Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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friday faves: snowy, easy beginning to the new year

January 5, 2019

Such a soft, gentle first few days of this new year. Here are a few of my favorite moments.

On New Year’s Day we luxuriated in having very little to do. The weather was quiet and wintry, but still dry, perfect for a little post-holiday cocooning, and we took the opportunity to relax. It was a much needed pause after so many busy, hard working, extra celebratory weeks in a row. Aside from a trip to stock up on horse and chicken feed for the month, Handsome and I thoroughly enjoyed having nothing to do and nowhere to go. I didn’t even workout on Tuesday, and it felt great.

Do you use the almanac to plan your garden?

On Tuesday and since, in stolen moments, I have been curled up with the 2019 Farmer’s Almanac. My gardening dreams are brewing again, and this year I plan to follow the moon more diligently than before.

For now, my indoor plants are growing well. The paper whites are still blooming and perfuming the living room. Potted rosemary, Christmas cactus, purple heart, and pothos are part of the fun, too. Sadly, I think mice have eaten my seeds in storage.

thank you Jess xoxoxo

Another book I’m loving this week is How to Be a Good Creature by Sy Montgomery. Jessica gifted it to me for Christmas, and it is gorgeous and wholesome. The book jacket, as you can see, is beautiful all by itself. I may end up framing it. She told us that the artwork is what first caught her eye. But the content … Oh my gosh. It’s a thick collection of casual essays about a woman’s lifelong love of and relationships with various animals. Really nice, if occasionally painful to read.

Wednesday was a wonderful mix of good things. I did some housework and fed everyone then grabbed 9-ish easy miles just to shake out my legs. It was the final day of Christmas break for my nieces, so I took them to our Oklahoma City Zoo for a few hours. We also had snacks and hot drinks at McDonald’s afterwards. We were numb from the cold but happy. My heart was so full listening to them, hearing them talk about their favorite animals and school and upcoming sports. They talked about their big brother who is at Basic Training right now. These girls show such sweet affection for each other and are both beautiful and unique. Close in age, but very different people. Though the family at large gathers frequently, I don’t spend enough time alone with the kids, so yesterday was a gift. As all children do, they are growing up quickly. It seems like the more we love them the faster they grow.

Kenzie & Chloe beneath the Asia exhibit prayer cloth walkway, OKC Zoo.

For most of Thursday, Oklahoma was cold and soaked, the front of a true winter storm pouring over us with heavy rain and sleet. But by nightfall we saw thick, clean, heavily textured snow falling in unbelievable curtains of white. Like an ocean of shredded cotton balls being showered on us, and just as quiet and comforting, too. When the sleet had begun, the farm was already saturated from recent rains, so by the time snow arrived, we were still nice and cold so all of it landed and stuck to every surface. Just unbelievably gorgeous. We took a moonlit walk (RUN) to see everything. Klaus lost his mind with happiness.

A little while later we were inside with the fireplace going, sweating every little power flicker honestly, and heard Meh making some bizarre noises. We checked everyone, they were fine. He was just not in the mood for Chanta and Dusty to share his hay that night, so we tromped around rearranging gates until the horses had their own separate, dry shelter with lots of hay to keep their bellies warm. Have you ever heard a llama scream? Ha! I was glad for the chance to see all of this in the dark.

I have also felt very thankful for good quality galoshes, jeans, and gloves to do my chores, ha. And the horses were very thankful that the core of a round bale of hay was provided. I think it must taste better? They get so excited. That unwrapping always makes me crave cinnamon rolls.

night snow, moonglow, & flashlight path

This morning Klaus and I walked around for the first time before daybreak. Then Handsome and I soaked up the first pastel moments of sunrise from the hot tub. Narnia, truly. Such a stunning way to begin a work day.

Yesterday, the pond was a high, glassy, unwelcoming winter mirror. But by this morning, the slush was frozen solid and drifted with pure white snow. After chores, I walked around for an hour holding back tears, it was so beautiful.

Throughout the ice and snowfall, our pines and red cedars have all knelt closer and closer to the ground, soaked to their bones and heavily burdened. We lost some big branches; we almost always do in winter storms. But we never lost power, and the farm smells like fresh pine form all of the torn lumber. And in the bizarre absence of wind we are enjoying, except for the gentle rainfall, everything has been so quiet. I know this word gets used a lot, but everything feels magical. Otherworldly. Those heavy-limbed trees lean forward and in on themselves, creating spacious little ice rooms, natural interior dome shaped shelters with red-orange pine needles for carpets. The warm color of the bark and pine needles on the ground contrasts against the blue-silver landscape and gives the illusion of candle-glow.

I hope your new year has begun in surprisingly beautiful ways. I hope your hard work is being tempered by pleasure. I hope you make meaningful connections on purpose and trust that Love is working on your behalf in a million unseen ways. Thank you for checking in!

“But very quickly they all became grave again:
for, as you know,
there is a kind of happiness and wonder
that makes you serious.
It is too good to waste on jokes.”
~C.S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
XOXOXO

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Filed Under: UncategorizedTagged: friday faves, snow, winter

friday 5 at the farm: busy, happy, thankful week

October 19, 2018

Last weekend was a long one for us, four days of much needed deep refreshment, and this work week that wraps up today has been solid. It was solid, happy, productive, and good in many ways. Last week’s extended recharge has been put to good use. Here are some headlines from the Lazy W!

001 Dad’s Birthday!

My Dear Ol’ Dad turned 61 this week, and last night we all gathered at home for his requested dinner of, “ribeyes and hot fudge sundaes.”  Yum! I took exactly zero photos because we were having so much fun and my hands were always full. My sister Angela and I shopped and cooked dinner, then seven of us (all adults this time, which is rare) sat around the dining room table talking about DNA testing, conspiracy theories, some wild family history, and more. Everything. We feasted on food and love and excellent conversation. Jessica drove over, too, and we all had such a great time. Laugh upon laugh upon laugh! Happiest of birthdays, Dad, we love you so much!

002 Batmobile Progress

This morning, between meetings and court and who knows what else at the Commish, Handsome stole some time at a very cool Oklahoma City business to help blow the “bubbles” that will crown the Batmobile. And he invited me last minute to watch! So I dropped everything at the farm and drove to town. I haven’t told you much about this project yet, but I will soon.

Short version: It’s a fun and labor-intensive old-car restoration that will play a big role in our community outreach hopes and dreams. And it becomes more fun and exciting every week. When I say “bubbles” and “Batmobile” in the same sentence, do you picture exactly what I’m talking about? Cool.

003 Halloween Vibes

Thanks to an attic full of Halloween decorations and some pumpkin fun with friends last Saturday night, our house is festooned with all the seasonal details. We love it. And we are living our best hide-pounce-scream-recover life, too, especially after dark. So fun. Even the gardens are in on the spooky mood, and I take every opportunity to walk around the farm in galoshes and sweaters.

004 Aprons & Organization

Domestically, I have been working steadily to empty drawers and closets, purge, reorder, clean, and hold space everywhere I can find a bit of congestion. I crave space physically and emotionally. It feels amazing, like the best precursor to nesting. It’s that deep-breathing, roll-your-shoulders kind of private survey I like to do just as the seasons really trade. It feels great, and every day I find new things to do around here.

This afternoon my plate was clear enough to sew two fun apron designs that have been swimming in my head. (This one is for a very special local podcaster!)

005 Fat, Fuzzy Horses

In keeping with the season change, our farm-ily is fattened up and beginning to retain a certain amount of fluff and fuzz. It’s definitely time. The horses are eating all the hay I offer them (so much), and the chickens are feasting on more than the usual amount of herbs, rose hips, and grass clippings, plus all the average fare. Fingers crossed that they soon decided to lay some eggs.

Okay, that’s our little sum up from the week. Approximately one million other things happened, too, because life is full and beautiful. If our internet cooperates, I’ll have a post up sometime Saturday about what I’ve been reading, watching, and listening to. Good stuff.

Happy weekend!

Redeem the Time
Even the Weird Days & Moments
XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: animals, aprons, autumn, daily life, family, Farm Life, Friday 5 at the Farm, Halloween, Uncategorized

motivation monday: 26 things we can endure

September 11, 2018

Happy Monday! Here’s a quick bit of motivation for your fresh new week.

As I was wrapping up my run this morning I was tired and hungry and honestly amazed by how drenched in sweat I was despite the cool temps. (Hashtag humidity)

I could easily have stopped right there at 7 miles to eat and rest but wanted very much to start the week with a good, solid ten miles, hungry or not. It just sets the tone for all kinds of productivity and high energy work at home. So I distracted myself thinking of how many things we can endure if we choose to.

Human beings can really endure some stuff!

Just for fun, here is a list of endurance trophies we can earn for ourselves. Most of them are running related, but not all. And as always the running lessons translate beautifully into the rest of life.

In celebration of Boston Marathon registration opening this week, I made the list exactly 26 items long:

  1. Hunger or thirst (just imagine that first drink or first bite, it will be so delicious!)
  2. Boredom (cultivate a strong, flexible, inventive mind. Put your imagination to good use!)
  3. Copious amounts of sweat
  4. Wet feet & slippery socks
  5. Chafing
  6. Sore muscles
  7. Sheer exhaustion
  8. Anger
  9. Sadness
  10. Stress
  11. Distractions (Practice new ways to slow down & focus.)
  12. Hot hot hot sun like it will kill you
  13. Rain like it might flood and also drown you
  14. Loneliness
  15. Self Doubt (long runs are excellent opportunities to prove yourself wrong about some insecurities.)
  16. Disappointments (“Sweet isn’t sweet without the sour.”)
  17. Shock
  18. Grief (Have you read the Buddhist Mustard Seed parable yet?)
  19. Tight finances & limited resources (Some of our happiest memories have been made when we were flat broke.)
  20. Awkward social situations
  21. Mondays. (Make ’em count!)
  22. Long drives through Kansas or the Oklahoma Panhandle (I mean probably)
  23. That awful pleasure-pain of a deep tissue massage
  24. Waiting for a prayer to be answered (Trust Him, it is worth it.)
  25. Listening to an ok writer try to tell a story verbally. (See #20.)
  26. Winter

Speaking of human endurance, when the time is perfect for her I will be so excited for you to read what my sister Angela has to share. She has endured far more than some hard miles in fancy shoes by choice. She is the real deal, and her life proves that endurance is vital and life-giving. We can absolutely survive more than we think we can, and it makes the other side of things so much more beautiful when we make it.

Hang in there, friends, endure it!!

“Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing
but to turn it into glory.”
~William Barclay
XOXOXOXO

 

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since yesterday

April 3, 2018

Hello friends and thank you so much for the love and encouragement you guys showed after yesterday’s post. Your comments here and on Facebook and in email all helped me feel very normal and not alone in the brackish water of life. We do all swim in a wonderful mix of good and bad. And you helped me want to write again, but more deeply, with more purpose. Thank you. 

You may have seen on Instagram later in the day that after that blog post, life served up another curveball. Sort of.

On one hand, it’s another emotional shock. On the other, it’s exactly the kind of thing that tends to happen just before a breakthrough, which I have been feeling was on its way. So, I actively choose to trust God. (What good is it for me only trust Him in easy, happy times? He’s got this, and so do we. We can do more than we think, and we can pray our way through any unknown, believing that His strength is made perfect in our weakness.)

Jocelyn has apparently moved back to Estes Park, or at least is traveling there now, we don’t know. As I told my husband, it hurts because I have already been missing her so much, even as nearby as she had been while living with her paternal grandparents in Oklahoma City. The physical proximity was slightly comforting, but our contact was limited and strained. So I just miss her so much, despite trusting God with her well being. 

By contrast, I remember feeling so close to her last September and all those three years leading up to that time. Just beautifully, intimately acquainted and well bonded. As I type this we are just past the three year anniversary of Joc moving to Estes Park for what was supposed to be a six-month YMCA experience. She stayed, obviously, and followed her heart in unpredictable ways. She grew and deepened and found herself, which I celebrated and shared sparingly here and there. We all just felt our way through every curveball, relinquishing control (which is an illusion) and grasping to our relationship instead. I visited her as often as possible and during those weeks we made thousands, millions, of beautiful memories. 

In September of last year, Joc was still living in EP, in a new apartment with her two pups and her boyfriend at the time and sometimes another friend. She was working two jobs and loving life, beginning to consider some college classes. She had just celebrated her twenty-second birthday, and  I sent her a gift package including homemade granola. Pumpkin-spice with pecans and coconut. She said opening it smelled like home. I felt her love and believed she felt mine. We talked on the phone several times per week and traded notes daily. Whatever was going on behind the scenes, my husband and I were in that blissful ignorance of how everything was about to implode.

Back to yesterday. I cried for a while after hearing the news that she was gone again, but I was not terror-stricken like before.  Nor was I, really, all that surprised. Just very sad. She is and will always be my baby, as trite as that sounds. I love her name, her face, her skin, her voice. I love her taste in music, her passions, her athleticism, her sense of humor and her unmatched artistic talent. I love her dogs. (I miss Bridget and Bubbins so much I sobbed through yoga three days ago. Will they remember us?)

And yet, yesterday as we absorbed the news, God was physically in the living room with us. I felt that familiar glowing, insulating sensation He brings every time we grieve hard and deep. I knew He was aware of every detail, including the things we didn’t and might never know. This assurance slowed my breath and just kind of stilled everything.

He loves her even more than I do, and His power and protection reach all the way along the interstate through Kansas, all the way up that mountain, and into every cabin and restaurant, into every complex human condition which might affect her. He has always been with her when I wasn’t, and He always will be.

Life goes on, all around us.

Before hearing that news, Monday was fairly productive. Early in the morning, I did some sewing and ironing of BW’s work shirts. Then I wrote that blog post and did morning chores around the farm, indoors and out. The gardens were happily unharmed by the overnight frost, and I silently congratulated us for having brought the potted plants indoors and for making sure the flower and veggie beds had all been deeply watered and mulched ahead of the cold snap.

I drove to one of my nearby running spots and luxuriated in 8 easy miles on dirt trails, listening to a mix of Oprah’s podcats and Skrillex, then grabbed the few household supplies we needed from Walmart. You know, like clearance Easter chocolate.

And extra white thread!

The sewing projects I mentioned include curtains, aprons, and other kitchen treats for Jessica, now 20 and chipping away at some thrilling goals she has set for herself. She found her first (very tiny and extremely adorable) place and is moving in this week! We are so happy for her, so excited! This chapter of anyone’s life can be one of the most fun and most memorable, and she is on the right track to make it so. I’ll share photos only if and when she grooves it. Just know that she is as bright and beautiful and you can imagine.

This cheerful citrusy fabric is one of four or five she selected for her new home. I love it and cannot wait to see this apron on her! She is really excited to cook for herself.

Parenting note: I have had to make a conscious effort to limit how often I mention Jocelyn’s first apartment, which you might recall was that perfect, tiny cabin she renovated. Remember the blue kitchen and pegboard storage wall we installed? I understand now how well-meaning parents of adult children might accidentally frame little stories as competition or comparisons. That is never my intention. It’s all just part of my life. Has this happened to anyone else? 

Also on Monday, I received the most wonderful surprise in our mailbox. Rachel Forest is a mother, writer, and public speaker who also handcrafts gorgeous leather and beaded jewelry. Exactly my style. She and I met when we were on the same cast for LTYM, and for that, I am so grateful. Her story about redeeming motherhood was powerful. She sent me this gorgeous pair of turquoise earrings, very unexpectedly! And the handwritten note is so beautiful. The timing of her gift was perfect. To hear from a friend I made while sharing my motherhood story, on a difficult day in our ongoing parenting saga, had God written all over it. Thank you, Rachel. xoxoxo I can’t wait to wear these and will pay your kindness forward.

Tuesday should be full. I am headed out now to tackle The Big List, run slightly more miles than yesterday (plus hip strengtheners because it’s helping my feet of all things), and hopefully not get blown away by the wind gusts here. What does your day look like?

Thank you again for your loving words. I hope if we cross your mind for any reason you will consider praying for Joceyn’s safety and happiness, for her to hear God’s voice for everything she craves and needs. And for Jessica, that she continues to find her own footing and know how loved and supported she is at this exciting time.

You have our prayers too, any time you need them.

“A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions,
and the roots spring up and make new trees.”
~Amelia Earhart
XOXOXOXO

 

 

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stories I would love to tell you

April 2, 2018

Yesterday evening after a wonderful Easter dinner and board games, my sister Angela and I stole away to our childhood kitchen to talk. We covered a lot of ground in a few solitary minutes, and one thing that came up was social media and what I choose to write about here on this blog. (Social media itself is a much-happening conversation in my life lately, by the way; an interesting shift is happening amongst my friends.)

I shared with her that over the years I have at times written very personal stories and enjoyed the warm embrace of whoever my readers were at that time. Sometimes though, and almost always at the times it would hurt the most, I have shared deeply private things and felt some serious backlash. So I lately tend to keep it pretty much on the surface.

Anyway.

All that to say that I have so much more to write about. Stuff beyond more frequent updates about #farmlife and #slowfood and my ground-breaking salad ideas (ha!) and running goals. Not that those topics aren’t fun! But they only scratch the surface. The daily fabric of life is important and how we relate to each other. But certainly, we all have secrets and tragedies and spiritual battles, family histories and terrifying giants that we’re trusting can be felled by five stones in God’s name. We relate to each other this way, too. It’s just that shame, fear of backlash, and other reasons keep us from sharing those stories.

So there are many, many stories like this that are begging to be written. And I would hope that the writing might be more than cathartic for me; I would hope to buoy someone or shed light into a murky situation, at least.

For example?

What really happened in Colorado last November and where Jocelyn is now. And what our friends and family did to help us. Why I know we did the right thing, no matter what is being said about us now, by the same people who called us for desperate help then.

The advice my Dad has given us since November. (I should really share this because maybe you need it too. He’s a really amazing Dad and I am so lucky to have him.)

Why my children were gone for so long (at least as I see it).

What unprecedented miracles have happened in recent months to restore our family.

The time DHS appeared at the farm. And how vicious a custody battle can be.

Why I tend to form resentments against certain “types” of mothers. And how I am trying to soften my heart in that respect.

What happened with my husband’s sister and her adult son, what they did to the home where we raised the girls.

And the restorative miracles God has provided since then, both financially and emotionally.

The nature of addiction and the foul, destructive ways it has permeated our family (and my ex-husband’s) throughout generations.

The actual differences and similarities between Catholicism and Pentecost, in my own experience.

Why I am at peace with our church being closed. How much deeper my spiritual walk has been since, and yet how much I do understand what all those years meant to my husband (and to me for that matter).

The time we have been spending with new friends at monthly small group discussions.

Our new Lazy W Outreach project.

The deepest reasons I love running. (Five years into this, it’s about so much more than weight management now. Man.)

What my sister Angela’s life has been like these recent years, and the years before that, and what she has learned about fear and love, all about the same time I have been learning it too. And why I have resented her so bitterly. And how we have finally made peace and started a brand new friendship.

The sight of a woman I used to respect and admire, strapped to a hospital bed following a suicide attempt. And the precipitating storms since then.

What it’s like not having a “real job” in our stormy climate of feminism and all that jazz. And how it feels when people assume I have gobs of free time available for the taking. And how much I love having time free for my own taking, and my husband’s.

The few vivid and unshakable reasons I will always “unfriend” people on social media and why I am quick to burn certain bridges, seemingly out of the blue.

The first thoughts I tend to have when someone says they are trying to have a baby, or they are battling infertility.

How Jessica is faring and what her journey has looked like this past year especially. I want to tell you all about her stay in Germany with the Benedictine nuns and also all about her next chapter.

How I can tell the difference between a dream that is mental junk and a dream that is a message from God. Also, how I know His voice in the daytime. I’ve known since I was about six years old.

Why book club ended so suddenly, according to me.

And so very much more. Honestly, the things I could write about but choose to protect far outnumber the things I could write about but just don’t take the time to, because I do stay pretty busy these days. I am sure if pressed, you would say the same about your own life.

Life is messy and being a human is complicated, as my friend Mickey says.

You might glance through this quickly brainstormed list and easily peg the topics that I would protect mostly because the stories belong also to other people. Our lives are interconnected after all, and my own experience is only ever one of many overlapping circles, you know? I would never want to dilute someone else’s truth by highlighting my own.

(That is exactly why writing for Listen to Your Mother last spring was so difficult. Which is a whole other story to include in this list!)

Lots of shame, too. And even without shame, lots of things in life are just plain difficult to explain fully, and it hurts to live them over and over again. I have healed from plenty over the years, just like you have, and if given I choice I always choose to move forward.

Face the light, celebrate the miracles, live in the moment, today. Expect good things in the future.

I believe this stuff.

So why do these things keep circling?

Okay, friends. I don’t know what this means for this blog, going forward. I just needed to catch my breath and punctuate this a bit. Thank you for reading today and every single time you visit here. Thank you for your kind comments and emails, always, and for the unkind ones too because they have taught me a lot. Thank you for good vibes and prayers. You have mine always!

Now, on this chilly April morning, I am going to check on the animals and my gardens, because we woke up to a frosty farm. And then I will run 7 or 8 easy miles and go buy some white thread to finish a sewing project for Jessica and work on aprons for friends. And then? We will see. The list is long, as always, just like yours but probably very different too.

“Courage starts with showing up
and letting ourselves be seen.”

~Brene Brown
XOXOXOXO

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hi! I'm Marie. Welcome to the Lazy W. xoxo

Hi! I’m Marie. This is the Lazy W.

A hobby farming, book reading, coffee drinking, romance having, miles running girl in Oklahoma. Soaking up the particular beauty of every day. Blogging on the side. Welcome to the Lazy W!

I Believe Strongly in the Power of Gratitude & Joy Seeking

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