Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

getting centered before Thanksgiving

In our corner of the universe, everyone is a bit wound up about Thanksgiving. In good, happy ways, mostly, but also in covid ways. We have the exact same dilemma you have, which is how to gather safely and responsibly while preserving our mental health and holiday traditions as much as possible. We are wound up over how to stay connected when we are entering a season of necessary separation. You know, all of it. We are all in this.

It’s hard to make hard choices, and I know we are far from alone in this. It’s all valid, not imaginary, and occasionally makes me cry.

Somehow I woke up extra early Saturday morning and felt a new uprising of optimism and hope about it all. I woke up remembering the essence of giving thanks and of keeping traditions. Our outward expressions are not the whole story, after all. The root of it all is untouchable, no matter what else is happening. The root of it all is Love, and Love always resurfaces eventually. Love always wins, and it always makes good choices.

Today’s weather is a great illustration of this. We have cold, grey skies and thick clouds over the farm. It’s a dim atmosphere, not awful, but also not glorious. Until the sun busts through. All throughout the day this intense metallic light keeps making these surprise appearances, gilding and glittering the oak leaves and evergreens, illuminating the patchy grass and purple mums. It just enlivens everything, and without warning the gloom is forgotten. A few times today it was so surprising that I gasped and panicked over having wasted a pretty day indoors.

We are in charge of this stuff, friends. We literally rule over our perceptions and focus.

We can focus on the statistics and on what others are doing and become overwhelmed and sad (or angry); or we can acknowledge reality then focus on what health we are enjoying today, affirm good choices, and make the absolute most of what is available to us. We can do everything in our power to live out Love, even if it all looks very different than we are used to.

We get hooked on the habits and details, sometimes, and forget that our habits and details are born of deeper, more meaningful values and truths. Repeating traditions is just a way of conjuring up good feelings, and that can be done in myriad ways. We are infinitely creative creatures, capable of making magic. Holiday magic. Even in pandemic.

For me, the trick will be allowing this holiday season to be exactly what it is, really digging in and enjoying it all, without comparing it to huge, glorious holidays past or even more liberated holidays in the future. Definitely let’s agree to not compare our Thanksgiving to anyone else’s. This year more than ever, that’s just a fruitless endeavor. We are all making complex choices with fluctuating resources and energy levels. So, no comparing. xoxo

I intend to celebrate the generations of Love and effort invested in us so far, everything beautiful in each of our families that has led up to this year. I will make silent promises to reinvest that Love and effort into others, every chance we get, both now and going forward.

Let’s also remember that some of the best traditions are sparked from weird, necessary moments of impulse and invention. Let’s all be open to what new beauty might come this Great Pause.

Okay. Happy Thanksgiving Week, friends. Whatever you are planning, may it be all you need and more. May lots and lots of golden-silver autumn sunlight hammer apart your gloom. May the essence of every family tradition be findable, the effort behind every good thing repeatable in new ways. And most of all, may you and your family stay safe and healthy.

Please Wear a Mask
XOXOXOXO

friday 5 at the farm: mantras lately

Since last we spoke, the farm’s electricity has been restored and life is pretty much business as usual again. Handsome has been working steadily to chainsaw the tree limbs we lost (so many), and I have been luxuriating in the pleasures of modern housekeeping and seasonal nesting. We believe most everyone in our immediate circles except my parents, who live near Penn Square Mall, and our friend Dennis who lives in Del City, are powered again and getting back to normal. Thank goodness Oklahoma weather is sublime now, making outdoor meals and open windows perfectly comfortable.

For a Friday 5 at the Farm this week, I have some mantras to offer you. These sweet, simple ideas have fit snugly into my thinking lately, and they have challenged me, too. I hope they feed you in some way.

“What More is Possible?”
I adore this sentence! It is the deepest feeling I have, that is so often tamped down into a stifled, unwilling calm by minimalism, scarcity, exterior control, etc. Those are just not part of my natural groove, and it’s silly to pretend that they are. What more is possible? is on my kitchen chalkboard wall right now, and it keeps me tingling with excitement about all kinds of stuff in life. It reminds me, for one, that my strong appetites and high energy are good gifts. Life is meant for living and living fully!

“Do More With All You Have.“
Again, a refreshing bounce away from the scarcity mindset. The old version of resourcefulness was “do more with less,” but MAN! We are so abundantly blessed, in so many ways! I keep this sentence in plain view too, and it inspires me to lay hold of my various resources more proactively and to squeeze more from them, day to day, week to week. For me, this applies to living space, time, and energy as much as to finances and objects, etc.

“Well Being is the Only Stream That Flows.“
This is a brand new concept to me, one outlined in an alluring book I have been reading extra slowly. Think of well being as a stream of electricity, one that can only be stopped or interrupted by a switch. Darkness itself (or negativity, or un-wellness) is not its own power stream; it is just the absence of light, which we can control. OK, I could talk about this one all day. I have been experimenting with more specific thought patterns, and so far I love the results.

“Strong Backs, Soft Hearts, WILD HEARTS!”
Thank you Brene Brown! Her short and sweet, deeply nourishing November 4th podcast episode on Unlocking Us provided this. If you have 22 minutes soon, check it out. Strong backs keep us safe and grounded, well framed in our values and foundations. Soft fronts keep us vulnerable and connected to each other (we are designed to live in community). Wild hearts, well, authenticity and greedy, lusty, life-giving universal expansion are the name of my game right now. She could not have said anything better to release me for more joy! Toward the end, Brene mentions “irreducible needs,” which blew my mind in the best way. Human beings all have the same needs which cannot be ignored or minimized. For me, it’s a better way to think of rights.

“I Wish to See the Highest Possible Outcome.”
Turning away from worries (that door can absolutely stay closed), keeping our gaze on not just some small successes and joys but on the highest possible successes and joys, the very best outcomes for every situation great and small, this is a good and powerful intention. A very good focus and expectation. I use this mantra from small, private hopes and prayers way up to the Presidential election, and everything in between. So much is possible! So often in the past I have limited my hopes and prayers by asking too small, too specifically, with too much self abasement or false humility, do you know what I mean? I am unlearning that and diving deep into everything I wish for myself and our people, for the world, truly. The highest possible outcome will always include answers beyond my wildest dreams, because God’s ideas are better. His solutions and creativity are so far beyond my own, it’s exciting. He delivers that shock and awe kind of bliss.

Okay friends, happy Friday! Happy weekend! I am off to visit Jess and Alex and Bean for a hot minute, then I crave a double digit run before the weekend gets rolling. We have a few special things in store here, and I am excited.

I hope you are staying centered and calm in the midst of widespread chaos; I hope you feel loved; and I hope your needs are far beyond met. I hope you have enough to share, both materially and energetically. Thank you as always for checking in.

Ask largely!
XOXO

October Ice Storm

Checking in from the farm! Like almost everyone, we have been without power since yesterday and are coping in all the usual, modern ways. I will not complain about being in a warm, dry house with books and blankets, a fireplace, and snacks and bottled water. 💜

The ice storm has taken out or shredded many of our beautiful trees, which is a bit gut wrenching, but we know from experience that after a big cleanup we will have lots of wood to use and the forests and meadows will heal themselves in surprising ways. My gardens are officially done for the year, ha!

Today, with temperatures climbing slowly, the ice is beginning to melt. I can hear it falling outside, a much gentler sound than so many violent, crashing jolts from trees breaking yesterday and overnight. The middle field is flooded and the pond is high again, which is a really good way to go into winter. We are so thankful that our animals are safe and healthy and that (so far) we have not discovered any trees fallen on fences or out buildings.

Praying for everyone out working on power lines and in grocery stores, for hospitals still coping with being overrun and understaffed, for homeless people and jobless families, and for those not coping well with these layered, compounding stressors.

It’s a lot. Every storm eventually ends, and we always get a chance to clean up the aftermath and restore ourselves (and each other) to the comforts we crave.

I love you, friends!! Hoping you are cozy and finding ways to be happy.

Choose Joy.
-Marie

forty seven years and many more to go

On this cold and variable autumn weekend in late October, my beautiful parents are celebrating their 47th wedding anniversary. Rumor has it they stole away to their own backyard for a brief and covid-friendly date night, which is to say that they are finally getting a room. Get a room guys! hehe

Mom, baby me, and Dad, circa 1974.

My parents married especially young and had me almost immediately, then they had four more kids who were also, well, pretty good, depending on who you ask.

Genevieve, me, Angela, Philip, & Joey (not in birth order or coolness order either)

All my life our parents have been the young parents in every crowd, and I have loved it. I grew up very accustomed to my female friends having crushes on Dad and my male friends having crushes on Mom (a particular devastation, though, when I reached the age to have crushes on those boys). Moreover, I always just felt like part of them. No kids remember life without their parents; but I felt a unique sense of almost kinship or camaraderie because we were relatively close in age. Understandably, they were less advertisory about this fact to the world at large. I suppose, especially in the 1970s, people might be judgmental and have plenty to say about it. But I was always proud of them, and I still am.

Earlier this month I had the opportunity to answer a question about their youth, when I posted about Dad’s 63rd birthday. A new Facebook friend noticed the narrow age difference between Dad and me (I am 46), and I quickly confirmed it. I am never shy about this. I said that yes, they were very young when they married, and the five of us kids have been the luckiest kids ever for their love and devotion, not just to us but to each other.

Growing up with young parents was gobs of fun. They were energetic, playful, driven, attentive, hard working, and always up for every good tradition, big and small. They fed us healthy food every single meal, read aloud to us and in front of us, took us on all kinds of trips, threw countless parties, fixed our cars, made us laugh, connected us to family and friends at every turn, kept us in Catholic school whether we deserved it or not, and endured all of our adolescent weirdness and young-adult griefs. They gave us everything, most of it made from thin air, and I honestly do not know how they did it. What I do know, in my bones, is that our charmed and beautiful family life was a product of sheer will, determination and, yes, passion (get a room).

The older I get, the more I realize how lucky we are to still have our parents alive and healthy, still married, and still celebrating their anniversary in personal, unique ways. They still tease us and feed us. They still laugh hard with us and read books and ask us what we are reading. They still try to get us all together as often a possible, whether it’s a weekend cookout or a special group travel plan or, during pandemic, a family Zoom. It sometimes makes me cry thinking of how much of their human lives have been spent, literally, on us.

group candids = the best

We have received the full force of their loving personalities for forty seven years, and now a whole batch of grandchildren are soaking it up, too. Maybe soon, great grandchildren.

Seeing Mom and Dad celebrate privately now, and seeing them enjoy their home in this brand new chapter of middle aged romance, is lusciously sweet.

The photo above is from when Mom and Dad renewed their vows in the Church. (Their first wedding was several years prior, and before Mom took her Catechism and joined.) See Mom’s wedding band on her necklace? My memory is that she and Dad both wore their bands this way for several months leading up to the ceremony. It was a very intentional second engagement, something they didn’t experience the first time around. I think about this all the time.

Mom and Dad, you never pretended like marriage has been easy, but man, you have made it look so completely worth all that was asked of you, and that is inspiring. Wildly encouraging. We might never really understand how hard it has been for you, or what you have sacrificed to be our parents. But we hope to have many decades still to say thank you and to encourage you to live life for yourselves as much as possible. Your efforts have not been in vain. I hope you feel as much joy and satisfaction, as we all feel gratitude. I hope your backyard pandemic-style anniversary celebration was romantic and happy!!

“You come from a long line of effort.”
~Mickey Sperry
XOXOXOXO

feeling challenged, nourished, hopeful (media consumption this week)

Hello, friends, happy Sunday! I am soon off for a solo long run in what might be the last warm morning for a while. Then Handsome and I have a fun plan for the cooler weather headed our way this afternoon. Battery recharging is our favorite hobby. What does life look like for you this weekend?

Below are some of the best bits of media I have consumed this week. I am feeling nourished, challenged, and truly hopeful. Marigolds, zinnias, and baby pumpkin vines help.

some flourishing “jack be little” vines in the spent tomato beds

Thursday evening, I finally finished reading To Shake the Sleeping Self by Jedediah Jenkins and wholeheartedly give it five out of five stars. Ten out of ten. All the stars! If either good storytelling or deep, spiritual inspiration are at all your thing, give it a whirl. Here is the review I shared on Goodreads:

I finally read this book after several passionate recommendations from a variety of people I respect. Loved it completely. It’s different than what I expected, and better. It’s a modern Odyssey, really, a young man’s physical adventure and waywardness made deep and meaningful by his journey inward and reconciliation with home and family, spirituality, himself. He connected to nature and to the world at large, and to God, the Universe. I was drawn in by his physical endurance journey, appalled by his travel companion, and fully romanced by the long trail of travel descriptions, of places I am unlikely to ever visit myself. Absolutely satisfying read, from the first page to the last. I am sorry it took me so long to read, but happy to have it in my bones now.

You had me at, “narrated by Woody Harrelson,” but that’s just one of many wonderful things about Kiss the Ground. Another stellar documentary on Netflix, it’s about soil health, carbon emissions, and the things we can do as people, governments, and corporations to improve things. Often, exposes leave me feeling defeated; this time I felt motivated, challenged, excited. Spoiler alert: COMPOST!

kitchen composting is a great lesson for kids
three cheers for well rotted manure!

The Daring Romantics podcast is one of my favorites. Author Lindsey Eryn always seems so casually approachable, so sweet and soft, yet her material is substantial, usuable, important. Often her message is a mix between Christian faith and the Law of Attraction, which is so right up my alley. This episode titled “Paving the Way for the Miraculous” is definitely worth a listen. Four accessible ideas. Grab ’em.

Handsome and I watched The Social Dilemma, and I have a lot to say, ha! Have you watched it yet? Are you surprised by any of it? Do you think these realizations will impact your online behavior, or if you want them to, how will you facilitate that? I am especially interested in learning more about the pleasure-pain balance theory. In this house, we are determined to facilitate more face to face communication with friends and loved ones, somehow, eventually. And we have discussed the value of inviting perspectives from people who seem to be very different from us. Here are two of my favorite quotes from the show:

“This is stupid, we can do better. It is the critics who are the true optimists.”

and…

“It’s going to take a miracle. And that miracle, of course, is collective will.”

Joy the Baker directed us to read an article on The Atlantic, How We Survive the Winter. Maybe you have already seen it? I read it this morning, was not surprised by the grim data, and actually feel uplifted knowing that if we face anything with some honesty then we can take control of our experience of it, even the worst stuff. I cannot control the big picture, only my contribution to it. So I will be writing my own Winter Survival Plan, and I hope you do too.

My friend Dee is a gardener after my own heart, for many reasons (she cointed that delicious phrase, English with an Oklahoma accent). This week she shared her thoughts and progress lately on growing a native prairie filled with wildflowers. Handsome and I are working steadily on transforming our front field into something like this, so Dee’s post was fun to read. By the way, treat yourself to viewing her blog on your PC, not a mobile device. Her homepage and photography are mouthwatering.

My mom, my baby sister Gen, and I are now reading Killers of the Flower Moon. So far it’s a crisp, dry read, a nonfiction history lesson about some unsettling events in Oklahoma Indian Territory. I will report back soon.

What are you reading right now? What have you watched lately? What podcasts do you recommend? Let’s consume good stuff.

Thank you for checking in. I hope you and your people are well.

XOXOXOXO