger. Yes, I did it last week. Gardening gloves might have lessened the injury. I have a basket of gloves by my back door.
I feel so honored by this as though I’m in Horticulture magazine’s profile or something. Great questions. As for that desert island, we should check out which plants can handle salt spray best. Perhaps, read Celia Thaxter?
Haha!! Great! I am so glad. You honored me by visiting the farm, and I certainly appreciate all of this wonderful insight. As for Celia Thaxter, yes. Let’s start there then travel like mad.

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   Wasn’t that fantastic? I thoroughly enjoyed every word here and every moment with Dee yesterday. If you’re not already following her blog, I encourage you to start. I learn volumes there and also glean so much inspiration.

   And friends, please stay tuned throughout the year. I’ll keep you updated on her book release, and if you’re local, won’t you join us for her book release reception here at the farm? 

   Happy gardening!

“Stay close together and don’t worry too much.”

~Wanda Faller

xoxoxoxo

Glimpsing Adrienne Sharp: Ballerina, Novelist, Inspiration.

   Connected again by Ms. Julia Callahan, I have spent the last couple of weeks corresponding with a lovely woman named Adrienne Sharp, authoress of The True Memoirs of Little K.

   Ms. Sharp’s laid back openness was like a warm blanket on my jangled nerves. I had so much I wanted to learn from her and had trouble reining in my eagerness, yet she was perfectly calm and easy going about the exchange. If you’re interested in my full review of the book, well here ya go.

   Okay. 
Following is our emailed interview. 
I am still crossing my fingers 
to someday visit Los Angeles and buy her lunch.
Or instead, maybe she’ll visit the farm
and teach me how to write fictive action!
Adrienne, I’ll make shortbread and hot tea. 
C’mon… We have plenty of room. xoxoxo
How did you arrive at the original idea for this book, and then how did you choose from which character’s perspective to tell the story?
   Because I was a ballet girl and I read ballet history voraciously, I knew about the famous Kschessinska and I knew vaguely that she was the mistress of Nicholas II. But it wasn’t until I wrote about the choreographer George Balanchine as a little boy in imperial Russia in my last novel that I drew close to the material for Little K. She was a perfect product of her place and time—a social climbing ballerina who used the stage as her platform to socialize with the balletomanes of Nicholas II’s court—and as almost all the counts, grand dukes, and tsars were big balletomanes, her access was limitless. As apparently, were her charms and her ambition.


If your book is translated to a film, what actors and actresses do you like for which roles? May I please suggest Robin Wright for Alix? Perfection…

   Robin Wright—perfect as Alix.  Kschessinska? Catherine Zeta-Jones? She’s a dancer, she’s small, and she can be gritty.
You said it took you a few years of research to write this (incredible) book…during the research and writing, did you ever want to change perspective or direction? Do you have any drafts laying around that were sketched out from, say, Niki’s perspective? (What a read that would be too!)

   K was my girl right from the start. But what I did think about doing was an overlay of marginalia from her son Vova’s point of view. She was writing this memoir for him, and I thought it would be fun for him to comment on what she wrote and to reveal what it was like to be her son, to provide his perspective of those scenes she recalls. (I suspect he was homosexual, though no one ever mentions this in my research.) But my editor overruled me—she thought the marginalia thing had become a bit too much of a trendy thing to do. But I still like the idea.

I thought the touch of placing young revolutionary Vladimir Lenin in K’s ransacked palace was brilliant and terrifying, especially that he sat at the tsarevich’s little school desk and wrote in his notebook! Is there any history behind that, or is it a wonderful piece of fiction from your mind?
   The nascent Bolsheviks did take over her palace and Lenin did in fact take Mathilde’s son’s bedroom for his study. I invented the part about Lenin writing in Vova’s school notebooks–or rather, appropriated the idea of using a child’s notebook for political work. Nicholas’s brother Michael’s abdication as tsar in 1917 was written in a child’s notebook, grabbed from the desk of the palace of friends, where he happened to be staying as a guest.

Did you know what your stopping point would be before you started? I personally did not predict where we ended up and was delighted and satisfied completely. But surprised above all. Did you decide that early on?
   I always planned to end with K preparing for death, sorting through the items she wanted in the coffin with her. But when I got there, this seemed too gloomy an ending. So I gave it some juice, bringing back some of her old defiance, her belief that the old order would be restored, that her son would find his rightful place. Otherwise, she couldn’t die. She was too worried about what would happen to her son without her. In reality, he ended up on public assistance and in public housing. So she was right to be worried.

How did you do your research: history books, internet, interviews? Did you compose your story as you went along, alternately with doing the research, or did you amass all of your background knowledge first then devote yourself to the fiction? What was your daily life like during those years?

   I used books, articles, and the internet—and I researched all along the way—to the bitter end. In fact, when I was working on my galleys I couldn’t stop adding details I was culling from my nonstop reading. When I started researching, I couldn’t keep any of the Romanovs straight—they all have the same names! By the end of it, I could spot misidentified photo captions.
Have you visited any cities in Russia? Or Paris?
   I’ve been to Paris, but I’ve visited Russia only in my research.

As a ballerina, have you danced any of the ballets described in your book? Or are these even still alive?

   Since I was only a ballet girl, essentially a talented scholarship girl in training to be a dancer, I never danced in any of the ballets described in my book. But because I was a ballet girl, I’ve seen almost all of those ballets performed. And those ballets Petipa created for the Imperial Ballet have become the foundation of almost every classical ballet company, except for those  created especially for the tsar’s private viewing pleasure at those hermitage performances, like the Four Seasons.
I would love some solid advice on the mechanics and mindset of keeping so many complex characters organized and effective! What a feat… so many personalities and passions kept alive over so many decades. I am having trouble writing a story about a dozen Sea Monkeys. Help me?
   Honestly, I don’t know how I did it—except by many rewrites.
Fascinating to me that a contemporary author is taking the time to reread a classic, War and Peace, especially such a long work, and not for the first time.  I’m going to take that as good advice for all of us. What else are you reading lately? Who are your favorite authors?

   You know something? War and Peace is short on specific, concrete details to create setting, and I really miss that. I can’t see the rooms or streets or clothing. And I’m noting that Tolstoy had some trouble creating Russia’s war with Napoleon into something more than a dutiful summary of the action of the battles. It’s very hard even for the master to bend history into dramatic fictive action. As for reading—I’m reading a lot of history of Los Angeles circa 1939. And I love Jennifer Egan’s work.
Care to give us a glimpse of what other epics are brewing in your imagination? It’s okay if you’d rather keep that close to your chest. But I will be reading it, whatever you come up with.

   I’m working on a novel tentatively titled “Hollywood Land,” that looks at how the Russian Jewish immigrants who came to Los Angeles too ambitious to peddle rags or scrap metal became movie moguls or gangsters, like Louis B. Mayer or Mickey Cohen. They created a parallel universe in the city—since they weren’t welcome in the institutions already there. So they built their own racetrack, country club, cotillion, hospital, talent agencies and law firms. 
   My main character is an eight year old boy who watches his mother dancing as a Busby Berkeley girl in some of the MGM movie musical extravaganzas of that time and helping his father as a bookie who falls in with Mickey Cohen and Bugsy Siegel. So I’m reading about MGM back lots, Louis B. Mayer, and the Jewish gangsters who controlled the unions, Nazi Bund meetings in the Santa Monica mountains and the bombing of Pearl Harbor, the Japanese rooted out of Boyle Heights and sent to Santa Anita racetrack to await deportation to camps in Arizona, Navy boys waiting for their call ups beating up zoot suiters downtown—another big canvas, I guess. Woe is me.

Did you read my quick, amateurish thoughts comparing your heroine to Chiyo in Memoirs of a Geisha? I am fascinated by this role women play in such different parts of the world. What do you think? Who do you think had a better life, the ballerina or the geisha?

   The dancer in one of the tsar’s companies in imperial Russia retired after twenty years with a lifetime pension—so by age thirty-eight she had some financial independence. Many of the girls married well and raised happy theater families, the kind of family Mathilde came from. Her sister married a baron at her retirement. And if a dancer were a woman like Mathilde, willing to sacrifice respectability for a very wealthy protector or two, she could accrue some other worldly goods, as well. But she could never really leave her class—she belonged to the demimonde, not the aristocracy, however she might play with them. And Mathilde could never have married either of her grand ducal lovers if there had not been a revolution and the court had not moved to Paris to live in exile. Even there, she was tolerated, side-lined, and most painful for her, so was her son—and the two of them were abandoned completely when her husband, Grand Duke Andrei, died.

Again, thank you. As a daydreaming writer I appreciate your insights. As a blogger I appreciate your time and openness. As a reader I am just a fan!!
   Thank you—your questions were fabulous and fun to ponder. Let me know if I can ever help you in any way.
   Wasn’t that fun, you guys? Isn’t she interesting? Every one of her answers triggered at least three new questions in my head, but alas… Life goes on. This just underscores the value and importance of conversation, of exchange and searching in life. I hope you’re inspired to read this book if you haven’t yet. And I also hope you’re inspired to buckle down and write something if that is in your heart. 
   Happy springtime, Adrienne! So very nice to “meet” you, and best wishes on your exciting new novel!
Scratch Below the Surface!
xoxoxo
   

Certified Bibliophile Spills Her Sassy Guts (1/2)

   Perhaps you remember me prattling on from time to time about my very happy acquaintance with Julia Callahan. She is a close friend of my sister Guinevere and has become my friend too. Julia is a literary publicist out in Los Angeles. She has been overly generous with her time and expertise this past year, guiding our famous little  book club through some voracious adventures, sharing ideas, listening, and encouraging us to flex our eyeballs more. Now this sweet derby girl has foolishly agreed to suffer an interview with yours truly.

   You guys, Julia was even more forthcoming and interesting than I knew she would be. I have divided this beefy endeavor into two parts for safer, slower consumption. I dare you to read both parts and NOT find something to discuss with a good bookish friend. Enjoy!

********************

You must know that I want your job in the worst way, as do many of my friends. Please dispel the romantic images I have of being paid to read books and communicate with people. Please tell us a typical day in the life and what your job is really like.

   Haha. Well, it is a pretty awesome job, and I do get paid to read books, but really, reading books is just part of what I do. In fact, I get paid to do everything else, I just have to read books if I’m going to promote them. I know it sounds hard. Basically, the thing that’s great about my job is it’s different every day. Some days I’m editing all day, some days I’m emailing people all day (usually media contacts), some days I’m just answering emails, and some days I’m booking author tours. Usually it’s a combination of all of those things. I’m lucky to have a flexible job so I come in between 8 and 11 and I go home between 6 and 9 pm. Depending on the day, I might have to go to an event in the evening, or maybe not. It’s different all the time. You can continue being jealous. It’s a pretty great job.

How did you prepare for this career, both academically and personally?
   I’m a reader.  I always have been (except for a brief period between sixth and ninth grade).  I had a wonderful eighth grade history teacher named Mr. Sullivan who, among other things, taught me that history wasn’t just boring names and dates, that Elvis and The Beatles were history, that To Kill a Mockingbird was history, that James Dean was history.  I came to the realization that what I loved most was the intersection between history and literature.  I loved that when I read Dickens I got a picture of Victorian England, but also the fact that Dickens and the serial novels changed the way Victorian England looked; it changed the way people thought and acted.  That intersection of life and art in the context of history was and still is just endlessly fascinating to me.  So, when I went to UC Santa Cruz, I majored in history and literature. 

    

   After college I aimlessly worked in places that had nothing to do with anything I studied until I needed a second job and ended up working at a bookstore in West Hollywood called Book Soup on weekends.  I was part time for a year or so and then the events coordinator, Tyson Cornell, took me on as his assistant.  I was his assistant for four years.  He left and started his own company called Rare Bird Lit and then hired me soon after. 
   I’m good with people and I’m an enthusiastic reader.  The rest I learned on the fly.  But luckily that came quickly. 
You are exposed to a large number and a wide variety of people all the time. Can you identify an innate personal quality that tends to distinguish the published authors among the world’s numerous writers? Is there something they “have” that gets them printed?
   I don’t know if there’s a certain personality trait.  I find that the best authors are the best readers.  I don’t believe someone can write without reading.  I also think that the best authors are the hardest on themselves.  If you’re a reader you know what good writing is and thus, you know when you have or have not achieved it. 

You keep numerous and long lists of books for different audiences and purposes. Thank you for sharing those with me, by the way! Now. Let’s pretend Earth is planning to colonize another planet and you are in charge of filling a time capsule with literature. What ten books would you include?

Oh man! How long is this blog post? Okay, in no particular order, and excluding A LOT: 
  • To Kill a Mockingbird
  • Shakespeare
  • Catch-22
  • On The Road
  • Infinite Jest
  • A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
  • Pride and Prejudice
  • Vanity Fair
  • Jane Eyre
  • East of Eden
  • Catcher in the Rye
  • The Sun Also Rises
  • One Hundred Years of Solitude
  • The Great Gatsby
  • Huckleberry Finn
  • The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay
  • The God of Small Thing
  • Maus.  
   Also, like 1 million others, but this is off the top of my head and I figured you didn’t want a list of 250 books.

What different authors would you like to represent and why?

   Michael Chabon is my favorite living author (his book, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay is my all-time favorite book), so working with him would be amazing.  Every literary nerd’s wet dream is Thomas Pynchon.  As far as more realistic, and this is kind of a cop out answer, but I’m a big fan of working with promising first time authors.  It’s challenging for me as the publicist, but also very rewarding.  When a first time author gets recognition for a great book and I’ve worked on it, it’s a source of immense pride, and I love to see what they go onto next. 
Do your authors keep other jobs, too?

   Some do, some don’t.  It depends on how long they’ve been around and what job they had before they started writing.  It’s extraordinarily hard to make a living as a writer, especially a novelist, so many of them have other things going on.  A lot of them teach writing. 
Do you write as well as read? We’d love to hear about that.

   Yes and no.  I used to write a lot, but I’ve realized that I really love editing more than writing.  I like shaping narratives and giving feedback about what a piece of writing needs to make it soar.  That being said, I do write a little bit.  Mostly I write a blog-like email that goes to my family.   It makes them feel like I see them more than I actually do.  I write a lot of press releases, too. 
In the scheme of things, what deficiency do you see in modern literature? What do we need more of, probably vampire romances?

   There is such a dearth of vampire romances!  We need more!  I actually think that modern literature is in a really exciting time.  There’s kind of a changing of the guard happening right now.  The older male-dominated regime is fading out (people like Mailer, Vonnegut, Vidal, Roth, Updike, etc.).  Roth and DeLillo are really the only guys left from that class.  Now we’re getting this new class coming in, who were influenced by these great writers.  People like Michael Chabon, Junot Diaz, Jeffrey Eugenides, Jonathan Franzen are doing such exciting stuff.  And the women!  Zadie Smith, Karen Russell, Aimee Bender, Amy Bloom….I could go on.  I just can’t wait to see where this all goes.
   
   As for deficiency, because I’m so good at answering the questions being asked, I think that more people need to discover these great authors.  The biggest deficiency I see is book coverage in media.  How can people know how wonderful White Teeth by Zadie Smith is when only a few media outlets are reviewing books?  Books are covering such a wide variety of cultures and times and places that the only deficiency is there’s not enough time in the day. 
You were so great to connect me with two brilliant authors, first Aimee Bender and now Adrienne Sharp. When I am rich and famous because of your talented publicizing, will you make me do unpaid interviews with dorky bloggers?

   Yes.  Absolutely. 
   In all seriousness, I believe that the more an author connects with their audience the better.  Those are two wonderful and amazing women that I’ve had the honor and pleasure of working with, but they also both are people who appreciate and understand how important their audience and their fans are.  And that makes them the smartest kind of author. 
That begs a question, actually. Your firm is called “Rare Bird Lit.” Do you seek out unusual material; does it find you or what? And what makes a book “rare” by your standards?

    Interesting question.  Also, you’re reminding me that I need to ask my boss where that name comes from. 
   We like material that challenges us professionally.  We’re independent booksellers at heart and we’re pretty snobby when it comes to literature, so it’s nice when we’re working with authors and books out of that wheelhouse.  It presents challenges and we have to figure out who to connect with and how best to market those books to the right people. 
   Also, we like doing things that other people are scared to do.  We throw crazy parties, we find interesting and original ways of marketing, and we’ll take on books that other people turn down, if we like the book and believe in it.  So yeah, we’re a bit rare in that way.  We’re also just kind of weird people.  It makes life more fun. 
   As for what makes a book rare, I guess all books are rare in a way, but I like a book that surprises me.  I like a book that doesn’t follow a trajectory that I can see coming from a mile away.  It’s rare that a book catches me entirely off guard. Actually, lately, when I was reading The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides, I was just thinking that there was no way he was going to end the book that I would like.  And somehow, he pulled it off. The ending was perfect and caught me off guard.  I love that.

********************
“That intersection of life and art 
in the context of history was and still is 
just endlessly fascinating to me.”
~Julia Callahan

      Whew! Is your mind racing a bit with questions and answers of your own? Please leave comments. I’d love to hear your thoughts on Julia’s answers or your own answers to some of these questions. Lots of my friends are bookish, so spill it ladies. Spill it messy. And remember to come back tomorrow for part two. 
Thank you for indulging us Julia!!
People are the Interesting.
Books are Necessary.
xoxoxo