Life lately has been, as it so often is, a study in constrasts. And I love it.
Just for fun, here are some highs and lows that have caught my attention. The first two happened early Wednesday morning, within fifteen minutes of each other.
HIGH: Discovering that a new paperback I had ordered secondhand from Ebay was in large print. Large print, you guys!! This is cause for celebration. It’s not quite large enough for me to skip reading glasses, but it’s large enough for me to relax and enjoy reading. Five star experience.
LOW: I found a small tree frog on the toilet seat in our upstairs master bathroom. It was still very dark in there, barely half of a slight moon beam glowing through the window, so the fact that I saw it rather than felt it is a miracle. Maybe this should be in the high category by the miraculous criteria alone, but it’s not. Still a low. One star experience.
HIGH: Laughing so hard and so gluttonously with our friend in her hospital room that a nurse opened the door to see what the heck was going on and demand, a bit crankily, is everything ok? (Insert disapproving scowl.) hehe
LOW: Seeing this beautiful friend in her hospital bed, facing new difficulties and uncertainty.
HIGH: Celebrating our cute nephew’s fifteenth brthday!! He is living in Oklahoma for the first time ever, and our family is so happy and thankful! We love him to pieces. He is saving for his first car, is upbeat and gregarious, affectionate, smart, funny, and just so much fun. What a true gift to get to spend time with him freely!
LOW: Missing Jocelyn on her thirtieth birthday this week. I knew that despite any effort to look on the bright side it would be a painful day, so I prepared for that and was very choosy about what outside commitments I made. I cried plenty and had to summon my energy over and over just to be minimally productive. I am thankful to have learned the importance of processing my emotions in real time, of not staying so busy that I’m numb; but it can make the hard days pretty uncomfortable.
HIGH: First day of fall semester Garden Club! This happened to be on Jocelyn’s birthday, so it took lots of effort to be fully present for the kids, but I was able to. In fact the afternoon passed so quickly, and I left the school smiling, of course. God let it all feel light and jam packed with purpose. And the little gardeners had an absolute blast. I predict a successful autumn for their flowers and veggies!
LOW: Back at the farm, I discovered a whole row of okra had grown so much overnight that not a single pod was edible. Womp womp.
HIGH: A bowl of cheese tortellini with Alfredo sauce, piled high with grilled chicken, roasted garden tomatoes and bell peppers, and fresh basil. Flavorful and satisfying. Gratifying, too, that I could use garden produce.
LOW: The return of a weirdly high heart rate and some difficulty running. Nothing scary, just frustrating.
HIGH: Sweet, mild, breezy, cotton candy daybreaks and equally sensuous sunsets. The once-again-hot days lately have been hemmed in by such painterly details and full body pleasures, I am addicted. I adore the transitions weeks betwen seasons, because they are such a fun mix of physical experiences. The contradictions keep me guessing and help me feel less desperate for the next thing.
These are just some private highs and lows. I cannot step into the arena of global issues right now, because they are too big and too heavy for me to articulate well. I feel them. I am paying some attention. But I am not allowing any of it, neither the widespread grief nor the overarching silver linings, to dominate my attention. For me, this is a moment to haress my own energy and focus. I’m spreading myself thickly and with great intention on the things that matter most to me, because I’ve learned that each individual person’s energetic contribution to the world matters. It matters a great deal, so I am being deliberate about mine. Take care of yourselves, friends.
“Pay attention what you pay attention to.
Then live your life. Live your life. Live your life.”
~Maurice Sendak
XOXOXO