Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Unsolicited Advice for You. You’re Welcome. (1-14)

   My birthday is fast approaching, you guys. My eleventh twenty-ninth birthday to be exact, and this year I have decided to celebrate by giving everybody a ton of unsolicited advice. This is not without precedent, though; it has for many years been my habit at other people’s birthday celebrations to ask the honoree, “What have you learned this year? What advice can you give us from another year of living?” I feel like it goes without saying that the average birthday person answers by staring blankly at me, offering no new wisdom to the wanting.

WHAT IS UP WITH THAT, YOU GUYS?!?

   So this is my revenge. For my thirty-ninth birthday I have written thirty-nine pieces of really solid, hard-won life lessons for you. In my heart, this information is sort of dedicated to my nearly grown daughters and my little sisters and nieces, as well as to any women or girls who might bend a listening ear. If I think I know anything in life, it’s only because I did it wrong first. Repeatedly. I believe it was it Elanor Roosevelt who said, “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.” Okay. Today, here are items one through fourteen.

Unsolicited Birthday Advice

#1. Life passes by so quickly. This may sound cliche, but cliches are often rooted in truth. Take life slow and easy when you can. Choose to be happy every single time you realize you have a choice. Soak up as many details as possible. Notice your people, count your blessings, and breathe deeply.

#2. Wear sunscreen. If you are a little younger than me, than you were probably raised with this habit anyway, but I am here to tell you that even if you like some summer color (I happen to like a LOT), you absolutely must protect your face, shoulders, collarbone, and hands. Find other fun ways to “blush.”

#3. Be careful how you witness your most passionate beliefs to others. What you think of as zeal can in fact be a very destructive act of self glorification. True spiritual witnessing should be loving. If you’re brandishing political beliefs, then you probably already know the risks. Good luck.

#4. When making changes to your home, be careful that you do so with a good, positive spirit. Your mood and your memories from that day have a way of imprinting themselves into the paint, the upholstery, and the curtains. It is no fun to repeatedly see a dried paint drip on a light-switch plate that reminds you of a harsh word said out of impatience. Conversely, it’s wonderful to pass by paintings and pillow covers that remind you constantly of very real love and very deep laughter. Let  those redecorating days be fun and loving, silly and memorable, for all the best reasons. If you’re cranky, try to turn that attitude around before arming yourself with a paintbrush or even rearranging furniture.Your physical home is definitely made up of non-physical details.

#5. At all costs, protect your natural teeth. Avoid stepping on metal garden rakes that want to smash your mouth and steal your two front teeth. While we’re on this topic, also never ever do something called the “Duck Walk” on a slick gym floor; never walk backwards in a hallway with concrete walls; and never do underwater flips in concrete pools with your eyes shut. Also, go to the dentist regularly. Find a great dentist you don’t mind visiting and brush, floss, and swish that pretty mouth like your future smile depends on it. Because it totally does.

#6. Cultivate Joy. Joy-making is a constant process, and it is attacked from all sides, all the time. So you must continue to plant seeds of joy everywhere you walk and do your best to protect them, grow them, and share their fruits whenever possible. The joys you cultivate in life will feed you through hard times, and they may even help someone else. Also, I am pretty sure you are responsible for your own joy. It’s very personal, so do not depend on anyone else to grow it for you, not even your closest friend or your soul mate or your parents or children. They all have their own to tend, and the better everyone does individually, the more we all have to offer.

#7. Speaking of cultivation, try growing your own food. At least once, try growing something edible, either a salad or some herbs or a few rows of sweet corn or tomatoes. Wherever you live and whatever your lifestyle, there is some gardening you can do to feed yourself, and the experience will change you. Just try it. Don’t waste energy being intimidated by science or success-fail stories; all you really need is dirt, sun, water, and seeds or plants. Give yourself this gift.

#8. Hold a service job. I am of the strong opinion that young people, before they truly step out into this big beautiful world, should spend some time working in a service industry. Wait tables, work a retail sales job, clean, do kitchen work, etc. And do it well. Earn your money doing physical work that relies on having good manners, a strong work ethic, and a dash of humility. It will serve you later in life in ways you cannot imagine. And enjoy and appreciate that job! Make happy memories. Be proud of your work product no matter what your title or position.

#9. “Under-Promise and Over-Deliver.” This is a lesson I learned from one of those retail jobs I held, a thousand years ago. For emotionally driven, enthusiastic souls like me this mantra is tricky to execute, but the results are lovely. How much better is it to surprise someone with much more than they expected rather than disappoint them with less! My husband is really good at this, and I am trying to be better.

#10. On that note, try not to make promises when you’re really happy or permanent decisions when you’re really mad. This is another something that sounds cliche, but it’s good advice. Let your emotions normalize a bit before slashing and extending things all crazy-pants style.

#11. Meditate. Investigate different methods of meditation, find one that suits you, and practice it regularly. I happen to see yoga, for example, as a nice compliment to a healthy prayer life. I also have learned to prize the time I spend running; it helps me clear my mind and scrub away negative emotions. Some people find certain hobbies meditative. Walk circles, chant, burn incense, draw mandalas, string beads, read scriptures, read, write, do whatever steadies and frees you, and do it often. Find little rituals that help you maintain a clean and healthy center of being.

#12. Learn to love thrift stores, garage sales, auctions, and castoff treasures. Even if you are wealthy beyond measure and can afford to buy new stuff, give yourself the gift of the hunt. Besides saving a ridiculous amount of money, you will learn things about yourself. You will discover your own sense of style instead of being a trend follower; you will feather your nest with layers of things that no one else has; and you will ever so gently fight the tide of consumerism. It’s a great skill to hone in youth, when resources are usually limited. Then later in life, when you have a little extra money sitting around, you will be happy to know how to hang onto it. Handsome and I like to say that we don’t shop that way because we’re poor; but it’s because of shopping that way for so long that we’re not poor. Wait, did I say that right? You get the idea.

#13. First things first. Prioritize your work and stick to your plan as wisely as you can. Let the less important things fall away first. This style of working has a cumulative effect on momentum.

#14.  Train your heart and your mind to be positive. Through experiences, with some effort, train yourself to see the best in people and to see the upside of whatever you are facing. This is not the same as just sticking your head in the sand. Instead, face your problems squarely but learn to see the best possible outcomes before they happen. Trust that good things are in store for you, and love people for the best version of themselves, even your perceived enemies. That’s what you hope they will see in you, too, right? Be confident in the possibility of everything. Life is so good and beautiful!! Don’t waste it by dwelling on darkness or difficulty. Except for the lesson learned, I wish I could go back in time and reclaim all the hours and days and years lost on negative thinking.

********************

   Okay, those are my first fourteen pieces of birthday wisdom for you. I know your head is just spinning right now and that you can’t wait for more! (hahaha) Tune in as the week progresses for two or three more installments of Unsolicited Birthday Advice.

xoxoxoxo

Turning the Page to Springtime

   Ah, early March…Right now I am resting in a pleasant reading lull following the big book club project Bonhoeffer. This is good timing, too, because the seasons are changing and I have more and more gardening tasks to consume my negotiable hours. Hallelujah!!!

    For a couple of weeks I’ll be indulging my paper-thirsty soul in three books. First is Typee, a tantalizing Herman Melville novel set in the South Pacific, which transports me to heat, sand, eroticism, and cannibalism. Next is Barbara Kingsolver’s fantastic one-year memoir Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. I’m actually exploring this for the second time. Don Quixote is the next book club selection, and while I won’t dive into the text until later this month, it has lots of pre-reading worth doing. Sometimes this just helps revv up your engine, which is often helpful we reading an old, old, old book like this. The pre-reading for a classic is like a well planned appetizer; it primes your mind and your soul for the literary feast that is coming. This translation in particular has tons of yummy things to offer, and I’m grooving it.

Also, when the house is otherwise quiet, Pacino likes for me to read 
the introductions and author notes and such aloud to him.
His is a very bossy and snobby bird who fancies himself an intellectual.
But he’s really not. He just likes to hear people talk. Especially Momma.

Don’t even get me started on Romulus.
Something tells me this llama expects me 
to read him Don Quixote en Espanol.
No va a suceder, hombre. 

   Anyway, were you here at the digital Lazy W last spring? Do you remember the rantings and ravings I issued forth about Animal, Vegetable, Miracle? I basically could not shut up about it:

   Well, this time around I am pretty much just reading what I marked from last February (which is only every other sentence), because the Kingsolver family’s locavorism story has already been imprinted on my heart. Now I can afford to just reread the tenets, the quotes, and the light bulb paragraphs. What last year suddenly became my gardening manifesto is this spring proving its staying power. I feel a February reading tradition growing here, you guys.

   My early mornings lately have been perfumed with sentences like this…

“Respecting the dignity of a spectacular food means enjoying it at its best.” ~Barbara Kingsolver

and…

“That’s the sublime paradox of a food culture: restraint equals indulgence.” ~Barbara Kingsolver

   These only inspire me further towards a more loving, deliberate approach to our food growing efforts here at the W. Then a few days ago I saw this quote floating around cyberspace as the rain was falling hard and cold on our thirsty fields…

“I said to the almond tree ‘Speak to me of God’ and the almond tree bloomed.” ~Niko Kazantzakis*

   Isn’t that true and beautiful?? I cannot think of any sphere of life where God proves His creative, redemptive power more consistently or with more poetry than in nature.

   In Oklahoma we are starting oregano seeds indoors and scattering poppy and cilantro seeds outdoors, where the chickens can’t see. Obviously. We are scooping up natural fertilizers and digging new beds. We are counting the weeks, the days, and the hours till the first fresh little verdant harvest bowl. Springtime is arriving with lots of much needed moisture, proving the almanac right once more. Ladybugs are swarming, honey bees are foraging, and the wide blue skies are thawing. One prayer after another is being answered gently, too. We are excited.

   I feel so thankful to have a comfortable place in my life for reading. I am really enjoying these books so far, and I also really really love this rich inspiration for the new gardening season. Last year was good, but this year is going to be amazing…. Can’t you feel it??

   What are you reading right now? Have you started anything in your garden yet? Have you noticed any prayers being answered?

“They must often change,
who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.”
~Confucius
xoxoxoxo

*Twentieth century Greek philosopher and writer

Red Dresses, Good Books, Better Friends, and Love

   Hearts can fill up with love in so many wonderful ways.

   Through trial and error, with hundreds of dazzlingly positive experiences and some painful ones, our Dinner Club With a Reading Problem is seeing Love revealed in ways we will not soon forget. We are learning lessons and making memories.

Misti, Melissa, Kerri, Margi, Tracy, DeLana, me, Steph, and Amber
at a well earned lunch in midtown OKC’s Iguana Cafe.
DELICIOUS. And the friendliest proprietor and most exciting decor in town…

   This past Friday night our famous little Oklahoma Dinner Club With a Reading Problem gathered at the cozy and stylish home of member Stephanie. We were there to discuss our most recent selection, Bonhoeffer, but also to celebrate a sort of anniversary within the group and to shower Steph with our heartfelt love.

Here we have Kerri, Margi, Misti, our hostess for that night Stephanie, Melissa, and Amber’s leg.

   It was almost exactly a year ago that we all gathered at Steph’s house to discuss Before I Go to Sleep. Those in attendance will never forget Amber’s expressive narration of a particularly racy passage… Ahem… The night was as fun and wildly memorable as ever book club is, but none of us had any idea then that it would become a sort of marker in time. Steph wasn’t feeling so good, though not for any obvious reason, and we all noticed how exhausted and weak she was.

   Just a few weeks after that early 2012 event, our Stephanie was diagnosed with a serious heart condition that dramatically changed the course of her new year, really the rest of her life. Her heart had contracted a virus that was keeping it from pumping out enough blood and causing her serious health complications. In a brief space of time she had big decisions and big adjustments to make in her life. Oh! And she also turned forty, which she did with enviable grace and laughter.

   DCWRP rallied around our only non-reading member in little ways, keenly aware that our human efforts are just that: Human. Imperfect, desperate, and temporary. But still valuable and needed. We also prayed and sent her as much positive, hopeful energy as we could collect. Then she showed us with her sweet, laugh-out-loud spirit how to face scary things with a smile.

Stephanie and me at Seri’s house, December 2012.
Handsome and I have known Stephanie off and on for almost twenty years. 
Reconnecting with her these past few years has been a great joy to us both!
I have all these years looked up to her in a thousand ways 
and without exception always leave her presence feeling better than I did before.

   Steph shared this happy one-year testimonial with friends and family just a couple of weeks ago:

One year ago today I was diagnosed with Viral cardiomyopathy (a virus that attacks your heart) that day my life changed. Living in a storm and not knowing how close to death you are is scaring and reassuring at the same time. I have followed Doctors orders..No alcohol, low sodium diet (it sucks). In June I got a pacemaker/defibrillator luckily I haven’t been shocked!! Then I became a patient at the Integris heart failure clinic..I have had conversation about heart transplants and medical devises that I didn’t know existed. But I’m alive and learning to live my new life…dealing with fatigue, dizzy spells, and panic attaches to name a few issues. I looked forward to years to come. And I’m thankful for all the help from family and friends. Love you all

   So heart health awareness began to hold special meaning for our kaleidoscope little group of women.
 
   Then later in the year, thanks to Erica’s book choice, DCWRP read the memoir by Jenny Lawson, the Bloggess, who also happened to have pioneered a fun little project called the Travelling Red Dress. Have you heard of it? Her message is pretty simple. It’s a very straight forward encouragement for women to embrace whatever makes us feel vibrant and alive, indulged and happy, sexy, or even silly. It can be an excuse to wear that over-the-top red cocktail dress, for example, even if you have no special event to match it. It can be any red dress or any dress or article of clothing at all, so long as it helps you express your inner self and allows you to exude joy. It’s all about heart.

   So that little red seed was planted, quietly and peripherally.

   Then as Stephanie was enduring heart treatments and surgeries and growing in her knowledge of heart health, she started emailing us about her desire to participate in this Red Dress Project. It seemed perfect! She was also secretly plotting big ideas about starting a foundation to help other people in her position. Fresh in the thick of this new personal challenge, and she was already thinking of others. That is Love, folks. And it caught like wildfire.

   So at an autumn DCWRP gathering we all chatted up the possibilities. Then, at the December cookie-decorating-Little Women-discussing party, we planned it. February, designated as the Heart Health Awareness month, would be our time.

   We fished out from the group’s extended family a talented young professional photographer and set a date. Our site? The gorgeous Oklahoma State Capitol. It all felt like a magical intersection of energies and opportunities.

   Which brings us back to present day, this past weekend…

This is the interior view of our Capitol’s dome.
I am a native Oklahoman and love this place so much.
But Saturday morning I felt like a total tourist, gazing up and around 
at every beautiful tile, oil painting, and state symbol.
Oklahoma really is something special, you guys. 
I am so proud to call this place my home.

   Saturday morning, then, we all got dolled up and dressed in our personalized bits of red and met at the Oklahoma State Capitol. The group’s wardrobe choices ranged from shimmery knee-length cocktail numbers to a gorgeous floral kimono, a sharp red blazer, a pin-up style wrap dress, an adorable flouncy mini skirt, and my goofy altered vintage slip. We all took the advice aiming at personal expression and ran with it! I have to admit, I felt nervous at first, showing up in something I thought only I would like, but that nervousness quickly melted and was replaced by lots and lots of fun.

   Be yourself, ladies, always.

   Some of us carried Starbucks, some of us clutched to bulky coats to hide our tentative glamour, and some of us even brought “touch up” prettifying supplies. It felt almost like a pre-Prom gathering. It was quite chilly,  and we were trembling. Although perhaps the trembling was more from high excitement than low temperatures. Everyone had a camera out or a phone or both, and for the next two hours there was not a dull moment.

Amber in her kimono (which I desperately want to steal) 
and Misti, who helped us coordinate the fun event,
waiting in the hallway and also watching a string of rally attendees walk past.
We happened to be at the Capitol the same morning 
a large group was assembled in support of the Second Amendment.

Tracy with Stephanie
Tracy is secretly my twin spirit in many ways.
She has no idea how often her youthfulness, energy and goals inspire me.

   Stephanie arrived in a floor length ball-gown style red skirt sewn by her very talented Mom, who has been by her daughter’s side ever week this past year. We hear of time after time when Steph’s mom is shopping, cooking, or cleaning for her. Truly no greater love on Earth.

   Anyway, Stephanie was promptly stopped by Capitol security and “wanded” suspiciously. She told the gentleman it was her first time, and we all got a big laugh! How could he have known how special she was?

How nice of the security guard to walk back for a posed photo!

   So, truly, the next two hours were packed with activity. We all smiled and posed and cooperated as best as a large group can in an echo-y marble building.

We used a few props, circled around Stephanie in different configurations, and eventually grew bold or relaxed enough to take individual photos.

This is DeLana. She is one of the most elegant women I know.
She shared with me a lovely essay she wrote about age appropriate dressing, 
beauty, and how we view ourselves as women.
I have her permission to share it with you, and that will be happening very soon!
My weirdly altered vintage slip-dress had come all but un-assembled 
after the hand-dying process, leaving me a bit more tattered looking than I had intended.
So while I played on Instagram, Seri was sweet enough to tear off some loose threads. 
She is one of our youngest members but still always finds ways to mother us lovingly.
That pretty young woman in black is Ruthie, our photographer. 
She really could not be any sweeter!
She and her husband Andy are expecting their first child this year.
Congratulations you two, and thank you so much for Saturday!
That large painting in the background is of Seqouyah, 
an Oklahoman Native American from the early 1800’s
whose work to establish a written language for the Cherokee Nation 
led to skyrocketing literacy and played a key role in Oklahoma history.
Our schools have a Seqouyah Book Award program, among many other honors for this man.
How poetic that our book club event was being overlooked by his gaze.
Kinda chokes me up.
I love the oil painting on the far right, of a classic Oklahoma homestead.
DCWRP read Grapes of Wrath last year, set during the Dust Bowl,
and this year our state is on the verge of recovery from another severe drought.
Our wildly inappropriate use of a brass handrail on the balcony overlooking the chamber.
I fell behind the group frequently, 
because despite living here for most of my thirty nine years,
Saturday was my first visit to the Capitol.
It is breathtaking.
Speaking of breathtaking, look how pretty everyone is!
What a vision of femininity you all are.
Will Rogers, famed humorist and beloved son of our Great State.

   These are all my personal, unskilled, candid shots, folks. I admit to all flaws as a photographer. When the the professional images are shared I will share them, in turn, with you.

********************

   So this is some of the love between us in book club. For two years now we have grown big then squeezed closer, expanded and retreated, reading books and learning about each other and this wide, wonderful universe as friends. We have shared secrets and circled around those of us who hurt, as we did with Stephanie this past weekend. We have pushed beyond our comfort zones and found ways to take up mantles, in this case red ones. We have celebrated life and love.

   Love is so powerful. It feeds us and grows us, breaks us and heals us again, and it brings to our lives a depth and a light that cannot be faked.

   I hope you have Love like this near you. I hope you are a conduit for it, and I hope you are learning from it.

   Steph, thank you once more for bringing us all together for this special event. We love you from the bottom of our paper-lined hearts, and we are all so excited to see what you’ll do this year to spread your loving energy!

“If you want to be successful, it is just this simple:
Know what you are doing.
Love what you are doing.
And believe in what you are doing.”
~Will Rogers
xoxoxoxo


 

 

 

I Saw You Last Night

   While raking hay today, I suddenly remembered dreaming of you last night. Your large, ebony eyes were sparkling. Your olive skin was so clear I could almost see through it. You smiled at me with a depth of joy I haven’t seen in many years.

   I asked you, “You’re really coming home?”

   You nodded at me, still smiling, almost giggling, but said nothing. I could hear your heartbeat. I felt a ghost of that old sensation of you moving inside my young belly, although you stood tall and strong in front of me. Only a few years younger now than I was then.

   Your sister came into focus and you hugged each other, still smiling at me, still sending me your electricity.

   I tried so hard to stay asleep and listen for your voice.

   Today, while it rains outside, your bed is covered with fresh sheets and many warm blankets. I am gathering ingredients fro your favorite cookies, just in case. Your place in this house may look different than it used to, but your place in my heart has never changed, nor will it.

   I am so happy for you, and I ache for you all at once. You have all of my heart for as long as I live.

   Seeing you last night was such a wonderful, unexpected gift! Did you see me too?
 

My Earliest Mornings

   For a few weeks now, on as many days as possible, I have been enjoying a lovely little early morning ritual that you might find interesting or useful. By early I mean before Hot Tub Summit, which on office days is before dawn. So on the days I manage to practice this little ritual, it is literally the first thing I do. And on those days my energy levels and outlook on life are noticeably better.

   No, they are amazingly better. The ritual is very simple and takes maybe thirty or forty five minutes. Here it is…

   First, I tiptoe downstairs alone, like an itchy elephant ballerina with a full bladder, trying my best to not wake Handsome. Most times this is only marginally successful. Once downstairs, I switch on only as many lamps as I absolutely need and barely whisper to Pacino (the parrot). I don’t want him to wake up my guy either. Then I press the start button on my beloved coffee machine. For the next ten minutes while it is brewing, hissing, and bubbling, gulping out that fragrant steam like the faithful companion that it is, I do some very unprofessional but still infinitely satisfying yoga stretches and deliberately say thanks for as many blessings as I can summon.

breathe in blessings

breathe out peace

   This is easy to do, because my life is sparkling with good things. It really is. So is yours. I believe the good outweighs the difficult every time you pay attention.

the grass is greenest where you water it

   The wannabe yoga stretches warm up my body and loosen my joints and muscles from the tethers of slumber. The gratitude exercise unlocks my heart and quiets any hurts or complaints I might have taken to bed with me the night before. The threshold between my days, then, is a positive one. A dimly lit room seems best for this first part. It’s also poetic, allowing an inner light to be the first spark between dark earthly days.

   By the time the coffee is brewed, dark and strong, my body is fairly awake my eyes are almost bright. I follow my nose to the kitchen and dispense a big, perfect, creamy mug of my personal addiction then sit down in my favorite weird green chair to read.

   For this next beautiful little slice of the day I indulge in reading very positive, motivational, inspirational stuff. I save the challenging texts for other times, allowing this first hour of my day to be a tank-filling time, a time for cushioning my heart and fueling my mind with the positivity I’ll need the rest of the day.

every action is preceded by a thought

   Sometimes I read from just a creative devotional book, or maybe a bunch of various quotes, or maybe a few chapters from a particular book that just happens to flood me with goodness. No major rules here, just that it’s positive.

   Lately, and this is a sign of personal spiritual progress, I’ve also been reading from the Bible. Our Pastor has been encouraging us to read certain scriptures repeatedly throughout each week, and the timing is funny. Because is the Bonhoeffer biography I just finished, Bonhoeffer spoke about the value of not just reading the scriptures but meditating on them. This is different from vain repetition, too. So I’ve been doing just that. I choose one or two chapters maybe every week or so, selections that either feel relevant to me or have been assigned at church… and just soak into them day after day. I try to allow them to soak into me, more accurately, and see what changes happen. It has been wonderful.

for the body is not one member, but many*

   That chapter in Corinthians has helped me conquer some plaguing insecurity. If you know me personally, then you know what a big deal that is.

   Then I spend a few minutes writing circular mandalas (more thankfulness) and focusing prayerfully on a special loved one. In the quiet house, with darkness still cloaking the big east window, I write down my hopes and prayers for that person. I imagine those hopes coming to fruition. I visualize those prayers being answered.

   The last thing I do is read and write creatively for a little bit. I finish drinking a cup or two of coffee, check email, and feed and smooch Pacino. This is all such a nourishing start to the day, preparing me for whatever lays ahead. My heart feels full, thrumming, overflowing. My body craves strength and healthy food and water, not junk or inactivity. I almost always go on extra long runs on these days. And my mind is centered and framed with a positive attitude. Sometimes I feel downright giddy at the end of this early morning ritual! The beauty of life becomes so deliciously overwhelming.

*********************

   So… there is a dark, quiet house in the earliest possible hour of the day. Yoga and thankfulness. Perfectly fresh coffee. Inspirational reading. Prayers and meditation, asking for blessings on the people I love. And finally more reading and writing, of any variety. What a glorious, lucky way to start any day! Just writing about it tonight makes me look forward to tomorrow.

   What is your earliest morning ritual? How do you insulate and energize yourself for a day of work? If you want to try any of this, I’d love to know about it. I’d like to think that some of my friends and loved ones are also up at that hour, counting their blessings and filling up on love and hope.

“Morning is when the wick is lit. A flame ignited,
the day delighted with heat and light,
we start the fight for something more than before.”
~Jeb Dickerson
xoxoxoxo

*I Corinthians 12: 14