Lazy W Marie

Carpeing all the diems in semi-rural Oklahoma...xoxo

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Five Senses Inventory, Keeping Happy Vigil

   What a week! Whew. From a family funeral last weekend to celebrating both of our dads’ birthdays, some work travel for Handsome, and a few days of fun with our nephew for me, we have stayed busy and wrung out emotionally. I have lots of photos and stories to share, and happily Proverbs 31 themes are warming up my heart at a nice, healthy boil. But yesterday one of our fuzzy babies showed up with a cut leg, and everything came to a standstill. He’s fine, already healing nicely, but it definitely got my attention and sort of wiped my calendar clean for most of the day.

   What follows is a Five Senses Inventory of the hours I spent with the Bachelors yesterday, keeping our tenderhearted patient company. I sat on the ground near the front field and ate a bizarre lunch of saltine crackers and Coke. Real Coke, not Diet. I know, I was shocked too.

Side note: 
From now on, when I refer to the Bachelors, 
I mean Dusty the gray and white pony, Chunk-Hi the buffalo, and Romulus, the llama.
See: Our unblinking Romulus seven feet to my left, staring at me with incredible focus. Dusty and Chunk-Hi three feet to my right but behind the fence. Dozens of yard birds in a happy struggle against the wind. Summer’s last zinnias, just now starting to fade, waving in the wind. Sky-scraping pine trees waving in the wind too.

In case you missed it on Facebook, our great llama name debate has been settled. 
He has officially been dubbed Romulus.
But he still answers to “LLAMA!!!”
Except, so do I. Because it’s really close to “MAMA!!!”
Hear: Gusty, thrilling Oklahoma wind.Crows. A rooster echoing from inside the metal barn. More wind, like the ocean.
Touch: Cold breeze slicing through my Grandpa’s hand-me-down canvas jacket, its furry collar soft against my face and neck. Goosebumps where my jacket is unfastened. Rubber boots encasing my bare feet. Sun hot on my french braided hair.
Smell: That wonderfully sweet, organic bovine odor, the one that only Chunk-Hi’s velvety body can put off. Also, hay (I adore the smell of hay) and a sort of clove-like smell from my Coke.
Taste: The salty-sweet residue of my terribly unhealthy but satisfying lunch.

Think: I am constantly, constantly thinking of my beautiful daughters. I think of them as babies, as toddlers, as children, and as young women. I think of what they might be doing elsewhere as I sit here. I think of their futures and the untold possibilities there.

Feel: Romantic, hopeful, grateful for our families, confident in the potential for all kinds of healing, fascinated by the political climate right now, and overall inspired. I feel inspired to pick up broken pieces of things and make new, even more beautiful things. I feel inspired to control my body in new ways because now I know I can. Now I know that very few physical things are left to chance. I feel close to my animals but not in an owner-owned kind of way. Today they look at me deeply.

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   I hope you take a few minutes to inventory your world. Notice what’s going on around you and inside you. Imagine amazing things for yourself and your loved ones, dwell on the best things, count your blessings. I’ll be checking in again soon for some excellent family stories and more of Proverbs 31.

Happy Weekend Friends!
xoxoxoxo

Insomnia Senses Inventory

It is now almost five in the morning, a perfectly reasonable hour 
for writing and drinking coffee and organizing my crazy self, 
but I have actually been laying awake for many hours.
My mind is spinning and I feel rested enough, 
but a little something tells me I’m going to pay for this nocturnal indiscretion later.
We have an incredibly busy day ahead, 
with tasks touching almost every major area of life.
Wish me luck today?
********************

See: The dining room table is chaotic, filled to the edges and piled high with the contents of yesterday’s massive kitchen purge. It isn’t too pretty, yet somehow a vase of fresh flowers from a friend, a plate of sparkling, sugar coated muffins, and my writing stuff all make it bearable. Oh! And a bowl of drying okra. I really need to tell you guys about this soon.

Hear:  The fridge is humming meditatively, and from time to time I hear the sleepy trill of a guinea outside. Now the air conditioner has kicked on. I am trying to move about as quietly as possible so Handsome can tank up on rest. Our bedroom is, of course, directly above the noisiest possible downstairs room.

Smell: Buttery, cinnamon-sugar coating of these terrible donut muffins immediately to my right. Freshly brewed, strong, excellent coffee. And faintly bleached water from the vase of fresh flowers.

Taste:  Perfect first cup of coffee. And OKAY OKAY one tiny little bite of cinnamon-sugar donut muffin. Sheesh. Sue me.

Touch:  Invisibly soft tank top and cotton PJ shorts with Swiss dots all over them. I love the soft, nubby texture of Swiss dots, the feel of those little bunches of stitches. It reminds me of milk glass. Also, the cool, still air conditioned house. The wood and iron chair holding me. A hot mug in my left hand and a skinny hotel ink pen in my right.

Think: 

  • About this book I just finished, about depression and anxiety being more than just moods for some people. 
  • About the incredible force of ego in human relationships.
  • Is our nation really as divided now as we were during the Civil War? If so, to what end?
  • Do horses dream? I woke up having dreamed of our sweet behemoth Chanta, and I was just wondering if he ever dreams about me. I think he is on the verge of saddle love. I mostly think this because it’s been a few months since I had to make an emergency trip to the dentist.
  • What am I going to do about church?
  • What can I possibly bake this morning for Handsome to take to the office for a food day? Having cleaned out the pantry and fridge yesterday, supplies are unusually low. I shall send a box and a half of off brand cereal.
Feel:
  • Nervous, happy, tense excitement about the possibility of teaching a home school cooking class to my two daughters and their adorable stepbrother.
  • Worried about one of my sweet sisters.
  • Worried for two of my wonderful girlfriends.
  • Missing my Grandpa a lot, I really need to go see him. He should totally teach a gardening class.
  • I feel so healthy. A bit on the sugary side this week, but I know how to fix that. I feel so deep down grateful for my overall good health. I finally see that this is a blessing not to be taken for granted.
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You guys, I wish you the happiest, healthiest, 
most peaceful and productive Friday ever!
Whatever your appointment sheet looks like,
However many thousands of big or little things are crowding your mind,
Whoever is pulling at your beautiful heart,
Just take things in stride.

You can control yourself, not others.
So don’t sweat stuff. It might not be about you.
Still, your imagination is powerful beyond belief,
and God loves you and wants to answer your prayers.

Life is good.
It’s hard, but it’s good.
Count your blessings today,
and I bet you this plate of sparkly muffins 
they will multiply right before your eyes.

Be Sweet, TGIF!
xoxoxoxo

Senses Inventory: Friday of Possibility

   By 9:07 this morning I had finished my strongest run of the past week, 
started a big load of laundry, fed the animals, 
and fought off no fewer than six moments of deep despair 
over things beyond my control. 
Walking back outside with my last cup of perfect coffee,
I noticed the sky was different. 
I remembered a recent love letter from my husband. 
And I saw the day ahead of me as a clean canvas. 
Giddy over this complicated spark of energy 
cupped in my hands like that fated Baby Bumblebee 
that is always getting carried home to someone’s mommy, 
I sat down to take this inventory.

Seeing:  Metallic gold and silver clouds filtering the brilliant sun in the east and low, dark purple clouds sheathing the sky in the south and west. More pools of shade on the ground than I have seen here in weeks. A giant red wasp hanging the air above the water sprinkler, which is providing a wet playground for our five geese and occasionally a few of the chickens. Shimmering wet grass beneath all of this activity. Big trees waving their leafy arms at the new day. Four leggeds calmly finishing their breakfast.
Hearing:  The chit-chit-chit and then the giggling spray of the helicopter water sprinkler, the authoritative drone of the pool pump and too-loud suction noise of the filter there. Chickens clucking, geese whining, and guineas doing their necessary battle over property and sex. (They can’t live with each other; they can’t live without each other.) Locusts filling in the gaps between all of these sounds, a constant humming backdrop that feels meditative today, not desolate.
Smelling:  Sunblock. Sweet, sharp horse manure. Something full of pollen in the flower bed behind me. And dirt. I love being able to smell bare dirt. It smells clean, which is funny.
Tasting:  Salty sweat when I lick my lips and the last long swallow of sweet coffee, cold now because I have let it sit on this patio table too long while I soak up my surroundings. But it’s still delicious, and I can chew on the grounds that have fallen to the bottom of my cup.
Touching:  Breeze! An almost cool breeze, refreshing and light, not like the furnace blast we are so used to feeling these past few weeks. I still feel heat on my bare skin, but it’s comfortable at this early hour, still that pleasant summer heat that makes me want to invite all of our friends over to cook steaks and watch the fireflies come to life. The kind of pleasant summertime heat that makes me glad for bikinis and chlorine, watermelon and sweet iced tea. I also feel the rough plastic of my sunglasses’ arms behind my ears, where I have probably held them carelessly between my teeth. And I feel the excellent plush lawn chair cushion holding me firmly in this moment.
Thinking:  About the power of positivity, of gathering together your strengths rather than all the time searching out and magnifying your weaknesses (and those of others). Thinking of the gardens, of how many weeks might be left before the beautiful transition to autumn veggies and fruit orchard work. Thinking of my Mom and what it was like for her when I left home. Thinking of how much I have in life versus how much I give or produce.
Feeling:  Relief to have spent time with my girls yesterday, to see them so healthy and vibrant. I hope they are as happy on the inside as they appear to be on the outside, and I hope they know the truth of things despite some ugliness surrounding them. I hope they don’t mind resembling me so much, as sometimes teen aged girls hate to look like their Moms. Feeling worry for my sister and her children, confidence in my husband, excitement over a new writing project, and an overarching, belly trembling hope for our immediate future. I feel happier and more stable than I have in a long time.
Here at this farm we are not without problems, confusion, grief, or failure..
But we are so flooded with help and miracles!
We are steeped in natural beauty that reminds me of this grand design.
We are given morning after morning to start fresh, to enjoy the small rituals all over again, 
to try once more to not only get things right but also to build things up.
We are surrounded by good, strong, smart people who despite our failings… love us.
And together we keep circling this dream and this root of love 
that is worth everything.

Wishing You a Perfectly Love Filled, Miraculous Weekend!
Take a Minute to Notice Your Beautiful, Unique Life.
xoxoxo

Senses Inventory in the Museum

Earlier this week I was very fortunate to escape my daily routine 
and tour a few museums alone, with no hurrying and with no cell phone.
The experience refreshed me down to my bones.
Just when I needed it, the universe offered up 
a wider view and a long, cool drink of beauty.
As the first tendrils of inspiration began to wind around my heart, 
I found some paper and scribbled down a senses inventory.
This happened in the Trammel Crow Museum in downtown Dallas, Texas.

See: Filtered mid morning sunlight and small, quiet cones of artificial light glancing down from recessed bulbs in the ceiling… My anonymous purple silhouette against a pair of glass doors and glimpses of a small, exquisite garden through that door… Twenty or more displays of ancient jade carvings… a museum docent dressed in an orange golf shirt and plastic name badge necklace.
Hear: Gentle flute and harp music, like a bubbling brook, nearly inaudible and ticklish in my ears… Echos of two school field trips and the impatient docent who tried earnestly to teach them something… Air conditioning humming through the sealed building… Clicking heels descending the nearby stairs.
Touch: Cool, dry stillness of the perfectly maintained museum air… Smooth marble floors… Cushy leather bench beneath me… and denim on my arms. My sharp right elbow finally split through my favorite threadbare jacket, and the strings are pulling tight against me. They feel like the music sounds.
Smell:  Artificial air fragrances, leather cleaner, and my own perfume… This is all I can actually smell, but the thoroughly meditative environment has me imagining incense, lotus flowers, and maybe hot tea.
Taste: Cheap lip gloss. And a reminder to buy extra tooth paste and tooth brushes at a drugstore, because I forgot to pack them. Grody.
Think: What artifacts from our civilization will be preserved, either by design or by chance, and then studied  in 2,500 years? The Asian artisans a few thousand years ago worked and created beautiful things for their own lives and purposes; I wonder if they ever considered how much we would gaze, examine, and revere their work now? I wonder if Buddha ever considered how his spiritual revelations would impact interior design far into his future?
Feel: Completely humbled by history, intrigued by the spiritual aspects of design and beauty, and refreshed to take another look at our own home… Feeling more peaceful and motivated than I have in weeks. No, months.
The day I spent museum hopping was so meaningful, 
so surprising and worth remembering,
that I hope to share more of it with you this week.
For now, thanks for joining me on this little senses tour!

“Be careful how you interpret the world:
It is like that.” ~Erich Heller
xoxoxo

Five Senses Tour, After the Circus

   This morning I woke up to a painfully quiet, slightly disheveled house. 
Handsome and I crept outside for the first Hot Tub Summit in two weeks, 
and now I am close to tears. No, wait, I am in full blown tears now. 
For the past ten days or so the farm has been filled with other people’s offspring, 
and now they are all home where they belong. And I miss them. 
Every one of them, so much.  I’ll share more about our week together soon, 
but this morning I need to “reset” with a Senses Tour. 
Then I need to go clean this house. Like, for serious you guys.

See:  Matt’s Cool Whip hand print on the glass of the back door, evidence of a spectacular food fight. Several empty plastic two-liter bottles laying tiredly in the living room. Crumpled bed sheets on two well cuddled twin beds. Water-color artwork by Harley. Score sheet from a vicious UNO tournament. Mud puddles outside. Dried muddy footprints inside.

Hear:  Almost nothing. Even the animals are quiet this morning, possibly stunned into silence by the sudden lack of activity. I only hear the ceiling fan and the tapping of my keyboard. I no longer hear laughing, squealing, chattering kids. I no longer hear Mortal Kombat vs. DC Comics playing in the background. I also do not hear the ice dispenser struggling to produce something it does not have. I do hear a few echoes of happy people.

Smell: Time for some extreme honesty, friends… The cinnamon-vanilla Scentsy I switched on this morning is not doing much to combat the ambiguous funk. I have a date with some bleach today. And some baking soda. And every cleaning tool known to man. Thank goodness for the overnight rainstorm, because I can walk outside for some fresh air and inhale that wonderful ozone fragrance.

Touch: Breeze from the ceiling fan on my shoulder. Sore legs from running and roller skating. Tears drying on my face. Slightly crunchy wood floors beneath my bare feet. Did I mention this house is getting scrubbed today?

Think: How many miles will I need to log on each of the next sixteen days to meet my Iron Goat goals? Will Sammy ever truly get her revenge on Matt? Do my own human chickens understand the truth of things? How far-gone am I, spiritually? I wonder if that basil is ready to cut yet. It is a flat-out miracle from heaven that I didn’t gain any weight this week.

Feel: A deep connection to my girls and the peace of a long view. Relief for some practical matters and high tension for some professional ones. Swells of love for these five young people who made a two-week appearance in our life. Excitement for an upcoming bee hive exercise!

We are very thankful to our friends and family who trusted us 
with their incredible sons and daughters these past two weeks. 
We had such fun, learned and remembered so much we had been missing, 
and basically loved every second. Talk about memory making!
I can promise you I will never forget this little slice of summertime! 
Now I’m going to go cry myself silly while cleaning. It’s therapeutic.

Kids are Amazing.
Appreciate Them.
And Also Keep Bleach Handy.
xoxoxo