Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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end of an era, wrex hangs up her skates

This past weekend I traveled to the Seattle area with my parents and much of our immediate family to see our baby sister skate her final roller derby tournament. It was a great and wild time, a memory-making bonanza to say the least, and an emotional milestone too. The end of an era.

I’ll write soon about the funny stuff. Today, I want to commemorate Gen’s career. On Sunday as we drove to a late lunch just before her final bout, she indulged me in a casual interview. The weight and beauty of her answers blew me away.

Some Basic Facts About Roller Derby

  • Modern women’s roller derby began as a grassroots movement in Texas in early 2000 and continued to Arizona and the Los Angeles area shortly thereafter.
  • The sport is not yet a viable money-making industry like it aims to be, but it is also no longer the underground “fishnet subculture” that most people remember from the seventies. (Drinking and smoking before skating is no longer allowed, for example.)
  • (But there are sometimes barfights, not that I have any scandalous details.)
  • It’s a “pay to play” team sport and not a cheap one. Gen mentioned monthly dues of $50-$100, expensive skates ($600-$700 per pair, plus wheels), several hundred dollars more in miscellaneous gear, plus travel costs to participate in bouts and tournaments. These are rarely and then only barely offset by league funds.  
  • It’s time-consuming, too. Weekly practices add up to 4-6 hours, plus mandatory volunteering, and lots of travel throughout the year. The women who participate are dedicated and passionate.
  • Juniors are girls ages 7-17. Women are 18+, though when Gen started the cut-off age was 21. 
  • Some women stay on their skates well into their forties and fifties. The average age for active skating seems to be late-twenties through mid-thirties. 
  • It’s sexy, but it’s not about sex. (I added that part because this is my blog.)

Gen’s Story

Gen’s first exposure to roller derby was in November 2009. She was a young woman, a self-sufficient, hard-working college grad, living alone in downtown Los Angeles. In an active phase of self-discovery, she walked around talking to people, making friends and seeing the world with her own eyes. One night she met some Los Angeles Derby Dolls in a bar. They invited her to an upcoming bout, and immediately upon witnessing the live event Gen thought, “I have to do THAT!” 

Having played various sports all her life, including weightlifting, volleyball, basketball, T-ball, soccer, swimming, and lots of track and field, Gen was already a well-established athlete. But this sport had a new appeal. She liked that it was “faster and rougher than sports most girls got to play.” She was drawn to it, and she pursued it.

Her first tryout for LADD was January 2010, but she had unwittingly fitted her skates with outdoor wheels. The spongier, stickier material kept her from stopping fully on the indoor track, so she did not make the team. (I remember her acute disappointment at this time, as well as her determination to get it right. Looking back now, realizing how fresh the interest was for her then, puts into perspective what an impact that first exposure must have made.)

Gen took lessons to develop her basic skating skills (Derby por Vida), practiced for a few months, and replaced her wheels. In March 2010 she tried out again and made the “Fresh Meat” team! Two other women, Julia and Marit, made that same team, and the three of them would become lifelong friends. 

Fresh Meat, 8 years later, after an exhilarating win on Saturday.

“Wreckonomic Stimulus, #787 Billion” 

Always clever, often a little naughty, and a key ingredient to the sport’s entertainment value, skate names are just plain cool. Sometimes they are bestowed on a skater by her peers; other times she chooses an edgy moniker herself. Either way, the new identity is sacred. In my sister’s case, she chose her own name from a brainstormed list of 30 or 40 possibilities. The final choice is exceedingly clever and could not be more perfect for her.

“Wreckonomic Stimulus” is a nod to Gen’s finance-based education and profession in accounting, together with the recent history (at that time) of the 2007 stock market crash and subsequent and much-debated government bailout. Plus, wreck, for all the derby violence, ha! Her actual jersey number is #787 billion, to denote the amount of the bailout. And yes, when the announcers call her name they also provide her number and take the time to say the word “billion,” haha! So funny!

On some of her skate shorts is emblazoned the nickname WREX, which is her full skate name abbreviated to honor our Grandpa Rex. I wish I had been there to see his face when she told him! No doubt he loved that so much and gave a good belly laugh.

Baby Wrex & Grandpa Rex

Derby Wife!

Once Gen and Julia (aka “Infinite Pest,” happy nod to the mythical David Foster Wallace tome, because Julia is the coolest bibliophile you’ll ever meet!) had been friends and teammates for a while, Gen decided to propose derby marriage. In derby, having a close and dedicated ally for all the work and travel and much needed moral support, for all the ups and downs, helps tremendously. Having a partner would be indispensable, I think. These women take “buddy system” to a whole new level. 

Their engagement story is fun. Gen and Julia were at a bar watching a key baseball game (baseball is Julia’s favorite spectator sport). Gen chose a particularly adrenaline-soaked moment for her big ask, and Julia answered in the affirmative but with what amounted to a mildly annoyed brush-off. “Yeah, yeah… Ok, yes!”

Welcome to marriage, ladies, ha! A small deflation perhaps, but still a yes and a memory made, certainly still a tight bond. 

Worth noting is that the very next day at a scrimmaging practice, Gen broke her ankle so badly it required surgery to install metal plates on her leg bones. Julia was there for her derby-wife-to-be in every conceivable way, and she has been there ever since, leading right up to this past weekend. She has become part our Dunaway family, too. We love her for loving our girl, and we love her for being herself.

At an emotional moment during the final bout on Sunday, I glanced to my right to smile at Julia and saw her crying stoically. And later I saw my parents clinging to her, too, and it made me ache with joy. (Julia are we sisters? Say yes.)

It is clear to anyone paying attention that Wrex and Pesty, though both now retired, will continue to be Derby Wives and best friends for many decades. Probably all of the decades. May we all manage to cultivate that kind of friendship.

Gen’s first bout as a new recruit would have been in October 2010, but for that injury. She would suffer another break again in April 2012, a bit higher on her ankle, requiring a second surgery. Both were traumatic and painful events, but she healed beautifully and seems to cope well with lingering pain.

After recovering from that first surgery, Gen was drafted to the LA Sirens, a home team of LA Derby Dolls. It was a cop-themed group who wore navy blue uniforms. I asked Gen about her favorite outfits through the years. She mentioned liking writing on her shorts but not so much wearing tights. “They hurt your knees when you kneel down.” 

Sirens, 2014 champs!

All Star!

Then in October 2014, Wrex was drafted to an All-Star team, the Los Angeles Ri-Ettes! (Ask me sometime how I realized the correct way to pronounce the team name.) This is a huge accomplishment, and I remember clearly hearing the news back then. Everyone here was freaking out with pride and excitement for her. The Ri-Ettes are a standout group of athletes, and she had come so far in so few years.

In 2017, Gen was named MVP of Battle on the Bank, the national championship tournament. Amazing, really, especially now to have seen firsthand what it is like on the banked track. Brutal, high energy, relentless isometric strength, precision control, and speed on top of it all. 

This past weekend in Seattle, the Ri-Ettes secured their seventh consecutive win for Battle on the Bank. They were apparently so confident in their continued winning streak that they left the traveling trophy at home. That, I have to say, is badass. 

During awards and announcements, when it was clear the trophy had been left back in LA, a man standing near me in the bleachers muttered not quietly, “Well that was cocky.” Ha!

Beyond the Bank

I asked Gen what derby has meant to her, knowing it’s much more than a chosen sport, but really a surrogate family. She was eager to share:

It’s awesome. On the whole, it’s an accepting group, (open to) all kinds of women. You make friends with women who you wouldn’t have met otherwise. And body positivity!”

Gen expounded on this a lot, on the inclusive nature of their female network. And you see it at the bouts: Bodies of all shapes and sizes, personalities exhibiting every possible beautiful aesthetic, everyone working and playing hard alongside each other. The women seem mostly un-self-conscious and sometimes deliciously arrogant. It’s a lot of fun to just be in that atmosphere. And Gen’s energy swelled as she shared her feelings. She described the last eight years, what she has learned and how derby has nourished her. 

What is teaches you most? Be the woman YOU are. Not the one people tell you to be.

 Amen, sister.

Saying Goodbye

Even the best life chapters eventually run their course. But Wrex’s decision to step away from derby seems to feel good for her. While satisfying in so many ways, the year-round time commitment had become too much. She is ready to focus more on her new job without feeling guilty, and she has some other new projects in mind, too. But she is hardly just dropping out.

In eight years she has experienced serious injuries and recovery, with everything that accompanies both. She has developed herself athletically form a young woman who bought the wrong wheels for her skates into the Most Valuable Player in the national arena, plus team co-captain and more. She is a prized and clearly well-respected player, loved by not just her own teammates but by everyone in the derby community at large. Seeing her in her element, listening to people cheer for her, and reading hundreds of comments from her friends and colleagues about the impact she has made, it all gives me chills.

Gen has cultivated friendships that already exceed the bounds of this sport where the women all first found each other. 

She is going out on top of her game, with a full heart. 

As our Sunday afternoon interview closed up, I asked my sister how she was feeling on the day of her last skating event. Peering through the rain-streaked windshield, she eased the rental car into the right-hand exit lane, shrugged her muscular shoulder and replied, “So far I’m just excited.” Her voice was energetic but calm. We were all on our way to eat a traditional pre-skate meal of Hawaiian BBQ.

They won that evening, by a thrilling landslide, and there was much screaming and crying. I can’t even describe it all. 

Then on Wednesday, she posted a heartfelt retirement announcement on Facebook, and when she and I spoke on the phone a few hours later, I asked again how she was feeling. She was more emotional this time, understandably, with the weekend’s fanfare and adrenaline quieted. She acknowledged that derby will leave a hole in her life but quickly added that she feels lucky to still be close to so many of the women. And, thankfully, she was having no doubts about her decision, even in the midst of some sadness. 

With her permission, I’m sharing a snippet of her beautifully written message:

I made several lifelong friends on this team and got to test my leadership skills. I also skated with the LA Ri-Ettes for 4 seasons, which included 4 successful trips to BOTB (Battle on the Bank, National Championships). This team pushed me to my absolute derby best and taught me what dedication looks like, what it can do, and what it can cost.

Roller derby helped me figure out who I am, what I’m capable of, what matters to me. I am so glad that I found it when I did.

What’s Next for our own Personal Wonder Woman?

She said she looking forward to more running (yay!!) and some travel with friends and family.

She might finally get some refreshing proper medical attention, too, ha! Apparently, when a skater sees a doctor for injuries or ailments, she is required to bring the doctor’s clearance before skating again, and that clearance is likely cumbersome if not actually difficult to obtain, so plenty of “little things” just get tolerated for long periods of time. They just rub some dirt on it and walk it off, you know? So let’s all send her some good, healthy vibes and hope that she sees a chiropractor and acupuncturist soon, plus maybe a masseuse. She has earned it! 

penalty box and owning it

Thank you, Wrex, my beautiful sister, for answering these questions and sharing your heart. Thank you for inviting us to this special weekend. You are amazing in every way, and I love you even more than the day you appeared in the back seat of the Subaru.

Friends, thanks for reading! Check in again soon for more stories from Seattle.

“You Guys She’s Jamming!!!”
~All of us screaming in the bleachers,
as she took the track
just before the last play
of her final bout.
XOXOXOXO

 

 

#dunawayderby2018 starts tomorrow!!

Tomorrow my parents are leading the lion’s share of their progeny on an adventure to witness something pretty special. Gen (also known as Viva Michelle, aka Wrex) is skating her final weekend with her beloved Los Angeles Derby Dolls. An accomplished and celebrated skater, an All-Star with the “Ri-Ettes” in fact, she is finally retiring, and I already have all the feels for her. 

http://www.derbydolls.com/riettes

I remember when she first tried out, when she appeared in a television show,  and when we watched her live on an internet feed.

She is so strong and confident, both in mind and body. It’s crazy how much I look up to her, although she is my “little” sister.

How fun to think about all the women she has mentored over time, as a Derby Doll, and how much more she might do after retirement.

Ahhhh Seattle!! I am so excited to be there!! To see her in the flesh with her teammates, kicking so much ass and doing what she does. And I am excited to spend some undivided time with my family, too. This should be pretty a pretty memorable few days.

Much more to say. But I have to “jam” up these quick posts once in a while or I will never blog. I promise to share more on Instagram, too. Please follow our crazy family adventure!!

#dunawayderby2018

“Jam” is a derby term.

We love you so much, Wrex!!
See you soon!
XOXOXOXO

 

sweep the leg!

I won’t even bother trying to convince you that I never had and don’t have a crush on Johnny Lawrence-slash-the actor who plays him, William Zabka. Obviously, back in the day (it was a Wednesday in the mid-eighties), everyone was publicly rooting for Daniel-Son, but before the hashtag #confessyourunpopularopinions was a thing, I was one of many adolescent girls secretly thinking the taller, better built, blonde-headed guy in the black karate gi had every right to be cocky.

Had Johnny been under the tutelage of Mr. Miyagi instead of the war-damaged Sensai John Kreese, his life would have followed a much healthier path. Who wouldn’t thrive while studying in that zen garden? And had healthy relationships been modeled to him, Johnny would have known how to be sweeter to Ali, Elisabeth Shue’s character. She would no doubt have chosen him over Daniel and everybody else. Obviously. Johnny probably even wore Drakkar Noir!! Daniel was meant to be a flirtatious but still platonic friend, you guys.

Anyway.

We, meaning my real-life husband (who I love deeply and truly) and I, spent a chunk of our Sunday watching the final episodes of the YouTube Red series Cobra Kai. Everything makes so much sense now. My instincts have been proven sound, as the show gives all kinds of cool insight into the characters’ backgrounds as well as into their fast-forward storylines. And it was just plain fun to watch.

Have you seen any episodes yet? I especially enjoyed the scene where Johnny and Daniel are test-driving a car and get caught together reluctantly singing along to REO Speedwagon’s Take it on the Run Baby. Solid gold stuff, ok? And when Johnny is at Daniel’s breakfast table, salting his scrambled eggs angrily and from a ridiculous altitude and with just way too much aggression? I died. I might never salt eggs again without giggling.

Again, anyway.

If you haven’t yet caught the show, do yourself an 80’s throwback favor and track it down online. And message me if you want to join my brand new support group for Girls Who Secretly Loved Johnny Lawrence and Still Do.

Cobra Kai!!

In related snake news (bear with me), yesterday was a designated rest day, but we did more than just watch t.v. We also explored the local flea market, had a late breakfast in Choctaw, and did some summer shopping.

chlorine rodeo coming soon to a hobby farm near you

We also took the Shepps for lots of walks outside, planted more flowers and herbs, and worked on getting the pool open for summer. In between everything, the sun shone gloriously and we played several hundred rounds of FETCH.

Back to snakes.

On one happy lap around the back field, the dogs and I stumbled on a cottonmouth snake sunning himself on the bank of our pond. Naturally, Klaus stopped running immediately where the snake was stretched out and literally stood over the creature like a tall, massive, slobbering bridge. Just stood there. And Lincoln was standing just next to Klaus, both of them looking at me expectantly. I screamed, Lincoln ran like lightning up to the house (he hates it when I scream and apparently I scream a lot more than I realized), and Klaus braced for combat, lowering his belly a few inches. He did not MOVE you guys. He stood there over the snake, ears back, legs stiff, oblivious to danger, yet not knowing quite what I wanted him to do. It’s a miracle he didn’t get bit.

I don’t remember exactly what happened next; it was all a dramatic blur of adrenaline. But somehow Klaus and I made it up to the house and Johhny Lawrence-I mean-Handsome got a gun and we walked back downhill as my heart rate returned to normal and now the snake is completely dead.

Such a close call!! My poor, loyal, skinny black-bear dog.

And my steady, cold-blooded, protective husband who did learn under men like Mr. Miyagi and who does know how to treat women and who also smells very nice, with or without Drakkar Noir.

The End.

No Mercy!!
XOXOXO

full circle moments with jess and some veggie growing advice from grandpa stubbs

Hello, thanks for checking in!! Yesterday Jessica and I spent several hours together in the city, with the aim of installing her first garden. I have so much to tell you and will break this up into parts so you can read what interests you. It’s gonna be long. : )

Lunch and How Love Brings Us Full Circle

First, I picked her up at her new place and we drove south for lunch at the salad bar inside Green Acres health food store on 240. We both love salads and fruits and veggies to the max, and she said she had been craving it a little more than normal, so it was perfect. I loaded an obscene amount of everything into my plastic clamshell box and did not have leftovers.

We sat there talking about life and God’s plans for us and how things don’t always turn out the way we expect. But that His love and intentions for us are always good. She didn’t know that for several months now every message I get from God has been about unconditional trust. We reflected even more on her time in the convent in Germany last spring, on how her first month has been living on her own, and food and health and gardening and budgets.

The salad bar provided an excellent starting point for deciding which of the foods she likes to eat are also feasible for growing in Oklahoma. Not papaya, for example, but definitely cucumbers. We discussed homemade salad dressing and the past and the future.

And about how many small gestures or idiosyncracies she seems to have inherited from me. Ha!

Garden Shopping

After a refreshing lunch, we walked next door to Big Lots to buy her a shovel and a few other basic things, nothing fancy. (I still use a shovel I bought there over a decade ago!) She selected a pair of polka-dot cotton gardening gloves which were exactly her style but which later while digging in the dirt, she would toss aside because “It feels too impersonal.”

She used to say that when she was a little girl. At our old house in the city, the girls would sift the dirt with their tiny bare hands, twirl the earthworms between their skinny fingers, flood the backyard with hose water for “Mud Monster” days, and more. It was a very backyard-oriented childhood. I am so grateful for that and so thrilled at how much she remembers.

After Big Lots, we drove back toward downtown OKC to stop at Pam’s garden stand near the historic Farmer’s Market. The day was warm and sunny, and the spring winds were combing across row after row of intensely colored petunias, marigolds, begonias, coleus, impatiens, and much more. Ruffles of life and happy energy. We were in heaven. She explored the aisles completely in obedience to her instincts, touching everything gently, marveling at the variety. I could not take my eyes off of her tall, graceful frame. Not very long ago she and her sister were so small they would run between the rows and disappear into the ocean of color, shining brown hair bobbing up and down.

When we reached the building at the furthest corner of the city block, we found the greenhouse filled with vegetable seedlings. Humid and intimate, undecorated, weeds rampant on the edges of the gravel floor which is bordered with railroad timbers and concrete blocks, you step into a space like that and know that something primal and true is happening. The wind whipped hard at the plastic roof, over and over again, and it made my heart race. The plainest of plain handwritten labels, the strongest looking plants. Simplest pricing, almost like the exchange of money is a formality.

I enjoyed an intense memory of the vegetables my Grandpa used to start from seed and the plastic knives he used as labels, each little plant identified in his beautiful slanted handwriting, black magic marker always. “Celebrity,” “Early Girl,” “Beefsteak,” “Best Boy.” I selected one of each of Grandpa’s favorite tomatoes for her, and we found a few new ones too. “Super Fantastic” got a long, good laugh from us both! She was especially happy to scoop up yellow squash babies and cantaloupe vines. Bell peppers, a basil plant, and more. So much fun, this miniature safari expedition to start her very first garden at her very first place.

We paid for our bounty and listened to the growing advice offered for free by the proprietor. Promised to return soon and in the meantime to mound up the soil on that blackberry vine so its feet never stay too wet.

Back at her place, I was amazed again at how much gardening technique Jess remembered from childhood. She used to help me outside all the time, and the familiarity was deeply comforting. She’s an enthusiastic learner, too, so the information that happened to be new fell on eager ears. 

We took turns digging the virgin earth and clearing away dry leaves. (I should have brought more tools.) Fortunately, the little garden space next to her little patio was pretty good soil already, just a bit compacted and dotted with a few bricks which we unearthed easily. It was also laced with ivy roots from the adjacent yards. Clearing all of that was a good little exertion on a humid day, and I loved watching her concentrate on the space.

When it was finally time to arrange her tomatoes and peppers and plan the cantaloupe spots, this girl was downright giddy.

I can relate.

There’s so much more to tell, but let me end by saying proudly that she did such a great job on the first day of work and her garden will grow very well under her care. She already texted me this morning asking how I thought the overnights storms will have affected everything.

Veggie Growing Advice from Grandpa Stubbs

Since lately I can scarcely smell a tomato leaf or crush a spent marigold without thinking of Grandpa Stubbs, I hope you’ll indulge me by considering some practical advice from the best gardener I have ever known. And a very special thank you to my girl for listening to so many Grandpa stories yesterday. Telling those stories is how he lives on, and I know he would be thrilled to see his great-granddaughter keeping his old techniques.  

Tomatoes:

  • Strip the bottom one or two sets of leaves from the stem and toss those inside your planting hole for good luck. Where you removed leaves and created a small wound, the stem will grow new roots.
  • Lean your tomato to the side and place it almost horizontally into the hole, gently guiding the top of the plant skyward. You’ll be amazed at how readily the plant finds its way. Just be gentle, taking care not to break its neck. Firmly pat all the soil back around the tomato plant and press it well. Water deeply.
  • As the tomato grows, keep it groomed by removing not only yellow leaves but also any shoots that appear at the “Y” intersections. This is what thumbnails are for. If you’re feeling really thrifty and ambitious, you can root those suckers in a glass of water and soon have a brand new seedling to grow outdoors.
  • Coffe grounds and crushed eggshells are good additions for the base of your tomato plants.
  • Consider interplanting tomatoes with marigolds, nasturtiums, and basil. Grandpa once told me this was actually just for looks, a false old wives’ tale, not insect prevention as people claim. Then he exploded into that deep, loud, vibrant, chuckling belly laugh of his, and he called me “Mareezee,” and I wasn’t sure which was the joke, ha! I’m still not sure! But I always plant these with my tomatoes no matter what, and for every possible reason, just in case, and just because he did. And I suggest you do the same.

Cantaloupe:

  • In Oklahoma, this fruit grows well both from seed and as a seedling you buy at the garden center. Do it! It’s cheap and fun!
  • Grandpa trained his up and along a chainlink fence, maybe to disguise the eyesore in his yard, and it worked great. So he taught me to do this and I recommended to Jess that she take advantage of her chainlink wall and place her melon vines there. It’s strong and perfect. 
  • Once the vines grow (don’t worry, they will) and fruit appears and gets heavy (it definitely will as long as you water it a lot), use old nylon pantyhose as miniature hammocks to suspend the melons and take the weight off the vine. Repurposing. Jess was all about this idea!

Vegetable Seeds in General:

  • Most seeds want to be planted at a depth similar to their own size. So, sunflower seeds need a centimeter or so of dirt for a good burial. Radish and lettuce seeds, which are not much coarser than salt, need to be only scratched into the surface of your garden. Pat-pat-pat. 
  • Plant wide-row beds of lettuce, for sure, but also use that real estate below and between your bigger plants for spreading extra lettuce seeds, etc. Leafies make an excellent (and edible!) ground cover. Weed prevention and food at the same time, for almost no money.
  • Radish seeds, by the way, can be interplanted with all of your leafy greens. They will not only grow more quickly, which is exciting; but by harvesting the big ones throughout your salad garden months, the vacancies they leave behind will provide a little aeration.
  • Thin your radishes. You will almost inevitably plant them too thickly, so be ruthless in thinning them. Otherwise, none will have enough elbow room to mature. You can add the threadlike castoffs to your compost or eat them if you are cool like Grandpa and me.
  • Lettuce, kale, spinach, and more can stay in your garden almost all year if you trim the food with scissors instead of pulling the plants up. They grow over and over. “Cut and come again” is what they call it.
  • Water the seedbeds more than you think they need it, especially in the beginning, and especially as the plants get lush and summer heats up.
  • Don’t be afraid to try a small garden here or there in odd locations. Especially if you have access to magical compost! You might be surprised at what will grow in shade or in sand or in something else crazy. Seeds are not expensive and are a fun way to experiment with growing conditions, design, and more.
  • Have fun!! Laugh hard about it all. Spend time out there, just looking at it. Grandpa called this, “piddling around.” 

Those radishes got harvested today. Gorgeous!! Delicious!!

Friends, I will end there. My heart is full. I thank you for your love and hope you feel mine. Check in tomorrow for stories about Klaus and Lincoln! The brothers’ slumber party week continues.

“The best fertilizer is the gardener’s shadow.”
“Count it all Joy.”
XOXOXOXO

stormy skies & a calm heart

This morning Handsome took Klaus and Lincoln outside a little ahead of me, knowing I had slept roughly or not quite enough. More heavy dreaming. When I eventually joined them on the south lawn with two cups of Perfect Coffee, the dogs rewarded me with much bouncing and circle running and more of those snoot-to-tail grins. I sat on the steps of the hot tub while my guy soaked in the chlorine-scented water. We drank coffee and played with the brothers. My heart relaxed and I stretched my bare legs in the fresh air.

The winds were calmer than yesterday’s, but the skies dark blue and thick grey, clouds low and heavy. We could smell the damp earth and promised storms.

Radishes are fully grown and popping out of the dirt. Romaine lettuces taking shape slowly, Hail Caesar. Kale rough and bumpy, deeply hued. Vines of squash and blackberry in different raised beds now boast those first tight buds that will become blossoms that will become fruit. Even the small Three Sisters bed is suddenly dotted with sprouts of corn, green beans, and squash.

Oklahoma had a slow start to springtime. We all analyzed the weather together every day, nervously. We traded coats for jackets and jackets for shorts and then scrambled for coats again. We planted our gardens and protected them from frost. We lost a few things and mourned them. Planted more things, grew seeds in the safety and secrecy of warm garages with artificial light. Many days even I felt the optimism was too forced. How many times did I insist, “This is it, it’s here now, we can relax!”

But it really is here now, this fresh new springtime, this burst of life for which we have all been yearning. And already it’s almost summer.

That’s Oklahoma.

And that’s life.

Everything stays the same and we suffer through and hang on and encourage each other, believing ahead of time that things will change, that the Hard Stuff will get easier or lift away completely. We do everything we can to pave the way for miracles, celebrating ahead of time. Or we focus on getting stronger, on improving our coping skills and defenses against the elements.

But the Hard Stuff persists. None of it is on our schedule, no matter how we think things ought to be. We can rail against it all we want, these maddening delays and painful losses, but that only makes us angry and bitter.

And then one day it just happens. Life springs forth and all the seeds we have been planting grow into treasures more beautiful than we had dared hope. Some of the perennials, the life ornaments which we have learned to trust and treasure, unfurl and bloom more lushly than before. Still here with us. Just waiting for the right day. We have no control.

Thank you for reading, friends! Time for me to wrap up some morning chores and housework so I can get my miles in and scoot to the city for a day of gardening with my youngest.

You may already understand what a miracle this is in my life, if you know our family’s story. This time last year I was still protecting this particular hope secretly, in the safety of private prayer and hope and what some would call artificial growing conditions. Waiting, believing, despite the weather reports. The miracle was not on my schedule, but it was certainly worth waiting for. And now it is unfurling and blooming more lushly than ever.

I believe the same will prove true for much more in all our lives.

I wish you all the best as your springtime takes hold. I wish you the best warmth and nourishment, the best resilience, the best blooms and fruits after so many long winters. 

“You may encounter many defeats,
but you must not be defeated.
In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats,
so you can know who you are,
what you can rise from,
how you can still come out of it.”
~Maya Angelou
XOXOXOXO