Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

“we are permanent”

Jess and Bean are back!! We picked them up Sunday afternoon, and the wild romping and untethered conversations ignited right away.

So far we have swam like fishes and coined the term hydroventilating, to describe the way Bean partially inhales the water as he chomp-swims.

We have played tetherball, keep away, and chase and have deeply watered and weeded the shade garden. Jess has also tormented Pacino with her do you wanna bite game. It’s a whole thing.

For dinner last night we made pickle-brined chicken tenders, macaroni and cheese, and Martha Stewart’s cornbread, salad and and marinated garden tomatoes on the side. This morning we all woke up pretty early and drove with the pink daybreak to find donuts. The dogs went, too. There was a maximum amount of joy and anticipation in the truck and again at home.

Have you seen Troop Zero yet? We watched it a second time last night, first time for Jess. So sweet. And how fun to pull apart and absorb the story with our daughter as an adult, when so many of its details remind me of her as a little girl. I highly recommend the movie, by the way. Its themes include childhood, gender roles, authenticity, community, grief, eternity, making your mark, friendship, mentorship, and much more. I know it will stand as a lifetime favorite of mine, and I was so happy that Jess enjoyed it with us.

I could honestly talk to you guys about this, about our life, all day. We are having serious fun, and we are doing a lot of mutual healing and deep connecting. The only reason I won’t spend more hours writing is that I am ready to continue living. The day marches on. See you soon, thanks as always for checking in!

Here I Am
I’m Here Too
XOXOXOXO

so many people to love

After a really fun family dinner and silly videos last night with the kids, Jess and Alex took Bean home for the weekend. (They’ll be back soon for more farm retreat livin.) So early this morning Klaus showed me the Apartment door, knocked on it with one giant paw, and smiled at me over his shoulder. I had to open the door and show him around, proving to this sweet big boy that they weren’t there, ha!

Kenzie, our youngest niece, turned 13 today, wahoo!! A milestone birthday, in the midst of a pandemic, and fresh on the heels of a brand new round of testing and quarantine for her household.

These facts are almost universal now, and commonplace, and less startling in many ways than they would have been two or three months ago.

Or so I thought.

My magical first sister arranged a drive-past-curbside birthday celebration for her baby, and when I saw these young ladies on the sidewalk my throat tightened up and my eyes flooded, involuntarily. I had been happy and excited to get there, but seeing them, in masks, and us wearing masks ourselves, and none of us hugging, although I definitely believe these are the right things to do, just gave me lots of feelings. A moment in history. I hated driving away from them.

The very first day we all get clean bills of covid health, I want to see them.

Tomorrow is a big day for some of our favorite humans, our dearest and closest friends who are really our brother and sister now. Say some prayers with us, for continued grace and peace? Thank you!

We have some fun plans for when Jess returns soon, and the gardens are already approaching the cusp of a transition, and I have laid hold on a temporary fitness plan that feels really good for this weird season. Those are a few previews.

Happy Saturday night, friends!

“Small streams don’t choose to be mighty rivers.
We keep moving in a direction
And God decides what He’ll make out of us.”
~Bob Goff
XOXOXO

friday fun

The frozen treats were a fun success! Below you can see the South Flock carefully investigating their bundt shaped, icy vitamins and minerals. Jess and I revisited the scene an hour or so later, and the smooth top was choppy and melting, the herbs and veggies exposed. The most intrested party seems to have been that good looking rooster there on the right.

A few special memories from today, so we can enjoy them later:

ONE: Bean has a penchant for jumping in to “rescue” his momma when she disappears underwater. And he is getting really good at jumping really far from the ladder!

TWO: Klaus and Bean are excellent teammates when it comes to warding off Amazon drivers, etc. But they are a little competitive when it comes to plush animal toys. And fetching softballs.

THREE: Garden veggies make the best Italian marinara ingredients, and Jessica has the touch! She chopped, sauteed, simmered, seasoned, tasted, seasoned again, and stirred her heart out until, two hours later, we had the most delicious sauce for pasta and meatballs.

FOUR: She also has the touch for soft cinnamon rolls! Wow. If we all sleep well tonight, we should be so filled with energy tomorrow, ha!

FIVE: Today we proved again that open, fearless conversation about hard things is fruitful, refreshing, and healing.

Sweet sleep, friends! I watched a TED talk this morning about mindfulness and neuroplasticity, and I have a book to discuss with you, but it will all have to wait. Our bellies are full of pasta and soft cinnamon roll goodness, and our comfy bed beckons.

CHOOSE JOY.
Stay on the path of peace.
XOXOXOXO

impermanence

Yesterday afternoon, Handsome walked into the Apartment where Jess and I had parked to do some serious conversating. He announced playfully that between the dogs roughhousing and panting like monsters and the women talking nonstop, the temperature inside the house had risen five degrees. Ha! It might actually have been true. Once again, #sorrynotsorry

On Day 2 of Jess’ Farm Retreat, we swam, made frozen treats for the chickens, chased the dogs tirelessly, made Bean swim in a tiny inflatable pool donut, fed extra soft grass to the horses, discussed legiterally everything, made sprinkle sugar cookies via Joy the Baker, made homemade pizza from scratch, and watched a movie at the end of it all. Somewhere in there Jess managed a good old fashioned summertime afternoon nap, much needed and hard earned.

We had planned an art project like painting or scarecrow constructing, perhaps macrame, but got pleasantly sidetracked making the chickens’ frozen scraps treats. This is when the topic of impermanence arose. It was such a careful, loving task, walking around the farm collecting colorful flowers, herbs, and bits of fruits and vegies, then cleaning out the kitchen for more. We chopped everything and Jessica arranged it beautifully inside a bundt cake pan before filling the pan with water to freeze. All of this preparation for a treat that will freeze overnight and be toyed with, melted, and consumed tomorrow morning. A brief pleasure, an impermanent gift. But still joyful. We talked about the monks who work so hard on their intricate chalk mandalas, only to sweep them away once finished.

Have you seen Onward yet? Oh gosh. The three of us (five of us if you count the dogs which you definitely should) watched it tonight with our homemade pizzas and sprinkle cookies. It is not just cute and funny, it is also one of the most inclusive, soothing, loving Pixar films so far, with many beautiful messages. We all really loved it, and I actually felt a warm touch of grace for having seen it exactly on this night, exactly in this life chapter, exactly after a series of heavy conversations Jess and I have had this week.

I am not certain what tomorrow holds for us, both in the broader life sense as well as in the what will be doing on Friday sense, ha! But I know what our prayers are. I know what our values are. I know what binds us together and what fuels our work and our play. I know that Love is worth every bit of our trust and that magic is real.

Sweet sleep, friends! Thanks for checking in!

XOXOXOXO

my birthday advice

One of my favorite ways to emotionally assault friends and family is to, at their birthday dinner or party, ask what have they learned this past year, what advice will they give us on their birthday? Truly, most people hate to be asked this, but I can’t help myself. #sorrynotsorry

Just about a week before covid quarantine started for us, I turned 46. My husband filled up the farm with friends and family, and we had FUN. I mean, we didn’t know it that night, but it was the last time we would gather a large group like that, possibly for the rest of this year.

And there was cake! We had delicious food and multiple cakes and blew out candles. We talked outside and took selfies with the animals and played tug o war. A fun birthday party for sure. I felt so loved, and we laughed hard, late into the night.

I remember having birthday advice to share but nobody asked me for it, ha! So here we go. I think it more appropriate now than ever before:

Dream really big and sketch out your plans, pursue your goals and passions. Chip away at them regularly. But be flexible in your methods and focus on one day at a time. Practice living within the bounds of today, maximizing the moments. We truly have no guarantee, none whatsoever, of what comes next.

This is nothing new. We hear it all the time, from people in all positions and throughout history. So why do we forget so easily? How can we (I) become so arrogant in our (my) expectations and so wasteful in how we spend our todays?

Over the months leading up to my March birthday, it all developed fully in my heart. 2019 was all about “creating space,” then over the winter and in the first months of 2020, I became more and more aware of a gentle urgency about the present day, like a blind spot when I tried to look too far ahead. I sometimes used pencil in my planner, past the current week’s lists. It’s funny, isn’t it? To think of using a planner this year? Values, goals, systems, and habits make more sense right now.

Covid-19 hit our state less than one week after that fun birthday party, and everything shut down. All of our best laid plans suddenly fell subject to the strongest demands of flexibility and creative living any of us, really, had seen yet.

I welcome it. I am luckier than many people n a thousand ways, but the need for both flexibility and focus is no less real for me.

Okay, tomorrow my sweet, handsome, hard working, fun loving husband will resume his daytime Commish duties, though he is still working remote. Today we indulged in a ordering hot wings and shrimp tacos from Hooters, the first time we had food from there all these quarantine months. After eating that delicious early dinner, we watched funny You Tube videos and made shrinky dinks.

Our anniversary staycation this year was very different than any of the eighteen preceding ones we have enjoyed, but we definitely made the most of it. We romanced it day after day, rolled gracefully with the farm-maintenance punches, and stayed pretty engaged in the moments, together. I only notice interpersonal tension twice, and both times it was because we were overly concerned for the other person’s perfect comfort. Ha!

And we are excited to see Jessica tomorrow! Her hard earned week off finally starts tonight, and we are turning the farm into a wellness retreat and family R & R paradise for as long as she needs. Planning and dreaming, you know, building our pencilled calendar with habits and values and general systems, but going to bed and waking up knowing that everything can change. So we live one day at a time, gratefully. As lovingly as possible.

Do the next right thing.
XOXOXOXO