Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Proverbs 31:10-12 Stand By Your Man

   Thanks again for joining me on this slow exploration of Proverbs 31. The rest of this month should feel a lot more relevant to us ladies, to those of us craving to be intentional, spiritually meaningful wives and homemakers. It’s kind of like the long awaited cheese and dessert buffet when all you’ve eaten for hours is a rice cake and some limp celery.

   No offense to the first nine verses; they are important in their own way. But now that we have context and voice nailed down we can really start having some fun.

   Real quick, do you ever do this: Do you ever feel super guilty for referring to a Bible passage like this, “Oh now that’s a good one!” As if to imply the rest are not so hot? I digress, but it’s a thinker.

   Okay.

   Proverbs 31: 10-12

“Who can find a virtuous woman?
for her price is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her,
so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

   Beautiful and complex.

   Even without all of the supporting instruction that follows, these three verses pretty much summarize the importance and purpose of a good wife. She is priceless. Her husband’s heart trusts safely in her. I love that, the notion that his heart trusts in her, his innermost self, his unspoken core. That’s powerful. For her entire life, she only helps him; she never brings him harm. Everybody needs someone that devoted, right? Apparently, men especially need this. And women are well suited for the job.

   These qualities probably seem easy enough to possess as a newlywed bride, or at any time in life that the swells of romance are cresting high and frothy. It’s easy and fun to strive for excellence at those times. Because it just feels so darn good.

Our first kiss as a married couple, 2001.

   I love taking excellent care of my husband when we have been trading lots of love notes and such. I am long on inspiration of how to spoil him when we are clicking along in sync with each other, feeding greedily off of the sugary, if shallow, nourishment of romance.

   But since all relationships have fluctuating glamour, since every marriage has its challenges, we will eventually reach a point where it is not so easy to lavish each other with goodness. That doesn’t mean we’re off the hook!

   Personally, I must learn to be just as devoted and trustworthy to Handsome when I am feeling insecure and afraid as when that lovely swell of romance is carrying me easily above our problems. He doesn’t need my devotion any less just because I am feeling un-spectacular.

   Virtuous. This could encompass so much about the woman’s character, and perhaps it varies from person to person. But I think it’s worth noticing that virtue is mentioned ahead of beauty.

   No need of spoil. What does this mean to you? To me it conjures up ideas of living within our means, financially. A husband whose wife overspends their resources will eventually find himself in need of spoil, in need of finding money somewhere to cover the gap. But a man who trusts safely in his wife knows that she will not abuse their cash or credit cards, for example.

   Or perhaps it has to do with fidelity and loyalty. What do you think?

   She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. I mean, that sounds simple and obvious. It should be. But back to the less enchanted times… How much effort does it take for a wife to do her husband good when she disagrees with his decisions? Or when he makes a mistake or outright hurts her? This verse doesn’t offer the comfy caveat that a desirable, priceless wife is only meant to do good to her husband when it is easy to do so; rather, it says that she is always good to him. She is always his supporter and his ally.

   Moreover, she does good to him. That to me is an active suggestion. She isn’t just waiting around being reactive, as is so natural for women to do. She is actively helping him, finding on her own ways to bless him and support him, all the days of her life. It doesn’t end when the honeymoon is over. And it doesn’t end when the children leave the nest. And it doesn’t end when you both retire or have mid life crises or whatever, or when one of you is sick. The direction to love and help and do good only evolves with time, with our changing needs.

   Is anybody else resisting the urge to sing Stand By Your Man?

   Twang away, ladies. Just twang away.

   I definitely realize some of you are rolling your eyes and maybe even flipping me off right now. Relax. It’s just a song.

   The thing is, wherever you fall in the broad spectrum of modern feminism, these Bible verses clearly state that a husband thrives with the support and love of his wife. How could he not? This is not useless, meaningless stuff. This is how we were created. This is how we are designed to complement each other in marriage.

   At least that’s how I see it.

   Give him two arms to cling to.

   Be proud of him.

   Stand by him, and not just when it’s easy.

   Be priceless.

xoxoxoxo

Proverbs 31: Passing of a Matriarch

   Late last night my husband’s grandmother passed away. She was the matriarch of his Dad’s family and the woman who helped carry the moniker of The Lazy W from the Oklahoma Land Run generation to her children’s, and now to ours.

   Was she a Proverbs 31 kind of woman?

   Absolutely.

   Mrs. Myrtle Wreath was a devoted wife and mother. She thrived in her home and made it a haven for her husband, children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

   She sewed extensively for her family, including beautiful matching square-dance apparel for herself and her husband. In their youth they were practically famous in Oklahoma for their dancing! She quilted magically by hand, often from scraps (a woman after my own heart for sure).

   Grandma Myrtle was known as a magnificent cook, perhaps especially of sweets. Her grandchildren have fond memories of old-fashioned taffy pulls at the holidays, a tradition I really hope to revive soon at our much smaller Lazy W. I have a stack of her handwritten recipes that will get dusted off this weekend for Handsome and his Dad, starting with Snicker-doodles. She drank strong coffee with real cream, no sugar, and plenty of it.

   She always kept a clean, comfortable, and well appointed home and opened it constantly to loved ones. She also worked outside the home when necessary to provide for her young family.

   This is a woman who helped build a successful farm in the western prairies of Oklahoma. Together with her husband Paul, she raised three beautiful children, two boys and a girl. She helped him farm wheat and cattle commercially, and they grew productive kitchen gardens and kept chickens, dairy cows, and pigs year after year.

   Grandma Myrtle was a strong, gentle, industrious Oklahoma pioneer, as true as they come, and she was a Proverbs 31 woman naturally. Even without claiming much religion publicly, she embodied these values, and her family was blessed extensively by that. What a lovely thing to strive for!

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   As our family huddles up for the weekend of grieving and remembrance, I may miss a few days of posting for this Proverbs 31 project. But I am so grateful to have the image of this woman fresh in my heart, as well as images of my own grandmothers, to delve deeply into the best parts of these scriptures next week.

   Thanks in advance for your warm wishes to Handsome and his Dad, and please feel free to share memories of the special Proverbs 31 women in your life!

xoxoxoxo

 

Proverbs 31: Guest Post by the Lovely & Fascinating Periphery

Where Is My Mind? 
King Solomon and The Pixies
For starters, a giant thank you to Marie for her thoughtful contemplation of Proverbs 31 this month. She has given me new perspectives on some dear old verses. Not to mention, llamas. And thank you, thank you, thank you for letting me guest post here today, Marie. I am truly honored that you would let my words fill your space for a day.

Do you listen to The Pixies? No matter. That’s what Youtube is for.

I married a die-hard Pixies fan, so I’ve seen Frank Black close enough to almost reach out and rub his grumpy bald head twice and this song features heavily in the soundtrack of my life. Not a fan? That’s OK. It’s an acquired taste.

With your feet in the air and your head on the ground,
Try this trick and spin it, yeah.
Your head will collapse
If there’s nothing in it.
Where is my mind?
Where is my mind?
Where is my mind?

We are busy people. There are never, ever enough hours in the day. (Except sometimes we have those days that have far too many hours and it’s not bedtime soon enough, but those are just as bad.) Stress related illnesses and injuries are killing more and more people. It’s serious, folks. We are busy people. 

Where is my mind?

Read about the woman in Proverbs 31:10-31. She’s a busy woman. She stays up late and gets up early, she cooks exotic meals, she gets the shopping done, she and her family are well dressed, she makes her own clothes and then sells some too, she’s a philanthropist, she does real estate deals, she’s got her own vineyard! And after all of this, her family blesses her and tells other people how awesome she is. Is she for real? What’s her secret?

We have different work now than our busy friend of thousands of years ago. Not many of us are seeking out flax and wool out of necessity (although, the knitters among us may have some stashed away for fun.) Our work varies from household to household. Some of us have children and spouses, some of us have animals, some of us have demanding day jobs, some of us have lots of land, some of us have health issues to manage. Some of us have all of the above. Are we stressed? 

Where is my mind?

She does good and not harm… she works with willing hands… she dresses herself with strength… she makes her arms strong… she perceives… she considers… she is not afraid… she opens her hand… she opens her mouth with wisdom… the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

These all work together to paint a picture of mindfulness: of conscious and considered choices, of intelligence and purpose, of planning and forethought. This is no harried housewife, running around to put out fires. This is no resentful martyr. This is a strong and mindful woman.

Where is my mind?

Perhaps this woman is a myth. No one gets it right all the time. The work of daily life can wear us down and discourage us – no matter what our particular work is. There are sometimes fires to put out, despite our best efforts. Sometimes we find ourselves spinning with our feet in the air and our heads on the ground. Sometimes our mouths open with exhaustion and the teaching of kindness isn’t anywhere near our tongues. These are realities. It is also a reality that there is no escaping this work of being alive. But I believe in another facet of this reality, too. That we are all given the ability to choose how we live, to aspire, to want to do better, to succeed. 

Frank Black is no King Solomon but he has a point, though: Your head will collapse if there’s nothing in it. Mindfulness. It’s not easy. We may not get it right all of the time, but are we living with conscious choice or merely reacting to our circumstances? How often do our heads collapse from lack of content?

This mindful woman Solomon’s mama is telling him about? Give her the fruit of her hands, let her works praise her in the gates. She reaps the rewards of her mindful life and her life speaks for itself. It not only speaks for itself, it sings for itself. I want a life that sings.

Where is my mind?



********************
Okay friends, did I deliver or what?? 
Thank you so much, Suzanne.
Thank you from my guts and ribs and fingertips.
That was beautiful.
Iespecially love the assertion that the Proverbs 31 woman is 
“no resentful martyr,” but rather a “strong and mindful woman.”
And yes, Frank Black, we collapse if empty.
Excellent.
Please keep track of Suzanne’s constant stream of brilliance over at Peripheral Images
~Marie
“Out of the corner of your eye is where the magic happens.”
~Periphery
xoxoxoxo


Three Things for Tuesday Night

   Hello there you fine citizens! 
I need to take a one-day hiatus from the Proverbs 31 project
in order to touch on a couple of things. 

   Item #1: Our llama adoption is proving to be quite the memory maker. Since Sunday afternoon when he arrived, we have witnessed a steady stream of four-legged drama. All is well, really; we have neither injury nor illness to report. It’s just that the llama is a whole lot more interested in buddying up with Daphne, our moody mare, than she is interested in even being in the same field as him.
   She runs and snorts and screams and then runs some more, and he just stares at her and gives a little chase now and then. It’s not a menacing stare exactly, but I’ll admit it’s unnerving. If a strange man stared at me like that I’d have to get all Charlie’s Angels about it.

   And Chanta, the alpha horse, continues to be annoyed by the whole situation. He has capitalized on the conflict by simply eating everyone’s sweet grain each morning. You might say he’s an emotional eater.

   The normally wide-range geese are steering clear of all this west-end commotion, barely venturing past the Talking Tree in fact. And it is just a matter of time, folks, before our little buffalo Chunk-Hi feels an urge to socialize that is stronger than the gate holding him in the front field. Eventually he will catch a good, solid glimpse of this loping, table-backed creature and not be able to contain his joy. I rue that future day, Sirs, I rue that day.

   The other thing about this llama is that I have never in my life had so much trouble naming an animal. The flurry of brainstorming with my friends, though, has been endlessly entertaining. I have boiled and reduced the options into categories, and perhaps tomorrow I’ll finally decide. It’s not like he answers my call yet anyway.
   Item #2: I ran my first 5K this past weekend! It was a crazy fun event in Guthrie, Oklahoma, called the Zombie Bolt. I ran it with my friend Trisha, and Handsome accompanied us in our recently dolled up Ford farm truck, now affectionately known as the Zombie Hunter. I can barely tell you in a short paragraph how much fun this was! We laughed almost constantly and made a thousand fun memories more or less evading really aggressive zombies. As for the running part, I am definitely hooked and plan to train for some competitive races this coming year.
Here’s a riddle for you:
Q. How did you know when someone has run a marathon?
A. Oh, don’t worry. They’ll tell you.
   

   Item #3: Please make a point to click back over here tomorrow for an incredibly well written guest post on the whole chapter of Proverbs 31. My guest is Suzanne from over at Periphery, and she flat out honors me with her virtual visit to the Lazy W. Please click here for a link to the first post of hers I ever read, “In This Economy.” You will understand how her deep-seated optimism, blooming warmth, and intelligence captivated me from the get-go. She writes fluidly and as though you are following her through a deep, complex maze that is both padded and fragranced but also plenty challenging.
   Please do check in tomorrow. And give yourself the gift of a quiet room and a cup of something steaming and delicious for when you read what she has to share. I have already read it four times, and I am in love all over again.

   Okay, sweet dreams everyone! Thanks so much for reading! Hope to see you tomorrow for a delicious spin on Proverbs 31.

“If you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams 
and you will always look lovely.”
~Roald Dahl
xoxoxoxo