Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Anticipating Blooms & Miracles

The clouds are gathering, and we can smell the rain. The morning’s bright sun has already cooled, but we don’t mind. Not even a trace of wind is bothering us. Birds are singing constantly. Roosters are crowing. Barn cats purring. After a long, hard packed work week Handsome and I have landed exhausted but safe, together at home on one of the most restorative Saturday mornings we’ve enjoyed in a long time. All of our farm chores today are pleasurable, fun, satisfying. The sights, sounds, and smells here are all new life and constant love. Mouth watering stuff.

I cannot help but think all over again about the cyclical nature of life and about how much better we appreciate the springtime after a brutal winter. Like flower bulbs, we gather strength in the cold, dark months. If we survive the hard times, then we reemerge with more beauty than ever before. We greet the longer days with open arms and open hearts, eager to bloom. Our dormancy is put to good use by the Master.

If you’re still waiting for your miracle, please keep waiting and do not be discouraged by the passage of time. Be brave enough to abandon the need for instant gratification. Then on that day when you finally see the first sprouts of your miracle appearing, you’ll be overjoyed! You’ll know that all of the waiting was not in vain. You’ll have built more strength than you even thought you needed. And the bloom will be robust. Miraculous.

Bring on the rain. Gather the clouds. Send the cold, even, if that’s what we need. I’ve planted my seeds and trust You with them all. I’m willing to wait.

 

Seeds sown like prayers, each one growing at its own pace, to its own fruition.
Seeds sown like prayers, each one growing at its own pace, to its own fruition.

 

Handsome has finished his shed organizing project now and is happily tending a midday bonfire just as the rain begins to fall. I’m lounging nearby with a cup of strong, hot tea and a very cuddly barn cat. My face is half cool and damp from the weather, half warm and taut from the flames. In my mind  I see every seed planted this morning soon bursting into heaps of delicious, beautiful food or flowers. In my heart I see every prayer, uttered or silent, answered in unbelievable ways. It’s already happening.

“Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.” 

~C.S. Lewis

XOXOXO

Last Year’s Strength is This Year’s Inspiration

   Happy New Year friends! As we close the book on 2013 and open the first page for 2014, I am flooded with emotion. Absolutely drenched in thought and reflection on all the things we have experienced, suffered, learned, and enjoyed these past twelve months. A year ago I chose the word “strong” for the coming year, and it turns out I would need it more than expected.

   
   Learning to love these men more deeply, more generously, has required strength but it has offered me strength too. More than I ever thought possible. I am so thankful for them, so thankful to be Handsome’s wife and his father’s daughter-in-law.
   
   This little hobby farm of ours has seen wonderfully productive months, overflowing with eggs and veggies, herbs and fruits. I feel like a stronger gardener now and am so excited for the 2014 growing season. You know what takes strength in the garden? Dealing with broccoli caterpillars and squash bugs. 
  
   
   We have celebrated new life and soaked up all the magic that it brings. We have dealt well with animal injuries and illnesses and built a lot of strength for whatever comes next.
Dulcinea is so big now. We love her way too much. 
   
   And we have mourned heavily, bitterly. The anguish of grief that seems to come on a conveyor belt saps our strength and replenishes it all at once.
Judy Wreath
Tom Sawyer
My beloved Daphne
   We have made thousands of amazing memories with very dear friends in every corner of life. Handsome and I do not take lightly the gift of such close adult friendships. They have taught us a lot about ourselves, distracted us in painful times, and helped us laugh uncontrollably pretty much all the rest of the time. Our friends have been patient with us, too.
   This past year brought opportunities to reach new goals and be inspired toward bigger ones.
   And books have played such an important role in my life. I can say with a lot of joy that reading has infused me with much needed strength. I am so thankful for this. So thankful for my book club. So thankful for all of it.
   So what for this new year? Yesterday, New Year’s Eve, brought new worries and challenges for our little corner of paradise. All we could think yesterday was how overwhelmed we were, how tired and spent, how gun-shy of the next major life change (there have been so many this winter). But this morning? This morning I am full of brightness. Full of energy to dream big. 
   
   This morning I feel one-hundred percent inspired to not be desperate, but to be still and focused. To keep my face bent toward the Light, where I know Truth and Love and Peace reside.
  
   So…Happy New Year from the Lazy W! Handsome and I feel so grateful for this life we have been given and for the wonderful people who share it with us. We are once again on the verge of major life changes, so your prayers and love are appreciated, as always. 
   
   But we’re not afraid. We are strong. Filled with Love. Ready to face anything one day at a time. 
Much love from our home to yours!
XOXOXOXO

Icy Weekend, Ugly-Beautiful

   We woke before sunrise to the buzz of electronics losing power. An ice storm had moved through Oklahoma while we slept, and eventually the pale dawn revealed a hobby farm thickly encased by glassy, stubborn, frigid ice.

Oklahoma ice storms are beautiful but brutal.

   Our animals are all fine, thankfully. Their extra fat and fur are keeping them all plenty warm, and they also have shelter, high protein food, and forage. The power outage changes life inside the house significantly, though. And on a would-be very busy Saturday filled with holiday plans and tasks, succumbing to frustration would have been easy. But we really didn’t. (Not much, at least. wink!)

   Thanks in no small part to Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts, which gently nudges us to see the beauty in challenging situations, and also thanks to just a rich dose of Christmas cheer lately, my heart was light enough today to do just that. To see (mostly) magic in this unexpected Saturday Before Christmas. And you know what? Soon that is all I could see. I can’t even see the ugly any more.

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   I am so thankful for the breathtaking beauty of the gardens right now. These frozen herbs, these bent and frozen zinnias, all of this natural wonder in perfect wintry suspense.

When people say you can freeze your fresh herbs, this is probably not what they mean.

 
   It means we grew amazing things this year, that this little curve of earth is no longer void. It means that another swell of paradise is coming next year.

   I am so thankful for the freedom and ability to buy nice gifts for so many children we love. We do not take this for granted; nor do we take their presence in our life for granted. Handsome and I are very lucky to be called “Uncle” and “Aunt.” We cherish it. Have I ever mentioned to you that we have three million nieces and nephews? Well we do.

The Christmas memories you make are far more valuable than any gift you purchase. Please remember this.

  I am also thankful for the warm, pleasant feelings of nostalgia that washed over me all day, remembering so many little-girl Christmas seasons with our own children. This year, bitterly sad for so many new reasons, is oddly the first year I didn’t cry the whole time I shopped for gifts. In fact I caught myself giggling over and over, remembering so many fun things Handsome and I have done together over the years, things we did to surprise the girls and give them the best Christmas we could, year after year. Above all, we made memories. Now more than ever, this is clearly the most important part of all the work parents do at the holidays.

   I am so thankful for a messy living room, strewn with wrapping paper, Sonic ketchup packets, pine branches and other kindling, clean laundry, and unread books. I am thankful for the fluffy little dog my Father-in-Law has brought to live with us, because she brings so much new affection to our home. I am thankful for the paper whites blooming, for the pillows and soft blankets that beg us to cuddle, and for the candy canes, popcorn, and hot chocolate we can have for dinner. Because we’re grown ups and allowed to do that if we want.

The consolation of a deep, cold winter is a glowing living room.

   All of this means that we have a full life bursting with people we love and activities that truly nourish us. It means we have a home, not a perfect house. It means we work hard enough to relax on the weekend.

   I am so thankful for this small, colorful, happy little kitchen. I am thankful for this wall hook crafted my loving husband, loaded with slightly soiled aprons. I am thankful for that honey bee photo on canvas, a gift from our friend M when she and Hubs went to Alaska recently.

   This room reminds me that we always have plenty to eat. We often are surrounded here by people we love and who love us, and that I have been cooking lately with my youngest daughter, with friends, and by myself, feeding very special people, creating meals and desserts that nourish our bodies and make us priceless memories. 

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   Difficulties abound, no doubt about it. But so does sweetness. So do opportunities to make really special, one-of-a-kind memories. Love reigns supreme if we allow it to.

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” ~Philippians 4:8

   I hope this finds you making the most of whatever circumstances are thrown your way. I hope your Christmas wish list is longer on “Fun to Have” and “Love to Show” than it is on “Things to Buy.” And I hope that, despite the romance of a power outage, you have all the electricity you need!

“He who has not Christmas in his heart
 will never find it under a tree.”
 ~Roy L. Smith
XOXOXOXO

The Christmas Hymn That Stilled My Heart

   A week or so ago I was fortunate enough to spend an entire school day subbing in a middle school classroom, a great portion of which was spent on crowd control during choir practice. Choir practice in December means Christmas carols! Friends, it was magical, and it probably had a lot to do with my heart slipping so deliciously into the Christmas Spirit.

   These happy little twelve and thirteen year old kids, wrapped in their sparkly infinity scarves and bouncing around in their fleece lined boots and football jerseys, pretending to feel much older than their innocent faces confessed, just sang their hearts out! I listened and smiled big and had a hard time suppressing happy giggles. Without children in our farmhouse these past few Christmases, I had almost forgotten about this fun wintertime ritual. (Almost.)

   The final song the choir practiced was Hashivenu, a haunting, lilting traditional Israeli folk song based on the Old Testament scripture Lamentations 5:21. In the midst of cheerful modern songs like Santa Baby and Up On the Rooftop, this particular song, no…this hymn… brought tears right to the front of my eyes and tightened up my substitute teacher throat. It was so… yearning. Sad and hopeful. Trusting.

   It bored through all the indulgent tinsel and fluff of the season and addressed the quiet center of Advent. The Coming. But it focuses on us returning to Him, not just Him arriving on our doorstep. I feel a beautiful distinction here; do you?

Hashivenu, hashivenu Adonai elecha. 
Venashuva venashuva. 
Chadesh, chadesh ye meinu kekedem. 

Turn us around, turn us around. We’ll return to you. 
Turn us around. Turn us around we’ll return to you. 
Turn us around, oh turn us around and we shall return to you. 

Hashivenu, hashivenu Adonai elecha. 
Venashuva venashuva. 
Chadesh, chadesh ye meinu kekedem. 
Chadesh, chadesh ye meinu kekedem. 
Turn us around, turn us around. Hashivenu. 

   Beyond the pretty remarkable fact that such a religious song was being rehearsed at a public school, I was struck by the raw emotion of approaching God. Of asking for His help in returning home.

   I am resisting the urge to over analyze this; it is just so beautiful on its own. Today when I read the scripture and recall the sound of fifty middle schoolers singing the mellow hymn, I can easily imagine God holding my chin and turning it gently to face Him.

   Renew our days as of old. No new ideas or plans. No grander adventures than what a joyful, loving life offers with His guidance and protection. Instead, a return. A homecoming and a safe restoration. We all need it, don’t we?

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   What Christmas songs are inspiring you this year? What speaks to your heart? Why? I would love to know. Music is so powerful, so connected to our emotions.

   I wish you a safe, fulfilling, inspiring Advent season. I wish you a genuine return Home. For me, this feeling is making my December flat out amazing.

Merry Christmastime!
XOXOXOXO

Are You in the Spirit Yet?

   Every year, it happens to me suddenly. Unexpectedly. Often at weird times, either too early by some standards or too late by others. I am struck right in the heart with the Christmas Spirit!! It feels like vanilla-scented, snow-wrapped, angel-whispers lightning.

   This year, maybe because emotionally I have needed it so badly, or because the Universe has been offering up so much really nourishing reading material that just naturally aimed my heart at this Miracle, or I-don’t-know-the-heck why, I was in the Christmas spirit just shortly after Halloween. In deference to the men in my home, though, I refrained. I tried to keep things pretty turkey-and-harvest centered for as long as possible.

   Now….. We have the tree up and bedecked with a thousand strands of white lights. Every one a counted blessing. The tree is not decorated quite yet, but it will be soon. A few other spots around the house are decorated and transitioning nicely from Autumnal Opulence to Winter at the Farm. It all can be very mesmerizing.

If my home has a theme this year, it is feathers, paper poofs, and white lights!

   I really do love this time of year, no matter how much I love spring and summer (the very most). The anticipation, the sensation of possibility, the closeness, the cuddling, the giving and sharing, loving, decorating, cooking, celebrating…

   There is so dang much celebrating to do.

   And in a grief season when not everyone really feels like celebrating, or perhaps we feel guilty indulging in beautiful moments… The power of Love sets everything straight. It infuses the air we breath with calm. It motivates us to stretch away from self and out into the cold, toward others. If we’re lucky, they stretch toward us, too. Love affords us the sparkling brightness of celebration, regardless of circumstance.

   Are you in the Christmas spirit yet? I hope so. I hope sincerely that you can shrug off the frustration of limited purchasing power and trade it for inspiration of how to give of yourself, your unique, pulsing, spirited self. I hope your needs are met so consistently that you can rest daily in the peculiar beauty of winter and even the artificial pretties we bring out.

This magical display is at a local German restaurant, not at the farm. But I love it.

   Read good stuff. Eat good, delicious, healthy food. Drink excellent coffee, hot tea, or cocoa. Cuddle people. Listen to music and watch movies that make you feel good. Uphold your favorite traditions. Resist the weird temptation to dwell on thoughts of not enough or memories of painful Christmases past. Determine that your imagination, your very heart, belongs to all the promises and generous measures of hope that Love offers. Because it is not a myth; Christmas is very real. Love conquers all, and Love is with us.

Grow some paperwhites indoors!!


   Merry Christmas-making! If you’re in my very frigid, icy neck of the woods, be safe. To every single one of you, thanks ever so much for visiting.

“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned 
 or modern, is very simple: loving others.
 Come to think of it, why do we have 
 to wait for Christmas to do that?”
~Bob Hope
XOXOXOXO